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diff --git a/search-engine/books/Gulliver's Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World.txt b/search-engine/books/Gulliver's Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1112252 --- /dev/null +++ b/search-engine/books/Gulliver's Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9540 @@ +Title: Gulliver's Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World +Author: Jonathan Swift + +GULLIVER’S TRAVELS + +into several + +REMOTE NATIONS OF THE WORLD + + +BY JONATHAN SWIFT, D.D., + +dean of st. patrick’s, dublin. + +[_First published in_ 1726–7.] + +cover + +Contents + + + THE PUBLISHER TO THE READER. + A LETTER FROM CAPTAIN GULLIVER TO HIS COUSIN SYMPSON. + PART I. A VOYAGE TO LILLIPUT. + PART II. A VOYAGE TO BROBDINGNAG. + PART III. A VOYAGE TO LAPUTA, BALNIBARBI, GLUBBDUBDRIB, LUGGNAGG AND JAPAN. + PART IV. A VOYAGE TO THE COUNTRY OF THE HOUYHNHNMS. + + +THE PUBLISHER TO THE READER. + +[_As given in the original edition_.] + + +The author of these Travels, Mr. Lemuel Gulliver, is my ancient and +intimate friend; there is likewise some relation between us on the +mother’s side. About three years ago, Mr. Gulliver growing weary of the +concourse of curious people coming to him at his house in Redriff, made +a small purchase of land, with a convenient house, near Newark, in +Nottinghamshire, his native country; where he now lives retired, yet in +good esteem among his neighbours. + +Although Mr. Gulliver was born in Nottinghamshire, where his father +dwelt, yet I have heard him say his family came from Oxfordshire; to +confirm which, I have observed in the churchyard at Banbury in that +county, several tombs and monuments of the Gullivers. + +Before he quitted Redriff, he left the custody of the following papers +in my hands, with the liberty to dispose of them as I should think fit. +I have carefully perused them three times. The style is very plain and +simple; and the only fault I find is, that the author, after the manner +of travellers, is a little too circumstantial. There is an air of truth +apparent through the whole; and indeed the author was so distinguished +for his veracity, that it became a sort of proverb among his neighbours +at Redriff, when any one affirmed a thing, to say, it was as true as if +Mr. Gulliver had spoken it. + +By the advice of several worthy persons, to whom, with the author’s +permission, I communicated these papers, I now venture to send them +into the world, hoping they may be, at least for some time, a better +entertainment to our young noblemen, than the common scribbles of +politics and party. + +This volume would have been at least twice as large, if I had not made +bold to strike out innumerable passages relating to the winds and +tides, as well as to the variations and bearings in the several +voyages, together with the minute descriptions of the management of the +ship in storms, in the style of sailors; likewise the account of +longitudes and latitudes; wherein I have reason to apprehend, that Mr. +Gulliver may be a little dissatisfied. But I was resolved to fit the +work as much as possible to the general capacity of readers. However, +if my own ignorance in sea affairs shall have led me to commit some +mistakes, I alone am answerable for them. And if any traveller hath a +curiosity to see the whole work at large, as it came from the hands of +the author, I will be ready to gratify him. + +As for any further particulars relating to the author, the reader will +receive satisfaction from the first pages of the book. + + + RICHARD SYMPSON. + + +A LETTER FROM CAPTAIN GULLIVER TO HIS COUSIN SYMPSON. + +Written in the Year 1727. + +I hope you will be ready to own publicly, whenever you shall be called +to it, that by your great and frequent urgency you prevailed on me to +publish a very loose and uncorrect account of my travels, with +directions to hire some young gentleman of either university to put +them in order, and correct the style, as my cousin Dampier did, by my +advice, in his book called “A Voyage round the world.” But I do not +remember I gave you power to consent that any thing should be omitted, +and much less that any thing should be inserted; therefore, as to the +latter, I do here renounce every thing of that kind; particularly a +paragraph about her majesty Queen Anne, of most pious and glorious +memory; although I did reverence and esteem her more than any of human +species. But you, or your interpolator, ought to have considered, that +it was not my inclination, so was it not decent to praise any animal of +our composition before my master _Houyhnhnm_: And besides, the fact was +altogether false; for to my knowledge, being in England during some +part of her majesty’s reign, she did govern by a chief minister; nay +even by two successively, the first whereof was the lord of Godolphin, +and the second the lord of Oxford; so that you have made me say the +thing that was not. Likewise in the account of the academy of +projectors, and several passages of my discourse to my master +_Houyhnhnm_, you have either omitted some material circumstances, or +minced or changed them in such a manner, that I do hardly know my own +work. When I formerly hinted to you something of this in a letter, you +were pleased to answer that you were afraid of giving offence; that +people in power were very watchful over the press, and apt not only to +interpret, but to punish every thing which looked like an _innuendo_ +(as I think you call it). But, pray how could that which I spoke so +many years ago, and at about five thousand leagues distance, in another +reign, be applied to any of the _Yahoos_, who now are said to govern +the herd; especially at a time when I little thought, or feared, the +unhappiness of living under them? Have not I the most reason to +complain, when I see these very _Yahoos_ carried by _Houyhnhnms_ in a +vehicle, as if they were brutes, and those the rational creatures? And +indeed to avoid so monstrous and detestable a sight was one principal +motive of my retirement hither. + +Thus much I thought proper to tell you in relation to yourself, and to +the trust I reposed in you. + +I do, in the next place, complain of my own great want of judgment, in +being prevailed upon by the entreaties and false reasoning of you and +some others, very much against my own opinion, to suffer my travels to +be published. Pray bring to your mind how often I desired you to +consider, when you insisted on the motive of public good, that the +_Yahoos_ were a species of animals utterly incapable of amendment by +precept or example: and so it has proved; for, instead of seeing a full +stop put to all abuses and corruptions, at least in this little island, +as I had reason to expect; behold, after above six months warning, I +cannot learn that my book has produced one single effect according to +my intentions. I desired you would let me know, by a letter, when party +and faction were extinguished; judges learned and upright; pleaders +honest and modest, with some tincture of common sense, and Smithfield +blazing with pyramids of law books; the young nobility’s education +entirely changed; the physicians banished; the female _Yahoos_ +abounding in virtue, honour, truth, and good sense; courts and levees +of great ministers thoroughly weeded and swept; wit, merit, and +learning rewarded; all disgracers of the press in prose and verse +condemned to eat nothing but their own cotton, and quench their thirst +with their own ink. These, and a thousand other reformations, I firmly +counted upon by your encouragement; as indeed they were plainly +deducible from the precepts delivered in my book. And it must be owned, +that seven months were a sufficient time to correct every vice and +folly to which _Yahoos_ are subject, if their natures had been capable +of the least disposition to virtue or wisdom. Yet, so far have you been +from answering my expectation in any of your letters; that on the +contrary you are loading our carrier every week with libels, and keys, +and reflections, and memoirs, and second parts; wherein I see myself +accused of reflecting upon great state folk; of degrading human nature +(for so they have still the confidence to style it), and of abusing the +female sex. I find likewise that the writers of those bundles are not +agreed among themselves; for some of them will not allow me to be the +author of my own travels; and others make me author of books to which I +am wholly a stranger. + +I find likewise that your printer has been so careless as to confound +the times, and mistake the dates, of my several voyages and returns; +neither assigning the true year, nor the true month, nor day of the +month: and I hear the original manuscript is all destroyed since the +publication of my book; neither have I any copy left: however, I have +sent you some corrections, which you may insert, if ever there should +be a second edition: and yet I cannot stand to them; but shall leave +that matter to my judicious and candid readers to adjust it as they +please. + +I hear some of our sea _Yahoos_ find fault with my sea-language, as not +proper in many parts, nor now in use. I cannot help it. In my first +voyages, while I was young, I was instructed by the oldest mariners, +and learned to speak as they did. But I have since found that the sea +_Yahoos_ are apt, like the land ones, to become new-fangled in their +words, which the latter change every year; insomuch, as I remember upon +each return to my own country their old dialect was so altered, that I +could hardly understand the new. And I observe, when any _Yahoo_ comes +from London out of curiosity to visit me at my house, we neither of us +are able to deliver our conceptions in a manner intelligible to the +other. + +If the censure of the _Yahoos_ could any way affect me, I should have +great reason to complain, that some of them are so bold as to think my +book of travels a mere fiction out of mine own brain, and have gone so +far as to drop hints, that the _Houyhnhnms_ and _Yahoos_ have no more +existence than the inhabitants of Utopia. + +Indeed I must confess, that as to the people of _Lilliput_, +_Brobdingrag_ (for so the word should have been spelt, and not +erroneously _Brobdingnag_), and _Laputa_, I have never yet heard of any +_Yahoo_ so presumptuous as to dispute their being, or the facts I have +related concerning them; because the truth immediately strikes every +reader with conviction. And is there less probability in my account of +the _Houyhnhnms_ or _Yahoos_, when it is manifest as to the latter, +there are so many thousands even in this country, who only differ from +their brother brutes in _Houyhnhnmland_, because they use a sort of +jabber, and do not go naked? I wrote for their amendment, and not their +approbation. The united praise of the whole race would be of less +consequence to me, than the neighing of those two degenerate +_Houyhnhnms_ I keep in my stable; because from these, degenerate as +they are, I still improve in some virtues without any mixture of vice. + +Do these miserable animals presume to think, that I am so degenerated +as to defend my veracity? _Yahoo_ as I am, it is well known through all +_Houyhnhnmland_, that, by the instructions and example of my +illustrious master, I was able in the compass of two years (although I +confess with the utmost difficulty) to remove that infernal habit of +lying, shuffling, deceiving, and equivocating, so deeply rooted in the +very souls of all my species; especially the Europeans. + +I have other complaints to make upon this vexatious occasion; but I +forbear troubling myself or you any further. I must freely confess, +that since my last return, some corruptions of my _Yahoo_ nature have +revived in me by conversing with a few of your species, and +particularly those of my own family, by an unavoidable necessity; else +I should never have attempted so absurd a project as that of reforming +the _Yahoo_ race in this kingdom; but I have now done with all such +visionary schemes for ever. + +_April_ 2, 1727 + + +PART I. A VOYAGE TO LILLIPUT. + + +CHAPTER I. + +The author gives some account of himself and family. His first +inducements to travel. He is shipwrecked, and swims for his life, gets +safe on shore in the country of Lilliput; is made a prisoner, and +carried up the country. + + +My father had a small estate in Nottinghamshire; I was the third of +five sons. He sent me to Emanuel College in Cambridge at fourteen years +old, where I resided three years, and applied myself close to my +studies; but the charge of maintaining me, although I had a very scanty +allowance, being too great for a narrow fortune, I was bound apprentice +to Mr. James Bates, an eminent surgeon in London, with whom I continued +four years. My father now and then sending me small sums of money, I +laid them out in learning navigation, and other parts of the +mathematics, useful to those who intend to travel, as I always believed +it would be, some time or other, my fortune to do. When I left Mr. +Bates, I went down to my father: where, by the assistance of him and my +uncle John, and some other relations, I got forty pounds, and a promise +of thirty pounds a year to maintain me at Leyden: there I studied +physic two years and seven months, knowing it would be useful in long +voyages. + +Soon after my return from Leyden, I was recommended by my good master, +Mr. Bates, to be surgeon to the Swallow, Captain Abraham Pannel, +commander; with whom I continued three years and a half, making a +voyage or two into the Levant, and some other parts. When I came back I +resolved to settle in London; to which Mr. Bates, my master, encouraged +me, and by him I was recommended to several patients. I took part of a +small house in the Old Jewry; and being advised to alter my condition, +I married Mrs. Mary Burton, second daughter to Mr. Edmund Burton, +hosier, in Newgate-street, with whom I received four hundred pounds for +a portion. + +But my good master Bates dying in two years after, and I having few +friends, my business began to fail; for my conscience would not suffer +me to imitate the bad practice of too many among my brethren. Having +therefore consulted with my wife, and some of my acquaintance, I +determined to go again to sea. I was surgeon successively in two ships, +and made several voyages, for six years, to the East and West Indies, +by which I got some addition to my fortune. My hours of leisure I spent +in reading the best authors, ancient and modern, being always provided +with a good number of books; and when I was ashore, in observing the +manners and dispositions of the people, as well as learning their +language; wherein I had a great facility, by the strength of my memory. + +The last of these voyages not proving very fortunate, I grew weary of +the sea, and intended to stay at home with my wife and family. I +removed from the Old Jewry to Fetter Lane, and from thence to Wapping, +hoping to get business among the sailors; but it would not turn to +account. After three years expectation that things would mend, I +accepted an advantageous offer from Captain William Prichard, master of +the Antelope, who was making a voyage to the South Sea. We set sail +from Bristol, May 4, 1699, and our voyage was at first very prosperous. + +It would not be proper, for some reasons, to trouble the reader with +the particulars of our adventures in those seas; let it suffice to +inform him, that in our passage from thence to the East Indies, we were +driven by a violent storm to the north-west of Van Diemen’s Land. By an +observation, we found ourselves in the latitude of 30 degrees 2 minutes +south. Twelve of our crew were dead by immoderate labour and ill food; +the rest were in a very weak condition. On the 5th of November, which +was the beginning of summer in those parts, the weather being very +hazy, the seamen spied a rock within half a cable’s length of the ship; +but the wind was so strong, that we were driven directly upon it, and +immediately split. Six of the crew, of whom I was one, having let down +the boat into the sea, made a shift to get clear of the ship and the +rock. We rowed, by my computation, about three leagues, till we were +able to work no longer, being already spent with labour while we were +in the ship. We therefore trusted ourselves to the mercy of the waves, +and in about half an hour the boat was overset by a sudden flurry from +the north. What became of my companions in the boat, as well as of +those who escaped on the rock, or were left in the vessel, I cannot +tell; but conclude they were all lost. For my own part, I swam as +fortune directed me, and was pushed forward by wind and tide. I often +let my legs drop, and could feel no bottom; but when I was almost gone, +and able to struggle no longer, I found myself within my depth; and by +this time the storm was much abated. The declivity was so small, that I +walked near a mile before I got to the shore, which I conjectured was +about eight o’clock in the evening. I then advanced forward near half a +mile, but could not discover any sign of houses or inhabitants; at +least I was in so weak a condition, that I did not observe them. I was +extremely tired, and with that, and the heat of the weather, and about +half a pint of brandy that I drank as I left the ship, I found myself +much inclined to sleep. I lay down on the grass, which was very short +and soft, where I slept sounder than ever I remembered to have done in +my life, and, as I reckoned, about nine hours; for when I awaked, it +was just day-light. I attempted to rise, but was not able to stir: for, +as I happened to lie on my back, I found my arms and legs were strongly +fastened on each side to the ground; and my hair, which was long and +thick, tied down in the same manner. I likewise felt several slender +ligatures across my body, from my arm-pits to my thighs. I could only +look upwards; the sun began to grow hot, and the light offended my +eyes. I heard a confused noise about me; but in the posture I lay, +could see nothing except the sky. In a little time I felt something +alive moving on my left leg, which advancing gently forward over my +breast, came almost up to my chin; when, bending my eyes downwards as +much as I could, I perceived it to be a human creature not six inches +high, with a bow and arrow in his hands, and a quiver at his back. In +the mean time, I felt at least forty more of the same kind (as I +conjectured) following the first. I was in the utmost astonishment, and +roared so loud, that they all ran back in a fright; and some of them, +as I was afterwards told, were hurt with the falls they got by leaping +from my sides upon the ground. However, they soon returned, and one of +them, who ventured so far as to get a full sight of my face, lifting up +his hands and eyes by way of admiration, cried out in a shrill but +distinct voice, _Hekinah degul_: the others repeated the same words +several times, but then I knew not what they meant. I lay all this +while, as the reader may believe, in great uneasiness. At length, +struggling to get loose, I had the fortune to break the strings, and +wrench out the pegs that fastened my left arm to the ground; for, by +lifting it up to my face, I discovered the methods they had taken to +bind me, and at the same time with a violent pull, which gave me +excessive pain, I a little loosened the strings that tied down my hair +on the left side, so that I was just able to turn my head about two +inches. But the creatures ran off a second time, before I could seize +them; whereupon there was a great shout in a very shrill accent, and +after it ceased I heard one of them cry aloud _Tolgo phonac_; when in +an instant I felt above a hundred arrows discharged on my left hand, +which, pricked me like so many needles; and besides, they shot another +flight into the air, as we do bombs in Europe, whereof many, I suppose, +fell on my body, (though I felt them not), and some on my face, which I +immediately covered with my left hand. When this shower of arrows was +over, I fell a groaning with grief and pain; and then striving again to +get loose, they discharged another volley larger than the first, and +some of them attempted with spears to stick me in the sides; but by +good luck I had on a buff jerkin, which they could not pierce. I +thought it the most prudent method to lie still, and my design was to +continue so till night, when, my left hand being already loose, I could +easily free myself: and as for the inhabitants, I had reason to believe +I might be a match for the greatest army they could bring against me, +if they were all of the same size with him that I saw. But fortune +disposed otherwise of me. When the people observed I was quiet, they +discharged no more arrows; but, by the noise I heard, I knew their +numbers increased; and about four yards from me, over against my right +ear, I heard a knocking for above an hour, like that of people at work; +when turning my head that way, as well as the pegs and strings would +permit me, I saw a stage erected about a foot and a half from the +ground, capable of holding four of the inhabitants, with two or three +ladders to mount it: from whence one of them, who seemed to be a person +of quality, made me a long speech, whereof I understood not one +syllable. But I should have mentioned, that before the principal person +began his oration, he cried out three times, _Langro dehul san_ (these +words and the former were afterwards repeated and explained to me); +whereupon, immediately, about fifty of the inhabitants came and cut the +strings that fastened the left side of my head, which gave me the +liberty of turning it to the right, and of observing the person and +gesture of him that was to speak. He appeared to be of a middle age, +and taller than any of the other three who attended him, whereof one +was a page that held up his train, and seemed to be somewhat longer +than my middle finger; the other two stood one on each side to support +him. He acted every part of an orator, and I could observe many periods +of threatenings, and others of promises, pity, and kindness. I answered +in a few words, but in the most submissive manner, lifting up my left +hand, and both my eyes to the sun, as calling him for a witness; and +being almost famished with hunger, having not eaten a morsel for some +hours before I left the ship, I found the demands of nature so strong +upon me, that I could not forbear showing my impatience (perhaps +against the strict rules of decency) by putting my finger frequently to +my mouth, to signify that I wanted food. The _hurgo_ (for so they call +a great lord, as I afterwards learnt) understood me very well. He +descended from the stage, and commanded that several ladders should be +applied to my sides, on which above a hundred of the inhabitants +mounted and walked towards my mouth, laden with baskets full of meat, +which had been provided and sent thither by the king’s orders, upon the +first intelligence he received of me. I observed there was the flesh of +several animals, but could not distinguish them by the taste. There +were shoulders, legs, and loins, shaped like those of mutton, and very +well dressed, but smaller than the wings of a lark. I ate them by two +or three at a mouthful, and took three loaves at a time, about the +bigness of musket bullets. They supplied me as fast as they could, +showing a thousand marks of wonder and astonishment at my bulk and +appetite. I then made another sign, that I wanted drink. They found by +my eating that a small quantity would not suffice me; and being a most +ingenious people, they slung up, with great dexterity, one of their +largest hogsheads, then rolled it towards my hand, and beat out the +top; I drank it off at a draught, which I might well do, for it did not +hold half a pint, and tasted like a small wine of Burgundy, but much +more delicious. They brought me a second hogshead, which I drank in the +same manner, and made signs for more; but they had none to give me. +When I had performed these wonders, they shouted for joy, and danced +upon my breast, repeating several times as they did at first, _Hekinah +degul_. They made me a sign that I should throw down the two hogsheads, +but first warning the people below to stand out of the way, crying +aloud, _Borach mevolah_; and when they saw the vessels in the air, +there was a universal shout of _Hekinah degul_. I confess I was often +tempted, while they were passing backwards and forwards on my body, to +seize forty or fifty of the first that came in my reach, and dash them +against the ground. But the remembrance of what I had felt, which +probably might not be the worst they could do, and the promise of +honour I made them—for so I interpreted my submissive behaviour—soon +drove out these imaginations. Besides, I now considered myself as bound +by the laws of hospitality, to a people who had treated me with so much +expense and magnificence. However, in my thoughts I could not +sufficiently wonder at the intrepidity of these diminutive mortals, who +durst venture to mount and walk upon my body, while one of my hands was +at liberty, without trembling at the very sight of so prodigious a +creature as I must appear to them. After some time, when they observed +that I made no more demands for meat, there appeared before me a person +of high rank from his imperial majesty. His excellency, having mounted +on the small of my right leg, advanced forwards up to my face, with +about a dozen of his retinue; and producing his credentials under the +signet royal, which he applied close to my eyes, spoke about ten +minutes without any signs of anger, but with a kind of determinate +resolution, often pointing forwards, which, as I afterwards found, was +towards the capital city, about half a mile distant; whither it was +agreed by his majesty in council that I must be conveyed. I answered in +few words, but to no purpose, and made a sign with my hand that was +loose, putting it to the other (but over his excellency’s head for fear +of hurting him or his train) and then to my own head and body, to +signify that I desired my liberty. It appeared that he understood me +well enough, for he shook his head by way of disapprobation, and held +his hand in a posture to show that I must be carried as a prisoner. +However, he made other signs to let me understand that I should have +meat and drink enough, and very good treatment. Whereupon I once more +thought of attempting to break my bonds; but again, when I felt the +smart of their arrows upon my face and hands, which were all in +blisters, and many of the darts still sticking in them, and observing +likewise that the number of my enemies increased, I gave tokens to let +them know that they might do with me what they pleased. Upon this, the +_hurgo_ and his train withdrew, with much civility and cheerful +countenances. Soon after I heard a general shout, with frequent +repetitions of the words _Peplom selan_; and I felt great numbers of +people on my left side relaxing the cords to such a degree, that I was +able to turn upon my right, and to ease myself with making water; which +I very plentifully did, to the great astonishment of the people; who, +conjecturing by my motion what I was going to do, immediately opened to +the right and left on that side, to avoid the torrent, which fell with +such noise and violence from me. But before this, they had daubed my +face and both my hands with a sort of ointment, very pleasant to the +smell, which, in a few minutes, removed all the smart of their arrows. +These circumstances, added to the refreshment I had received by their +victuals and drink, which were very nourishing, disposed me to sleep. I +slept about eight hours, as I was afterwards assured; and it was no +wonder, for the physicians, by the emperor’s order, had mingled a +sleepy potion in the hogsheads of wine. + +It seems, that upon the first moment I was discovered sleeping on the +ground, after my landing, the emperor had early notice of it by an +express; and determined in council, that I should be tied in the manner +I have related, (which was done in the night while I slept;) that +plenty of meat and drink should be sent to me, and a machine prepared +to carry me to the capital city. + +This resolution perhaps may appear very bold and dangerous, and I am +confident would not be imitated by any prince in Europe on the like +occasion. However, in my opinion, it was extremely prudent, as well as +generous: for, supposing these people had endeavoured to kill me with +their spears and arrows, while I was asleep, I should certainly have +awaked with the first sense of smart, which might so far have roused my +rage and strength, as to have enabled me to break the strings wherewith +I was tied; after which, as they were not able to make resistance, so +they could expect no mercy. + +These people are most excellent mathematicians, and arrived to a great +perfection in mechanics, by the countenance and encouragement of the +emperor, who is a renowned patron of learning. This prince has several +machines fixed on wheels, for the carriage of trees and other great +weights. He often builds his largest men of war, whereof some are nine +feet long, in the woods where the timber grows, and has them carried on +these engines three or four hundred yards to the sea. Five hundred +carpenters and engineers were immediately set at work to prepare the +greatest engine they had. It was a frame of wood raised three inches +from the ground, about seven feet long, and four wide, moving upon +twenty-two wheels. The shout I heard was upon the arrival of this +engine, which, it seems, set out in four hours after my landing. It was +brought parallel to me, as I lay. But the principal difficulty was to +raise and place me in this vehicle. Eighty poles, each of one foot +high, were erected for this purpose, and very strong cords, of the +bigness of packthread, were fastened by hooks to many bandages, which +the workmen had girt round my neck, my hands, my body, and my legs. +Nine hundred of the strongest men were employed to draw up these cords, +by many pulleys fastened on the poles; and thus, in less than three +hours, I was raised and slung into the engine, and there tied fast. All +this I was told; for, while the operation was performing, I lay in a +profound sleep, by the force of that soporiferous medicine infused into +my liquor. Fifteen hundred of the emperor’s largest horses, each about +four inches and a half high, were employed to draw me towards the +metropolis, which, as I said, was half a mile distant. + +About four hours after we began our journey, I awaked by a very +ridiculous accident; for the carriage being stopped a while, to adjust +something that was out of order, two or three of the young natives had +the curiosity to see how I looked when I was asleep; they climbed up +into the engine, and advancing very softly to my face, one of them, an +officer in the guards, put the sharp end of his half-pike a good way up +into my left nostril, which tickled my nose like a straw, and made me +sneeze violently; whereupon they stole off unperceived, and it was +three weeks before I knew the cause of my waking so suddenly. We made a +long march the remaining part of the day, and, rested at night with +five hundred guards on each side of me, half with torches, and half +with bows and arrows, ready to shoot me if I should offer to stir. The +next morning at sunrise we continued our march, and arrived within two +hundred yards of the city gates about noon. The emperor, and all his +court, came out to meet us; but his great officers would by no means +suffer his majesty to endanger his person by mounting on my body. + +At the place where the carriage stopped there stood an ancient temple, +esteemed to be the largest in the whole kingdom; which, having been +polluted some years before by an unnatural murder, was, according to +the zeal of those people, looked upon as profane, and therefore had +been applied to common use, and all the ornaments and furniture carried +away. In this edifice it was determined I should lodge. The great gate +fronting to the north was about four feet high, and almost two feet +wide, through which I could easily creep. On each side of the gate was +a small window, not above six inches from the ground: into that on the +left side, the king’s smith conveyed fourscore and eleven chains, like +those that hang to a lady’s watch in Europe, and almost as large, which +were locked to my left leg with six-and-thirty padlocks. Over against +this temple, on the other side of the great highway, at twenty feet +distance, there was a turret at least five feet high. Here the emperor +ascended, with many principal lords of his court, to have an +opportunity of viewing me, as I was told, for I could not see them. It +was reckoned that above a hundred thousand inhabitants came out of the +town upon the same errand; and, in spite of my guards, I believe there +could not be fewer than ten thousand at several times, who mounted my +body by the help of ladders. But a proclamation was soon issued, to +forbid it upon pain of death. When the workmen found it was impossible +for me to break loose, they cut all the strings that bound me; +whereupon I rose up, with as melancholy a disposition as ever I had in +my life. But the noise and astonishment of the people, at seeing me +rise and walk, are not to be expressed. The chains that held my left +leg were about two yards long, and gave me not only the liberty of +walking backwards and forwards in a semicircle, but, being fixed within +four inches of the gate, allowed me to creep in, and lie at my full +length in the temple. + + +CHAPTER II. + +The emperor of Lilliput, attended by several of the nobility, comes to +see the author in his confinement. The emperor’s person and habit +described. Learned men appointed to teach the author their language. He +gains favour by his mild disposition. His pockets are searched, and his +sword and pistols taken from him. + + +When I found myself on my feet, I looked about me, and must confess I +never beheld a more entertaining prospect. The country around appeared +like a continued garden, and the enclosed fields, which were generally +forty feet square, resembled so many beds of flowers. These fields were +intermingled with woods of half a stang, [301] and the tallest trees, +as I could judge, appeared to be seven feet high. I viewed the town on +my left hand, which looked like the painted scene of a city in a +theatre. + +I had been for some hours extremely pressed by the necessities of +nature; which was no wonder, it being almost two days since I had last +disburdened myself. I was under great difficulties between urgency and +shame. The best expedient I could think of, was to creep into my house, +which I accordingly did; and shutting the gate after me, I went as far +as the length of my chain would suffer, and discharged my body of that +uneasy load. But this was the only time I was ever guilty of so +uncleanly an action; for which I cannot but hope the candid reader will +give some allowance, after he has maturely and impartially considered +my case, and the distress I was in. From this time my constant practice +was, as soon as I rose, to perform that business in open air, at the +full extent of my chain; and due care was taken every morning before +company came, that the offensive matter should be carried off in +wheel-barrows, by two servants appointed for that purpose. I would not +have dwelt so long upon a circumstance that, perhaps, at first sight, +may appear not very momentous, if I had not thought it necessary to +justify my character, in point of cleanliness, to the world; which, I +am told, some of my maligners have been pleased, upon this and other +occasions, to call in question. + +When this adventure was at an end, I came back out of my house, having +occasion for fresh air. The emperor was already descended from the +tower, and advancing on horseback towards me, which had like to have +cost him dear; for the beast, though very well trained, yet wholly +unused to such a sight, which appeared as if a mountain moved before +him, reared up on its hinder feet: but that prince, who is an excellent +horseman, kept his seat, till his attendants ran in, and held the +bridle, while his majesty had time to dismount. When he alighted, he +surveyed me round with great admiration; but kept beyond the length of +my chain. He ordered his cooks and butlers, who were already prepared, +to give me victuals and drink, which they pushed forward in a sort of +vehicles upon wheels, till I could reach them. I took these vehicles +and soon emptied them all; twenty of them were filled with meat, and +ten with liquor; each of the former afforded me two or three good +mouthfuls; and I emptied the liquor of ten vessels, which was contained +in earthen vials, into one vehicle, drinking it off at a draught; and +so I did with the rest. The empress, and young princes of the blood of +both sexes, attended by many ladies, sat at some distance in their +chairs; but upon the accident that happened to the emperor’s horse, +they alighted, and came near his person, which I am now going to +describe. He is taller by almost the breadth of my nail, than any of +his court; which alone is enough to strike an awe into the beholders. +His features are strong and masculine, with an Austrian lip and arched +nose, his complexion olive, his countenance erect, his body and limbs +well proportioned, all his motions graceful, and his deportment +majestic. He was then past his prime, being twenty-eight years and +three quarters old, of which he had reigned about seven in great +felicity, and generally victorious. For the better convenience of +beholding him, I lay on my side, so that my face was parallel to his, +and he stood but three yards off: however, I have had him since many +times in my hand, and therefore cannot be deceived in the description. +His dress was very plain and simple, and the fashion of it between the +Asiatic and the European; but he had on his head a light helmet of +gold, adorned with jewels, and a plume on the crest. He held his sword +drawn in his hand to defend himself, if I should happen to break loose; +it was almost three inches long; the hilt and scabbard were gold +enriched with diamonds. His voice was shrill, but very clear and +articulate; and I could distinctly hear it when I stood up. The ladies +and courtiers were all most magnificently clad; so that the spot they +stood upon seemed to resemble a petticoat spread upon the ground, +embroidered with figures of gold and silver. His imperial majesty spoke +often to me, and I returned answers: but neither of us could understand +a syllable. There were several of his priests and lawyers present (as I +conjectured by their habits), who were commanded to address themselves +to me; and I spoke to them in as many languages as I had the least +smattering of, which were High and Low Dutch, Latin, French, Spanish, +Italian, and Lingua Franca, but all to no purpose. After about two +hours the court retired, and I was left with a strong guard, to prevent +the impertinence, and probably the malice of the rabble, who were very +impatient to crowd about me as near as they durst; and some of them had +the impudence to shoot their arrows at me, as I sat on the ground by +the door of my house, whereof one very narrowly missed my left eye. But +the colonel ordered six of the ringleaders to be seized, and thought no +punishment so proper as to deliver them bound into my hands; which some +of his soldiers accordingly did, pushing them forward with the +butt-ends of their pikes into my reach. I took them all in my right +hand, put five of them into my coat-pocket; and as to the sixth, I made +a countenance as if I would eat him alive. The poor man squalled +terribly, and the colonel and his officers were in much pain, +especially when they saw me take out my penknife: but I soon put them +out of fear; for, looking mildly, and immediately cutting the strings +he was bound with, I set him gently on the ground, and away he ran. I +treated the rest in the same manner, taking them one by one out of my +pocket; and I observed both the soldiers and people were highly +delighted at this mark of my clemency, which was represented very much +to my advantage at court. + +Towards night I got with some difficulty into my house, where I lay on +the ground, and continued to do so about a fortnight; during which +time, the emperor gave orders to have a bed prepared for me. Six +hundred beds of the common measure were brought in carriages, and +worked up in my house; a hundred and fifty of their beds, sewn +together, made up the breadth and length; and these were four double: +which, however, kept me but very indifferently from the hardness of the +floor, that was of smooth stone. By the same computation, they provided +me with sheets, blankets, and coverlets, tolerable enough for one who +had been so long inured to hardships. + +As the news of my arrival spread through the kingdom, it brought +prodigious numbers of rich, idle, and curious people to see me; so that +the villages were almost emptied; and great neglect of tillage and +household affairs must have ensued, if his imperial majesty had not +provided, by several proclamations and orders of state, against this +inconveniency. He directed that those who had already beheld me should +return home, and not presume to come within fifty yards of my house, +without license from the court; whereby the secretaries of state got +considerable fees. + +In the mean time the emperor held frequent councils, to debate what +course should be taken with me; and I was afterwards assured by a +particular friend, a person of great quality, who was as much in the +secret as any, that the court was under many difficulties concerning +me. They apprehended my breaking loose; that my diet would be very +expensive, and might cause a famine. Sometimes they determined to +starve me; or at least to shoot me in the face and hands with poisoned +arrows, which would soon despatch me; but again they considered, that +the stench of so large a carcass might produce a plague in the +metropolis, and probably spread through the whole kingdom. In the midst +of these consultations, several officers of the army went to the door +of the great council-chamber, and two of them being admitted, gave an +account of my behaviour to the six criminals above-mentioned; which +made so favourable an impression in the breast of his majesty and the +whole board, in my behalf, that an imperial commission was issued out, +obliging all the villages, nine hundred yards round the city, to +deliver in every morning six beeves, forty sheep, and other victuals +for my sustenance; together with a proportionable quantity of bread, +and wine, and other liquors; for the due payment of which, his majesty +gave assignments upon his treasury:—for this prince lives chiefly upon +his own demesnes; seldom, except upon great occasions, raising any +subsidies upon his subjects, who are bound to attend him in his wars at +their own expense. An establishment was also made of six hundred +persons to be my domestics, who had board-wages allowed for their +maintenance, and tents built for them very conveniently on each side of +my door. It was likewise ordered, that three hundred tailors should +make me a suit of clothes, after the fashion of the country; that six +of his majesty’s greatest scholars should be employed to instruct me in +their language; and lastly, that the emperor’s horses, and those of the +nobility and troops of guards, should be frequently exercised in my +sight, to accustom themselves to me. All these orders were duly put in +execution; and in about three weeks I made a great progress in learning +their language; during which time the emperor frequently honoured me +with his visits, and was pleased to assist my masters in teaching me. +We began already to converse together in some sort; and the first words +I learnt, were to express my desire “that he would please give me my +liberty;” which I every day repeated on my knees. His answer, as I +could comprehend it, was, “that this must be a work of time, not to be +thought on without the advice of his council, and that first I must +_lumos kelmin pesso desmar lon emposo_;” that is, swear a peace with +him and his kingdom. However, that I should be used with all kindness. +And he advised me to “acquire, by my patience and discreet behaviour, +the good opinion of himself and his subjects.” He desired “I would not +take it ill, if he gave orders to certain proper officers to search me; +for probably I might carry about me several weapons, which must needs +be dangerous things, if they answered the bulk of so prodigious a +person.” I said, “His majesty should be satisfied; for I was ready to +strip myself, and turn up my pockets before him.” This I delivered part +in words, and part in signs. He replied, “that, by the laws of the +kingdom, I must be searched by two of his officers; that he knew this +could not be done without my consent and assistance; and he had so good +an opinion of my generosity and justice, as to trust their persons in +my hands; that whatever they took from me, should be returned when I +left the country, or paid for at the rate which I would set upon them.” +I took up the two officers in my hands, put them first into my +coat-pockets, and then into every other pocket about me, except my two +fobs, and another secret pocket, which I had no mind should be +searched, wherein I had some little necessaries that were of no +consequence to any but myself. In one of my fobs there was a silver +watch, and in the other a small quantity of gold in a purse. These +gentlemen, having pen, ink, and paper, about them, made an exact +inventory of every thing they saw; and when they had done, desired I +would set them down, that they might deliver it to the emperor. This +inventory I afterwards translated into English, and is, word for word, +as follows: + + +“_Imprimis_: In the right coat-pocket of the great man-mountain” (for +so I interpret the words _quinbus flestrin_,) “after the strictest +search, we found only one great piece of coarse-cloth, large enough to +be a foot-cloth for your majesty’s chief room of state. In the left +pocket we saw a huge silver chest, with a cover of the same metal, +which we, the searchers, were not able to lift. We desired it should be +opened, and one of us stepping into it, found himself up to the mid leg +in a sort of dust, some part whereof flying up to our faces set us both +a sneezing for several times together. In his right waistcoat-pocket we +found a prodigious bundle of white thin substances, folded one over +another, about the bigness of three men, tied with a strong cable, and +marked with black figures; which we humbly conceive to be writings, +every letter almost half as large as the palm of our hands. In the left +there was a sort of engine, from the back of which were extended twenty +long poles, resembling the pallisados before your majesty’s court: +wherewith we conjecture the man-mountain combs his head; for we did not +always trouble him with questions, because we found it a great +difficulty to make him understand us. In the large pocket, on the right +side of his middle cover” (so I translate the word _ranfulo_, by which +they meant my breeches,) “we saw a hollow pillar of iron, about the +length of a man, fastened to a strong piece of timber larger than the +pillar; and upon one side of the pillar, were huge pieces of iron +sticking out, cut into strange figures, which we know not what to make +of. In the left pocket, another engine of the same kind. In the smaller +pocket on the right side, were several round flat pieces of white and +red metal, of different bulk; some of the white, which seemed to be +silver, were so large and heavy, that my comrade and I could hardly +lift them. In the left pocket were two black pillars irregularly +shaped: we could not, without difficulty, reach the top of them, as we +stood at the bottom of his pocket. One of them was covered, and seemed +all of a piece: but at the upper end of the other there appeared a +white round substance, about twice the bigness of our heads. Within +each of these was enclosed a prodigious plate of steel; which, by our +orders, we obliged him to show us, because we apprehended they might be +dangerous engines. He took them out of their cases, and told us, that +in his own country his practice was to shave his beard with one of +these, and cut his meat with the other. There were two pockets which we +could not enter: these he called his fobs; they were two large slits +cut into the top of his middle cover, but squeezed close by the +pressure of his belly. Out of the right fob hung a great silver chain, +with a wonderful kind of engine at the bottom. We directed him to draw +out whatever was at the end of that chain; which appeared to be a +globe, half silver, and half of some transparent metal; for, on the +transparent side, we saw certain strange figures circularly drawn, and +thought we could touch them, till we found our fingers stopped by the +lucid substance. He put this engine into our ears, which made an +incessant noise, like that of a water-mill: and we conjecture it is +either some unknown animal, or the god that he worships; but we are +more inclined to the latter opinion, because he assured us, (if we +understood him right, for he expressed himself very imperfectly) that +he seldom did any thing without consulting it. He called it his oracle, +and said, it pointed out the time for every action of his life. From +the left fob he took out a net almost large enough for a fisherman, but +contrived to open and shut like a purse, and served him for the same +use: we found therein several massy pieces of yellow metal, which, if +they be real gold, must be of immense value. + +“Having thus, in obedience to your majesty’s commands, diligently +searched all his pockets, we observed a girdle about his waist made of +the hide of some prodigious animal, from which, on the left side, hung +a sword of the length of five men; and on the right, a bag or pouch +divided into two cells, each cell capable of holding three of your +majesty’s subjects. In one of these cells were several globes, or +balls, of a most ponderous metal, about the bigness of our heads, and +requiring a strong hand to lift them: the other cell contained a heap +of certain black grains, but of no great bulk or weight, for we could +hold above fifty of them in the palms of our hands. + +“This is an exact inventory of what we found about the body of the +man-mountain, who used us with great civility, and due respect to your +majesty’s commission. Signed and sealed on the fourth day of the +eighty-ninth moon of your majesty’s auspicious reign. + + + Clefrin Frelock, Marsi Frelock.” + +When this inventory was read over to the emperor, he directed me, +although in very gentle terms, to deliver up the several particulars. +He first called for my scimitar, which I took out, scabbard and all. In +the mean time he ordered three thousand of his choicest troops (who +then attended him) to surround me at a distance, with their bows and +arrows just ready to discharge; but I did not observe it, for my eyes +were wholly fixed upon his majesty. He then desired me to draw my +scimitar, which, although it had got some rust by the sea water, was, +in most parts, exceeding bright. I did so, and immediately all the +troops gave a shout between terror and surprise; for the sun shone +clear, and the reflection dazzled their eyes, as I waved the scimitar +to and fro in my hand. His majesty, who is a most magnanimous prince, +was less daunted than I could expect: he ordered me to return it into +the scabbard, and cast it on the ground as gently as I could, about six +feet from the end of my chain. The next thing he demanded was one of +the hollow iron pillars; by which he meant my pocket pistols. I drew it +out, and at his desire, as well as I could, expressed to him the use of +it; and charging it only with powder, which, by the closeness of my +pouch, happened to escape wetting in the sea (an inconvenience against +which all prudent mariners take special care to provide,) I first +cautioned the emperor not to be afraid, and then I let it off in the +air. The astonishment here was much greater than at the sight of my +scimitar. Hundreds fell down as if they had been struck dead; and even +the emperor, although he stood his ground, could not recover himself +for some time. I delivered up both my pistols in the same manner as I +had done my scimitar, and then my pouch of powder and bullets; begging +him that the former might be kept from fire, for it would kindle with +the smallest spark, and blow up his imperial palace into the air. I +likewise delivered up my watch, which the emperor was very curious to +see, and commanded two of his tallest yeomen of the guards to bear it +on a pole upon their shoulders, as draymen in England do a barrel of +ale. He was amazed at the continual noise it made, and the motion of +the minute-hand, which he could easily discern; for their sight is much +more acute than ours: he asked the opinions of his learned men about +it, which were various and remote, as the reader may well imagine +without my repeating; although indeed I could not very perfectly +understand them. I then gave up my silver and copper money, my purse, +with nine large pieces of gold, and some smaller ones; my knife and +razor, my comb and silver snuff-box, my handkerchief and journal-book. +My scimitar, pistols, and pouch, were conveyed in carriages to his +majesty’s stores; but the rest of my goods were returned me. + +I had as I before observed, one private pocket, which escaped their +search, wherein there was a pair of spectacles (which I sometimes use +for the weakness of my eyes,) a pocket perspective, and some other +little conveniences; which, being of no consequence to the emperor, I +did not think myself bound in honour to discover, and I apprehended +they might be lost or spoiled if I ventured them out of my possession. + + +CHAPTER III. + +The author diverts the emperor, and his nobility of both sexes, in a +very uncommon manner. The diversions of the court of Lilliput +described. The author has his liberty granted him upon certain +conditions. + + +My gentleness and good behaviour had gained so far on the emperor and +his court, and indeed upon the army and people in general, that I began +to conceive hopes of getting my liberty in a short time. I took all +possible methods to cultivate this favourable disposition. The natives +came, by degrees, to be less apprehensive of any danger from me. I +would sometimes lie down, and let five or six of them dance on my hand; +and at last the boys and girls would venture to come and play at +hide-and-seek in my hair. I had now made a good progress in +understanding and speaking the language. The emperor had a mind one day +to entertain me with several of the country shows, wherein they exceed +all nations I have known, both for dexterity and magnificence. I was +diverted with none so much as that of the rope-dancers, performed upon +a slender white thread, extended about two feet, and twelve inches from +the ground. Upon which I shall desire liberty, with the reader’s +patience, to enlarge a little. + +This diversion is only practised by those persons who are candidates +for great employments, and high favour at court. They are trained in +this art from their youth, and are not always of noble birth, or +liberal education. When a great office is vacant, either by death or +disgrace (which often happens) five or six of those candidates +petition the emperor to entertain his majesty and the court with a +dance on the rope; and whoever jumps the highest, without falling, +succeeds in the office. Very often the chief ministers themselves are +commanded to show their skill, and to convince the emperor that they +have not lost their faculty. Flimnap, the treasurer, is allowed to cut +a caper on the straight rope, at least an inch higher than any other +lord in the whole empire. I have seen him do the summerset several +times together, upon a trencher fixed on a rope which is no thicker +than a common packthread in England. My friend Reldresal, principal +secretary for private affairs, is, in my opinion, if I am not partial, +the second after the treasurer; the rest of the great officers are much +upon a par. + +These diversions are often attended with fatal accidents, whereof great +numbers are on record. I myself have seen two or three candidates break +a limb. But the danger is much greater, when the ministers themselves +are commanded to show their dexterity; for, by contending to excel +themselves and their fellows, they strain so far that there is hardly +one of them who has not received a fall, and some of them two or three. +I was assured that, a year or two before my arrival, Flimnap would +infallibly have broke his neck, if one of the king’s cushions, that +accidentally lay on the ground, had not weakened the force of his fall. + +There is likewise another diversion, which is only shown before the +emperor and empress, and first minister, upon particular occasions. The +emperor lays on the table three fine silken threads of six inches long; +one is blue, the other red, and the third green. These threads are +proposed as prizes for those persons whom the emperor has a mind to +distinguish by a peculiar mark of his favour. The ceremony is performed +in his majesty’s great chamber of state, where the candidates are to +undergo a trial of dexterity very different from the former, and such +as I have not observed the least resemblance of in any other country of +the new or old world. The emperor holds a stick in his hands, both ends +parallel to the horizon, while the candidates advancing, one by one, +sometimes leap over the stick, sometimes creep under it, backward and +forward, several times, according as the stick is advanced or +depressed. Sometimes the emperor holds one end of the stick, and his +first minister the other; sometimes the minister has it entirely to +himself. Whoever performs his part with most agility, and holds out the +longest in leaping and creeping, is rewarded with the blue-coloured +silk; the red is given to the next, and the green to the third, which +they all wear girt twice round about the middle; and you see few great +persons about this court who are not adorned with one of these girdles. + +The horses of the army, and those of the royal stables, having been +daily led before me, were no longer shy, but would come up to my very +feet without starting. The riders would leap them over my hand, as I +held it on the ground; and one of the emperor’s huntsmen, upon a large +courser, took my foot, shoe and all; which was indeed a prodigious +leap. I had the good fortune to divert the emperor one day after a very +extraordinary manner. I desired he would order several sticks of two +feet high, and the thickness of an ordinary cane, to be brought me; +whereupon his majesty commanded the master of his woods to give +directions accordingly; and the next morning six woodmen arrived with +as many carriages, drawn by eight horses to each. I took nine of these +sticks, and fixing them firmly in the ground in a quadrangular figure, +two feet and a half square, I took four other sticks, and tied them +parallel at each corner, about two feet from the ground; then I +fastened my handkerchief to the nine sticks that stood erect; and +extended it on all sides, till it was tight as the top of a drum; and +the four parallel sticks, rising about five inches higher than the +handkerchief, served as ledges on each side. When I had finished my +work, I desired the emperor to let a troop of his best horses +twenty-four in number, come and exercise upon this plain. His majesty +approved of the proposal, and I took them up, one by one, in my hands, +ready mounted and armed, with the proper officers to exercise them. As +soon as they got into order they divided into two parties, performed +mock skirmishes, discharged blunt arrows, drew their swords, fled and +pursued, attacked and retired, and in short discovered the best +military discipline I ever beheld. The parallel sticks secured them and +their horses from falling over the stage; and the emperor was so much +delighted, that he ordered this entertainment to be repeated several +days, and once was pleased to be lifted up and give the word of +command; and with great difficulty persuaded even the empress herself +to let me hold her in her close chair within two yards of the stage, +when she was able to take a full view of the whole performance. It was +my good fortune, that no ill accident happened in these entertainments; +only once a fiery horse, that belonged to one of the captains, pawing +with his hoof, struck a hole in my handkerchief, and his foot slipping, +he overthrew his rider and himself; but I immediately relieved them +both, and covering the hole with one hand, I set down the troop with +the other, in the same manner as I took them up. The horse that fell +was strained in the left shoulder, but the rider got no hurt; and I +repaired my handkerchief as well as I could: however, I would not trust +to the strength of it any more, in such dangerous enterprises. + +About two or three days before I was set at liberty, as I was +entertaining the court with this kind of feat, there arrived an express +to inform his majesty, that some of his subjects, riding near the place +where I was first taken up, had seen a great black substance lying on +the ground, very oddly shaped, extending its edges round, as wide as +his majesty’s bedchamber, and rising up in the middle as high as a man; +that it was no living creature, as they at first apprehended, for it +lay on the grass without motion; and some of them had walked round it +several times; that, by mounting upon each other’s shoulders, they had +got to the top, which was flat and even, and, stamping upon it, they +found that it was hollow within; that they humbly conceived it might be +something belonging to the man-mountain; and if his majesty pleased, +they would undertake to bring it with only five horses. I presently +knew what they meant, and was glad at heart to receive this +intelligence. It seems, upon my first reaching the shore after our +shipwreck, I was in such confusion, that before I came to the place +where I went to sleep, my hat, which I had fastened with a string to my +head while I was rowing, and had stuck on all the time I was swimming, +fell off after I came to land; the string, as I conjecture, breaking by +some accident, which I never observed, but thought my hat had been lost +at sea. I entreated his imperial majesty to give orders it might be +brought to me as soon as possible, describing to him the use and the +nature of it: and the next day the waggoners arrived with it, but not +in a very good condition; they had bored two holes in the brim, within +an inch and half of the edge, and fastened two hooks in the holes; +these hooks were tied by a long cord to the harness, and thus my hat +was dragged along for above half an English mile; but, the ground in +that country being extremely smooth and level, it received less damage +than I expected. + +Two days after this adventure, the emperor, having ordered that part of +his army which quarters in and about his metropolis, to be in +readiness, took a fancy of diverting himself in a very singular manner. +He desired I would stand like a Colossus, with my legs as far asunder +as I conveniently could. He then commanded his general (who was an old +experienced leader, and a great patron of mine) to draw up the troops +in close order, and march them under me; the foot by twenty-four +abreast, and the horse by sixteen, with drums beating, colours flying, +and pikes advanced. This body consisted of three thousand foot, and a +thousand horse. His majesty gave orders, upon pain of death, that every +soldier in his march should observe the strictest decency with regard +to my person; which however could not prevent some of the younger +officers from turning up their eyes as they passed under me: and, to +confess the truth, my breeches were at that time in so ill a condition, +that they afforded some opportunities for laughter and admiration. + +I had sent so many memorials and petitions for my liberty, that his +majesty at length mentioned the matter, first in the cabinet, and then +in a full council; where it was opposed by none, except Skyresh +Bolgolam, who was pleased, without any provocation, to be my mortal +enemy. But it was carried against him by the whole board, and confirmed +by the emperor. That minister was _galbet_, or admiral of the realm, +very much in his master’s confidence, and a person well versed in +affairs, but of a morose and sour complexion. However, he was at length +persuaded to comply; but prevailed that the articles and conditions +upon which I should be set free, and to which I must swear, should be +drawn up by himself. These articles were brought to me by Skyresh +Bolgolam in person attended by two under-secretaries, and several +persons of distinction. After they were read, I was demanded to swear +to the performance of them; first in the manner of my own country, and +afterwards in the method prescribed by their laws; which was, to hold +my right foot in my left hand, and to place the middle finger of my +right hand on the crown of my head, and my thumb on the tip of my right +ear. But because the reader may be curious to have some idea of the +style and manner of expression peculiar to that people, as well as to +know the article upon which I recovered my liberty, I have made a +translation of the whole instrument, word for word, as near as I was +able, which I here offer to the public. + + +“Golbasto Momarem Evlame Gurdilo Shefin Mully Ully Gue, most mighty +Emperor of Lilliput, delight and terror of the universe, whose +dominions extend five thousand _blustrugs_ (about twelve miles in +circumference) to the extremities of the globe; monarch of all +monarchs, taller than the sons of men; whose feet press down to the +centre, and whose head strikes against the sun; at whose nod the +princes of the earth shake their knees; pleasant as the spring, +comfortable as the summer, fruitful as autumn, dreadful as winter: his +most sublime majesty proposes to the man-mountain, lately arrived at +our celestial dominions, the following articles, which, by a solemn +oath, he shall be obliged to perform:— + +“1st, The man-mountain shall not depart from our dominions, without our +license under our great seal. + +“2d, He shall not presume to come into our metropolis, without our +express order; at which time, the inhabitants shall have two hours +warning to keep within doors. + +“3d, The said man-mountain shall confine his walks to our principal +high roads, and not offer to walk, or lie down, in a meadow or field of +corn. + +“4th, As he walks the said roads, he shall take the utmost care not to +trample upon the bodies of any of our loving subjects, their horses, or +carriages, nor take any of our subjects into his hands without their +own consent. + +“5th, If an express requires extraordinary despatch, the man-mountain +shall be obliged to carry, in his pocket, the messenger and horse a six +days journey, once in every moon, and return the said messenger back +(if so required) safe to our imperial presence. + +“6th, He shall be our ally against our enemies in the island of +Blefuscu, and do his utmost to destroy their fleet, which is now +preparing to invade us. + +“7th, That the said man-mountain shall, at his times of leisure, be +aiding and assisting to our workmen, in helping to raise certain great +stones, towards covering the wall of the principal park, and other our +royal buildings. + +“8th, That the said man-mountain shall, in two moons’ time, deliver in +an exact survey of the circumference of our dominions, by a computation +of his own paces round the coast. + +“Lastly, That, upon his solemn oath to observe all the above articles, +the said man-mountain shall have a daily allowance of meat and drink +sufficient for the support of 1724 of our subjects, with free access to +our royal person, and other marks of our favour. Given at our palace at +Belfaborac, the twelfth day of the ninety-first moon of our reign.” + + +I swore and subscribed to these articles with great cheerfulness and +content, although some of them were not so honourable as I could have +wished; which proceeded wholly from the malice of Skyresh Bolgolam, the +high-admiral: whereupon my chains were immediately unlocked, and I was +at full liberty. The emperor himself, in person, did me the honour to +be by at the whole ceremony. I made my acknowledgements by prostrating +myself at his majesty’s feet: but he commanded me to rise; and after +many gracious expressions, which, to avoid the censure of vanity, I +shall not repeat, he added, “that he hoped I should prove a useful +servant, and well deserve all the favours he had already conferred upon +me, or might do for the future.” + +The reader may please to observe, that, in the last article of the +recovery of my liberty, the emperor stipulates to allow me a quantity +of meat and drink sufficient for the support of 1724 Lilliputians. Some +time after, asking a friend at court how they came to fix on that +determinate number, he told me that his majesty’s mathematicians, +having taken the height of my body by the help of a quadrant, and +finding it to exceed theirs in the proportion of twelve to one, they +concluded from the similarity of their bodies, that mine must contain +at least 1724 of theirs, and consequently would require as much food as +was necessary to support that number of Lilliputians. By which the +reader may conceive an idea of the ingenuity of that people, as well as +the prudent and exact economy of so great a prince. + + +CHAPTER IV. + +Mildendo, the metropolis of Lilliput, described, together with the +emperor’s palace. A conversation between the author and a principal +secretary, concerning the affairs of that empire. The author’s offers +to serve the emperor in his wars. + + +The first request I made, after I had obtained my liberty, was, that I +might have license to see Mildendo, the metropolis; which the emperor +easily granted me, but with a special charge to do no hurt either to +the inhabitants or their houses. The people had notice, by +proclamation, of my design to visit the town. The wall which +encompassed it is two feet and a half high, and at least eleven inches +broad, so that a coach and horses may be driven very safely round it; +and it is flanked with strong towers at ten feet distance. I stepped +over the great western gate, and passed very gently, and sidling, +through the two principal streets, only in my short waistcoat, for fear +of damaging the roofs and eaves of the houses with the skirts of my +coat. I walked with the utmost circumspection, to avoid treading on any +stragglers who might remain in the streets, although the orders were +very strict, that all people should keep in their houses, at their own +peril. The garret windows and tops of houses were so crowded with +spectators, that I thought in all my travels I had not seen a more +populous place. The city is an exact square, each side of the wall +being five hundred feet long. The two great streets, which run across +and divide it into four quarters, are five feet wide. The lanes and +alleys, which I could not enter, but only view them as I passed, are +from twelve to eighteen inches. The town is capable of holding five +hundred thousand souls: the houses are from three to five stories: the +shops and markets well provided. + +The emperor’s palace is in the centre of the city where the two great +streets meet. It is enclosed by a wall of two feet high, and twenty +feet distance from the buildings. I had his majesty’s permission to +step over this wall; and, the space being so wide between that and the +palace, I could easily view it on every side. The outward court is a +square of forty feet, and includes two other courts: in the inmost are +the royal apartments, which I was very desirous to see, but found it +extremely difficult; for the great gates, from one square into another, +were but eighteen inches high, and seven inches wide. Now the buildings +of the outer court were at least five feet high, and it was impossible +for me to stride over them without infinite damage to the pile, though +the walls were strongly built of hewn stone, and four inches thick. At +the same time the emperor had a great desire that I should see the +magnificence of his palace; but this I was not able to do till three +days after, which I spent in cutting down with my knife some of the +largest trees in the royal park, about a hundred yards distant from the +city. Of these trees I made two stools, each about three feet high, and +strong enough to bear my weight. The people having received notice a +second time, I went again through the city to the palace with my two +stools in my hands. When I came to the side of the outer court, I stood +upon one stool, and took the other in my hand; this I lifted over the +roof, and gently set it down on the space between the first and second +court, which was eight feet wide. I then stept over the building very +conveniently from one stool to the other, and drew up the first after +me with a hooked stick. By this contrivance I got into the inmost +court; and, lying down upon my side, I applied my face to the windows +of the middle stories, which were left open on purpose, and discovered +the most splendid apartments that can be imagined. There I saw the +empress and the young princes, in their several lodgings, with their +chief attendants about them. Her imperial majesty was pleased to smile +very graciously upon me, and gave me out of the window her hand to +kiss. + +But I shall not anticipate the reader with further descriptions of this +kind, because I reserve them for a greater work, which is now almost +ready for the press; containing a general description of this empire, +from its first erection, through a long series of princes; with a +particular account of their wars and politics, laws, learning, and +religion; their plants and animals; their peculiar manners and customs, +with other matters very curious and useful; my chief design at present +being only to relate such events and transactions as happened to the +public or to myself during a residence of about nine months in that +empire. + +One morning, about a fortnight after I had obtained my liberty, +Reldresal, principal secretary (as they style him) for private affairs, +came to my house attended only by one servant. He ordered his coach to +wait at a distance, and desired I would give him an hour’s audience; +which I readily consented to, on account of his quality and personal +merits, as well as of the many good offices he had done me during my +solicitations at court. I offered to lie down that he might the more +conveniently reach my ear, but he chose rather to let me hold him in my +hand during our conversation. He began with compliments on my liberty; +said “he might pretend to some merit in it;” but, however, added, “that +if it had not been for the present situation of things at court, +perhaps I might not have obtained it so soon. For,” said he, “as +flourishing a condition as we may appear to be in to foreigners, we +labour under two mighty evils: a violent faction at home, and the +danger of an invasion, by a most potent enemy, from abroad. As to the +first, you are to understand, that for about seventy moons past there +have been two struggling parties in this empire, under the names of +_Tramecksan_ and _Slamecksan_, from the high and low heels of their +shoes, by which they distinguish themselves. It is alleged, indeed, +that the high heels are most agreeable to our ancient constitution; +but, however this be, his majesty has determined to make use only of +low heels in the administration of the government, and all offices in +the gift of the crown, as you cannot but observe; and particularly that +his majesty’s imperial heels are lower at least by a _drurr_ than any +of his court (_drurr_ is a measure about the fourteenth part of an +inch). The animosities between these two parties run so high, that they +will neither eat, nor drink, nor talk with each other. We compute the +_Tramecksan_, or high heels, to exceed us in number; but the power is +wholly on our side. We apprehend his imperial highness, the heir to the +crown, to have some tendency towards the high heels; at least we can +plainly discover that one of his heels is higher than the other, which +gives him a hobble in his gait. Now, in the midst of these intestine +disquiets, we are threatened with an invasion from the island of +Blefuscu, which is the other great empire of the universe, almost as +large and powerful as this of his majesty. For as to what we have heard +you affirm, that there are other kingdoms and states in the world +inhabited by human creatures as large as yourself, our philosophers are +in much doubt, and would rather conjecture that you dropped from the +moon, or one of the stars; because it is certain, that a hundred +mortals of your bulk would in a short time destroy all the fruits and +cattle of his majesty’s dominions: besides, our histories of six +thousand moons make no mention of any other regions than the two great +empires of Lilliput and Blefuscu. Which two mighty powers have, as I +was going to tell you, been engaged in a most obstinate war for +six-and-thirty moons past. It began upon the following occasion. It is +allowed on all hands, that the primitive way of breaking eggs, before +we eat them, was upon the larger end; but his present majesty’s +grandfather, while he was a boy, going to eat an egg, and breaking it +according to the ancient practice, happened to cut one of his fingers. +Whereupon the emperor his father published an edict, commanding all his +subjects, upon great penalties, to break the smaller end of their eggs. +The people so highly resented this law, that our histories tell us, +there have been six rebellions raised on that account; wherein one +emperor lost his life, and another his crown. These civil commotions +were constantly fomented by the monarchs of Blefuscu; and when they +were quelled, the exiles always fled for refuge to that empire. It is +computed that eleven thousand persons have at several times suffered +death, rather than submit to break their eggs at the smaller end. Many +hundred large volumes have been published upon this controversy: but +the books of the Big-endians have been long forbidden, and the whole +party rendered incapable by law of holding employments. During the +course of these troubles, the emperors of Blefuscu did frequently +expostulate by their ambassadors, accusing us of making a schism in +religion, by offending against a fundamental doctrine of our great +prophet Lustrog, in the fifty-fourth chapter of the Blundecral (which +is their Alcoran). This, however, is thought to be a mere strain upon +the text; for the words are these: ‘that all true believers break their +eggs at the convenient end.’ And which is the convenient end, seems, in +my humble opinion to be left to every man’s conscience, or at least in +the power of the chief magistrate to determine. Now, the Big-endian +exiles have found so much credit in the emperor of Blefuscu’s court, +and so much private assistance and encouragement from their party here +at home, that a bloody war has been carried on between the two empires +for six-and-thirty moons, with various success; during which time we +have lost forty capital ships, and a much greater number of smaller +vessels, together with thirty thousand of our best seamen and soldiers; +and the damage received by the enemy is reckoned to be somewhat greater +than ours. However, they have now equipped a numerous fleet, and are +just preparing to make a descent upon us; and his imperial majesty, +placing great confidence in your valour and strength, has commanded me +to lay this account of his affairs before you.” + +I desired the secretary to present my humble duty to the emperor; and +to let him know, “that I thought it would not become me, who was a +foreigner, to interfere with parties; but I was ready, with the hazard +of my life, to defend his person and state against all invaders.” + + +CHAPTER V. + +The author, by an extraordinary stratagem, prevents an invasion. A high +title of honour is conferred upon him. Ambassadors arrive from the +emperor of Blefuscu, and sue for peace. The empress’s apartment on fire +by an accident; the author instrumental in saving the rest of the +palace. + + +The empire of Blefuscu is an island situated to the north-east of +Lilliput, from which it is parted only by a channel of eight hundred +yards wide. I had not yet seen it, and upon this notice of an intended +invasion, I avoided appearing on that side of the coast, for fear of +being discovered, by some of the enemy’s ships, who had received no +intelligence of me; all intercourse between the two empires having been +strictly forbidden during the war, upon pain of death, and an embargo +laid by our emperor upon all vessels whatsoever. I communicated to his +majesty a project I had formed of seizing the enemy’s whole fleet; +which, as our scouts assured us, lay at anchor in the harbour, ready to +sail with the first fair wind. I consulted the most experienced seamen +upon the depth of the channel, which they had often plumbed; who told +me, that in the middle, at high-water, it was seventy _glumgluffs_ +deep, which is about six feet of European measure; and the rest of it +fifty _glumgluffs_ at most. I walked towards the north-east coast, over +against Blefuscu, where, lying down behind a hillock, I took out my +small perspective glass, and viewed the enemy’s fleet at anchor, +consisting of about fifty men of war, and a great number of transports: +I then came back to my house, and gave orders (for which I had a +warrant) for a great quantity of the strongest cable and bars of iron. +The cable was about as thick as packthread and the bars of the length +and size of a knitting-needle. I trebled the cable to make it stronger, +and for the same reason I twisted three of the iron bars together, +bending the extremities into a hook. Having thus fixed fifty hooks to +as many cables, I went back to the north-east coast, and putting off my +coat, shoes, and stockings, walked into the sea, in my leathern jerkin, +about half an hour before high water. I waded with what haste I could, +and swam in the middle about thirty yards, till I felt ground. I +arrived at the fleet in less than half an hour. The enemy was so +frightened when they saw me, that they leaped out of their ships, and +swam to shore, where there could not be fewer than thirty thousand +souls. I then took my tackling, and, fastening a hook to the hole at +the prow of each, I tied all the cords together at the end. While I was +thus employed, the enemy discharged several thousand arrows, many of +which stuck in my hands and face, and, beside the excessive smart, gave +me much disturbance in my work. My greatest apprehension was for my +eyes, which I should have infallibly lost, if I had not suddenly +thought of an expedient. I kept, among other little necessaries, a pair +of spectacles in a private pocket, which, as I observed before, had +escaped the emperor’s searchers. These I took out and fastened as +strongly as I could upon my nose, and thus armed, went on boldly with +my work, in spite of the enemy’s arrows, many of which struck against +the glasses of my spectacles, but without any other effect, further +than a little to discompose them. I had now fastened all the hooks, +and, taking the knot in my hand, began to pull; but not a ship would +stir, for they were all too fast held by their anchors, so that the +boldest part of my enterprise remained. I therefore let go the cord, +and leaving the hooks fixed to the ships, I resolutely cut with my +knife the cables that fastened the anchors, receiving about two hundred +shots in my face and hands; then I took up the knotted end of the +cables, to which my hooks were tied, and with great ease drew fifty of +the enemy’s largest men of war after me. + +The Blefuscudians, who had not the least imagination of what I +intended, were at first confounded with astonishment. They had seen me +cut the cables, and thought my design was only to let the ships run +adrift or fall foul on each other: but when they perceived the whole +fleet moving in order, and saw me pulling at the end, they set up such +a scream of grief and despair as it is almost impossible to describe or +conceive. When I had got out of danger, I stopped awhile to pick out +the arrows that stuck in my hands and face; and rubbed on some of the +same ointment that was given me at my first arrival, as I have formerly +mentioned. I then took off my spectacles, and waiting about an hour, +till the tide was a little fallen, I waded through the middle with my +cargo, and arrived safe at the royal port of Lilliput. + +The emperor and his whole court stood on the shore, expecting the issue +of this great adventure. They saw the ships move forward in a large +half-moon, but could not discern me, who was up to my breast in water. +When I advanced to the middle of the channel, they were yet more in +pain, because I was under water to my neck. The emperor concluded me to +be drowned, and that the enemy’s fleet was approaching in a hostile +manner: but he was soon eased of his fears; for the channel growing +shallower every step I made, I came in a short time within hearing, and +holding up the end of the cable, by which the fleet was fastened, I +cried in a loud voice, “Long live the most puissant king of Lilliput!” +This great prince received me at my landing with all possible +encomiums, and created me a _nardac_ upon the spot, which is the +highest title of honour among them. + +His majesty desired I would take some other opportunity of bringing all +the rest of his enemy’s ships into his ports. And so unmeasureable is +the ambition of princes, that he seemed to think of nothing less than +reducing the whole empire of Blefuscu into a province, and governing +it, by a viceroy; of destroying the Big-endian exiles, and compelling +that people to break the smaller end of their eggs, by which he would +remain the sole monarch of the whole world. But I endeavoured to divert +him from this design, by many arguments drawn from the topics of policy +as well as justice; and I plainly protested, “that I would never be an +instrument of bringing a free and brave people into slavery.” And, when +the matter was debated in council, the wisest part of the ministry were +of my opinion. + +This open bold declaration of mine was so opposite to the schemes and +politics of his imperial majesty, that he could never forgive me. He +mentioned it in a very artful manner at council, where I was told that +some of the wisest appeared, at least by their silence, to be of my +opinion; but others, who were my secret enemies, could not forbear some +expressions which, by a side-wind, reflected on me. And from this time +began an intrigue between his majesty and a junto of ministers, +maliciously bent against me, which broke out in less than two months, +and had like to have ended in my utter destruction. Of so little weight +are the greatest services to princes, when put into the balance with a +refusal to gratify their passions. + +About three weeks after this exploit, there arrived a solemn embassy +from Blefuscu, with humble offers of a peace, which was soon concluded, +upon conditions very advantageous to our emperor, wherewith I shall not +trouble the reader. There were six ambassadors, with a train of about +five hundred persons, and their entry was very magnificent, suitable to +the grandeur of their master, and the importance of their business. +When their treaty was finished, wherein I did them several good offices +by the credit I now had, or at least appeared to have, at court, their +excellencies, who were privately told how much I had been their friend, +made me a visit in form. They began with many compliments upon my +valour and generosity, invited me to that kingdom in the emperor their +master’s name, and desired me to show them some proofs of my prodigious +strength, of which they had heard so many wonders; wherein I readily +obliged them, but shall not trouble the reader with the particulars. + +When I had for some time entertained their excellencies, to their +infinite satisfaction and surprise, I desired they would do me the +honour to present my most humble respects to the emperor their master, +the renown of whose virtues had so justly filled the whole world with +admiration, and whose royal person I resolved to attend, before I +returned to my own country. Accordingly, the next time I had the honour +to see our emperor, I desired his general license to wait on the +Blefuscudian monarch, which he was pleased to grant me, as I could +perceive, in a very cold manner; but could not guess the reason, till I +had a whisper from a certain person, “that Flimnap and Bolgolam had +represented my intercourse with those ambassadors as a mark of +disaffection;” from which I am sure my heart was wholly free. And this +was the first time I began to conceive some imperfect idea of courts +and ministers. + +It is to be observed, that these ambassadors spoke to me, by an +interpreter, the languages of both empires differing as much from each +other as any two in Europe, and each nation priding itself upon the +antiquity, beauty, and energy of their own tongue, with an avowed +contempt for that of their neighbour; yet our emperor, standing upon +the advantage he had got by the seizure of their fleet, obliged them to +deliver their credentials, and make their speech, in the Lilliputian +tongue. And it must be confessed, that from the great intercourse of +trade and commerce between both realms, from the continual reception of +exiles which is mutual among them, and from the custom, in each empire, +to send their young nobility and richer gentry to the other, in order +to polish themselves by seeing the world, and understanding men and +manners; there are few persons of distinction, or merchants, or seamen, +who dwell in the maritime parts, but what can hold conversation in both +tongues; as I found some weeks after, when I went to pay my respects to +the emperor of Blefuscu, which, in the midst of great misfortunes, +through the malice of my enemies, proved a very happy adventure to me, +as I shall relate in its proper place. + +The reader may remember, that when I signed those articles upon which I +recovered my liberty, there were some which I disliked, upon account of +their being too servile; neither could anything but an extreme +necessity have forced me to submit. But being now a _nardac_ of the +highest rank in that empire, such offices were looked upon as below my +dignity, and the emperor (to do him justice), never once mentioned them +to me. However, it was not long before I had an opportunity of doing +his majesty, at least as I then thought, a most signal service. I was +alarmed at midnight with the cries of many hundred people at my door; +by which, being suddenly awaked, I was in some kind of terror. I heard +the word _Burglum_ repeated incessantly: several of the emperor’s +court, making their way through the crowd, entreated me to come +immediately to the palace, where her imperial majesty’s apartment was +on fire, by the carelessness of a maid of honour, who fell asleep while +she was reading a romance. I got up in an instant; and orders being +given to clear the way before me, and it being likewise a moonshine +night, I made a shift to get to the palace without trampling on any of +the people. I found they had already applied ladders to the walls of +the apartment, and were well provided with buckets, but the water was +at some distance. These buckets were about the size of large thimbles, +and the poor people supplied me with them as fast as they could: but +the flame was so violent that they did little good. I might easily have +stifled it with my coat, which I unfortunately left behind me for +haste, and came away only in my leathern jerkin. The case seemed wholly +desperate and deplorable; and this magnificent palace would have +infallibly been burnt down to the ground, if, by a presence of mind +unusual to me, I had not suddenly thought of an expedient. I had, the +evening before, drunk plentifully of a most delicious wine called +_glimigrim_, (the Blefuscudians call it _flunec_, but ours is esteemed +the better sort,) which is very diuretic. By the luckiest chance in the +world, I had not discharged myself of any part of it. The heat I had +contracted by coming very near the flames, and by labouring to quench +them, made the wine begin to operate by urine; which I voided in such a +quantity, and applied so well to the proper places, that in three +minutes the fire was wholly extinguished, and the rest of that noble +pile, which had cost so many ages in erecting, preserved from +destruction. + +It was now day-light, and I returned to my house without waiting to +congratulate with the emperor: because, although I had done a very +eminent piece of service, yet I could not tell how his majesty might +resent the manner by which I had performed it: for, by the fundamental +laws of the realm, it is capital in any person, of what quality soever, +to make water within the precincts of the palace. But I was a little +comforted by a message from his majesty, “that he would give orders to +the grand justiciary for passing my pardon in form:” which, however, I +could not obtain; and I was privately assured, “that the empress, +conceiving the greatest abhorrence of what I had done, removed to the +most distant side of the court, firmly resolved that those buildings +should never be repaired for her use: and, in the presence of her chief +confidents could not forbear vowing revenge.” + + +CHAPTER VI. + +Of the inhabitants of Lilliput; their learning, laws, and customs; the +manner of educating their children. The author’s way of living in that +country. His vindication of a great lady. + + +Although I intend to leave the description of this empire to a +particular treatise, yet, in the mean time, I am content to gratify the +curious reader with some general ideas. As the common size of the +natives is somewhat under six inches high, so there is an exact +proportion in all other animals, as well as plants and trees: for +instance, the tallest horses and oxen are between four and five inches +in height, the sheep an inch and half, more or less: their geese about +the bigness of a sparrow, and so the several gradations downwards till +you come to the smallest, which to my sight, were almost invisible; but +nature has adapted the eyes of the Lilliputians to all objects proper +for their view: they see with great exactness, but at no great +distance. And, to show the sharpness of their sight towards objects +that are near, I have been much pleased with observing a cook pulling a +lark, which was not so large as a common fly; and a young girl +threading an invisible needle with invisible silk. Their tallest trees +are about seven feet high: I mean some of those in the great royal +park, the tops whereof I could but just reach with my fist clenched. +The other vegetables are in the same proportion; but this I leave to +the reader’s imagination. + +I shall say but little at present of their learning, which, for many +ages, has flourished in all its branches among them: but their manner +of writing is very peculiar, being neither from the left to the right, +like the Europeans, nor from the right to the left, like the Arabians, +nor from up to down, like the Chinese, but aslant, from one corner of +the paper to the other, like ladies in England. + +They bury their dead with their heads directly downward, because they +hold an opinion, that in eleven thousand moons they are all to rise +again; in which period the earth (which they conceive to be flat) will +turn upside down, and by this means they shall, at their resurrection, +be found ready standing on their feet. The learned among them confess +the absurdity of this doctrine; but the practice still continues, in +compliance to the vulgar. + +There are some laws and customs in this empire very peculiar; and if +they were not so directly contrary to those of my own dear country, I +should be tempted to say a little in their justification. It is only to +be wished they were as well executed. The first I shall mention, +relates to informers. All crimes against the state, are punished here +with the utmost severity; but, if the person accused makes his +innocence plainly to appear upon his trial, the accuser is immediately +put to an ignominious death; and out of his goods or lands the innocent +person is quadruply recompensed for the loss of his time, for the +danger he underwent, for the hardship of his imprisonment, and for all +the charges he has been at in making his defence; or, if that fund be +deficient, it is largely supplied by the crown. The emperor also +confers on him some public mark of his favour, and proclamation is made +of his innocence through the whole city. + +They look upon fraud as a greater crime than theft, and therefore +seldom fail to punish it with death; for they allege, that care and +vigilance, with a very common understanding, may preserve a man’s goods +from thieves, but honesty has no defence against superior cunning; and, +since it is necessary that there should be a perpetual intercourse of +buying and selling, and dealing upon credit, where fraud is permitted +and connived at, or has no law to punish it, the honest dealer is +always undone, and the knave gets the advantage. I remember, when I was +once interceding with the emperor for a criminal who had wronged his +master of a great sum of money, which he had received by order and ran +away with; and happening to tell his majesty, by way of extenuation, +that it was only a breach of trust, the emperor thought it monstrous in +me to offer as a defence the greatest aggravation of the crime; and +truly I had little to say in return, farther than the common answer, +that different nations had different customs; for, I confess, I was +heartily ashamed. [330] + +Although we usually call reward and punishment the two hinges upon +which all government turns, yet I could never observe this maxim to be +put in practice by any nation except that of Lilliput. Whoever can +there bring sufficient proof, that he has strictly observed the laws of +his country for seventy-three moons, has a claim to certain privileges, +according to his quality or condition of life, with a proportionable +sum of money out of a fund appropriated for that use: he likewise +acquires the title of _snilpall_, or legal, which is added to his name, +but does not descend to his posterity. And these people thought it a +prodigious defect of policy among us, when I told them that our laws +were enforced only by penalties, without any mention of reward. It is +upon this account that the image of Justice, in their courts of +judicature, is formed with six eyes, two before, as many behind, and on +each side one, to signify circumspection; with a bag of gold open in +her right hand, and a sword sheathed in her left, to show she is more +disposed to reward than to punish. + +In choosing persons for all employments, they have more regard to good +morals than to great abilities; for, since government is necessary to +mankind, they believe, that the common size of human understanding is +fitted to some station or other; and that Providence never intended to +make the management of public affairs a mystery to be comprehended only +by a few persons of sublime genius, of which there seldom are three +born in an age: but they suppose truth, justice, temperance, and the +like, to be in every man’s power; the practice of which virtues, +assisted by experience and a good intention, would qualify any man for +the service of his country, except where a course of study is required. +But they thought the want of moral virtues was so far from being +supplied by superior endowments of the mind, that employments could +never be put into such dangerous hands as those of persons so +qualified; and, at least, that the mistakes committed by ignorance, in +a virtuous disposition, would never be of such fatal consequence to the +public weal, as the practices of a man, whose inclinations led him to +be corrupt, and who had great abilities to manage, to multiply, and +defend his corruptions. + +In like manner, the disbelief of a Divine Providence renders a man +incapable of holding any public station; for, since kings avow +themselves to be the deputies of Providence, the Lilliputians think +nothing can be more absurd than for a prince to employ such men as +disown the authority under which he acts. + +In relating these and the following laws, I would only be understood to +mean the original institutions, and not the most scandalous +corruptions, into which these people are fallen by the degenerate +nature of man. For, as to that infamous practice of acquiring great +employments by dancing on the ropes, or badges of favour and +distinction by leaping over sticks and creeping under them, the reader +is to observe, that they were first introduced by the grandfather of +the emperor now reigning, and grew to the present height by the gradual +increase of party and faction. + +Ingratitude is among them a capital crime, as we read it to have been +in some other countries: for they reason thus; that whoever makes ill +returns to his benefactor, must needs be a common enemy to the rest of +mankind, from whom he has received no obligation, and therefore such a +man is not fit to live. + +Their notions relating to the duties of parents and children differ +extremely from ours. For, since the conjunction of male and female is +founded upon the great law of nature, in order to propagate and +continue the species, the Lilliputians will needs have it, that men and +women are joined together, like other animals, by the motives of +concupiscence; and that their tenderness towards their young proceeds +from the like natural principle: for which reason they will never allow +that a child is under any obligation to his father for begetting him, +or to his mother for bringing him into the world; which, considering +the miseries of human life, was neither a benefit in itself, nor +intended so by his parents, whose thoughts, in their love encounters, +were otherwise employed. Upon these, and the like reasonings, their +opinion is, that parents are the last of all others to be trusted with +the education of their own children; and therefore they have in every +town public nurseries, where all parents, except cottagers and +labourers, are obliged to send their infants of both sexes to be reared +and educated, when they come to the age of twenty moons, at which time +they are supposed to have some rudiments of docility. These schools are +of several kinds, suited to different qualities, and both sexes. They +have certain professors well skilled in preparing children for such a +condition of life as befits the rank of their parents, and their own +capacities, as well as inclinations. I shall first say something of the +male nurseries, and then of the female. + +The nurseries for males of noble or eminent birth, are provided with +grave and learned professors, and their several deputies. The clothes +and food of the children are plain and simple. They are bred up in the +principles of honour, justice, courage, modesty, clemency, religion, +and love of their country; they are always employed in some business, +except in the times of eating and sleeping, which are very short, and +two hours for diversions consisting of bodily exercises. They are +dressed by men till four years of age, and then are obliged to dress +themselves, although their quality be ever so great; and the women +attendant, who are aged proportionably to ours at fifty, perform only +the most menial offices. They are never suffered to converse with +servants, but go together in smaller or greater numbers to take their +diversions, and always in the presence of a professor, or one of his +deputies; whereby they avoid those early bad impressions of folly and +vice, to which our children are subject. Their parents are suffered to +see them only twice a year; the visit is to last but an hour; they are +allowed to kiss the child at meeting and parting; but a professor, who +always stands by on those occasions, will not suffer them to whisper, +or use any fondling expressions, or bring any presents of toys, +sweetmeats, and the like. + +The pension from each family for the education and entertainment of a +child, upon failure of due payment, is levied by the emperor’s +officers. + +The nurseries for children of ordinary gentlemen, merchants, traders, +and handicrafts, are managed proportionably after the same manner; only +those designed for trades are put out apprentices at eleven years old, +whereas those of persons of quality continue in their exercises till +fifteen, which answers to twenty-one with us: but the confinement is +gradually lessened for the last three years. + +In the female nurseries, the young girls of quality are educated much +like the males, only they are dressed by orderly servants of their own +sex; but always in the presence of a professor or deputy, till they +come to dress themselves, which is at five years old. And if it be +found that these nurses ever presume to entertain the girls with +frightful or foolish stories, or the common follies practised by +chambermaids among us, they are publicly whipped thrice about the city, +imprisoned for a year, and banished for life to the most desolate part +of the country. Thus the young ladies are as much ashamed of being +cowards and fools as the men, and despise all personal ornaments, +beyond decency and cleanliness: neither did I perceive any difference +in their education made by their difference of sex, only that the +exercises of the females were not altogether so robust; and that some +rules were given them relating to domestic life, and a smaller compass +of learning was enjoined them: for their maxim is, that among peoples +of quality, a wife should be always a reasonable and agreeable +companion, because she cannot always be young. When the girls are +twelve years old, which among them is the marriageable age, their +parents or guardians take them home, with great expressions of +gratitude to the professors, and seldom without tears of the young lady +and her companions. + +In the nurseries of females of the meaner sort, the children are +instructed in all kinds of works proper for their sex, and their +several degrees: those intended for apprentices are dismissed at seven +years old, the rest are kept to eleven. + +The meaner families who have children at these nurseries, are obliged, +besides their annual pension, which is as low as possible, to return to +the steward of the nursery a small monthly share of their gettings, to +be a portion for the child; and therefore all parents are limited in +their expenses by the law. For the Lilliputians think nothing can be +more unjust, than for people, in subservience to their own appetites, +to bring children into the world, and leave the burthen of supporting +them on the public. As to persons of quality, they give security to +appropriate a certain sum for each child, suitable to their condition; +and these funds are always managed with good husbandry and the most +exact justice. + +The cottagers and labourers keep their children at home, their business +being only to till and cultivate the earth, and therefore their +education is of little consequence to the public: but the old and +diseased among them are supported by hospitals; for begging is a trade +unknown in this empire. + +And here it may, perhaps, divert the curious reader, to give some +account of my domestics, and my manner of living in this country, +during a residence of nine months, and thirteen days. Having a head +mechanically turned, and being likewise forced by necessity, I had made +for myself a table and chair convenient enough, out of the largest +trees in the royal park. Two hundred sempstresses were employed to make +me shirts, and linen for my bed and table, all of the strongest and +coarsest kind they could get; which, however, they were forced to quilt +together in several folds, for the thickest was some degrees finer than +lawn. Their linen is usually three inches wide, and three feet make a +piece. The sempstresses took my measure as I lay on the ground, one +standing at my neck, and another at my mid-leg, with a strong cord +extended, that each held by the end, while a third measured the length +of the cord with a rule of an inch long. Then they measured my right +thumb, and desired no more; for by a mathematical computation, that +twice round the thumb is once round the wrist, and so on to the neck +and the waist, and by the help of my old shirt, which I displayed on +the ground before them for a pattern, they fitted me exactly. Three +hundred tailors were employed in the same manner to make me clothes; +but they had another contrivance for taking my measure. I kneeled down, +and they raised a ladder from the ground to my neck; upon this ladder +one of them mounted, and let fall a plumb-line from my collar to the +floor, which just answered the length of my coat: but my waist and arms +I measured myself. When my clothes were finished, which was done in my +house (for the largest of theirs would not have been able to hold +them), they looked like the patch-work made by the ladies in England, +only that mine were all of a colour. + +I had three hundred cooks to dress my victuals, in little convenient +huts built about my house, where they and their families lived, and +prepared me two dishes a-piece. I took up twenty waiters in my hand, +and placed them on the table: a hundred more attended below on the +ground, some with dishes of meat, and some with barrels of wine and +other liquors slung on their shoulders; all which the waiters above +drew up, as I wanted, in a very ingenious manner, by certain cords, as +we draw the bucket up a well in Europe. A dish of their meat was a good +mouthful, and a barrel of their liquor a reasonable draught. Their +mutton yields to ours, but their beef is excellent. I have had a +sirloin so large, that I have been forced to make three bites of it; +but this is rare. My servants were astonished to see me eat it, bones +and all, as in our country we do the leg of a lark. Their geese and +turkeys I usually ate at a mouthful, and I confess they far exceed +ours. Of their smaller fowl I could take up twenty or thirty at the end +of my knife. + +One day his imperial majesty, being informed of my way of living, +desired “that himself and his royal consort, with the young princes of +the blood of both sexes, might have the happiness,” as he was pleased +to call it, “of dining with me.” They came accordingly, and I placed +them in chairs of state, upon my table, just over against me, with +their guards about them. Flimnap, the lord high treasurer, attended +there likewise with his white staff; and I observed he often looked on +me with a sour countenance, which I would not seem to regard, but ate +more than usual, in honour to my dear country, as well as to fill the +court with admiration. I have some private reasons to believe, that +this visit from his majesty gave Flimnap an opportunity of doing me ill +offices to his master. That minister had always been my secret enemy, +though he outwardly caressed me more than was usual to the moroseness +of his nature. He represented to the emperor “the low condition of his +treasury; that he was forced to take up money at a great discount; that +exchequer bills would not circulate under nine per cent. below par; +that I had cost his majesty above a million and a half of _sprugs_” +(their greatest gold coin, about the bigness of a spangle) “and, upon +the whole, that it would be advisable in the emperor to take the first +fair occasion of dismissing me.” + +I am here obliged to vindicate the reputation of an excellent lady, who +was an innocent sufferer upon my account. The treasurer took a fancy to +be jealous of his wife, from the malice of some evil tongues, who +informed him that her grace had taken a violent affection for my +person; and the court scandal ran for some time, that she once came +privately to my lodging. This I solemnly declare to be a most infamous +falsehood, without any grounds, further than that her grace was pleased +to treat me with all innocent marks of freedom and friendship. I own +she came often to my house, but always publicly, nor ever without three +more in the coach, who were usually her sister and young daughter, and +some particular acquaintance; but this was common to many other ladies +of the court. And I still appeal to my servants round, whether they at +any time saw a coach at my door, without knowing what persons were in +it. On those occasions, when a servant had given me notice, my custom +was to go immediately to the door, and, after paying my respects, to +take up the coach and two horses very carefully in my hands (for, if +there were six horses, the postillion always unharnessed four,) and +place them on a table, where I had fixed a movable rim quite round, of +five inches high, to prevent accidents. And I have often had four +coaches and horses at once on my table, full of company, while I sat in +my chair, leaning my face towards them; and when I was engaged with one +set, the coachmen would gently drive the others round my table. I have +passed many an afternoon very agreeably in these conversations. But I +defy the treasurer, or his two informers (I will name them, and let +them make the best of it) Clustril and Drunlo, to prove that any person +ever came to me _incognito_, except the secretary Reldresal, who was +sent by express command of his imperial majesty, as I have before +related. I should not have dwelt so long upon this particular, if it +had not been a point wherein the reputation of a great lady is so +nearly concerned, to say nothing of my own; though I then had the +honour to be a _nardac_, which the treasurer himself is not; for all +the world knows, that he is only a _glumglum_, a title inferior by one +degree, as that of a marquis is to a duke in England; yet I allow he +preceded me in right of his post. These false informations, which I +afterwards came to the knowledge of by an accident not proper to +mention, made the treasurer show his lady for some time an ill +countenance, and me a worse; and although he was at last undeceived and +reconciled to her, yet I lost all credit with him, and found my +interest decline very fast with the emperor himself, who was, indeed, +too much governed by that favourite. + + +CHAPTER VII. + +The author, being informed of a design to accuse him of high-treason, +makes his escape to Blefuscu. His reception there. + + +Before I proceed to give an account of my leaving this kingdom, it may +be proper to inform the reader of a private intrigue which had been for +two months forming against me. + +I had been hitherto, all my life, a stranger to courts, for which I was +unqualified by the meanness of my condition. I had indeed heard and +read enough of the dispositions of great princes and ministers, but +never expected to have found such terrible effects of them, in so +remote a country, governed, as I thought, by very different maxims from +those in Europe. + +When I was just preparing to pay my attendance on the emperor of +Blefuscu, a considerable person at court (to whom I had been very +serviceable, at a time when he lay under the highest displeasure of his +imperial majesty) came to my house very privately at night, in a close +chair, and, without sending his name, desired admittance. The chairmen +were dismissed; I put the chair, with his lordship in it, into my +coat-pocket: and, giving orders to a trusty servant, to say I was +indisposed and gone to sleep, I fastened the door of my house, placed +the chair on the table, according to my usual custom, and sat down by +it. After the common salutations were over, observing his lordship’s +countenance full of concern, and inquiring into the reason, he desired +“I would hear him with patience, in a matter that highly concerned my +honour and my life.” His speech was to the following effect, for I took +notes of it as soon as he left me:— + +“You are to know,” said he, “that several committees of council have +been lately called, in the most private manner, on your account; and it +is but two days since his majesty came to a full resolution. + +“You are very sensible that Skyresh Bolgolam” (_galbet_, or +high-admiral) “has been your mortal enemy, almost ever since your +arrival. His original reasons I know not; but his hatred is increased +since your great success against Blefuscu, by which his glory as +admiral is much obscured. This lord, in conjunction with Flimnap the +high-treasurer, whose enmity against you is notorious on account of his +lady, Limtoc the general, Lalcon the chamberlain, and Balmuff the grand +justiciary, have prepared articles of impeachment against you, for +treason and other capital crimes.” + +This preface made me so impatient, being conscious of my own merits and +innocence, that I was going to interrupt him; when he entreated me to +be silent, and thus proceeded:— + +“Out of gratitude for the favours you have done me, I procured +information of the whole proceedings, and a copy of the articles; +wherein I venture my head for your service. + + +“‘_Articles of Impeachment against_ QUINBUS FLESTRIN, (_the +Man-Mountain_.) + +Article I. + + +“‘Whereas, by a statute made in the reign of his imperial majesty Calin +Deffar Plune, it is enacted, that, whoever shall make water within the +precincts of the royal palace, shall be liable to the pains and +penalties of high-treason; notwithstanding, the said Quinbus Flestrin, +in open breach of the said law, under colour of extinguishing the fire +kindled in the apartment of his majesty’s most dear imperial consort, +did maliciously, traitorously, and devilishly, by discharge of his +urine, put out the said fire kindled in the said apartment, lying and +being within the precincts of the said royal palace, against the +statute in that case provided, etc. against the duty, etc. + +Article II. + + +“‘That the said Quinbus Flestrin, having brought the imperial fleet of +Blefuscu into the royal port, and being afterwards commanded by his +imperial majesty to seize all the other ships of the said empire of +Blefuscu, and reduce that empire to a province, to be governed by a +viceroy from hence, and to destroy and put to death, not only all the +Big-endian exiles, but likewise all the people of that empire who would +not immediately forsake the Big-endian heresy, he, the said Flestrin, +like a false traitor against his most auspicious, serene, imperial +majesty, did petition to be excused from the said service, upon +pretence of unwillingness to force the consciences, or destroy the +liberties and lives of an innocent people. + +Article III. + + +“‘That, whereas certain ambassadors arrived from the Court of Blefuscu, +to sue for peace in his majesty’s court, he, the said Flestrin, did, +like a false traitor, aid, abet, comfort, and divert, the said +ambassadors, although he knew them to be servants to a prince who was +lately an open enemy to his imperial majesty, and in an open war +against his said majesty. + +Article IV. + + +“‘That the said Quinbus Flestrin, contrary to the duty of a faithful +subject, is now preparing to make a voyage to the court and empire of +Blefuscu, for which he has received only verbal license from his +imperial majesty; and, under colour of the said license, does falsely +and traitorously intend to take the said voyage, and thereby to aid, +comfort, and abet the emperor of Blefuscu, so lately an enemy, and in +open war with his imperial majesty aforesaid.’ + + +“There are some other articles; but these are the most important, of +which I have read you an abstract. + +“In the several debates upon this impeachment, it must be confessed +that his majesty gave many marks of his great lenity; often urging the +services you had done him, and endeavouring to extenuate your crimes. +The treasurer and admiral insisted that you should be put to the most +painful and ignominious death, by setting fire to your house at night, +and the general was to attend with twenty thousand men, armed with +poisoned arrows, to shoot you on the face and hands. Some of your +servants were to have private orders to strew a poisonous juice on your +shirts and sheets, which would soon make you tear your own flesh, and +die in the utmost torture. The general came into the same opinion; so +that for a long time there was a majority against you; but his majesty +resolving, if possible, to spare your life, at last brought off the +chamberlain. + +“Upon this incident, Reldresal, principal secretary for private +affairs, who always approved himself your true friend, was commanded by +the emperor to deliver his opinion, which he accordingly did; and +therein justified the good thoughts you have of him. He allowed your +crimes to be great, but that still there was room for mercy, the most +commendable virtue in a prince, and for which his majesty was so justly +celebrated. He said, the friendship between you and him was so well +known to the world, that perhaps the most honourable board might think +him partial; however, in obedience to the command he had received, he +would freely offer his sentiments. That if his majesty, in +consideration of your services, and pursuant to his own merciful +disposition, would please to spare your life, and only give orders to +put out both your eyes, he humbly conceived, that by this expedient +justice might in some measure be satisfied, and all the world would +applaud the lenity of the emperor, as well as the fair and generous +proceedings of those who have the honour to be his counsellors. That +the loss of your eyes would be no impediment to your bodily strength, +by which you might still be useful to his majesty; that blindness is an +addition to courage, by concealing dangers from us; that the fear you +had for your eyes, was the greatest difficulty in bringing over the +enemy’s fleet, and it would be sufficient for you to see by the eyes of +the ministers, since the greatest princes do no more. + +“This proposal was received with the utmost disapprobation by the whole +board. Bolgolam, the admiral, could not preserve his temper, but, +rising up in fury, said, he wondered how the secretary durst presume to +give his opinion for preserving the life of a traitor; that the +services you had performed were, by all true reasons of state, the +great aggravation of your crimes; that you, who were able to extinguish +the fire by discharge of urine in her majesty’s apartment (which he +mentioned with horror), might, at another time, raise an inundation by +the same means, to drown the whole palace; and the same strength which +enabled you to bring over the enemy’s fleet, might serve, upon the +first discontent, to carry it back; that he had good reasons to think +you were a Big-endian in your heart; and, as treason begins in the +heart, before it appears in overt acts, so he accused you as a traitor +on that account, and therefore insisted you should be put to death. + +“The treasurer was of the same opinion: he showed to what straits his +majesty’s revenue was reduced, by the charge of maintaining you, which +would soon grow insupportable; that the secretary’s expedient of +putting out your eyes, was so far from being a remedy against this +evil, that it would probably increase it, as is manifest from the +common practice of blinding some kind of fowls, after which they fed +the faster, and grew sooner fat; that his sacred majesty and the +council, who are your judges, were, in their own consciences, fully +convinced of your guilt, which was a sufficient argument to condemn you +to death, without the formal proofs required by the strict letter of +the law. + +“But his imperial majesty, fully determined against capital punishment, +was graciously pleased to say, that since the council thought the loss +of your eyes too easy a censure, some other way may be inflicted +hereafter. And your friend the secretary, humbly desiring to be heard +again, in answer to what the treasurer had objected, concerning the +great charge his majesty was at in maintaining you, said, that his +excellency, who had the sole disposal of the emperor’s revenue, might +easily provide against that evil, by gradually lessening your +establishment; by which, for want of sufficient food, you would grow +weak and faint, and lose your appetite, and consequently, decay, and +consume in a few months; neither would the stench of your carcass be +then so dangerous, when it should become more than half diminished; and +immediately upon your death five or six thousand of his majesty’s +subjects might, in two or three days, cut your flesh from your bones, +take it away by cart-loads, and bury it in distant parts, to prevent +infection, leaving the skeleton as a monument of admiration to +posterity. + +“Thus, by the great friendship of the secretary, the whole affair was +compromised. It was strictly enjoined, that the project of starving you +by degrees should be kept a secret; but the sentence of putting out +your eyes was entered on the books; none dissenting, except Bolgolam +the admiral, who, being a creature of the empress, was perpetually +instigated by her majesty to insist upon your death, she having borne +perpetual malice against you, on account of that infamous and illegal +method you took to extinguish the fire in her apartment. + +“In three days your friend the secretary will be directed to come to +your house, and read before you the articles of impeachment; and then +to signify the great lenity and favour of his majesty and council, +whereby you are only condemned to the loss of your eyes, which his +majesty does not question you will gratefully and humbly submit to; and +twenty of his majesty’s surgeons will attend, in order to see the +operation well performed, by discharging very sharp-pointed arrows into +the balls of your eyes, as you lie on the ground. + +“I leave to your prudence what measures you will take; and to avoid +suspicion, I must immediately return in as private a manner as I came.” + +His lordship did so; and I remained alone, under many doubts and +perplexities of mind. + +It was a custom introduced by this prince and his ministry (very +different, as I have been assured, from the practice of former times,) +that after the court had decreed any cruel execution, either to gratify +the monarch’s resentment, or the malice of a favourite, the emperor +always made a speech to his whole council, expressing his great lenity +and tenderness, as qualities known and confessed by all the world. This +speech was immediately published throughout the kingdom; nor did any +thing terrify the people so much as those encomiums on his majesty’s +mercy; because it was observed, that the more these praises were +enlarged and insisted on, the more inhuman was the punishment, and the +sufferer more innocent. Yet, as to myself, I must confess, having never +been designed for a courtier, either by my birth or education, I was so +ill a judge of things, that I could not discover the lenity and favour +of this sentence, but conceived it (perhaps erroneously) rather to be +rigorous than gentle. I sometimes thought of standing my trial, for, +although I could not deny the facts alleged in the several articles, +yet I hoped they would admit of some extenuation. But having in my life +perused many state-trials, which I ever observed to terminate as the +judges thought fit to direct, I durst not rely on so dangerous a +decision, in so critical a juncture, and against such powerful enemies. +Once I was strongly bent upon resistance, for, while I had liberty the +whole strength of that empire could hardly subdue me, and I might +easily with stones pelt the metropolis to pieces; but I soon rejected +that project with horror, by remembering the oath I had made to the +emperor, the favours I received from him, and the high title of +_nardac_ he conferred upon me. Neither had I so soon learned the +gratitude of courtiers, to persuade myself, that his majesty’s present +severities acquitted me of all past obligations. + +At last, I fixed upon a resolution, for which it is probable I may +incur some censure, and not unjustly; for I confess I owe the +preserving of my eyes, and consequently my liberty, to my own great +rashness and want of experience; because, if I had then known the +nature of princes and ministers, which I have since observed in many +other courts, and their methods of treating criminals less obnoxious +than myself, I should, with great alacrity and readiness, have +submitted to so easy a punishment. But hurried on by the precipitancy +of youth, and having his imperial majesty’s license to pay my +attendance upon the emperor of Blefuscu, I took this opportunity, +before the three days were elapsed, to send a letter to my friend the +secretary, signifying my resolution of setting out that morning for +Blefuscu, pursuant to the leave I had got; and, without waiting for an +answer, I went to that side of the island where our fleet lay. I seized +a large man of war, tied a cable to the prow, and, lifting up the +anchors, I stripped myself, put my clothes (together with my coverlet, +which I carried under my arm) into the vessel, and, drawing it after +me, between wading and swimming arrived at the royal port of Blefuscu, +where the people had long expected me: they lent me two guides to +direct me to the capital city, which is of the same name. I held them +in my hands, till I came within two hundred yards of the gate, and +desired them “to signify my arrival to one of the secretaries, and let +him know, I there waited his majesty’s command.” I had an answer in +about an hour, “that his majesty, attended by the royal family, and +great officers of the court, was coming out to receive me.” I advanced +a hundred yards. The emperor and his train alighted from their horses, +the empress and ladies from their coaches, and I did not perceive they +were in any fright or concern. I lay on the ground to kiss his +majesty’s and the empress’s hands. I told his majesty, “that I was come +according to my promise, and with the license of the emperor my master, +to have the honour of seeing so mighty a monarch, and to offer him any +service in my power, consistent with my duty to my own prince;” not +mentioning a word of my disgrace, because I had hitherto no regular +information of it, and might suppose myself wholly ignorant of any such +design; neither could I reasonably conceive that the emperor would +discover the secret, while I was out of his power; wherein, however, it +soon appeared I was deceived. + +I shall not trouble the reader with the particular account of my +reception at this court, which was suitable to the generosity of so +great a prince; nor of the difficulties I was in for want of a house +and bed, being forced to lie on the ground, wrapped up in my coverlet. + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +The author, by a lucky accident, finds means to leave Blefuscu; and, +after some difficulties, returns safe to his native country. + + +Three days after my arrival, walking out of curiosity to the north-east +coast of the island, I observed, about half a league off in the sea, +somewhat that looked like a boat overturned. I pulled off my shoes and +stockings, and, wading two or three hundred yards, I found the object +to approach nearer by force of the tide; and then plainly saw it to be +a real boat, which I supposed might by some tempest have been driven +from a ship. Whereupon, I returned immediately towards the city, and +desired his imperial majesty to lend me twenty of the tallest vessels +he had left, after the loss of his fleet, and three thousand seamen, +under the command of his vice-admiral. This fleet sailed round, while I +went back the shortest way to the coast, where I first discovered the +boat. I found the tide had driven it still nearer. The seamen were all +provided with cordage, which I had beforehand twisted to a sufficient +strength. When the ships came up, I stripped myself, and waded till I +came within a hundred yards of the boat, after which I was forced to +swim till I got up to it. The seamen threw me the end of the cord, +which I fastened to a hole in the fore-part of the boat, and the other +end to a man of war; but I found all my labour to little purpose; for, +being out of my depth, I was not able to work. In this necessity I was +forced to swim behind, and push the boat forward, as often as I could, +with one of my hands; and the tide favouring me, I advanced so far that +I could just hold up my chin and feel the ground. I rested two or three +minutes, and then gave the boat another shove, and so on, till the sea +was no higher than my arm-pits; and now, the most laborious part being +over, I took out my other cables, which were stowed in one of the +ships, and fastened them first to the boat, and then to nine of the +vessels which attended me; the wind being favourable, the seamen towed, +and I shoved, until we arrived within forty yards of the shore; and, +waiting till the tide was out, I got dry to the boat, and by the +assistance of two thousand men, with ropes and engines, I made a shift +to turn it on its bottom, and found it was but little damaged. + +I shall not trouble the reader with the difficulties I was under, by +the help of certain paddles, which cost me ten days making, to get my +boat to the royal port of Blefuscu, where a mighty concourse of people +appeared upon my arrival, full of wonder at the sight of so prodigious +a vessel. I told the emperor “that my good fortune had thrown this boat +in my way, to carry me to some place whence I might return into my +native country; and begged his majesty’s orders for getting materials +to fit it up, together with his license to depart;” which, after some +kind expostulations, he was pleased to grant. + +I did very much wonder, in all this time, not to have heard of any +express relating to me from our emperor to the court of Blefuscu. But I +was afterward given privately to understand, that his imperial majesty, +never imagining I had the least notice of his designs, believed I was +only gone to Blefuscu in performance of my promise, according to the +license he had given me, which was well known at our court, and would +return in a few days, when the ceremony was ended. But he was at last +in pain at my long absence; and after consulting with the treasurer and +the rest of that cabal, a person of quality was dispatched with the +copy of the articles against me. This envoy had instructions to +represent to the monarch of Blefuscu, “the great lenity of his master, +who was content to punish me no farther than with the loss of my eyes; +that I had fled from justice; and if I did not return in two hours, I +should be deprived of my title of _nardac_, and declared a traitor.” +The envoy further added, “that in order to maintain the peace and amity +between both empires, his master expected that his brother of Blefuscu +would give orders to have me sent back to Lilliput, bound hand and +foot, to be punished as a traitor.” + +The emperor of Blefuscu, having taken three days to consult, returned +an answer consisting of many civilities and excuses. He said, “that as +for sending me bound, his brother knew it was impossible; that, +although I had deprived him of his fleet, yet he owed great obligations +to me for many good offices I had done him in making the peace. That, +however, both their majesties would soon be made easy; for I had found +a prodigious vessel on the shore, able to carry me on the sea, which he +had given orders to fit up, with my own assistance and direction; and +he hoped, in a few weeks, both empires would be freed from so +insupportable an encumbrance.” + +With this answer the envoy returned to Lilliput; and the monarch of +Blefuscu related to me all that had passed; offering me at the same +time (but under the strictest confidence) his gracious protection, if I +would continue in his service; wherein, although I believed him +sincere, yet I resolved never more to put any confidence in princes or +ministers, where I could possibly avoid it; and therefore, with all due +acknowledgments for his favourable intentions, I humbly begged to be +excused. I told him, “that since fortune, whether good or evil, had +thrown a vessel in my way, I was resolved to venture myself on the +ocean, rather than be an occasion of difference between two such mighty +monarchs.” Neither did I find the emperor at all displeased; and I +discovered, by a certain accident, that he was very glad of my +resolution, and so were most of his ministers. + +These considerations moved me to hasten my departure somewhat sooner +than I intended; to which the court, impatient to have me gone, very +readily contributed. Five hundred workmen were employed to make two +sails to my boat, according to my directions, by quilting thirteen +folds of their strongest linen together. I was at the pains of making +ropes and cables, by twisting ten, twenty, or thirty of the thickest +and strongest of theirs. A great stone that I happened to find, after a +long search, by the sea-shore, served me for an anchor. I had the +tallow of three hundred cows, for greasing my boat, and other uses. I +was at incredible pains in cutting down some of the largest +timber-trees, for oars and masts, wherein I was, however, much assisted +by his majesty’s ship-carpenters, who helped me in smoothing them, +after I had done the rough work. + +In about a month, when all was prepared, I sent to receive his +majesty’s commands, and to take my leave. The emperor and royal family +came out of the palace; I lay down on my face to kiss his hand, which +he very graciously gave me: so did the empress and young princes of the +blood. His majesty presented me with fifty purses of two hundred +_sprugs_ a-piece, together with his picture at full length, which I put +immediately into one of my gloves, to keep it from being hurt. The +ceremonies at my departure were too many to trouble the reader with at +this time. + +I stored the boat with the carcases of a hundred oxen, and three +hundred sheep, with bread and drink proportionable, and as much meat +ready dressed as four hundred cooks could provide. I took with me six +cows and two bulls alive, with as many ewes and rams, intending to +carry them into my own country, and propagate the breed. And to feed +them on board, I had a good bundle of hay, and a bag of corn. I would +gladly have taken a dozen of the natives, but this was a thing the +emperor would by no means permit; and, besides a diligent search into +my pockets, his majesty engaged my honour “not to carry away any of his +subjects, although with their own consent and desire.” + +Having thus prepared all things as well as I was able, I set sail on +the twenty-fourth day of September 1701, at six in the morning; and +when I had gone about four leagues to the northward, the wind being at +south-east, at six in the evening I descried a small island, about half +a league to the north-west. I advanced forward, and cast anchor on the +lee-side of the island, which seemed to be uninhabited. I then took +some refreshment, and went to my rest. I slept well, and as I +conjectured at least six hours, for I found the day broke in two hours +after I awaked. It was a clear night. I ate my breakfast before the sun +was up; and heaving anchor, the wind being favourable, I steered the +same course that I had done the day before, wherein I was directed by +my pocket compass. My intention was to reach, if possible, one of those +islands which I had reason to believe lay to the north-east of Van +Diemen’s Land. I discovered nothing all that day; but upon the next, +about three in the afternoon, when I had by my computation made +twenty-four leagues from Blefuscu, I descried a sail steering to the +south-east; my course was due east. I hailed her, but could get no +answer; yet I found I gained upon her, for the wind slackened. I made +all the sail I could, and in half an hour she spied me, then hung out +her ancient, and discharged a gun. It is not easy to express the joy I +was in, upon the unexpected hope of once more seeing my beloved +country, and the dear pledges I left in it. The ship slackened her +sails, and I came up with her between five and six in the evening, +September 26th; but my heart leaped within me to see her English +colours. I put my cows and sheep into my coat-pockets, and got on board +with all my little cargo of provisions. The vessel was an English +merchantman, returning from Japan by the North and South seas; the +captain, Mr. John Biddel, of Deptford, a very civil man, and an +excellent sailor. + +We were now in the latitude of 30 degrees south; there were about fifty +men in the ship; and here I met an old comrade of mine, one Peter +Williams, who gave me a good character to the captain. This gentleman +treated me with kindness, and desired I would let him know what place I +came from last, and whither I was bound; which I did in a few words, +but he thought I was raving, and that the dangers I underwent had +disturbed my head; whereupon I took my black cattle and sheep out of my +pocket, which, after great astonishment, clearly convinced him of my +veracity. I then showed him the gold given me by the emperor of +Blefuscu, together with his majesty’s picture at full length, and some +other rarities of that country. I gave him two purses of two hundreds +_sprugs_ each, and promised, when we arrived in England, to make him a +present of a cow and a sheep big with young. + +I shall not trouble the reader with a particular account of this +voyage, which was very prosperous for the most part. We arrived in the +Downs on the 13th of April, 1702. I had only one misfortune, that the +rats on board carried away one of my sheep; I found her bones in a +hole, picked clean from the flesh. The rest of my cattle I got safe +ashore, and set them a-grazing in a bowling-green at Greenwich, where +the fineness of the grass made them feed very heartily, though I had +always feared the contrary: neither could I possibly have preserved +them in so long a voyage, if the captain had not allowed me some of his +best biscuit, which, rubbed to powder, and mingled with water, was +their constant food. The short time I continued in England, I made a +considerable profit by showing my cattle to many persons of quality and +others: and before I began my second voyage, I sold them for six +hundred pounds. Since my last return I find the breed is considerably +increased, especially the sheep, which I hope will prove much to the +advantage of the woollen manufacture, by the fineness of the fleeces. + +I stayed but two months with my wife and family, for my insatiable +desire of seeing foreign countries, would suffer me to continue no +longer. I left fifteen hundred pounds with my wife, and fixed her in a +good house at Redriff. My remaining stock I carried with me, part in +money and part in goods, in hopes to improve my fortunes. My eldest +uncle John had left me an estate in land, near Epping, of about thirty +pounds a year; and I had a long lease of the Black Bull in Fetter Lane, +which yielded me as much more; so that I was not in any danger of +leaving my family upon the parish. My son Johnny, named so after his +uncle, was at the grammar school, and a towardly child. My daughter +Betty (who is now well married, and has children) was then at her +needlework. I took leave of my wife, and boy and girl, with tears on +both sides, and went on board the Adventure, a merchant ship of three +hundred tons, bound for Surat, captain John Nicholas, of Liverpool, +commander. But my account of this voyage must be referred to the Second +Part of my Travels. + + +PART II. A VOYAGE TO BROBDINGNAG. + + +CHAPTER I. + +A great storm described; the long boat sent to fetch water; the author +goes with it to discover the country. He is left on shore, is seized by +one of the natives, and carried to a farmer’s house. His reception, +with several accidents that happened there. A description of the +inhabitants. + + +Having been condemned, by nature and fortune, to active and restless +life, in two months after my return, I again left my native country, +and took shipping in the Downs, on the 20th day of June, 1702, in the +Adventure, Captain John Nicholas, a Cornish man, commander, bound for +Surat. We had a very prosperous gale, till we arrived at the Cape of +Good Hope, where we landed for fresh water; but discovering a leak, we +unshipped our goods and wintered there; for the captain falling sick of +an ague, we could not leave the Cape till the end of March. We then set +sail, and had a good voyage till we passed the Straits of Madagascar; +but having got northward of that island, and to about five degrees +south latitude, the winds, which in those seas are observed to blow a +constant equal gale between the north and west, from the beginning of +December to the beginning of May, on the 19th of April began to blow +with much greater violence, and more westerly than usual, continuing so +for twenty days together: during which time, we were driven a little to +the east of the Molucca Islands, and about three degrees northward of +the line, as our captain found by an observation he took the 2nd of +May, at which time the wind ceased, and it was a perfect calm, whereat +I was not a little rejoiced. But he, being a man well experienced in +the navigation of those seas, bid us all prepare against a storm, which +accordingly happened the day following: for the southern wind, called +the southern monsoon, began to set in. + +Finding it was likely to overblow, we took in our sprit-sail, and stood +by to hand the fore-sail; but making foul weather, we looked the guns +were all fast, and handed the mizen. The ship lay very broad off, so we +thought it better spooning before the sea, than trying or hulling. We +reefed the fore-sail and set him, and hauled aft the fore-sheet; the +helm was hard a-weather. The ship wore bravely. We belayed the fore +down-haul; but the sail was split, and we hauled down the yard, and got +the sail into the ship, and unbound all the things clear of it. It was +a very fierce storm; the sea broke strange and dangerous. We hauled off +upon the laniard of the whip-staff, and helped the man at the helm. We +would not get down our topmast, but let all stand, because she scudded +before the sea very well, and we knew that the top-mast being aloft, +the ship was the wholesomer, and made better way through the sea, +seeing we had sea-room. When the storm was over, we set fore-sail and +main-sail, and brought the ship to. Then we set the mizen, +main-top-sail, and the fore-top-sail. Our course was east-north-east, +the wind was at south-west. We got the starboard tacks aboard, we cast +off our weather-braces and lifts; we set in the lee-braces, and hauled +forward by the weather-bowlings, and hauled them tight, and belayed +them, and hauled over the mizen tack to windward, and kept her full and +by as near as she would lie. + +During this storm, which was followed by a strong wind west-south-west, +we were carried, by my computation, about five hundred leagues to the +east, so that the oldest sailor on board could not tell in what part of +the world we were. Our provisions held out well, our ship was staunch, +and our crew all in good health; but we lay in the utmost distress for +water. We thought it best to hold on the same course, rather than turn +more northerly, which might have brought us to the north-west part of +Great Tartary, and into the Frozen Sea. + +On the 16th day of June, 1703, a boy on the top-mast discovered land. +On the 17th, we came in full view of a great island, or continent (for +we knew not whether;) on the south side whereof was a small neck of +land jutting out into the sea, and a creek too shallow to hold a ship +of above one hundred tons. We cast anchor within a league of this +creek, and our captain sent a dozen of his men well armed in the +long-boat, with vessels for water, if any could be found. I desired his +leave to go with them, that I might see the country, and make what +discoveries I could. When we came to land we saw no river or spring, +nor any sign of inhabitants. Our men therefore wandered on the shore to +find out some fresh water near the sea, and I walked alone about a mile +on the other side, where I observed the country all barren and rocky. I +now began to be weary, and seeing nothing to entertain my curiosity, I +returned gently down towards the creek; and the sea being full in my +view, I saw our men already got into the boat, and rowing for life to +the ship. I was going to holla after them, although it had been to +little purpose, when I observed a huge creature walking after them in +the sea, as fast as he could: he waded not much deeper than his knees, +and took prodigious strides: but our men had the start of him half a +league, and, the sea thereabouts being full of sharp-pointed rocks, the +monster was not able to overtake the boat. This I was afterwards told, +for I durst not stay to see the issue of the adventure; but ran as fast +as I could the way I first went, and then climbed up a steep hill, +which gave me some prospect of the country. I found it fully +cultivated; but that which first surprised me was the length of the +grass, which, in those grounds that seemed to be kept for hay, was +about twenty feet high. + +I fell into a high road, for so I took it to be, though it served to +the inhabitants only as a foot-path through a field of barley. Here I +walked on for some time, but could see little on either side, it being +now near harvest, and the corn rising at least forty feet. I was an +hour walking to the end of this field, which was fenced in with a hedge +of at least one hundred and twenty feet high, and the trees so lofty +that I could make no computation of their altitude. There was a stile +to pass from this field into the next. It had four steps, and a stone +to cross over when you came to the uppermost. It was impossible for me +to climb this stile, because every step was six-feet high, and the +upper stone about twenty. I was endeavouring to find some gap in the +hedge, when I discovered one of the inhabitants in the next field, +advancing towards the stile, of the same size with him whom I saw in +the sea pursuing our boat. He appeared as tall as an ordinary spire +steeple, and took about ten yards at every stride, as near as I could +guess. I was struck with the utmost fear and astonishment, and ran to +hide myself in the corn, whence I saw him at the top of the stile +looking back into the next field on the right hand, and heard him call +in a voice many degrees louder than a speaking-trumpet: but the noise +was so high in the air, that at first I certainly thought it was +thunder. Whereupon seven monsters, like himself, came towards him with +reaping-hooks in their hands, each hook about the largeness of six +scythes. These people were not so well clad as the first, whose +servants or labourers they seemed to be; for, upon some words he spoke, +they went to reap the corn in the field where I lay. I kept from them +at as great a distance as I could, but was forced to move with extreme +difficulty, for the stalks of the corn were sometimes not above a foot +distant, so that I could hardly squeeze my body betwixt them. However, +I made a shift to go forward, till I came to a part of the field where +the corn had been laid by the rain and wind. Here it was impossible for +me to advance a step; for the stalks were so interwoven, that I could +not creep through, and the beards of the fallen ears so strong and +pointed, that they pierced through my clothes into my flesh. At the +same time I heard the reapers not a hundred yards behind me. Being +quite dispirited with toil, and wholly overcome by grief and dispair, I +lay down between two ridges, and heartily wished I might there end my +days. I bemoaned my desolate widow and fatherless children. I lamented +my own folly and wilfulness, in attempting a second voyage, against the +advice of all my friends and relations. In this terrible agitation of +mind, I could not forbear thinking of Lilliput, whose inhabitants +looked upon me as the greatest prodigy that ever appeared in the world; +where I was able to draw an imperial fleet in my hand, and perform +those other actions, which will be recorded for ever in the chronicles +of that empire, while posterity shall hardly believe them, although +attested by millions. I reflected what a mortification it must prove to +me, to appear as inconsiderable in this nation, as one single +Lilliputian would be among us. But this I conceived was to be the least +of my misfortunes; for, as human creatures are observed to be more +savage and cruel in proportion to their bulk, what could I expect but +to be a morsel in the mouth of the first among these enormous +barbarians that should happen to seize me? Undoubtedly philosophers are +in the right, when they tell us that nothing is great or little +otherwise than by comparison. It might have pleased fortune, to have +let the Lilliputians find some nation, where the people were as +diminutive with respect to them, as they were to me. And who knows but +that even this prodigious race of mortals might be equally overmatched +in some distant part of the world, whereof we have yet no discovery. + +Scared and confounded as I was, I could not forbear going on with these +reflections, when one of the reapers, approaching within ten yards of +the ridge where I lay, made me apprehend that with the next step I +should be squashed to death under his foot, or cut in two with his +reaping-hook. And therefore, when he was again about to move, I +screamed as loud as fear could make me: whereupon the huge creature +trod short, and, looking round about under him for some time, at last +espied me as I lay on the ground. He considered awhile, with the +caution of one who endeavours to lay hold on a small dangerous animal +in such a manner that it shall not be able either to scratch or bite +him, as I myself have sometimes done with a weasel in England. At +length he ventured to take me behind, by the middle, between his +fore-finger and thumb, and brought me within three yards of his eyes, +that he might behold my shape more perfectly. I guessed his meaning, +and my good fortune gave me so much presence of mind, that I resolved +not to struggle in the least as he held me in the air above sixty feet +from the ground, although he grievously pinched my sides, for fear I +should slip through his fingers. All I ventured was to raise my eyes +towards the sun, and place my hands together in a supplicating posture, +and to speak some words in a humble melancholy tone, suitable to the +condition I then was in: for I apprehended every moment that he would +dash me against the ground, as we usually do any little hateful animal, +which we have a mind to destroy. But my good star would have it, that +he appeared pleased with my voice and gestures, and began to look upon +me as a curiosity, much wondering to hear me pronounce articulate +words, although he could not understand them. In the mean time I was +not able to forbear groaning and shedding tears, and turning my head +towards my sides; letting him know, as well as I could, how cruelly I +was hurt by the pressure of his thumb and finger. He seemed to +apprehend my meaning; for, lifting up the lappet of his coat, he put me +gently into it, and immediately ran along with me to his master, who +was a substantial farmer, and the same person I had first seen in the +field. + +The farmer having (as I suppose by their talk) received such an account +of me as his servant could give him, took a piece of a small straw, +about the size of a walking-staff, and therewith lifted up the lappets +of my coat; which it seems he thought to be some kind of covering that +nature had given me. He blew my hairs aside to take a better view of my +face. He called his hinds about him, and asked them, as I afterwards +learned, whether they had ever seen in the fields any little creature +that resembled me. He then placed me softly on the ground upon all +fours, but I got immediately up, and walked slowly backward and +forward, to let those people see I had no intent to run away. They all +sat down in a circle about me, the better to observe my motions. I +pulled off my hat, and made a low bow towards the farmer. I fell on my +knees, and lifted up my hands and eyes, and spoke several words as loud +as I could: I took a purse of gold out of my pocket, and humbly +presented it to him. He received it on the palm of his hand, then +applied it close to his eye to see what it was, and afterwards turned +it several times with the point of a pin (which he took out of his +sleeve,) but could make nothing of it. Whereupon I made a sign that he +should place his hand on the ground. I then took the purse, and, +opening it, poured all the gold into his palm. There were six Spanish +pieces of four pistoles each, beside twenty or thirty smaller coins. I +saw him wet the tip of his little finger upon his tongue, and take up +one of my largest pieces, and then another; but he seemed to be wholly +ignorant what they were. He made me a sign to put them again into my +purse, and the purse again into my pocket, which, after offering it to +him several times, I thought it best to do. + +The farmer, by this time, was convinced I must be a rational creature. +He spoke often to me; but the sound of his voice pierced my ears like +that of a water-mill, yet his words were articulate enough. I answered +as loud as I could in several languages, and he often laid his ear +within two yards of me: but all in vain, for we were wholly +unintelligible to each other. He then sent his servants to their work, +and taking his handkerchief out of his pocket, he doubled and spread it +on his left hand, which he placed flat on the ground with the palm +upward, making me a sign to step into it, as I could easily do, for it +was not above a foot in thickness. I thought it my part to obey, and, +for fear of falling, laid myself at full length upon the handkerchief, +with the remainder of which he lapped me up to the head for further +security, and in this manner carried me home to his house. There he +called his wife, and showed me to her; but she screamed and ran back, +as women in England do at the sight of a toad or a spider. However, +when she had a while seen my behaviour, and how well I observed the +signs her husband made, she was soon reconciled, and by degrees grew +extremely tender of me. + +It was about twelve at noon, and a servant brought in dinner. It was +only one substantial dish of meat (fit for the plain condition of a +husbandman,) in a dish of about four-and-twenty feet diameter. The +company were, the farmer and his wife, three children, and an old +grandmother. When they were sat down, the farmer placed me at some +distance from him on the table, which was thirty feet high from the +floor. I was in a terrible fright, and kept as far as I could from the +edge, for fear of falling. The wife minced a bit of meat, then crumbled +some bread on a trencher, and placed it before me. I made her a low +bow, took out my knife and fork, and fell to eat, which gave them +exceeding delight. The mistress sent her maid for a small dram cup, +which held about two gallons, and filled it with drink; I took up the +vessel with much difficulty in both hands, and in a most respectful +manner drank to her ladyship’s health, expressing the words as loud as +I could in English, which made the company laugh so heartily, that I +was almost deafened with the noise. This liquor tasted like a small +cider, and was not unpleasant. Then the master made me a sign to come +to his trencher side; but as I walked on the table, being in great +surprise all the time, as the indulgent reader will easily conceive and +excuse, I happened to stumble against a crust, and fell flat on my +face, but received no hurt. I got up immediately, and observing the +good people to be in much concern, I took my hat (which I held under my +arm out of good manners,) and waving it over my head, made three +huzzas, to show I had got no mischief by my fall. But advancing forward +towards my master (as I shall henceforth call him,) his youngest son, +who sat next to him, an arch boy of about ten years old, took me up by +the legs, and held me so high in the air, that I trembled every limb: +but his father snatched me from him, and at the same time gave him such +a box on the left ear, as would have felled an European troop of horse +to the earth, ordering him to be taken from the table. But being afraid +the boy might owe me a spite, and well remembering how mischievous all +children among us naturally are to sparrows, rabbits, young kittens, +and puppy dogs, I fell on my knees, and pointing to the boy, made my +master to understand, as well as I could, that I desired his son might +be pardoned. The father complied, and the lad took his seat again, +whereupon I went to him, and kissed his hand, which my master took, and +made him stroke me gently with it. + +In the midst of dinner, my mistress’s favourite cat leaped into her +lap. I heard a noise behind me like that of a dozen stocking-weavers at +work; and turning my head, I found it proceeded from the purring of +that animal, who seemed to be three times larger than an ox, as I +computed by the view of her head, and one of her paws, while her +mistress was feeding and stroking her. The fierceness of this +creature’s countenance altogether discomposed me; though I stood at the +farther end of the table, above fifty feet off; and although my +mistress held her fast, for fear she might give a spring, and seize me +in her talons. But it happened there was no danger, for the cat took +not the least notice of me when my master placed me within three yards +of her. And as I have been always told, and found true by experience in +my travels, that flying or discovering fear before a fierce animal, is +a certain way to make it pursue or attack you, so I resolved, in this +dangerous juncture, to show no manner of concern. I walked with +intrepidity five or six times before the very head of the cat, and came +within half a yard of her; whereupon she drew herself back, as if she +were more afraid of me: I had less apprehension concerning the dogs, +whereof three or four came into the room, as it is usual in farmers’ +houses; one of which was a mastiff, equal in bulk to four elephants, +and another a greyhound, somewhat taller than the mastiff, but not so +large. + +When dinner was almost done, the nurse came in with a child of a year +old in her arms, who immediately spied me, and began a squall that you +might have heard from London Bridge to Chelsea, after the usual oratory +of infants, to get me for a plaything. The mother, out of pure +indulgence, took me up, and put me towards the child, who presently +seized me by the middle, and got my head into his mouth, where I roared +so loud that the urchin was frighted, and let me drop, and I should +infallibly have broke my neck, if the mother had not held her apron +under me. The nurse, to quiet her babe, made use of a rattle which was +a kind of hollow vessel filled with great stones, and fastened by a +cable to the child’s waist: but all in vain; so that she was forced to +apply the last remedy by giving it suck. I must confess no object ever +disgusted me so much as the sight of her monstrous breast, which I +cannot tell what to compare with, so as to give the curious reader an +idea of its bulk, shape, and colour. It stood prominent six feet, and +could not be less than sixteen in circumference. The nipple was about +half the bigness of my head, and the hue both of that and the dug, so +varied with spots, pimples, and freckles, that nothing could appear +more nauseous: for I had a near sight of her, she sitting down, the +more conveniently to give suck, and I standing on the table. This made +me reflect upon the fair skins of our English ladies, who appear so +beautiful to us, only because they are of our own size, and their +defects not to be seen but through a magnifying glass; where we find by +experiment that the smoothest and whitest skins look rough, and coarse, +and ill-coloured. + +I remember when I was at Lilliput, the complexion of those diminutive +people appeared to me the fairest in the world; and talking upon this +subject with a person of learning there, who was an intimate friend of +mine, he said that my face appeared much fairer and smoother when he +looked on me from the ground, than it did upon a nearer view, when I +took him up in my hand, and brought him close, which he confessed was +at first a very shocking sight. He said, “he could discover great holes +in my skin; that the stumps of my beard were ten times stronger than +the bristles of a boar, and my complexion made up of several colours +altogether disagreeable:” although I must beg leave to say for myself, +that I am as fair as most of my sex and country, and very little +sunburnt by all my travels. On the other side, discoursing of the +ladies in that emperor’s court, he used to tell me, “one had freckles; +another too wide a mouth; a third too large a nose;” nothing of which I +was able to distinguish. I confess this reflection was obvious enough; +which, however, I could not forbear, lest the reader might think those +vast creatures were actually deformed: for I must do them the justice +to say, they are a comely race of people, and particularly the features +of my master’s countenance, although he was but a farmer, when I beheld +him from the height of sixty feet, appeared very well proportioned. + +When dinner was done, my master went out to his labourers, and, as I +could discover by his voice and gesture, gave his wife strict charge to +take care of me. I was very much tired, and disposed to sleep, which my +mistress perceiving, she put me on her own bed, and covered me with a +clean white handkerchief, but larger and coarser than the mainsail of a +man of war. + +I slept about two hours, and dreamt I was at home with my wife and +children, which aggravated my sorrows when I awaked, and found myself +alone in a vast room, between two and three hundred feet wide, and +above two hundred high, lying in a bed twenty yards wide. My mistress +was gone about her household affairs, and had locked me in. The bed was +eight yards from the floor. Some natural necessities required me to get +down; I durst not presume to call; and if I had, it would have been in +vain, with such a voice as mine, at so great a distance from the room +where I lay to the kitchen where the family kept. While I was under +these circumstances, two rats crept up the curtains, and ran smelling +backwards and forwards on the bed. One of them came up almost to my +face, whereupon I rose in a fright, and drew out my hanger to defend +myself. These horrible animals had the boldness to attack me on both +sides, and one of them held his forefeet at my collar; but I had the +good fortune to rip up his belly before he could do me any mischief. He +fell down at my feet; and the other, seeing the fate of his comrade, +made his escape, but not without one good wound on the back, which I +gave him as he fled, and made the blood run trickling from him. After +this exploit, I walked gently to and fro on the bed, to recover my +breath and loss of spirits. These creatures were of the size of a large +mastiff, but infinitely more nimble and fierce; so that if I had taken +off my belt before I went to sleep, I must have infallibly been torn to +pieces and devoured. I measured the tail of the dead rat, and found it +to be two yards long, wanting an inch; but it went against my stomach +to drag the carcass off the bed, where it lay still bleeding; I +observed it had yet some life, but with a strong slash across the neck, +I thoroughly despatched it. + +Soon after my mistress came into the room, who seeing me all bloody, +ran and took me up in her hand. I pointed to the dead rat, smiling, and +making other signs to show I was not hurt; whereat she was extremely +rejoiced, calling the maid to take up the dead rat with a pair of +tongs, and throw it out of the window. Then she set me on a table, +where I showed her my hanger all bloody, and wiping it on the lappet of +my coat, returned it to the scabbard. I was pressed to do more than one +thing which another could not do for me, and therefore endeavoured to +make my mistress understand, that I desired to be set down on the +floor; which after she had done, my bashfulness would not suffer me to +express myself farther, than by pointing to the door, and bowing +several times. The good woman, with much difficulty, at last perceived +what I would be at, and taking me up again in her hand, walked into the +garden, where she set me down. I went on one side about two hundred +yards, and beckoning to her not to look or to follow me, I hid myself +between two leaves of sorrel, and there discharged the necessities of +nature. + +I hope the gentle reader will excuse me for dwelling on these and the +like particulars, which, however insignificant they may appear to +groveling vulgar minds, yet will certainly help a philosopher to +enlarge his thoughts and imagination, and apply them to the benefit of +public as well as private life, which was my sole design in presenting +this and other accounts of my travels to the world; wherein I have been +chiefly studious of truth, without affecting any ornaments of learning +or of style. But the whole scene of this voyage made so strong an +impression on my mind, and is so deeply fixed in my memory, that, in +committing it to paper I did not omit one material circumstance: +however, upon a strict review, I blotted out several passages of less +moment which were in my first copy, for fear of being censured as +tedious and trifling, whereof travellers are often, perhaps not without +justice, accused. + + +CHAPTER II. + +A description of the farmer’s daughter. The author carried to a +market-town, and then to the metropolis. The particulars of his +journey. + + +My mistress had a daughter of nine years old, a child of towardly parts +for her age, very dexterous at her needle, and skilful in dressing her +baby. Her mother and she contrived to fit up the baby’s cradle for me +against night: the cradle was put into a small drawer of a cabinet, and +the drawer placed upon a hanging shelf for fear of the rats. This was +my bed all the time I staid with those people, though made more +convenient by degrees, as I began to learn their language and make my +wants known. This young girl was so handy, that after I had once or +twice pulled off my clothes before her, she was able to dress and +undress me, though I never gave her that trouble when she would let me +do either myself. She made me seven shirts, and some other linen, of as +fine cloth as could be got, which indeed was coarser than sackcloth; +and these she constantly washed for me with her own hands. She was +likewise my school-mistress, to teach me the language: when I pointed +to any thing, she told me the name of it in her own tongue, so that in +a few days I was able to call for whatever I had a mind to. She was +very good-natured, and not above forty feet high, being little for her +age. She gave me the name of _Grildrig_, which the family took up, and +afterwards the whole kingdom. The word imports what the Latins call +_nanunculus_, the Italians _homunceletino_, and the English _mannikin_. +To her I chiefly owe my preservation in that country: we never parted +while I was there; I called her my _Glumdalclitch_, or little nurse; +and should be guilty of great ingratitude, if I omitted this honourable +mention of her care and affection towards me, which I heartily wish it +lay in my power to requite as she deserves, instead of being the +innocent, but unhappy instrument of her disgrace, as I have too much +reason to fear. + +It now began to be known and talked of in the neighbourhood, that my +master had found a strange animal in the field, about the bigness of a +_splacnuck_, but exactly shaped in every part like a human creature; +which it likewise imitated in all its actions; seemed to speak in a +little language of its own, had already learned several words of +theirs, went erect upon two legs, was tame and gentle, would come when +it was called, do whatever it was bid, had the finest limbs in the +world, and a complexion fairer than a nobleman’s daughter of three +years old. Another farmer, who lived hard by, and was a particular +friend of my master, came on a visit on purpose to inquire into the +truth of this story. I was immediately produced, and placed upon a +table, where I walked as I was commanded, drew my hanger, put it up +again, made my reverence to my master’s guest, asked him in his own +language how he did, and told him _he was welcome_, just as my little +nurse had instructed me. This man, who was old and dim-sighted, put on +his spectacles to behold me better; at which I could not forbear +laughing very heartily, for his eyes appeared like the full moon +shining into a chamber at two windows. Our people, who discovered the +cause of my mirth, bore me company in laughing, at which the old fellow +was fool enough to be angry and out of countenance. He had the +character of a great miser; and, to my misfortune, he well deserved it, +by the cursed advice he gave my master, to show me as a sight upon a +market-day in the next town, which was half an hour’s riding, about +two-and-twenty miles from our house. I guessed there was some mischief +when I observed my master and his friend whispering together, sometimes +pointing at me; and my fears made me fancy that I overheard and +understood some of their words. But the next morning Glumdalclitch, my +little nurse, told me the whole matter, which she had cunningly picked +out from her mother. The poor girl laid me on her bosom, and fell a +weeping with shame and grief. She apprehended some mischief would +happen to me from rude vulgar folks, who might squeeze me to death, or +break one of my limbs by taking me in their hands. She had also +observed how modest I was in my nature, how nicely I regarded my +honour, and what an indignity I should conceive it, to be exposed for +money as a public spectacle, to the meanest of the people. She said, +her papa and mamma had promised that Grildrig should be hers; but now +she found they meant to serve her as they did last year, when they +pretended to give her a lamb, and yet, as soon as it was fat, sold it +to a butcher. For my own part, I may truly affirm, that I was less +concerned than my nurse. I had a strong hope, which never left me, that +I should one day recover my liberty: and as to the ignominy of being +carried about for a monster, I considered myself to be a perfect +stranger in the country, and that such a misfortune could never be +charged upon me as a reproach, if ever I should return to England, +since the king of Great Britain himself, in my condition, must have +undergone the same distress. + +My master, pursuant to the advice of his friend, carried me in a box +the next market-day to the neighbouring town, and took along with him +his little daughter, my nurse, upon a pillion behind him. The box was +close on every side, with a little door for me to go in and out, and a +few gimlet holes to let in air. The girl had been so careful as to put +the quilt of her baby’s bed into it, for me to lie down on. However, I +was terribly shaken and discomposed in this journey, though it was but +of half an hour: for the horse went about forty feet at every step and +trotted so high, that the agitation was equal to the rising and falling +of a ship in a great storm, but much more frequent. Our journey was +somewhat farther than from London to St. Alban’s. My master alighted at +an inn which he used to frequent; and after consulting a while with the +inn-keeper, and making some necessary preparations, he hired the +_grultrud_, or crier, to give notice through the town of a strange +creature to be seen at the sign of the Green Eagle, not so big as a +_splacnuck_ (an animal in that country very finely shaped, about six +feet long,) and in every part of the body resembling a human creature, +could speak several words, and perform a hundred diverting tricks. + +I was placed upon a table in the largest room of the inn, which might +be near three hundred feet square. My little nurse stood on a low stool +close to the table, to take care of me, and direct what I should do. My +master, to avoid a crowd, would suffer only thirty people at a time to +see me. I walked about on the table as the girl commanded; she asked me +questions, as far as she knew my understanding of the language reached, +and I answered them as loud as I could. I turned about several times to +the company, paid my humble respects, said _they were welcome_, and +used some other speeches I had been taught. I took up a thimble filled +with liquor, which Glumdalclitch had given me for a cup, and drank +their health, I drew out my hanger, and flourished with it after the +manner of fencers in England. My nurse gave me a part of a straw, which +I exercised as a pike, having learnt the art in my youth. I was that +day shown to twelve sets of company, and as often forced to act over +again the same fopperies, till I was half dead with weariness and +vexation; for those who had seen me made such wonderful reports, that +the people were ready to break down the doors to come in. My master, +for his own interest, would not suffer any one to touch me except my +nurse; and to prevent danger, benches were set round the table at such +a distance as to put me out of every body’s reach. However, an unlucky +school-boy aimed a hazel nut directly at my head, which very narrowly +missed me; otherwise it came with so much violence, that it would have +infallibly knocked out my brains, for it was almost as large as a small +pumpkin, but I had the satisfaction to see the young rogue well beaten, +and turned out of the room. + +My master gave public notice that he would show me again the next +market-day; and in the meantime he prepared a convenient vehicle for +me, which he had reason enough to do; for I was so tired with my first +journey, and with entertaining company for eight hours together, that I +could hardly stand upon my legs, or speak a word. It was at least three +days before I recovered my strength; and that I might have no rest at +home, all the neighbouring gentlemen from a hundred miles round, +hearing of my fame, came to see me at my master’s own house. There +could not be fewer than thirty persons with their wives and children +(for the country is very populous;) and my master demanded the rate of +a full room whenever he showed me at home, although it were only to a +single family; so that for some time I had but little ease every day of +the week (except Wednesday, which is their Sabbath,) although I were +not carried to the town. + +My master, finding how profitable I was likely to be, resolved to carry +me to the most considerable cities of the kingdom. Having therefore +provided himself with all things necessary for a long journey, and +settled his affairs at home, he took leave of his wife, and upon the +17th of August, 1703, about two months after my arrival, we set out for +the metropolis, situated near the middle of that empire, and about +three thousand miles distance from our house. My master made his +daughter Glumdalclitch ride behind him. She carried me on her lap, in a +box tied about her waist. The girl had lined it on all sides with the +softest cloth she could get, well quilted underneath, furnished it with +her baby’s bed, provided me with linen and other necessaries, and made +everything as convenient as she could. We had no other company but a +boy of the house, who rode after us with the luggage. + +My master’s design was to show me in all the towns by the way, and to +step out of the road for fifty or a hundred miles, to any village, or +person of quality’s house, where he might expect custom. We made easy +journeys, of not above seven or eight score miles a day; for +Glumdalclitch, on purpose to spare me, complained she was tired with +the trotting of the horse. She often took me out of my box, at my own +desire, to give me air, and show me the country, but always held me +fast by a leading-string. We passed over five or six rivers, many +degrees broader and deeper than the Nile or the Ganges: and there was +hardly a rivulet so small as the Thames at London Bridge. We were ten +weeks in our journey, and I was shown in eighteen large towns, besides +many villages, and private families. + +On the 26th day of October we arrived at the metropolis, called in +their language _Lorbrulgrud_, or Pride of the Universe. My master took +a lodging in the principal street of the city, not far from the royal +palace, and put out bills in the usual form, containing an exact +description of my person and parts. He hired a large room between three +and four hundred feet wide. He provided a table sixty feet in diameter, +upon which I was to act my part, and pallisadoed it round three feet +from the edge, and as many high, to prevent my falling over. I was +shown ten times a day, to the wonder and satisfaction of all people. I +could now speak the language tolerably well, and perfectly understood +every word, that was spoken to me. Besides, I had learnt their +alphabet, and could make a shift to explain a sentence here and there; +for Glumdalclitch had been my instructor while we were at home, and at +leisure hours during our journey. She carried a little book in her +pocket, not much larger than a Sanson’s Atlas; it was a common treatise +for the use of young girls, giving a short account of their religion: +out of this she taught me my letters, and interpreted the words. + + +CHAPTER III. + +The author sent for to court. The queen buys him of his master the +farmer, and presents him to the king. He disputes with his majesty’s +great scholars. An apartment at court provided for the author. He is in +high favour with the queen. He stands up for the honour of his own +country. His quarrels with the queen’s dwarf. + + +The frequent labours I underwent every day, made, in a few weeks, a +very considerable change in my health: the more my master got by me, +the more insatiable he grew. I had quite lost my stomach, and was +almost reduced to a skeleton. The farmer observed it, and concluding I +must soon die, resolved to make as good a hand of me as he could. While +he was thus reasoning and resolving with himself, a _sardral_, or +gentleman-usher, came from court, commanding my master to carry me +immediately thither for the diversion of the queen and her ladies. Some +of the latter had already been to see me, and reported strange things +of my beauty, behaviour, and good sense. Her majesty, and those who +attended her, were beyond measure delighted with my demeanour. I fell +on my knees, and begged the honour of kissing her imperial foot; but +this gracious princess held out her little finger towards me, after I +was set on the table, which I embraced in both my arms, and put the tip +of it with the utmost respect to my lip. She made me some general +questions about my country and my travels, which I answered as +distinctly, and in as few words as I could. She asked, “whether I could +be content to live at court?” I bowed down to the board of the table, +and humbly answered “that I was my master’s slave: but, if I were at my +own disposal, I should be proud to devote my life to her majesty’s +service.” She then asked my master, “whether he was willing to sell me +at a good price?” He, who apprehended I could not live a month, was +ready enough to part with me, and demanded a thousand pieces of gold, +which were ordered him on the spot, each piece being about the bigness +of eight hundred moidores; but allowing for the proportion of all +things between that country and Europe, and the high price of gold +among them, was hardly so great a sum as a thousand guineas would be in +England. I then said to the queen, “since I was now her majesty’s most +humble creature and vassal, I must beg the favour, that Glumdalclitch, +who had always tended me with so much care and kindness, and understood +to do it so well, might be admitted into her service, and continue to +be my nurse and instructor.” + +Her majesty agreed to my petition, and easily got the farmer’s consent, +who was glad enough to have his daughter preferred at court, and the +poor girl herself was not able to hide her joy. My late master +withdrew, bidding me farewell, and saying he had left me in a good +service; to which I replied not a word, only making him a slight bow. + +The queen observed my coldness; and, when the farmer was gone out of +the apartment, asked me the reason. I made bold to tell her majesty, +“that I owed no other obligation to my late master, than his not +dashing out the brains of a poor harmless creature, found by chance in +his fields: which obligation was amply recompensed, by the gain he had +made in showing me through half the kingdom, and the price he had now +sold me for. That the life I had since led was laborious enough to kill +an animal of ten times my strength. That my health was much impaired, +by the continual drudgery of entertaining the rabble every hour of the +day; and that, if my master had not thought my life in danger, her +majesty would not have got so cheap a bargain. But as I was out of all +fear of being ill-treated under the protection of so great and good an +empress, the ornament of nature, the darling of the world, the delight +of her subjects, the phœnix of the creation, so I hoped my late +master’s apprehensions would appear to be groundless; for I already +found my spirits revive, by the influence of her most august presence.” + +This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties and +hesitation. The latter part was altogether framed in the style peculiar +to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from Glumdalclitch, +while she was carrying me to court. + +The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in speaking, +was, however, surprised at so much wit and good sense in so diminutive +an animal. She took me in her own hand, and carried me to the king, who +was then retired to his cabinet. His majesty, a prince of much gravity +and austere countenance, not well observing my shape at first view, +asked the queen after a cold manner “how long it was since she grew +fond of a _splacnuck_?” for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay +upon my breast in her majesty’s right hand. But this princess, who has +an infinite deal of wit and humour, set me gently on my feet upon the +scrutoire, and commanded me to give his majesty an account of myself, +which I did in a very few words: and Glumdalclitch who attended at the +cabinet door, and could not endure I should be out of her sight, being +admitted, confirmed all that had passed from my arrival at her father’s +house. + +The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his dominions, +had been educated in the study of philosophy, and particularly +mathematics; yet when he observed my shape exactly, and saw me walk +erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might be a piece of +clock-work (which is in that country arrived to a very great +perfection) contrived by some ingenious artist. But when he heard my +voice, and found what I delivered to be regular and rational, he could +not conceal his astonishment. He was by no means satisfied with the +relation I gave him of the manner I came into his kingdom, but thought +it a story concerted between Glumdalclitch and her father, who had +taught me a set of words to make me sell at a better price. Upon this +imagination, he put several other questions to me, and still received +rational answers: no otherwise defective than by a foreign accent, and +an imperfect knowledge in the language, with some rustic phrases which +I had learned at the farmer’s house, and did not suit the polite style +of a court. + +His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their +weekly waiting, according to the custom in that country. These +gentlemen, after they had a while examined my shape with much nicety, +were of different opinions concerning me. They all agreed that I could +not be produced according to the regular laws of nature, because I was +not framed with a capacity of preserving my life, either by swiftness, +or climbing of trees, or digging holes in the earth. They observed by +my teeth, which they viewed with great exactness, that I was a +carnivorous animal; yet most quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and +field mice, with some others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I +should be able to support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other +insects, which they offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that +I could not possibly do. One of these virtuosi seemed to think that I +might be an embryo, or abortive birth. But this opinion was rejected by +the other two, who observed my limbs to be perfect and finished; and +that I had lived several years, as it was manifest from my beard, the +stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a magnifying glass. They +would not allow me to be a dwarf, because my littleness was beyond all +degrees of comparison; for the queen’s favourite dwarf, the smallest +ever known in that kingdom, was near thirty feet high. After much +debate, they concluded unanimously, that I was only _relplum scalcath_, +which is interpreted literally _lusus naturæ_; a determination exactly +agreeable to the modern philosophy of Europe, whose professors, +disdaining the old evasion of occult causes, whereby the followers of +Aristotle endeavoured in vain to disguise their ignorance, have +invented this wonderful solution of all difficulties, to the +unspeakable advancement of human knowledge. + +After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or two. +I applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty, “that I came +from a country which abounded with several millions of both sexes, and +of my own stature; where the animals, trees, and houses, were all in +proportion, and where, by consequence, I might be as able to defend +myself, and to find sustenance, as any of his majesty’s subjects could +do here; which I took for a full answer to those gentlemen’s +arguments.” To this they only replied with a smile of contempt, saying, +“that the farmer had instructed me very well in my lesson.” The king, +who had a much better understanding, dismissing his learned men, sent +for the farmer, who by good fortune was not yet gone out of town. +Having therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him +with me and the young girl, his majesty began to think that what we +told him might possibly be true. He desired the queen to order that a +particular care should be taken of me; and was of opinion that +Glumdalclitch should still continue in her office of tending me, +because he observed we had a great affection for each other. A +convenient apartment was provided for her at court: she had a sort of +governess appointed to take care of her education, a maid to dress her, +and two other servants for menial offices; but the care of me was +wholly appropriated to herself. The queen commanded her own +cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might serve me for a bedchamber, +after the model that Glumdalclitch and I should agree upon. This man +was a most ingenious artist, and according to my direction, in three +weeks finished for me a wooden chamber of sixteen feet square, and +twelve high, with sash-windows, a door, and two closets, like a London +bed-chamber. The board, that made the ceiling, was to be lifted up and +down by two hinges, to put in a bed ready furnished by her majesty’s +upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every day to air, made it +with her own hands, and letting it down at night, locked up the roof +over me. A nice workman, who was famous for little curiosities, +undertook to make me two chairs, with backs and frames, of a substance +not unlike ivory, and two tables, with a cabinet to put my things in. +The room was quilted on all sides, as well as the floor and the +ceiling, to prevent any accident from the carelessness of those who +carried me, and to break the force of a jolt, when I went in a coach. I +desired a lock for my door, to prevent rats and mice from coming in. +The smith, after several attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen +among them, for I have known a larger at the gate of a gentleman’s +house in England. I made a shift to keep the key in a pocket of my own, +fearing Glumdalclitch might lose it. The queen likewise ordered the +thinnest silks that could be gotten, to make me clothes, not much +thicker than an English blanket, very cumbersome till I was accustomed +to them. They were after the fashion of the kingdom, partly resembling +the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a very grave and decent +habit. + +The queen became so fond of my company, that she could not dine without +me. I had a table placed upon the same at which her majesty ate, just +at her left elbow, and a chair to sit on. Glumdalclitch stood on a +stool on the floor near my table, to assist and take care of me. I had +an entire set of silver dishes and plates, and other necessaries, +which, in proportion to those of the queen, were not much bigger than +what I have seen in a London toy-shop for the furniture of a +baby-house: these my little nurse kept in her pocket in a silver box, +and gave me at meals as I wanted them, always cleaning them herself. No +person dined with the queen but the two princesses royal, the eldest +sixteen years old, and the younger at that time thirteen and a month. +Her majesty used to put a bit of meat upon one of my dishes, out of +which I carved for myself, and her diversion was to see me eat in +miniature: for the queen (who had indeed but a weak stomach) took up, +at one mouthful, as much as a dozen English farmers could eat at a +meal, which to me was for some time a very nauseous sight. She would +craunch the wing of a lark, bones and all, between her teeth, although +it were nine times as large as that of a full-grown turkey; and put a +bit of bread into her mouth as big as two twelve-penny loaves. She +drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at a draught. Her knives +were twice as long as a scythe, set straight upon the handle. The +spoons, forks, and other instruments, were all in the same proportion. +I remember when Glumdalclitch carried me, out of curiosity, to see some +of the tables at court, where ten or a dozen of those enormous knives +and forks were lifted up together, I thought I had never till then +beheld so terrible a sight. + +It is the custom, that every Wednesday (which, as I have observed, is +their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both sexes, +dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I was now become +a great favourite; and at these times, my little chair and table were +placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-cellars. This prince +took a pleasure in conversing with me, inquiring into the manners, +religion, laws, government, and learning of Europe; wherein I gave him +the best account I was able. His apprehension was so clear, and his +judgment so exact, that he made very wise reflections and observations +upon all I said. But I confess, that, after I had been a little too +copious in talking of my own beloved country, of our trade and wars by +sea and land, of our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the +prejudices of his education prevailed so far, that he could not forbear +taking me up in his right hand, and stroking me gently with the other, +after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, “whether I was a whig or +tory?” Then turning to his first minister, who waited behind him with a +white staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the Royal Sovereign, he +observed “how contemptible a thing was human grandeur, which could be +mimicked by such diminutive insects as I: and yet,” says he, “I dare +engage these creatures have their titles and distinctions of honour; +they contrive little nests and burrows, that they call houses and +cities; they make a figure in dress and equipage; they love, they +fight, they dispute, they cheat, they betray!” And thus he continued +on, while my colour came and went several times, with indignation, to +hear our noble country, the mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of +France, the arbitress of Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honour, and +truth, the pride and envy of the world, so contemptuously treated. + +But as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature +thoughts I began to doubt whether I was injured or no. For, after +having been accustomed several months to the sight and converse of this +people, and observed every object upon which I cast my eyes to be of +proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first conceived from +their bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that if I had then beheld a +company of English lords and ladies in their finery and birth-day +clothes, acting their several parts in the most courtly manner of +strutting, and bowing, and prating, to say the truth, I should have +been strongly tempted to laugh as much at them as the king and his +grandees did at me. Neither, indeed, could I forbear smiling at myself, +when the queen used to place me upon her hand towards a looking-glass, +by which both our persons appeared before me in full view together; and +there could be nothing more ridiculous than the comparison; so that I +really began to imagine myself dwindled many degrees below my usual +size. + +Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the queen’s dwarf; who +being of the lowest stature that was ever in that country (for I verily +think he was not full thirty feet high), became so insolent at seeing a +creature so much beneath him, that he would always affect to swagger +and look big as he passed by me in the queen’s antechamber, while I was +standing on some table talking with the lords or ladies of the court, +and he seldom failed of a smart word or two upon my littleness; against +which I could only revenge myself by calling him brother, challenging +him to wrestle, and such repartees as are usually in the mouths of +court pages. One day, at dinner, this malicious little cub was so +nettled with something I had said to him, that, raising himself upon +the frame of her majesty’s chair, he took me up by the middle, as I was +sitting down, not thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large +silver bowl of cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell +over head and ears, and, if I had not been a good swimmer, it might +have gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that instant happened +to be at the other end of the room, and the queen was in such a fright, +that she wanted presence of mind to assist me. But my little nurse ran +to my relief, and took me out, after I had swallowed above a quart of +cream. I was put to bed: however, I received no other damage than the +loss of a suit of clothes, which was utterly spoiled. The dwarf was +soundly whipt, and as a farther punishment, forced to drink up the bowl +of cream into which he had thrown me: neither was he ever restored to +favour; for soon after the queen bestowed him on a lady of high +quality, so that I saw him no more, to my very great satisfaction; for +I could not tell to what extremities such a malicious urchin might have +carried his resentment. + +He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-laughing, +although at the same time she was heartily vexed, and would have +immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so generous as to +intercede. Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone upon her plate, and, +after knocking out the marrow, placed the bone again in the dish erect, +as it stood before; the dwarf, watching his opportunity, while +Glumdalclitch was gone to the side-board, mounted the stool that she +stood on to take care of me at meals, took me up in both hands, and +squeezing my legs together, wedged them into the marrow bone above my +waist, where I stuck for some time, and made a very ridiculous figure. +I believe it was near a minute before any one knew what was become of +me; for I thought it below me to cry out. But, as princes seldom get +their meat hot, my legs were not scalded, only my stockings and +breeches in a sad condition. The dwarf, at my entreaty, had no other +punishment than a sound whipping. + +I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my fearfulness; +and she used to ask me whether the people of my country were as great +cowards as myself? The occasion was this: the kingdom is much pestered +with flies in summer; and these odious insects, each of them as big as +a Dunstable lark, hardly gave me any rest while I sat at dinner, with +their continual humming and buzzing about mine ears. They would +sometimes alight upon my victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement, +or spawn behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the +natives of that country, whose large optics were not so acute as mine, +in viewing smaller objects. Sometimes they would fix upon my nose, or +forehead, where they stung me to the quick, smelling very offensively; +and I could easily trace that viscous matter, which, our naturalists +tell us, enables those creatures to walk with their feet upwards upon a +ceiling. I had much ado to defend myself against these detestable +animals, and could not forbear starting when they came on my face. It +was the common practice of the dwarf, to catch a number of these +insects in his hand, as schoolboys do among us, and let them out +suddenly under my nose, on purpose to frighten me, and divert the +queen. My remedy was to cut them in pieces with my knife, as they flew +in the air, wherein my dexterity was much admired. + +I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in a box upon a +window, as she usually did in fair days to give me air (for I durst not +venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the window, as we do +with cages in England), after I had lifted up one of my sashes, and sat +down at my table to eat a piece of sweet cake for my breakfast, above +twenty wasps, allured by the smell, came flying into the room, humming +louder than the drones of as many bagpipes. Some of them seized my +cake, and carried it piecemeal away; others flew about my head and +face, confounding me with the noise, and putting me in the utmost +terror of their stings. However, I had the courage to rise and draw my +hanger, and attack them in the air. I dispatched four of them, but the +rest got away, and I presently shut my window. These insects were as +large as partridges: I took out their stings, found them an inch and a +half long, and as sharp as needles. I carefully preserved them all; and +having since shown them, with some other curiosities, in several parts +of Europe, upon my return to England I gave three of them to Gresham +College, and kept the fourth for myself. + + +CHAPTER IV. + +The country described. A proposal for correcting modern maps. The +king’s palace; and some account of the metropolis. The author’s way of +travelling. The chief temple described. + + +I now intend to give the reader a short description of this country, as +far as I travelled in it, which was not above two thousand miles round +Lorbrulgrud, the metropolis. For the queen, whom I always attended, +never went farther when she accompanied the king in his progresses, and +there staid till his majesty returned from viewing his frontiers. The +whole extent of this prince’s dominions reaches about six thousand +miles in length, and from three to five in breadth: whence I cannot but +conclude, that our geographers of Europe are in a great error, by +supposing nothing but sea between Japan and California; for it was ever +my opinion, that there must be a balance of earth to counterpoise the +great continent of Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their +maps and charts, by joining this vast tract of land to the north-west +parts of America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my assistance. + +The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated to the north-east by a ridge of +mountains thirty miles high, which are altogether impassable, by reason +of the volcanoes upon the tops: neither do the most learned know what +sort of mortals inhabit beyond those mountains, or whether they be +inhabited at all. On the three other sides, it is bounded by the ocean. +There is not one seaport in the whole kingdom: and those parts of the +coasts into which the rivers issue, are so full of pointed rocks, and +the sea generally so rough, that there is no venturing with the +smallest of their boats; so that these people are wholly excluded from +any commerce with the rest of the world. But the large rivers are full +of vessels, and abound with excellent fish; for they seldom get any +from the sea, because the sea fish are of the same size with those in +Europe, and consequently not worth catching; whereby it is manifest, +that nature, in the production of plants and animals of so +extraordinary a bulk, is wholly confined to this continent, of which I +leave the reasons to be determined by philosophers. However, now and +then they take a whale that happens to be dashed against the rocks, +which the common people feed on heartily. These whales I have known so +large, that a man could hardly carry one upon his shoulders; and +sometimes, for curiosity, they are brought in hampers to Lorbrulgrud; I +saw one of them in a dish at the king’s table, which passed for a +rarity, but I did not observe he was fond of it; for I think, indeed, +the bigness disgusted him, although I have seen one somewhat larger in +Greenland. + +The country is well inhabited, for it contains fifty-one cities, near a +hundred walled towns, and a great number of villages. To satisfy my +curious reader, it may be sufficient to describe Lorbrulgrud. This city +stands upon almost two equal parts, on each side the river that passes +through. It contains above eighty thousand houses, and about six +hundred thousand inhabitants. It is in length three _glomglungs_ (which +make about fifty-four English miles,) and two and a half in breadth; as +I measured it myself in the royal map made by the king’s order, which +was laid on the ground on purpose for me, and extended a hundred feet: +I paced the diameter and circumference several times barefoot, and, +computing by the scale, measured it pretty exactly. + +The king’s palace is no regular edifice, but a heap of buildings, about +seven miles round: the chief rooms are generally two hundred and forty +feet high, and broad and long in proportion. A coach was allowed to +Glumdalclitch and me, wherein her governess frequently took her out to +see the town, or go among the shops; and I was always of the party, +carried in my box; although the girl, at my own desire, would often +take me out, and hold me in her hand, that I might more conveniently +view the houses and the people, as we passed along the streets. I +reckoned our coach to be about a square of Westminster-hall, but not +altogether so high: however, I cannot be very exact. One day the +governess ordered our coachman to stop at several shops, where the +beggars, watching their opportunity, crowded to the sides of the coach, +and gave me the most horrible spectacle that ever a European eye +beheld. There was a woman with a cancer in her breast, swelled to a +monstrous size, full of holes, in two or three of which I could have +easily crept, and covered my whole body. There was a fellow with a wen +in his neck, larger than five wool-packs; and another, with a couple of +wooden legs, each about twenty feet high. But the most hateful sight of +all, was the lice crawling on their clothes. I could see distinctly the +limbs of these vermin with my naked eye, much better than those of a +European louse through a microscope, and their snouts with which they +rooted like swine. They were the first I had ever beheld, and I should +have been curious enough to dissect one of them, if I had had proper +instruments, which I unluckily left behind me in the ship, although, +indeed, the sight was so nauseous, that it perfectly turned my stomach. + +Besides the large box in which I was usually carried, the queen ordered +a smaller one to be made for me, of about twelve feet square, and ten +high, for the convenience of travelling; because the other was somewhat +too large for Glumdalclitch’s lap, and cumbersome in the coach; it was +made by the same artist, whom I directed in the whole contrivance. This +travelling-closet was an exact square, with a window in the middle of +three of the squares, and each window was latticed with iron wire on +the outside, to prevent accidents in long journeys. On the fourth side, +which had no window, two strong staples were fixed, through which the +person that carried me, when I had a mind to be on horseback, put a +leathern belt, and buckled it about his waist. This was always the +office of some grave trusty servant, in whom I could confide, whether I +attended the king and queen in their progresses, or were disposed to +see the gardens, or pay a visit to some great lady or minister of state +in the court, when Glumdalclitch happened to be out of order; for I +soon began to be known and esteemed among the greatest officers, I +suppose more upon account of their majesties’ favour, than any merit of +my own. In journeys, when I was weary of the coach, a servant on +horseback would buckle on my box, and place it upon a cushion before +him; and there I had a full prospect of the country on three sides, +from my three windows. I had, in this closet, a field-bed and a +hammock, hung from the ceiling, two chairs and a table, neatly screwed +to the floor, to prevent being tossed about by the agitation of the +horse or the coach. And having been long used to sea-voyages, those +motions, although sometimes very violent, did not much discompose me. + +Whenever I had a mind to see the town, it was always in my +travelling-closet; which Glumdalclitch held in her lap in a kind of +open sedan, after the fashion of the country, borne by four men, and +attended by two others in the queen’s livery. The people, who had often +heard of me, were very curious to crowd about the sedan, and the girl +was complaisant enough to make the bearers stop, and to take me in her +hand, that I might be more conveniently seen. + +I was very desirous to see the chief temple, and particularly the tower +belonging to it, which is reckoned the highest in the kingdom. +Accordingly one day my nurse carried me thither, but I may truly say I +came back disappointed; for the height is not above three thousand +feet, reckoning from the ground to the highest pinnacle top; which, +allowing for the difference between the size of those people and us in +Europe, is no great matter for admiration, nor at all equal in +proportion (if I rightly remember) to Salisbury steeple. But, not to +detract from a nation, to which, during my life, I shall acknowledge +myself extremely obliged, it must be allowed, that whatever this famous +tower wants in height, is amply made up in beauty and strength: for the +walls are near a hundred feet thick, built of hewn stone, whereof each +is about forty feet square, and adorned on all sides with statues of +gods and emperors, cut in marble, larger than the life, placed in their +several niches. I measured a little finger which had fallen down from +one of these statues, and lay unperceived among some rubbish, and found +it exactly four feet and an inch in length. Glumdalclitch wrapped it up +in her handkerchief, and carried it home in her pocket, to keep among +other trinkets, of which the girl was very fond, as children at her age +usually are. + +The king’s kitchen is indeed a noble building, vaulted at top, and +about six hundred feet high. The great oven is not so wide, by ten +paces, as the cupola at St. Paul’s: for I measured the latter on +purpose, after my return. But if I should describe the kitchen grate, +the prodigious pots and kettles, the joints of meat turning on the +spits, with many other particulars, perhaps I should be hardly +believed; at least a severe critic would be apt to think I enlarged a +little, as travellers are often suspected to do. To avoid which censure +I fear I have run too much into the other extreme; and that if this +treatise should happen to be translated into the language of +Brobdingnag (which is the general name of that kingdom,) and +transmitted thither, the king and his people would have reason to +complain that I had done them an injury, by a false and diminutive +representation. + +His majesty seldom keeps above six hundred horses in his stables: they +are generally from fifty-four to sixty feet high. But, when he goes +abroad on solemn days, he is attended, for state, by a military guard +of five hundred horse, which, indeed, I thought was the most splendid +sight that could be ever beheld, till I saw part of his army in +battalia, whereof I shall find another occasion to speak. + + +CHAPTER V. + +Several adventures that happened to the author. The execution of a +criminal. The author shows his skill in navigation. + + +I should have lived happy enough in that country, if my littleness had +not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome accidents; some of +which I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch often carried me into +the gardens of the court in my smaller box, and would sometimes take me +out of it, and hold me in her hand, or set me down to walk. I remember, +before the dwarf left the queen, he followed us one day into those +gardens, and my nurse having set me down, he and I being close +together, near some dwarf apple trees, I must needs show my wit, by a +silly allusion between him and the trees, which happens to hold in +their language as it does in ours. Whereupon, the malicious rogue, +watching his opportunity, when I was walking under one of them, shook +it directly over my head, by which a dozen apples, each of them near as +large as a Bristol barrel, came tumbling about my ears; one of them hit +me on the back as I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on my +face; but I received no other hurt, and the dwarf was pardoned at my +desire, because I had given the provocation. + +Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to divert +myself, while she walked at some distance with her governess. In the +meantime, there suddenly fell such a violent shower of hail, that I was +immediately by the force of it, struck to the ground: and when I was +down, the hailstones gave me such cruel bangs all over the body, as if +I had been pelted with tennis-balls; however, I made a shift to creep +on all fours, and shelter myself, by lying flat on my face, on the +lee-side of a border of lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to foot, +that I could not go abroad in ten days. Neither is this at all to be +wondered at, because nature, in that country, observing the same +proportion through all her operations, a hailstone is near eighteen +hundred times as large as one in Europe; which I can assert upon +experience, having been so curious as to weigh and measure them. + +But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same garden, when +my little nurse, believing she had put me in a secure place (which I +often entreated her to do, that I might enjoy my own thoughts,) and +having left my box at home, to avoid the trouble of carrying it, went +to another part of the garden with her governess and some ladies of her +acquaintance. While she was absent, and out of hearing, a small white +spaniel that belonged to one of the chief gardeners, having got by +accident into the garden, happened to range near the place where I lay: +the dog, following the scent, came directly up, and taking me in his +mouth, ran straight to his master wagging his tail, and set me gently +on the ground. By good fortune he had been so well taught, that I was +carried between his teeth without the least hurt, or even tearing my +clothes. But the poor gardener, who knew me well, and had a great +kindness for me, was in a terrible fright: he gently took me up in both +his hands, and asked me how I did? but I was so amazed and out of +breath, that I could not speak a word. In a few minutes I came to +myself, and he carried me safe to my little nurse, who, by this time, +had returned to the place where she left me, and was in cruel agonies +when I did not appear, nor answer when she called. She severely +reprimanded the gardener on account of his dog. But the thing was +hushed up, and never known at court, for the girl was afraid of the +queen’s anger; and truly, as to myself, I thought it would not be for +my reputation, that such a story should go about. + +This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust me +abroad for the future out of her sight. I had been long afraid of this +resolution, and therefore concealed from her some little unlucky +adventures, that happened in those times when I was left by myself. +Once a kite, hovering over the garden, made a stoop at me, and if I had +not resolutely drawn my hanger, and run under a thick espalier, he +would have certainly carried me away in his talons. Another time, +walking to the top of a fresh mole-hill, I fell to my neck in the hole, +through which that animal had cast up the earth, and coined some lie, +not worth remembering, to excuse myself for spoiling my clothes. I +likewise broke my right shin against the shell of a snail, which I +happened to stumble over, as I was walking alone and thinking on poor +England. + +I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to observe, in +those solitary walks, that the smaller birds did not appear to be at +all afraid of me, but would hop about within a yard’s distance, looking +for worms and other food, with as much indifference and security as if +no creature at all were near them. I remember, a thrush had the +confidence to snatch out of my hand, with his bill, a piece of cake +that Glumdalclitch had just given me for my breakfast. When I attempted +to catch any of these birds, they would boldly turn against me, +endeavouring to peck my fingers, which I durst not venture within their +reach; and then they would hop back unconcerned, to hunt for worms or +snails, as they did before. But one day, I took a thick cudgel, and +threw it with all my strength so luckily, at a linnet, that I knocked +him down, and seizing him by the neck with both my hands, ran with him +in triumph to my nurse. However, the bird, who had only been stunned, +recovering himself gave me so many boxes with his wings, on both sides +of my head and body, though I held him at arm’s length, and was out of +the reach of his claws, that I was twenty times thinking to let him go. +But I was soon relieved by one of our servants, who wrung off the +bird’s neck, and I had him next day for dinner, by the queen’s command. +This linnet, as near as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat larger +than an English swan. + +The maids of honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their apartments, +and desired she would bring me along with her, on purpose to have the +pleasure of seeing and touching me. They would often strip me naked +from top to toe, and lay me at full length in their bosoms; wherewith I +was much disgusted because, to say the truth, a very offensive smell +came from their skins; which I do not mention, or intend, to the +disadvantage of those excellent ladies, for whom I have all manner of +respect; but I conceive that my sense was more acute in proportion to +my littleness, and that those illustrious persons were no more +disagreeable to their lovers, or to each other, than people of the same +quality are with us in England. And, after all, I found their natural +smell was much more supportable, than when they used perfumes, under +which I immediately swooned away. I cannot forget, that an intimate +friend of mine in Lilliput, took the freedom in a warm day, when I had +used a good deal of exercise, to complain of a strong smell about me, +although I am as little faulty that way, as most of my sex: but I +suppose his faculty of smelling was as nice with regard to me, as mine +was to that of this people. Upon this point, I cannot forbear doing +justice to the queen my mistress, and Glumdalclitch my nurse, whose +persons were as sweet as those of any lady in England. + +That which gave me most uneasiness among these maids of honour (when my +nurse carried me to visit them) was, to see them use me without any +manner of ceremony, like a creature who had no sort of consequence: for +they would strip themselves to the skin, and put on their smocks in my +presence, while I was placed on their toilet, directly before their +naked bodies, which I am sure to me was very far from being a tempting +sight, or from giving me any other emotions than those of horror and +disgust: their skins appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously +coloured, when I saw them near, with a mole here and there as broad as +a trencher, and hairs hanging from it thicker than packthreads, to say +nothing farther concerning the rest of their persons. Neither did they +at all scruple, while I was by, to discharge what they had drank, to +the quantity of at least two hogsheads, in a vessel that held above +three tuns. The handsomest among these maids of honour, a pleasant, +frolicsome girl of sixteen, would sometimes set me astride upon one of +her nipples, with many other tricks, wherein the reader will excuse me +for not being over particular. But I was so much displeased, that I +entreated Glumdalclitch to contrive some excuse for not seeing that +young lady any more. + +One day, a young gentleman, who was nephew to my nurse’s governess, +came and pressed them both to see an execution. It was of a man, who +had murdered one of that gentleman’s intimate acquaintance. +Glumdalclitch was prevailed on to be of the company, very much against +her inclination, for she was naturally tender-hearted: and, as for +myself, although I abhorred such kind of spectacles, yet my curiosity +tempted me to see something that I thought must be extraordinary. The +malefactor was fixed in a chair upon a scaffold erected for that +purpose, and his head cut off at one blow, with a sword of about forty +feet long. The veins and arteries spouted up such a prodigious quantity +of blood, and so high in the air, that the great _jet d’eau_ at +Versailles was not equal to it for the time it lasted: and the head, +when it fell on the scaffold floor, gave such a bounce as made me +start, although I was at least half an English mile distant. + +The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages, and took +all occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked me whether I +understood how to handle a sail or an oar, and whether a little +exercise of rowing might not be convenient for my health? I answered, +that I understood both very well: for although my proper employment had +been to be surgeon or doctor to the ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I +was forced to work like a common mariner. But I could not see how this +could be done in their country, where the smallest wherry was equal to +a first-rate man of war among us; and such a boat as I could manage +would never live in any of their rivers. Her majesty said, if I would +contrive a boat, her own joiner should make it, and she would provide a +place for me to sail in. The fellow was an ingenious workman, and by my +instructions, in ten days, finished a pleasure-boat with all its +tackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans. When it was +finished, the queen was so delighted, that she ran with it in her lap +to the king, who ordered it to be put into a cistern full of water, +with me in it, by way of trial, where I could not manage my two sculls, +or little oars, for want of room. But the queen had before contrived +another project. She ordered the joiner to make a wooden trough of +three hundred feet long, fifty broad, and eight deep; which, being well +pitched, to prevent leaking, was placed on the floor, along the wall, +in an outer room of the palace. It had a cock near the bottom to let +out the water, when it began to grow stale; and two servants could +easily fill it in half an hour. Here I often used to row for my own +diversion, as well as that of the queen and her ladies, who thought +themselves well entertained with my skill and agility. Sometimes I +would put up my sail, and then my business was only to steer, while the +ladies gave me a gale with their fans; and, when they were weary, some +of their pages would blow my sail forward with their breath, while I +showed my art by steering starboard or larboard as I pleased. When I +had done, Glumdalclitch always carried back my boat into her closet, +and hung it on a nail to dry. + +In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to have cost me +my life; for, one of the pages having put my boat into the trough, the +governess who attended Glumdalclitch very officiously lifted me up, to +place me in the boat: but I happened to slip through her fingers, and +should infallibly have fallen down forty feet upon the floor, if, by +the luckiest chance in the world, I had not been stopped by a +corking-pin that stuck in the good gentlewoman’s stomacher; the head of +the pin passing between my shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and +thus I was held by the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch ran to my +relief. + +Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill my +trough every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let a +huge frog (not perceiving it) slip out of his pail. The frog lay +concealed till I was put into my boat, but then, seeing a +resting-place, climbed up, and made it lean so much on one side, that I +was forced to balance it with all my weight on the other, to prevent +overturning. When the frog was got in, it hopped at once half the +length of the boat, and then over my head, backward and forward, +daubing my face and clothes with its odious slime. The largeness of its +features made it appear the most deformed animal that can be conceived. +However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let me deal with it alone. I banged +it a good while with one of my sculls, and at last forced it to leap +out of the boat. + +But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom, was from a +monkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen. Glumdalclitch +had locked me up in her closet, while she went somewhere upon business, +or a visit. The weather being very warm, the closet-window was left +open, as well as the windows and the door of my bigger box, in which I +usually lived, because of its largeness and conveniency. As I sat +quietly meditating at my table, I heard something bounce in at the +closet-window, and skip about from one side to the other: whereat, +although I was much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not +stirring from my seat; and then I saw this frolicsome animal frisking +and leaping up and down, till at last he came to my box, which he +seemed to view with great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the +door and every window. I retreated to the farther corner of my room; or +box; but the monkey looking in at every side, put me in such a fright, +that I wanted presence of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I +might easily have done. After some time spent in peeping, grinning, and +chattering, he at last espied me; and reaching one of his paws in at +the door, as a cat does when she plays with a mouse, although I often +shifted place to avoid him, he at length seized the lappet of my coat +(which being made of that country silk, was very thick and strong), and +dragged me out. He took me up in his right fore-foot and held me as a +nurse does a child she is going to suckle, just as I have seen the same +sort of creature do with a kitten in Europe; and when I offered to +struggle he squeezed me so hard, that I thought it more prudent to +submit. I have good reason to believe, that he took me for a young one +of his own species, by his often stroking my face very gently with his +other paw. In these diversions he was interrupted by a noise at the +closet door, as if somebody were opening it: whereupon he suddenly +leaped up to the window at which he had come in, and thence upon the +leads and gutters, walking upon three legs, and holding me in the +fourth, till he clambered up to a roof that was next to ours. I heard +Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the moment he was carrying me out. The +poor girl was almost distracted: that quarter of the palace was all in +an uproar; the servants ran for ladders; the monkey was seen by +hundreds in the court, sitting upon the ridge of a building, holding me +like a baby in one of his forepaws, and feeding me with the other, by +cramming into my mouth some victuals he had squeezed out of the bag on +one side of his chaps, and patting me when I would not eat; whereat +many of the rabble below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think +they justly ought to be blamed, for, without question, the sight was +ridiculous enough to every body but myself. Some of the people threw up +stones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this was strictly +forbidden, or else, very probably, my brains had been dashed out. + +The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men; which the +monkey observing, and finding himself almost encompassed, not being +able to make speed enough with his three legs, let me drop on a ridge +tile, and made his escape. Here I sat for some time, five hundred yards +from the ground, expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind, +or to fall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from +the ridge to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse’s footmen, +climbed up, and putting me into his breeches pocket, brought me down +safe. + +I was almost choked with the filthy stuff the monkey had crammed down +my throat: but my dear little nurse picked it out of my mouth with a +small needle, and then I fell a-vomiting, which gave me great relief. +Yet I was so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given me +by this odious animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. +The king, queen, and all the court, sent every day to inquire after my +health; and her majesty made me several visits during my sickness. The +monkey was killed, and an order made, that no such animal should be +kept about the palace. + +When I attended the king after my recovery, to return him thanks for +his favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this +adventure. He asked me, “what my thoughts and speculations were, while +I lay in the monkey’s paw; how I liked the victuals he gave me; his +manner of feeding; and whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened +my stomach.” He desired to know, “what I would have done upon such an +occasion in my own country.” I told his majesty, “that in Europe we had +no monkeys, except such as were brought for curiosity from other +places, and so small, that I could deal with a dozen of them together, +if they presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous animal with +whom I was so lately engaged (it was indeed as large as an elephant), +if my fears had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my +hanger,” (looking fiercely, and clapping my hand on the hilt, as I +spoke) “when he poked his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should have +given him such a wound, as would have made him glad to withdraw it with +more haste than he put it in.” This I delivered in a firm tone, like a +person who was jealous lest his courage should be called in question. +However, my speech produced nothing else beside a loud laughter, which +all the respect due to his majesty from those about him could not make +them contain. This made me reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man +to endeavour to do himself honour among those who are out of all degree +of equality or comparison with him. And yet I have seen the moral of my +own behaviour very frequent in England since my return; where a little +contemptible varlet, without the least title to birth, person, wit, or +common sense, shall presume to look with importance, and put himself +upon a foot with the greatest persons of the kingdom. + +I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story: and +Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch enough to +inform the queen, whenever I committed any folly that she thought would +be diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had been out of order, was +carried by her governess to take the air about an hour’s distance, or +thirty miles from town. They alighted out of the coach near a small +foot-path in a field, and Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling box, +I went out of it to walk. There was a cow-dung in the path, and I must +need try my activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run, but +unfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle up to +my knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of the footmen +wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief, for I was filthily +bemired; and my nurse confined me to my box, till we returned home; +where the queen was soon informed of what had passed, and the footmen +spread it about the court: so that all the mirth for some days was at +my expense. + + +CHAPTER VI. + +Several contrivances of the author to please the king and queen. He +shows his skill in music. The king inquires into the state of England, +which the author relates to him. The king’s observations thereon. + + +I used to attend the king’s levee once or twice a week, and had often +seen him under the barber’s hand, which indeed was at first very +terrible to behold; for the razor was almost twice as long as an +ordinary scythe. His majesty, according to the custom of the country, +was only shaved twice a week. I once prevailed on the barber to give me +some of the suds or lather, out of which I picked forty or fifty of the +strongest stumps of hair. I then took a piece of fine wood, and cut it +like the back of a comb, making several holes in it at equal distances +with as small a needle as I could get from Glumdalclitch. I fixed in +the stumps so artificially, scraping and sloping them with my knife +toward the points, that I made a very tolerable comb; which was a +seasonable supply, my own being so much broken in the teeth, that it +was almost useless: neither did I know any artist in that country so +nice and exact, as would undertake to make me another. + +And this puts me in mind of an amusement, wherein I spent many of my +leisure hours. I desired the queen’s woman to save for me the combings +of her majesty’s hair, whereof in time I got a good quantity; and +consulting with my friend the cabinet-maker, who had received general +orders to do little jobs for me, I directed him to make two +chair-frames, no larger than those I had in my box, and to bore little +holes with a fine awl, round those parts where I designed the backs and +seats; through these holes I wove the strongest hairs I could pick out, +just after the manner of cane chairs in England. When they were +finished, I made a present of them to her majesty; who kept them in her +cabinet, and used to show them for curiosities, as indeed they were the +wonder of every one that beheld them. The queen would have me sit upon +one of these chairs, but I absolutely refused to obey her, protesting I +would rather die than place a dishonourable part of my body on those +precious hairs, that once adorned her majesty’s head. Of these hairs +(as I had always a mechanical genius) I likewise made a neat little +purse, about five feet long, with her majesty’s name deciphered in gold +letters, which I gave to Glumdalclitch, by the queen’s consent. To say +the truth, it was more for show than use, being not of strength to bear +the weight of the larger coins, and therefore she kept nothing in it +but some little toys that girls are fond of. + +The king, who delighted in music, had frequent concerts at court, to +which I was sometimes carried, and set in my box on a table to hear +them: but the noise was so great that I could hardly distinguish the +tunes. I am confident that all the drums and trumpets of a royal army, +beating and sounding together just at your ears, could not equal it. My +practice was to have my box removed from the place where the performers +sat, as far as I could, then to shut the doors and windows of it, and +draw the window curtains; after which I found their music not +disagreeable. + +I had learned in my youth to play a little upon the spinet. +Glumdalclitch kept one in her chamber, and a master attended twice a +week to teach her: I called it a spinet, because it somewhat resembled +that instrument, and was played upon in the same manner. A fancy came +into my head, that I would entertain the king and queen with an English +tune upon this instrument. But this appeared extremely difficult: for +the spinet was near sixty feet long, each key being almost a foot wide, +so that with my arms extended I could not reach to above five keys, and +to press them down required a good smart stroke with my fist, which +would be too great a labour, and to no purpose. The method I contrived +was this: I prepared two round sticks, about the bigness of common +cudgels; they were thicker at one end than the other, and I covered the +thicker ends with pieces of a mouse’s skin, that by rapping on them I +might neither damage the tops of the keys nor interrupt the sound. +Before the spinet a bench was placed, about four feet below the keys, +and I was put upon the bench. I ran sideling upon it, that way and +this, as fast as I could, banging the proper keys with my two sticks, +and made a shift to play a jig, to the great satisfaction of both their +majesties; but it was the most violent exercise I ever underwent; and +yet I could not strike above sixteen keys, nor consequently play the +bass and treble together, as other artists do; which was a great +disadvantage to my performance. + +The king, who, as I before observed, was a prince of excellent +understanding, would frequently order that I should be brought in my +box, and set upon the table in his closet: he would then command me to +bring one of my chairs out of the box, and sit down within three yards +distance upon the top of the cabinet, which brought me almost to a +level with his face. In this manner I had several conversations with +him. I one day took the freedom to tell his majesty, “that the contempt +he discovered towards Europe, and the rest of the world, did not seem +answerable to those excellent qualities of mind that he was master of; +that reason did not extend itself with the bulk of the body; on the +contrary, we observed in our country, that the tallest persons were +usually the least provided with it; that among other animals, bees and +ants had the reputation of more industry, art, and sagacity, than many +of the larger kinds; and that, as inconsiderable as he took me to be, I +hoped I might live to do his majesty some signal service.” The king +heard me with attention, and began to conceive a much better opinion of +me than he had ever before. He desired “I would give him as exact an +account of the government of England as I possibly could; because, as +fond as princes commonly are of their own customs (for so he +conjectured of other monarchs, by my former discourses), he should be +glad to hear of any thing that might deserve imitation.” + +Imagine with thyself, courteous reader, how often I then wished for the +tongue of Demosthenes or Cicero, that might have enabled me to +celebrate the praise of my own dear native country in a style equal to +its merits and felicity. + +I began my discourse by informing his majesty, that our dominions +consisted of two islands, which composed three mighty kingdoms, under +one sovereign, beside our plantations in America. I dwelt long upon the +fertility of our soil, and the temperature of our climate. I then spoke +at large upon the constitution of an English parliament; partly made up +of an illustrious body called the House of Peers; persons of the +noblest blood, and of the most ancient and ample patrimonies. I +described that extraordinary care always taken of their education in +arts and arms, to qualify them for being counsellors both to the king +and kingdom; to have a share in the legislature; to be members of the +highest court of judicature, whence there can be no appeal; and to be +champions always ready for the defence of their prince and country, by +their valour, conduct, and fidelity. That these were the ornament and +bulwark of the kingdom, worthy followers of their most renowned +ancestors, whose honour had been the reward of their virtue, from which +their posterity were never once known to degenerate. To these were +joined several holy persons, as part of that assembly, under the title +of bishops, whose peculiar business is to take care of religion, and of +those who instruct the people therein. These were searched and sought +out through the whole nation, by the prince and his wisest counsellors, +among such of the priesthood as were most deservedly distinguished by +the sanctity of their lives, and the depth of their erudition; who were +indeed the spiritual fathers of the clergy and the people. + +That the other part of the parliament consisted of an assembly called +the House of Commons, who were all principal gentlemen, freely picked +and culled out by the people themselves, for their great abilities and +love of their country, to represent the wisdom of the whole nation. And +that these two bodies made up the most august assembly in Europe; to +whom, in conjunction with the prince, the whole legislature is +committed. + +I then descended to the courts of justice; over which the judges, those +venerable sages and interpreters of the law, presided, for determining +the disputed rights and properties of men, as well as for the +punishment of vice and protection of innocence. I mentioned the prudent +management of our treasury; the valour and achievements of our forces, +by sea and land. I computed the number of our people, by reckoning how +many millions there might be of each religious sect, or political party +among us. I did not omit even our sports and pastimes, or any other +particular which I thought might redound to the honour of my country. +And I finished all with a brief historical account of affairs and +events in England for about a hundred years past. + +This conversation was not ended under five audiences, each of several +hours; and the king heard the whole with great attention, frequently +taking notes of what I spoke, as well as memorandums of what questions +he intended to ask me. + +When I had put an end to these long discourses, his majesty, in a sixth +audience, consulting his notes, proposed many doubts, queries, and +objections, upon every article. He asked, “What methods were used to +cultivate the minds and bodies of our young nobility, and in what kind +of business they commonly spent the first and teachable parts of their +lives? What course was taken to supply that assembly, when any noble +family became extinct? What qualifications were necessary in those who +are to be created new lords: whether the humour of the prince, a sum of +money to a court lady, or a design of strengthening a party opposite to +the public interest, ever happened to be the motive in those +advancements? What share of knowledge these lords had in the laws of +their country, and how they came by it, so as to enable them to decide +the properties of their fellow-subjects in the last resort? Whether +they were always so free from avarice, partialities, or want, that a +bribe, or some other sinister view, could have no place among them? +Whether those holy lords I spoke of were always promoted to that rank +upon account of their knowledge in religious matters, and the sanctity +of their lives; had never been compliers with the times, while they +were common priests; or slavish prostitute chaplains to some nobleman, +whose opinions they continued servilely to follow, after they were +admitted into that assembly?” + +He then desired to know, “What arts were practised in electing those +whom I called commoners: whether a stranger, with a strong purse, might +not influence the vulgar voters to choose him before their own +landlord, or the most considerable gentleman in the neighbourhood? How +it came to pass, that people were so violently bent upon getting into +this assembly, which I allowed to be a great trouble and expense, often +to the ruin of their families, without any salary or pension? because +this appeared such an exalted strain of virtue and public spirit, that +his majesty seemed to doubt it might possibly not be always sincere.” +And he desired to know, “Whether such zealous gentlemen could have any +views of refunding themselves for the charges and trouble they were at +by sacrificing the public good to the designs of a weak and vicious +prince, in conjunction with a corrupted ministry?” He multiplied his +questions, and sifted me thoroughly upon every part of this head, +proposing numberless inquiries and objections, which I think it not +prudent or convenient to repeat. + +Upon what I said in relation to our courts of justice, his majesty +desired to be satisfied in several points: and this I was the better +able to do, having been formerly almost ruined by a long suit in +chancery, which was decreed for me with costs. He asked, “What time was +usually spent in determining between right and wrong, and what degree +of expense? Whether advocates and orators had liberty to plead in +causes manifestly known to be unjust, vexatious, or oppressive? Whether +party, in religion or politics, were observed to be of any weight in +the scale of justice? Whether those pleading orators were persons +educated in the general knowledge of equity, or only in provincial, +national, and other local customs? Whether they or their judges had any +part in penning those laws, which they assumed the liberty of +interpreting, and glossing upon at their pleasure? Whether they had +ever, at different times, pleaded for and against the same cause, and +cited precedents to prove contrary opinions? Whether they were a rich +or a poor corporation? Whether they received any pecuniary reward for +pleading, or delivering their opinions? And particularly, whether they +were ever admitted as members in the lower senate?” + +He fell next upon the management of our treasury; and said, “he thought +my memory had failed me, because I computed our taxes at about five or +six millions a year, and when I came to mention the issues, he found +they sometimes amounted to more than double; for the notes he had taken +were very particular in this point, because he hoped, as he told me, +that the knowledge of our conduct might be useful to him, and he could +not be deceived in his calculations. But, if what I told him were true, +he was still at a loss how a kingdom could run out of its estate, like +a private person.” He asked me, “who were our creditors; and where we +found money to pay them?” He wondered to hear me talk of such +chargeable and expensive wars; “that certainly we must be a quarrelsome +people, or live among very bad neighbours, and that our generals must +needs be richer than our kings.” He asked, what business we had out of +our own islands, unless upon the score of trade, or treaty, or to +defend the coasts with our fleet?” Above all, he was amazed to hear me +talk of a mercenary standing army, in the midst of peace, and among a +free people. He said, “if we were governed by our own consent, in the +persons of our representatives, he could not imagine of whom we were +afraid, or against whom we were to fight; and would hear my opinion, +whether a private man’s house might not be better defended by himself, +his children, and family, than by half-a-dozen rascals, picked up at a +venture in the streets for small wages, who might get a hundred times +more by cutting their throats?” + +He laughed at my “odd kind of arithmetic,” as he was pleased to call +it, “in reckoning the numbers of our people, by a computation drawn +from the several sects among us, in religion and politics.” He said, +“he knew no reason why those, who entertain opinions prejudicial to the +public, should be obliged to change, or should not be obliged to +conceal them. And as it was tyranny in any government to require the +first, so it was weakness not to enforce the second: for a man may be +allowed to keep poisons in his closet, but not to vend them about for +cordials.” + +He observed, “that among the diversions of our nobility and gentry, I +had mentioned gaming: he desired to know at what age this entertainment +was usually taken up, and when it was laid down; how much of their time +it employed; whether it ever went so high as to affect their fortunes; +whether mean, vicious people, by their dexterity in that art, might not +arrive at great riches, and sometimes keep our very nobles in +dependence, as well as habituate them to vile companions, wholly take +them from the improvement of their minds, and force them, by the losses +they received, to learn and practise that infamous dexterity upon +others?” + +He was perfectly astonished with the historical account I gave him of +our affairs during the last century; protesting “it was only a heap of +conspiracies, rebellions, murders, massacres, revolutions, banishments, +the very worst effects that avarice, faction, hypocrisy, +perfidiousness, cruelty, rage, madness, hatred, envy, lust, malice, and +ambition, could produce.” + +His majesty, in another audience, was at the pains to recapitulate the +sum of all I had spoken; compared the questions he made with the +answers I had given; then taking me into his hands, and stroking me +gently, delivered himself in these words, which I shall never forget, +nor the manner he spoke them in: “My little friend Grildrig, you have +made a most admirable panegyric upon your country; you have clearly +proved, that ignorance, idleness, and vice, are the proper ingredients +for qualifying a legislator; that laws are best explained, interpreted, +and applied, by those whose interest and abilities lie in perverting, +confounding, and eluding them. I observe among you some lines of an +institution, which, in its original, might have been tolerable, but +these half erased, and the rest wholly blurred and blotted by +corruptions. It does not appear, from all you have said, how any one +perfection is required toward the procurement of any one station among +you; much less, that men are ennobled on account of their virtue; that +priests are advanced for their piety or learning; soldiers, for their +conduct or valour; judges, for their integrity; senators, for the love +of their country; or counsellors for their wisdom. As for yourself,” +continued the king, “who have spent the greatest part of your life in +travelling, I am well disposed to hope you may hitherto have escaped +many vices of your country. But by what I have gathered from your own +relation, and the answers I have with much pains wrung and extorted +from you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of your natives to be the most +pernicious race of little odious vermin that nature ever suffered to +crawl upon the surface of the earth.” + + +CHAPTER VII. + +The author’s love of his country. He makes a proposal of much advantage +to the king, which is rejected. The king’s great ignorance in politics. +The learning of that country very imperfect and confined. The laws, and +military affairs, and parties in the state. + + +Nothing but an extreme love of truth could have hindered me from +concealing this part of my story. It was in vain to discover my +resentments, which were always turned into ridicule; and I was forced +to rest with patience, while my noble and beloved country was so +injuriously treated. I am as heartily sorry as any of my readers can +possibly be, that such an occasion was given: but this prince happened +to be so curious and inquisitive upon every particular, that it could +not consist either with gratitude or good manners, to refuse giving him +what satisfaction I was able. Yet thus much I may be allowed to say in +my own vindication, that I artfully eluded many of his questions, and +gave to every point a more favourable turn, by many degrees, than the +strictness of truth would allow. For I have always borne that laudable +partiality to my own country, which Dionysius Halicarnassensis, with so +much justice, recommends to an historian: I would hide the frailties +and deformities of my political mother, and place her virtues and +beauties in the most advantageous light. This was my sincere endeavour +in those many discourses I had with that monarch, although it +unfortunately failed of success. + +But great allowances should be given to a king, who lives wholly +secluded from the rest of the world, and must therefore be altogether +unacquainted with the manners and customs that most prevail in other +nations: the want of which knowledge will ever produce many prejudices, +and a certain narrowness of thinking, from which we, and the politer +countries of Europe, are wholly exempted. And it would be hard indeed, +if so remote a prince’s notions of virtue and vice were to be offered +as a standard for all mankind. + +To confirm what I have now said, and further to show the miserable +effects of a confined education, I shall here insert a passage, which +will hardly obtain belief. In hopes to ingratiate myself further into +his majesty’s favour, I told him of “an invention, discovered between +three and four hundred years ago, to make a certain powder, into a heap +of which, the smallest spark of fire falling, would kindle the whole in +a moment, although it were as big as a mountain, and make it all fly up +in the air together, with a noise and agitation greater than thunder. +That a proper quantity of this powder rammed into a hollow tube of +brass or iron, according to its bigness, would drive a ball of iron or +lead, with such violence and speed, as nothing was able to sustain its +force. That the largest balls thus discharged, would not only destroy +whole ranks of an army at once, but batter the strongest walls to the +ground, sink down ships, with a thousand men in each, to the bottom of +the sea, and when linked together by a chain, would cut through masts +and rigging, divide hundreds of bodies in the middle, and lay all waste +before them. That we often put this powder into large hollow balls of +iron, and discharged them by an engine into some city we were +besieging, which would rip up the pavements, tear the houses to pieces, +burst and throw splinters on every side, dashing out the brains of all +who came near. That I knew the ingredients very well, which were cheap +and common; I understood the manner of compounding them, and could +direct his workmen how to make those tubes, of a size proportionable to +all other things in his majesty’s kingdom, and the largest need not be +above a hundred feet long; twenty or thirty of which tubes, charged +with the proper quantity of powder and balls, would batter down the +walls of the strongest town in his dominions in a few hours, or destroy +the whole metropolis, if ever it should pretend to dispute his absolute +commands.” This I humbly offered to his majesty, as a small tribute of +acknowledgment, in turn for so many marks that I had received, of his +royal favour and protection. + +The king was struck with horror at the description I had given of those +terrible engines, and the proposal I had made. “He was amazed, how so +impotent and grovelling an insect as I” (these were his expressions) +“could entertain such inhuman ideas, and in so familiar a manner, as to +appear wholly unmoved at all the scenes of blood and desolation which I +had painted as the common effects of those destructive machines; +whereof,” he said, “some evil genius, enemy to mankind, must have been +the first contriver. As for himself, he protested, that although few +things delighted him so much as new discoveries in art or in nature, +yet he would rather lose half his kingdom, than be privy to such a +secret; which he commanded me, as I valued any life, never to mention +any more.” + +A strange effect of narrow principles and views! that a prince +possessed of every quality which procures veneration, love, and esteem; +of strong parts, great wisdom, and profound learning, endowed with +admirable talents, and almost adored by his subjects, should, from a +nice, unnecessary scruple, whereof in Europe we can have no conception, +let slip an opportunity put into his hands that would have made him +absolute master of the lives, the liberties, and the fortunes of his +people! Neither do I say this, with the least intention to detract from +the many virtues of that excellent king, whose character, I am +sensible, will, on this account, be very much lessened in the opinion +of an English reader: but I take this defect among them to have risen +from their ignorance, by not having hitherto reduced politics into a +science, as the more acute wits of Europe have done. For, I remember +very well, in a discourse one day with the king, when I happened to +say, “there were several thousand books among us written upon the art +of government,” it gave him (directly contrary to my intention) a very +mean opinion of our understandings. He professed both to abominate and +despise all mystery, refinement, and intrigue, either in a prince or a +minister. He could not tell what I meant by secrets of state, where an +enemy, or some rival nation, were not in the case. He confined the +knowledge of governing within very narrow bounds, to common sense and +reason, to justice and lenity, to the speedy determination of civil and +criminal causes; with some other obvious topics, which are not worth +considering. And he gave it for his opinion, “that whoever could make +two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground +where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do +more essential service to his country, than the whole race of +politicians put together.” + +The learning of this people is very defective, consisting only in +morality, history, poetry, and mathematics, wherein they must be +allowed to excel. But the last of these is wholly applied to what may +be useful in life, to the improvement of agriculture, and all +mechanical arts; so that among us, it would be little esteemed. And as +to ideas, entities, abstractions, and transcendentals, I could never +drive the least conception into their heads. + +No law in that country must exceed in words the number of letters in +their alphabet, which consists only of two and twenty. But indeed few +of them extend even to that length. They are expressed in the most +plain and simple terms, wherein those people are not mercurial enough +to discover above one interpretation: and to write a comment upon any +law, is a capital crime. As to the decision of civil causes, or +proceedings against criminals, their precedents are so few, that they +have little reason to boast of any extraordinary skill in either. + +They have had the art of printing, as well as the Chinese, time out of +mind: but their libraries are not very large; for that of the king, +which is reckoned the largest, does not amount to above a thousand +volumes, placed in a gallery of twelve hundred feet long, whence I had +liberty to borrow what books I pleased. The queen’s joiner had +contrived in one of Glumdalclitch’s rooms, a kind of wooden machine +five-and-twenty feet high, formed like a standing ladder; the steps +were each fifty feet long. It was indeed a moveable pair of stairs, the +lowest end placed at ten feet distance from the wall of the chamber. +The book I had a mind to read, was put up leaning against the wall: I +first mounted to the upper step of the ladder, and turning my face +towards the book, began at the top of the page, and so walking to the +right and left about eight or ten paces, according to the length of the +lines, till I had gotten a little below the level of my eyes, and then +descending gradually till I came to the bottom: after which I mounted +again, and began the other page in the same manner, and so turned over +the leaf, which I could easily do with both my hands, for it was as +thick and stiff as a pasteboard, and in the largest folios not above +eighteen or twenty feet long. + +Their style is clear, masculine, and smooth, but not florid; for they +avoid nothing more than multiplying unnecessary words, or using various +expressions. I have perused many of their books, especially those in +history and morality. Among the rest, I was much diverted with a little +old treatise, which always lay in Glumdalclitch’s bed chamber, and +belonged to her governess, a grave elderly gentlewoman, who dealt in +writings of morality and devotion. The book treats of the weakness of +humankind, and is in little esteem, except among the women and the +vulgar. However, I was curious to see what an author of that country +could say upon such a subject. This writer went through all the usual +topics of European moralists, showing “how diminutive, contemptible, +and helpless an animal was man in his own nature; how unable to defend +himself from inclemencies of the air, or the fury of wild beasts: how +much he was excelled by one creature in strength, by another in speed, +by a third in foresight, by a fourth in industry.” He added, “that +nature was degenerated in these latter declining ages of the world, and +could now produce only small abortive births, in comparison of those in +ancient times.” He said “it was very reasonable to think, not only that +the species of men were originally much larger, but also that there +must have been giants in former ages; which, as it is asserted by +history and tradition, so it has been confirmed by huge bones and +skulls, casually dug up in several parts of the kingdom, far exceeding +the common dwindled race of men in our days.” He argued, “that the very +laws of nature absolutely required we should have been made, in the +beginning of a size more large and robust; not so liable to destruction +from every little accident, of a tile falling from a house, or a stone +cast from the hand of a boy, or being drowned in a little brook.” From +this way of reasoning, the author drew several moral applications, +useful in the conduct of life, but needless here to repeat. For my own +part, I could not avoid reflecting how universally this talent was +spread, of drawing lectures in morality, or indeed rather matter of +discontent and repining, from the quarrels we raise with nature. And I +believe, upon a strict inquiry, those quarrels might be shown as +ill-grounded among us as they are among that people. + +As to their military affairs, they boast that the king’s army consists +of a hundred and seventy-six thousand foot, and thirty-two thousand +horse: if that may be called an army, which is made up of tradesmen in +the several cities, and farmers in the country, whose commanders are +only the nobility and gentry, without pay or reward. They are indeed +perfect enough in their exercises, and under very good discipline, +wherein I saw no great merit; for how should it be otherwise, where +every farmer is under the command of his own landlord, and every +citizen under that of the principal men in his own city, chosen after +the manner of Venice, by ballot? + +I have often seen the militia of Lorbrulgrud drawn out to exercise, in +a great field near the city of twenty miles square. They were in all +not above twenty-five thousand foot, and six thousand horse; but it was +impossible for me to compute their number, considering the space of +ground they took up. A cavalier, mounted on a large steed, might be +about ninety feet high. I have seen this whole body of horse, upon a +word of command, draw their swords at once, and brandish them in the +air. Imagination can figure nothing so grand, so surprising, and so +astonishing! It looked as if ten thousand flashes of lightning were +darting at the same time from every quarter of the sky. + +I was curious to know how this prince, to whose dominions there is no +access from any other country, came to think of armies, or to teach his +people the practice of military discipline. But I was soon informed, +both by conversation and reading their histories; for, in the course of +many ages, they have been troubled with the same disease to which the +whole race of mankind is subject; the nobility often contending for +power, the people for liberty, and the king for absolute dominion. All +which, however happily tempered by the laws of that kingdom, have been +sometimes violated by each of the three parties, and have more than +once occasioned civil wars; the last whereof was happily put an end to +by this prince’s grandfather, in a general composition; and the +militia, then settled with common consent, has been ever since kept in +the strictest duty. + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +The king and queen make a progress to the frontiers. The author attends +them. The manner in which he leaves the country very particularly +related. He returns to England. + + +I had always a strong impulse that I should some time recover my +liberty, though it was impossible to conjecture by what means, or to +form any project with the least hope of succeeding. The ship in which I +sailed, was the first ever known to be driven within sight of that +coast, and the king had given strict orders, that if at any time +another appeared, it should be taken ashore, and with all its crew and +passengers brought in a tumbril to Lorbrulgrud. He was strongly bent to +get me a woman of my own size, by whom I might propagate the breed: but +I think I should rather have died than undergone the disgrace of +leaving a posterity to be kept in cages, like tame canary-birds, and +perhaps, in time, sold about the kingdom, to persons of quality, for +curiosities. I was indeed treated with much kindness: I was the +favourite of a great king and queen, and the delight of the whole +court; but it was upon such a foot as ill became the dignity of +humankind. I could never forget those domestic pledges I had left +behind me. I wanted to be among people, with whom I could converse upon +even terms, and walk about the streets and fields without being afraid +of being trod to death like a frog or a young puppy. But my deliverance +came sooner than I expected, and in a manner not very common; the whole +story and circumstances of which I shall faithfully relate. + +I had now been two years in this country; and about the beginning of +the third, Glumdalclitch and I attended the king and queen, in a +progress to the south coast of the kingdom. I was carried, as usual, in +my travelling-box, which as I have already described, was a very +convenient closet, of twelve feet wide. And I had ordered a hammock to +be fixed, by silken ropes from the four corners at the top, to break +the jolts, when a servant carried me before him on horseback, as I +sometimes desired; and would often sleep in my hammock, while we were +upon the road. On the roof of my closet, not directly over the middle +of the hammock, I ordered the joiner to cut out a hole of a foot +square, to give me air in hot weather, as I slept; which hole I shut at +pleasure with a board that drew backward and forward through a groove. + +When we came to our journey’s end, the king thought proper to pass a +few days at a palace he has near Flanflasnic, a city within eighteen +English miles of the seaside. Glumdalclitch and I were much fatigued: I +had gotten a small cold, but the poor girl was so ill as to be confined +to her chamber. I longed to see the ocean, which must be the only scene +of my escape, if ever it should happen. I pretended to be worse than I +really was, and desired leave to take the fresh air of the sea, with a +page, whom I was very fond of, and who had sometimes been trusted with +me. I shall never forget with what unwillingness Glumdalclitch +consented, nor the strict charge she gave the page to be careful of me, +bursting at the same time into a flood of tears, as if she had some +forboding of what was to happen. The boy took me out in my box, about +half an hour’s walk from the palace, towards the rocks on the +sea-shore. I ordered him to set me down, and lifting up one of my +sashes, cast many a wistful melancholy look towards the sea. I found +myself not very well, and told the page that I had a mind to take a nap +in my hammock, which I hoped would do me good. I got in, and the boy +shut the window close down, to keep out the cold. I soon fell asleep, +and all I can conjecture is, while I slept, the page, thinking no +danger could happen, went among the rocks to look for birds’ eggs, +having before observed him from my window searching about, and picking +up one or two in the clefts. Be that as it will, I found myself +suddenly awaked with a violent pull upon the ring, which was fastened +at the top of my box for the conveniency of carriage. I felt my box +raised very high in the air, and then borne forward with prodigious +speed. The first jolt had like to have shaken me out of my hammock, but +afterward the motion was easy enough. I called out several times, as +loud as I could raise my voice, but all to no purpose. I looked towards +my windows, and could see nothing but the clouds and sky. I heard a +noise just over my head, like the clapping of wings, and then began to +perceive the woful condition I was in; that some eagle had got the ring +of my box in his beak, with an intent to let it fall on a rock, like a +tortoise in a shell, and then pick out my body, and devour it: for the +sagacity and smell of this bird enables him to discover his quarry at a +great distance, though better concealed than I could be within a +two-inch board. + +In a little time, I observed the noise and flutter of wings to increase +very fast, and my box was tossed up and down, like a sign in a windy +day. I heard several bangs or buffets, as I thought given to the eagle +(for such I am certain it must have been that held the ring of my box +in his beak), and then, all on a sudden, felt myself falling +perpendicularly down, for above a minute, but with such incredible +swiftness, that I almost lost my breath. My fall was stopped by a +terrible squash, that sounded louder to my ears than the cataract of +Niagara; after which, I was quite in the dark for another minute, and +then my box began to rise so high, that I could see light from the tops +of the windows. I now perceived I was fallen into the sea. My box, by +the weight of my body, the goods that were in, and the broad plates of +iron fixed for strength at the four corners of the top and bottom, +floated about five feet deep in water. I did then, and do now suppose, +that the eagle which flew away with my box was pursued by two or three +others, and forced to let me drop, while he defended himself against +the rest, who hoped to share in the prey. The plates of iron fastened +at the bottom of the box (for those were the strongest) preserved the +balance while it fell, and hindered it from being broken on the surface +of the water. Every joint of it was well grooved; and the door did not +move on hinges, but up and down like a sash, which kept my closet so +tight that very little water came in. I got with much difficulty out of +my hammock, having first ventured to draw back the slip-board on the +roof already mentioned, contrived on purpose to let in air, for want of +which I found myself almost stifled. + +How often did I then wish myself with my dear Glumdalclitch, from whom +one single hour had so far divided me! And I may say with truth, that +in the midst of my own misfortunes I could not forbear lamenting my +poor nurse, the grief she would suffer for my loss, the displeasure of +the queen, and the ruin of her fortune. Perhaps many travellers have +not been under greater difficulties and distress than I was at this +juncture, expecting every moment to see my box dashed to pieces, or at +least overset by the first violent blast, or rising wave. A breach in +one single pane of glass would have been immediate death: nor could any +thing have preserved the windows, but the strong lattice wires placed +on the outside, against accidents in travelling. I saw the water ooze +in at several crannies, although the leaks were not considerable, and I +endeavoured to stop them as well as I could. I was not able to lift up +the roof of my closet, which otherwise I certainly should have done, +and sat on the top of it; where I might at least preserve myself some +hours longer, than by being shut up (as I may call it) in the hold. Or +if I escaped these dangers for a day or two, what could I expect but a +miserable death of cold and hunger? I was four hours under these +circumstances, expecting, and indeed wishing, every moment to be my +last. + +I have already told the reader that there were two strong staples fixed +upon that side of my box which had no window, and into which the +servant, who used to carry me on horseback, would put a leathern belt, +and buckle it about his waist. Being in this disconsolate state, I +heard, or at least thought I heard, some kind of grating noise on that +side of my box where the staples were fixed; and soon after I began to +fancy that the box was pulled or towed along the sea; for I now and +then felt a sort of tugging, which made the waves rise near the tops of +my windows, leaving me almost in the dark. This gave me some faint +hopes of relief, although I was not able to imagine how it could be +brought about. I ventured to unscrew one of my chairs, which were +always fastened to the floor; and having made a hard shift to screw it +down again, directly under the slipping-board that I had lately opened, +I mounted on the chair, and putting my mouth as near as I could to the +hole, I called for help in a loud voice, and in all the languages I +understood. I then fastened my handkerchief to a stick I usually +carried, and thrusting it up the hole, waved it several times in the +air, that if any boat or ship were near, the seamen might conjecture +some unhappy mortal to be shut up in the box. + +I found no effect from all I could do, but plainly perceived my closet +to be moved along; and in the space of an hour, or better, that side of +the box where the staples were, and had no windows, struck against +something that was hard. I apprehended it to be a rock, and found +myself tossed more than ever. I plainly heard a noise upon the cover of +my closet, like that of a cable, and the grating of it as it passed +through the ring. I then found myself hoisted up, by degrees, at least +three feet higher than I was before. Whereupon I again thrust up my +stick and handkerchief, calling for help till I was almost hoarse. In +return to which, I heard a great shout repeated three times, giving me +such transports of joy as are not to be conceived but by those who feel +them. I now heard a trampling over my head, and somebody calling +through the hole with a loud voice, in the English tongue, “If there be +any body below, let them speak.” I answered, “I was an Englishman, +drawn by ill fortune into the greatest calamity that ever any creature +underwent, and begged, by all that was moving, to be delivered out of +the dungeon I was in.” The voice replied, “I was safe, for my box was +fastened to their ship; and the carpenter should immediately come and +saw a hole in the cover, large enough to pull me out.” I answered, +“that was needless, and would take up too much time; for there was no +more to be done, but let one of the crew put his finger into the ring, +and take the box out of the sea into the ship, and so into the +captain’s cabin.” Some of them, upon hearing me talk so wildly, thought +I was mad: others laughed; for indeed it never came into my head, that +I was now got among people of my own stature and strength. The +carpenter came, and in a few minutes sawed a passage about four feet +square, then let down a small ladder, upon which I mounted, and thence +was taken into the ship in a very weak condition. + +The sailors were all in amazement, and asked me a thousand questions, +which I had no inclination to answer. I was equally confounded at the +sight of so many pigmies, for such I took them to be, after having so +long accustomed my eyes to the monstrous objects I had left. But the +captain, Mr. Thomas Wilcocks, an honest worthy Shropshire man, +observing I was ready to faint, took me into his cabin, gave me a +cordial to comfort me, and made me turn in upon his own bed, advising +me to take a little rest, of which I had great need. Before I went to +sleep, I gave him to understand that I had some valuable furniture in +my box, too good to be lost: a fine hammock, a handsome field-bed, two +chairs, a table, and a cabinet; that my closet was hung on all sides, +or rather quilted, with silk and cotton; that if he would let one of +the crew bring my closet into his cabin, I would open it there before +him, and show him my goods. The captain, hearing me utter these +absurdities, concluded I was raving; however (I suppose to pacify me) +he promised to give order as I desired, and going upon deck, sent some +of his men down into my closet, whence (as I afterwards found) they +drew up all my goods, and stripped off the quilting; but the chairs, +cabinet, and bedstead, being screwed to the floor, were much damaged by +the ignorance of the seamen, who tore them up by force. Then they +knocked off some of the boards for the use of the ship, and when they +had got all they had a mind for, let the hull drop into the sea, which +by reason of many breaches made in the bottom and sides, sunk to +rights. And, indeed, I was glad not to have been a spectator of the +havoc they made, because I am confident it would have sensibly touched +me, by bringing former passages into my mind, which I would rather have +forgot. + +I slept some hours, but perpetually disturbed with dreams of the place +I had left, and the dangers I had escaped. However, upon waking, I +found myself much recovered. It was now about eight o’clock at night, +and the captain ordered supper immediately, thinking I had already +fasted too long. He entertained me with great kindness, observing me +not to look wildly, or talk inconsistently: and, when we were left +alone, desired I would give him a relation of my travels, and by what +accident I came to be set adrift, in that monstrous wooden chest. He +said “that about twelve o’clock at noon, as he was looking through his +glass, he spied it at a distance, and thought it was a sail, which he +had a mind to make, being not much out of his course, in hopes of +buying some biscuit, his own beginning to fall short. That upon coming +nearer, and finding his error, he sent out his long-boat to discover +what it was; that his men came back in a fright, swearing they had seen +a swimming house. That he laughed at their folly, and went himself in +the boat, ordering his men to take a strong cable along with them. That +the weather being calm, he rowed round me several times, observed my +windows and wire lattices that defended them. That he discovered two +staples upon one side, which was all of boards, without any passage for +light. He then commanded his men to row up to that side, and fastening +a cable to one of the staples, ordered them to tow my chest, as they +called it, toward the ship. When it was there, he gave directions to +fasten another cable to the ring fixed in the cover, and to raise up my +chest with pulleys, which all the sailors were not able to do above two +or three feet.” He said, “they saw my stick and handkerchief thrust out +of the hole, and concluded that some unhappy man must be shut up in the +cavity.” I asked, “whether he or the crew had seen any prodigious birds +in the air, about the time he first discovered me.” To which he +answered, “that discoursing this matter with the sailors while I was +asleep, one of them said, he had observed three eagles flying towards +the north, but remarked nothing of their being larger than the usual +size:” which I suppose must be imputed to the great height they were +at; and he could not guess the reason of my question. I then asked the +captain, “how far he reckoned we might be from land?” He said, “by the +best computation he could make, we were at least a hundred leagues.” I +assured him, “that he must be mistaken by almost half, for I had not +left the country whence I came above two hours before I dropped into +the sea.” Whereupon he began again to think that my brain was +disturbed, of which he gave me a hint, and advised me to go to bed in a +cabin he had provided. I assured him, “I was well refreshed with his +good entertainment and company, and as much in my senses as ever I was +in my life.” He then grew serious, and desired to ask me freely, +“whether I were not troubled in my mind by the consciousness of some +enormous crime, for which I was punished, at the command of some +prince, by exposing me in that chest; as great criminals, in other +countries, have been forced to sea in a leaky vessel, without +provisions: for although he should be sorry to have taken so ill a man +into his ship, yet he would engage his word to set me safe ashore, in +the first port where we arrived.” He added, “that his suspicions were +much increased by some very absurd speeches I had delivered at first to +his sailors, and afterwards to himself, in relation to my closet or +chest, as well as by my odd looks and behaviour while I was at supper.” + +I begged his patience to hear me tell my story, which I faithfully did, +from the last time I left England, to the moment he first discovered +me. And, as truth always forces its way into rational minds, so this +honest worthy gentleman, who had some tincture of learning, and very +good sense, was immediately convinced of my candour and veracity. But +further to confirm all I had said, I entreated him to give order that +my cabinet should be brought, of which I had the key in my pocket; for +he had already informed me how the seamen disposed of my closet. I +opened it in his own presence, and showed him the small collection of +rarities I made in the country from which I had been so strangely +delivered. There was the comb I had contrived out of the stumps of the +king’s beard, and another of the same materials, but fixed into a +paring of her majesty’s thumb-nail, which served for the back. There +was a collection of needles and pins, from a foot to half a yard long; +four wasp stings, like joiner’s tacks; some combings of the queen’s +hair; a gold ring, which one day she made me a present of, in a most +obliging manner, taking it from her little finger, and throwing it over +my head like a collar. I desired the captain would please to accept +this ring in return for his civilities; which he absolutely refused. I +showed him a corn that I had cut off with my own hand, from a maid of +honour’s toe; it was about the bigness of Kentish pippin, and grown so +hard, that when I returned to England, I got it hollowed into a cup, +and set in silver. Lastly, I desired him to see the breeches I had then +on, which were made of a mouse’s skin. + +I could force nothing on him but a footman’s tooth, which I observed +him to examine with great curiosity, and found he had a fancy for it. +He received it with abundance of thanks, more than such a trifle could +deserve. It was drawn by an unskilful surgeon, in a mistake, from one +of Glumdalclitch’s men, who was afflicted with the tooth-ache, but it +was as sound as any in his head. I got it cleaned, and put it into my +cabinet. It was about a foot long, and four inches in diameter. + +The captain was very well satisfied with this plain relation I had +given him, and said, “he hoped, when we returned to England, I would +oblige the world by putting it on paper, and making it public.” My +answer was, “that we were overstocked with books of travels: that +nothing could now pass which was not extraordinary; wherein I doubted +some authors less consulted truth, than their own vanity, or interest, +or the diversion of ignorant readers; that my story could contain +little beside common events, without those ornamental descriptions of +strange plants, trees, birds, and other animals; or of the barbarous +customs and idolatry of savage people, with which most writers abound. +However, I thanked him for his good opinion, and promised to take the +matter into my thoughts.” + +He said “he wondered at one thing very much, which was, to hear me +speak so loud;” asking me “whether the king or queen of that country +were thick of hearing?” I told him, “it was what I had been used to for +above two years past, and that I admired as much at the voices of him +and his men, who seemed to me only to whisper, and yet I could hear +them well enough. But, when I spoke in that country, it was like a man +talking in the streets, to another looking out from the top of a +steeple, unless when I was placed on a table, or held in any person’s +hand.” I told him, “I had likewise observed another thing, that, when I +first got into the ship, and the sailors stood all about me, I thought +they were the most little contemptible creatures I had ever beheld.” +For indeed, while I was in that prince’s country, I could never endure +to look in a glass, after my eyes had been accustomed to such +prodigious objects, because the comparison gave me so despicable a +conceit of myself. The captain said, “that while we were at supper, he +observed me to look at every thing with a sort of wonder, and that I +often seemed hardly able to contain my laughter, which he knew not well +how to take, but imputed it to some disorder in my brain.” I answered, +“it was very true; and I wondered how I could forbear, when I saw his +dishes of the size of a silver three-pence, a leg of pork hardly a +mouthful, a cup not so big as a nut-shell;” and so I went on, +describing the rest of his household-stuff and provisions, after the +same manner. For, although the queen had ordered a little equipage of +all things necessary for me, while I was in her service, yet my ideas +were wholly taken up with what I saw on every side of me, and I winked +at my own littleness, as people do at their own faults. The captain +understood my raillery very well, and merrily replied with the old +English proverb, “that he doubted my eyes were bigger than my belly, +for he did not observe my stomach so good, although I had fasted all +day;” and, continuing in his mirth, protested “he would have gladly +given a hundred pounds, to have seen my closet in the eagle’s bill, and +afterwards in its fall from so great a height into the sea; which would +certainly have been a most astonishing object, worthy to have the +description of it transmitted to future ages:” and the comparison of +Phaeton was so obvious, that he could not forbear applying it, although +I did not much admire the conceit. + +The captain having been at Tonquin, was, in his return to England, +driven north-eastward to the latitude of 44 degrees, and longitude of +143. But meeting a trade-wind two days after I came on board him, we +sailed southward a long time, and coasting New Holland, kept our course +west-south-west, and then south-south-west, till we doubled the Cape of +Good Hope. Our voyage was very prosperous, but I shall not trouble the +reader with a journal of it. The captain called in at one or two ports, +and sent in his long-boat for provisions and fresh water; but I never +went out of the ship till we came into the Downs, which was on the +third day of June, 1706, about nine months after my escape. I offered +to leave my goods in security for payment of my freight: but the +captain protested he would not receive one farthing. We took a kind +leave of each other, and I made him promise he would come to see me at +my house in Redriff. I hired a horse and guide for five shillings, +which I borrowed of the captain. + +As I was on the road, observing the littleness of the houses, the +trees, the cattle, and the people, I began to think myself in Lilliput. +I was afraid of trampling on every traveller I met, and often called +aloud to have them stand out of the way, so that I had like to have +gotten one or two broken heads for my impertinence. + +When I came to my own house, for which I was forced to inquire, one of +the servants opening the door, I bent down to go in, (like a goose +under a gate,) for fear of striking my head. My wife ran out to embrace +me, but I stooped lower than her knees, thinking she could otherwise +never be able to reach my mouth. My daughter kneeled to ask my +blessing, but I could not see her till she arose, having been so long +used to stand with my head and eyes erect to above sixty feet; and then +I went to take her up with one hand by the waist. I looked down upon +the servants, and one or two friends who were in the house, as if they +had been pigmies and I a giant. I told my wife, “she had been too +thrifty, for I found she had starved herself and her daughter to +nothing.” In short, I behaved myself so unaccountably, that they were +all of the captain’s opinion when he first saw me, and concluded I had +lost my wits. This I mention as an instance of the great power of habit +and prejudice. + +In a little time, I and my family and friends came to a right +understanding: but my wife protested “I should never go to sea any +more;” although my evil destiny so ordered, that she had not power to +hinder me, as the reader may know hereafter. In the mean time, I here +conclude the second part of my unfortunate voyages. + + +PART III. A VOYAGE TO LAPUTA, BALNIBARBI, GLUBBDUBDRIB, LUGGNAGG AND +JAPAN. + + +CHAPTER I. + +The author sets out on his third voyage. Is taken by pirates. The +malice of a Dutchman. His arrival at an island. He is received into +Laputa. + + +I had not been at home above ten days, when Captain William Robinson, a +Cornish man, commander of the Hopewell, a stout ship of three hundred +tons, came to my house. I had formerly been surgeon of another ship +where he was master, and a fourth part owner, in a voyage to the +Levant. He had always treated me more like a brother, than an inferior +officer; and, hearing of my arrival, made me a visit, as I apprehended +only out of friendship, for nothing passed more than what is usual +after long absences. But repeating his visits often, expressing his joy +to find me in good health, asking, “whether I were now settled for +life?” adding, “that he intended a voyage to the East Indies in two +months,” at last he plainly invited me, though with some apologies, to +be surgeon of the ship; “that I should have another surgeon under me, +beside our two mates; that my salary should be double to the usual pay; +and that having experienced my knowledge in sea-affairs to be at least +equal to his, he would enter into any engagement to follow my advice, +as much as if I had shared in the command.” + +He said so many other obliging things, and I knew him to be so honest a +man, that I could not reject this proposal; the thirst I had of seeing +the world, notwithstanding my past misfortunes, continuing as violent +as ever. The only difficulty that remained, was to persuade my wife, +whose consent however I at last obtained, by the prospect of advantage +she proposed to her children. + +We set out the 5th day of August, 1706, and arrived at Fort St. George +the 11th of April, 1707. We staid there three weeks to refresh our +crew, many of whom were sick. From thence we went to Tonquin, where the +captain resolved to continue some time, because many of the goods he +intended to buy were not ready, nor could he expect to be dispatched in +several months. Therefore, in hopes to defray some of the charges he +must be at, he bought a sloop, loaded it with several sorts of goods, +wherewith the Tonquinese usually trade to the neighbouring islands, and +putting fourteen men on board, whereof three were of the country, he +appointed me master of the sloop, and gave me power to traffic, while +he transacted his affairs at Tonquin. + +We had not sailed above three days, when a great storm arising, we were +driven five days to the north-north-east, and then to the east: after +which we had fair weather, but still with a pretty strong gale from the +west. Upon the tenth day we were chased by two pirates, who soon +overtook us; for my sloop was so deep laden, that she sailed very slow, +neither were we in a condition to defend ourselves. + +We were boarded about the same time by both the pirates, who entered +furiously at the head of their men; but finding us all prostrate upon +our faces (for so I gave order), they pinioned us with strong ropes, +and setting guard upon us, went to search the sloop. + +I observed among them a Dutchman, who seemed to be of some authority, +though he was not commander of either ship. He knew us by our +countenances to be Englishmen, and jabbering to us in his own language, +swore we should be tied back to back and thrown into the sea. I spoke +Dutch tolerably well; I told him who we were, and begged him, in +consideration of our being Christians and Protestants, of neighbouring +countries in strict alliance, that he would move the captains to take +some pity on us. This inflamed his rage; he repeated his threatenings, +and turning to his companions, spoke with great vehemence in the +Japanese language, as I suppose, often using the word _Christianos_. + +The largest of the two pirate ships was commanded by a Japanese +captain, who spoke a little Dutch, but very imperfectly. He came up to +me, and after several questions, which I answered in great humility, he +said, “we should not die.” I made the captain a very low bow, and then, +turning to the Dutchman, said, “I was sorry to find more mercy in a +heathen, than in a brother christian.” But I had soon reason to repent +those foolish words: for that malicious reprobate, having often +endeavoured in vain to persuade both the captains that I might be +thrown into the sea (which they would not yield to, after the promise +made me that I should not die), however, prevailed so far, as to have a +punishment inflicted on me, worse, in all human appearance, than death +itself. My men were sent by an equal division into both the pirate +ships, and my sloop new manned. As to myself, it was determined that I +should be set adrift in a small canoe, with paddles and a sail, and +four days’ provisions; which last, the Japanese captain was so kind to +double out of his own stores, and would permit no man to search me. I +got down into the canoe, while the Dutchman, standing upon the deck, +loaded me with all the curses and injurious terms his language could +afford. + +About an hour before we saw the pirates I had taken an observation, and +found we were in the latitude of 46 N. and longitude of 183. When I was +at some distance from the pirates, I discovered, by my pocket-glass, +several islands to the south-east. I set up my sail, the wind being +fair, with a design to reach the nearest of those islands, which I made +a shift to do, in about three hours. It was all rocky: however I got +many birds’ eggs; and, striking fire, I kindled some heath and dry +sea-weed, by which I roasted my eggs. I ate no other supper, being +resolved to spare my provisions as much as I could. I passed the night +under the shelter of a rock, strewing some heath under me, and slept +pretty well. + +The next day I sailed to another island, and thence to a third and +fourth, sometimes using my sail, and sometimes my paddles. But, not to +trouble the reader with a particular account of my distresses, let it +suffice, that on the fifth day I arrived at the last island in my +sight, which lay south-south-east to the former. + +This island was at a greater distance than I expected, and I did not +reach it in less than five hours. I encompassed it almost round, before +I could find a convenient place to land in; which was a small creek, +about three times the wideness of my canoe. I found the island to be +all rocky, only a little intermingled with tufts of grass, and +sweet-smelling herbs. I took out my small provisions and after having +refreshed myself, I secured the remainder in a cave, whereof there were +great numbers; I gathered plenty of eggs upon the rocks, and got a +quantity of dry sea-weed, and parched grass, which I designed to kindle +the next day, and roast my eggs as well as I could, for I had about me +my flint, steel, match, and burning-glass. I lay all night in the cave +where I had lodged my provisions. My bed was the same dry grass and +sea-weed which I intended for fuel. I slept very little, for the +disquiets of my mind prevailed over my weariness, and kept me awake. I +considered how impossible it was to preserve my life in so desolate a +place, and how miserable my end must be: yet found myself so listless +and desponding, that I had not the heart to rise; and before I could +get spirits enough to creep out of my cave, the day was far advanced. I +walked awhile among the rocks: the sky was perfectly clear, and the sun +so hot, that I was forced to turn my face from it: when all on a sudden +it became obscure, as I thought, in a manner very different from what +happens by the interposition of a cloud. I turned back, and perceived a +vast opaque body between me and the sun moving forwards towards the +island: it seemed to be about two miles high, and hid the sun six or +seven minutes; but I did not observe the air to be much colder, or the +sky more darkened, than if I had stood under the shade of a mountain. +As it approached nearer over the place where I was, it appeared to be a +firm substance, the bottom flat, smooth, and shining very bright, from +the reflection of the sea below. I stood upon a height about two +hundred yards from the shore, and saw this vast body descending almost +to a parallel with me, at less than an English mile distance. I took +out my pocket perspective, and could plainly discover numbers of people +moving up and down the sides of it, which appeared to be sloping; but +what those people were doing I was not able to distinguish. + +The natural love of life gave me some inward motion of joy, and I was +ready to entertain a hope that this adventure might, some way or other, +help to deliver me from the desolate place and condition I was in. But +at the same time the reader can hardly conceive my astonishment, to +behold an island in the air, inhabited by men, who were able (as it +should seem) to raise or sink, or put it into progressive motion, as +they pleased. But not being at that time in a disposition to +philosophise upon this phenomenon, I rather chose to observe what +course the island would take, because it seemed for a while to stand +still. Yet soon after, it advanced nearer, and I could see the sides of +it encompassed with several gradations of galleries, and stairs, at +certain intervals, to descend from one to the other. In the lowest +gallery, I beheld some people fishing with long angling rods, and +others looking on. I waved my cap (for my hat was long since worn out) +and my handkerchief toward the island; and upon its nearer approach, I +called and shouted with the utmost strength of my voice; and then +looking circumspectly, I beheld a crowd gather to that side which was +most in my view. I found by their pointing towards me and to each +other, that they plainly discovered me, although they made no return to +my shouting. But I could see four or five men running in great haste, +up the stairs, to the top of the island, who then disappeared. I +happened rightly to conjecture, that these were sent for orders to some +person in authority upon this occasion. + +The number of people increased, and, in less than half an hour, the +island was moved and raised in such a manner, that the lowest gallery +appeared in a parallel of less than a hundred yards distance from the +height where I stood. I then put myself in the most supplicating +posture, and spoke in the humblest accent, but received no answer. +Those who stood nearest over against me, seemed to be persons of +distinction, as I supposed by their habit. They conferred earnestly +with each other, looking often upon me. At length one of them called +out in a clear, polite, smooth dialect, not unlike in sound to the +Italian: and therefore I returned an answer in that language, hoping at +least that the cadence might be more agreeable to his ears. Although +neither of us understood the other, yet my meaning was easily known, +for the people saw the distress I was in. + +They made signs for me to come down from the rock, and go towards the +shore, which I accordingly did; and the flying island being raised to a +convenient height, the verge directly over me, a chain was let down +from the lowest gallery, with a seat fastened to the bottom, to which I +fixed myself, and was drawn up by pulleys. + + +CHAPTER II. + +The humours and dispositions of the Laputians described. An account of +their learning. Of the king and his court. The author’s reception +there. The inhabitants subject to fear and disquietudes. An account of +the women. + + +At my alighting, I was surrounded with a crowd of people, but those who +stood nearest seemed to be of better quality. They beheld me with all +the marks and circumstances of wonder; neither indeed was I much in +their debt, having never till then seen a race of mortals so singular +in their shapes, habits, and countenances. Their heads were all +reclined, either to the right, or the left; one of their eyes turned +inward, and the other directly up to the zenith. Their outward garments +were adorned with the figures of suns, moons, and stars; interwoven +with those of fiddles, flutes, harps, trumpets, guitars, harpsichords, +and many other instruments of music, unknown to us in Europe. I +observed, here and there, many in the habit of servants, with a blown +bladder, fastened like a flail to the end of a stick, which they +carried in their hands. In each bladder was a small quantity of dried +peas, or little pebbles, as I was afterwards informed. With these +bladders, they now and then flapped the mouths and ears of those who +stood near them, of which practice I could not then conceive the +meaning. It seems the minds of these people are so taken up with +intense speculations, that they neither can speak, nor attend to the +discourses of others, without being roused by some external taction +upon the organs of speech and hearing; for which reason, those persons +who are able to afford it always keep a flapper (the original is +_climenole_) in their family, as one of their domestics; nor ever walk +abroad, or make visits, without him. And the business of this officer +is, when two, three, or more persons are in company, gently to strike +with his bladder the mouth of him who is to speak, and the right ear of +him or them to whom the speaker addresses himself. This flapper is +likewise employed diligently to attend his master in his walks, and +upon occasion to give him a soft flap on his eyes; because he is always +so wrapped up in cogitation, that he is in manifest danger of falling +down every precipice, and bouncing his head against every post; and in +the streets, of justling others, or being justled himself into the +kennel. + +It was necessary to give the reader this information, without which he +would be at the same loss with me to understand the proceedings of +these people, as they conducted me up the stairs to the top of the +island, and from thence to the royal palace. While we were ascending, +they forgot several times what they were about, and left me to myself, +till their memories were again roused by their flappers; for they +appeared altogether unmoved by the sight of my foreign habit and +countenance, and by the shouts of the vulgar, whose thoughts and minds +were more disengaged. + +At last we entered the palace, and proceeded into the chamber of +presence, where I saw the king seated on his throne, attended on each +side by persons of prime quality. Before the throne, was a large table +filled with globes and spheres, and mathematical instruments of all +kinds. His majesty took not the least notice of us, although our +entrance was not without sufficient noise, by the concourse of all +persons belonging to the court. But he was then deep in a problem; and +we attended at least an hour, before he could solve it. There stood by +him, on each side, a young page with flaps in their hands, and when +they saw he was at leisure, one of them gently struck his mouth, and +the other his right ear; at which he startled like one awaked on the +sudden, and looking towards me and the company I was in, recollected +the occasion of our coming, whereof he had been informed before. He +spoke some words, whereupon immediately a young man with a flap came up +to my side, and flapped me gently on the right ear; but I made signs, +as well as I could, that I had no occasion for such an instrument; +which, as I afterwards found, gave his majesty, and the whole court, a +very mean opinion of my understanding. The king, as far as I could +conjecture, asked me several questions, and I addressed myself to him +in all the languages I had. When it was found I could neither +understand nor be understood, I was conducted by his order to an +apartment in his palace (this prince being distinguished above all his +predecessors for his hospitality to strangers), where two servants were +appointed to attend me. My dinner was brought, and four persons of +quality, whom I remembered to have seen very near the king’s person, +did me the honour to dine with me. We had two courses, of three dishes +each. In the first course, there was a shoulder of mutton cut into an +equilateral triangle, a piece of beef into a rhomboides, and a pudding +into a cycloid. The second course was two ducks trussed up in the form +of fiddles; sausages and puddings resembling flutes and hautboys, and a +breast of veal in the shape of a harp. The servants cut our bread into +cones, cylinders, parallelograms, and several other mathematical +figures. + +While we were at dinner, I made bold to ask the names of several things +in their language, and those noble persons, by the assistance of their +flappers, delighted to give me answers, hoping to raise my admiration +of their great abilities if I could be brought to converse with them. I +was soon able to call for bread and drink, or whatever else I wanted. + +After dinner my company withdrew, and a person was sent to me by the +king’s order, attended by a flapper. He brought with him pen, ink, and +paper, and three or four books, giving me to understand by signs, that +he was sent to teach me the language. We sat together four hours, in +which time I wrote down a great number of words in columns, with the +translations over against them; I likewise made a shift to learn +several short sentences; for my tutor would order one of my servants to +fetch something, to turn about, to make a bow, to sit, or to stand, or +walk, and the like. Then I took down the sentence in writing. He showed +me also, in one of his books, the figures of the sun, moon, and stars, +the zodiac, the tropics, and polar circles, together with the +denominations of many planes and solids. He gave me the names and +descriptions of all the musical instruments, and the general terms of +art in playing on each of them. After he had left me, I placed all my +words, with their interpretations, in alphabetical order. And thus, in +a few days, by the help of a very faithful memory, I got some insight +into their language. The word, which I interpret the flying or floating +island, is in the original _Laputa_, whereof I could never learn the +true etymology. _Lap_, in the old obsolete language, signifies high; +and _untuh_, a governor; from which they say, by corruption, was +derived _Laputa_, from _Lapuntuh_. But I do not approve of this +derivation, which seems to be a little strained. I ventured to offer to +the learned among them a conjecture of my own, that Laputa was _quasi +lap outed_; _lap_, signifying properly, the dancing of the sunbeams in +the sea, and _outed_, a wing; which, however, I shall not obtrude, but +submit to the judicious reader. + +Those to whom the king had entrusted me, observing how ill I was clad, +ordered a tailor to come next morning, and take measure for a suit of +clothes. This operator did his office after a different manner from +those of his trade in Europe. He first took my altitude by a quadrant, +and then, with a rule and compasses, described the dimensions and +outlines of my whole body, all which he entered upon paper; and in six +days brought my clothes very ill made, and quite out of shape, by +happening to mistake a figure in the calculation. But my comfort was, +that I observed such accidents very frequent, and little regarded. + +During my confinement for want of clothes, and by an indisposition that +held me some days longer, I much enlarged my dictionary; and when I +went next to court, was able to understand many things the king spoke, +and to return him some kind of answers. His majesty had given orders, +that the island should move north-east and by east, to the vertical +point over Lagado, the metropolis of the whole kingdom below, upon the +firm earth. It was about ninety leagues distant, and our voyage lasted +four days and a half. I was not in the least sensible of the +progressive motion made in the air by the island. On the second +morning, about eleven o’clock, the king himself in person, attended by +his nobility, courtiers, and officers, having prepared all their +musical instruments, played on them for three hours without +intermission, so that I was quite stunned with the noise; neither could +I possibly guess the meaning, till my tutor informed me. He said that, +the people of their island had their ears adapted to hear “the music of +the spheres, which always played at certain periods, and the court was +now prepared to bear their part, in whatever instrument they most +excelled.” + +In our journey towards Lagado, the capital city, his majesty ordered +that the island should stop over certain towns and villages, from +whence he might receive the petitions of his subjects. And to this +purpose, several packthreads were let down, with small weights at the +bottom. On these packthreads the people strung their petitions, which +mounted up directly, like the scraps of paper fastened by schoolboys at +the end of the string that holds their kite. Sometimes we received wine +and victuals from below, which were drawn up by pulleys. + +The knowledge I had in mathematics gave me great assistance in +acquiring their phraseology, which depended much upon that science, and +music; and in the latter I was not unskilled. Their ideas are +perpetually conversant in lines and figures. If they would, for +example, praise the beauty of a woman, or any other animal, they +describe it by rhombs, circles, parallelograms, ellipses, and other +geometrical terms, or by words of art drawn from music, needless here +to repeat. I observed in the king’s kitchen all sorts of mathematical +and musical instruments, after the figures of which they cut up the +joints that were served to his majesty’s table. + +Their houses are very ill built, the walls bevel, without one right +angle in any apartment; and this defect arises from the contempt they +bear to practical geometry, which they despise as vulgar and mechanic; +those instructions they give being too refined for the intellects of +their workmen, which occasions perpetual mistakes. And although they +are dexterous enough upon a piece of paper, in the management of the +rule, the pencil, and the divider, yet in the common actions and +behaviour of life, I have not seen a more clumsy, awkward, and unhandy +people, nor so slow and perplexed in their conceptions upon all other +subjects, except those of mathematics and music. They are very bad +reasoners, and vehemently given to opposition, unless when they happen +to be of the right opinion, which is seldom their case. Imagination, +fancy, and invention, they are wholly strangers to, nor have any words +in their language, by which those ideas can be expressed; the whole +compass of their thoughts and mind being shut up within the two +forementioned sciences. + +Most of them, and especially those who deal in the astronomical part, +have great faith in judicial astrology, although they are ashamed to +own it publicly. But what I chiefly admired, and thought altogether +unaccountable, was the strong disposition I observed in them towards +news and politics, perpetually inquiring into public affairs, giving +their judgments in matters of state, and passionately disputing every +inch of a party opinion. I have indeed observed the same disposition +among most of the mathematicians I have known in Europe, although I +could never discover the least analogy between the two sciences; unless +those people suppose, that because the smallest circle has as many +degrees as the largest, therefore the regulation and management of the +world require no more abilities than the handling and turning of a +globe; but I rather take this quality to spring from a very common +infirmity of human nature, inclining us to be most curious and +conceited in matters where we have least concern, and for which we are +least adapted by study or nature. + +These people are under continual disquietudes, never enjoying a +minute’s peace of mind; and their disturbances proceed from causes +which very little affect the rest of mortals. Their apprehensions arise +from several changes they dread in the celestial bodies: for instance, +that the earth, by the continual approaches of the sun towards it, +must, in course of time, be absorbed, or swallowed up; that the face of +the sun, will, by degrees, be encrusted with its own effluvia, and give +no more light to the world; that the earth very narrowly escaped a +brush from the tail of the last comet, which would have infallibly +reduced it to ashes; and that the next, which they have calculated for +one-and-thirty years hence, will probably destroy us. For if, in its +perihelion, it should approach within a certain degree of the sun (as +by their calculations they have reason to dread) it will receive a +degree of heat ten thousand times more intense than that of red hot +glowing iron, and in its absence from the sun, carry a blazing tail ten +hundred thousand and fourteen miles long, through which, if the earth +should pass at the distance of one hundred thousand miles from the +nucleus, or main body of the comet, it must in its passage be set on +fire, and reduced to ashes: that the sun, daily spending its rays +without any nutriment to supply them, will at last be wholly consumed +and annihilated; which must be attended with the destruction of this +earth, and of all the planets that receive their light from it. + +They are so perpetually alarmed with the apprehensions of these, and +the like impending dangers, that they can neither sleep quietly in +their beds, nor have any relish for the common pleasures and amusements +of life. When they meet an acquaintance in the morning, the first +question is about the sun’s health, how he looked at his setting and +rising, and what hopes they have to avoid the stroke of the approaching +comet. This conversation they are apt to run into with the same temper +that boys discover in delighting to hear terrible stories of spirits +and hobgoblins, which they greedily listen to, and dare not go to bed +for fear. + +The women of the island have abundance of vivacity: they contemn their +husbands, and are exceedingly fond of strangers, whereof there is +always a considerable number from the continent below, attending at +court, either upon affairs of the several towns and corporations, or +their own particular occasions, but are much despised, because they +want the same endowments. Among these the ladies choose their gallants: +but the vexation is, that they act with too much ease and security; for +the husband is always so rapt in speculation, that the mistress and +lover may proceed to the greatest familiarities before his face, if he +be but provided with paper and implements, and without his flapper at +his side. + +The wives and daughters lament their confinement to the island, +although I think it the most delicious spot of ground in the world; and +although they live here in the greatest plenty and magnificence, and +are allowed to do whatever they please, they long to see the world, and +take the diversions of the metropolis, which they are not allowed to do +without a particular license from the king; and this is not easy to be +obtained, because the people of quality have found, by frequent +experience, how hard it is to persuade their women to return from +below. I was told that a great court lady, who had several children,—is +married to the prime minister, the richest subject in the kingdom, a +very graceful person, extremely fond of her, and lives in the finest +palace of the island,—went down to Lagado on the pretence of health, +there hid herself for several months, till the king sent a warrant to +search for her; and she was found in an obscure eating-house all in +rags, having pawned her clothes to maintain an old deformed footman, +who beat her every day, and in whose company she was taken, much +against her will. And although her husband received her with all +possible kindness, and without the least reproach, she soon after +contrived to steal down again, with all her jewels, to the same +gallant, and has not been heard of since. + +This may perhaps pass with the reader rather for an European or English +story, than for one of a country so remote. But he may please to +consider, that the caprices of womankind are not limited by any climate +or nation, and that they are much more uniform, than can be easily +imagined. + +In about a month’s time, I had made a tolerable proficiency in their +language, and was able to answer most of the king’s questions, when I +had the honour to attend him. His majesty discovered not the least +curiosity to inquire into the laws, government, history, religion, or +manners of the countries where I had been; but confined his questions +to the state of mathematics, and received the account I gave him with +great contempt and indifference, though often roused by his flapper on +each side. + + +CHAPTER III. + +A phenomenon solved by modern philosophy and astronomy. The Laputians’ +great improvements in the latter. The king’s method of suppressing +insurrections. + + +I desired leave of this prince to see the curiosities of the island, +which he was graciously pleased to grant, and ordered my tutor to +attend me. I chiefly wanted to know, to what cause, in art or in +nature, it owed its several motions, whereof I will now give a +philosophical account to the reader. + +The flying or floating island is exactly circular, its diameter 7837 +yards, or about four miles and a half, and consequently contains ten +thousand acres. It is three hundred yards thick. The bottom, or under +surface, which appears to those who view it below, is one even regular +plate of adamant, shooting up to the height of about two hundred yards. +Above it lie the several minerals in their usual order, and over all is +a coat of rich mould, ten or twelve feet deep. The declivity of the +upper surface, from the circumference to the centre, is the natural +cause why all the dews and rains, which fall upon the island, are +conveyed in small rivulets toward the middle, where they are emptied +into four large basins, each of about half a mile in circuit, and two +hundred yards distant from the centre. From these basins the water is +continually exhaled by the sun in the daytime, which effectually +prevents their overflowing. Besides, as it is in the power of the +monarch to raise the island above the region of clouds and vapours, he +can prevent the falling of dews and rain whenever he pleases. For the +highest clouds cannot rise above two miles, as naturalists agree, at +least they were never known to do so in that country. + +At the centre of the island there is a chasm about fifty yards in +diameter, whence the astronomers descend into a large dome, which is +therefore called _flandona gagnole_, or the astronomer’s cave, situated +at the depth of a hundred yards beneath the upper surface of the +adamant. In this cave are twenty lamps continually burning, which, from +the reflection of the adamant, cast a strong light into every part. The +place is stored with great variety of sextants, quadrants, telescopes, +astrolabes, and other astronomical instruments. But the greatest +curiosity, upon which the fate of the island depends, is a loadstone of +a prodigious size, in shape resembling a weaver’s shuttle. It is in +length six yards, and in the thickest part at least three yards over. +This magnet is sustained by a very strong axle of adamant passing +through its middle, upon which it plays, and is poised so exactly that +the weakest hand can turn it. It is hooped round with a hollow cylinder +of adamant, four feet deep, as many thick, and twelve yards in +diameter, placed horizontally, and supported by eight adamantine feet, +each six yards high. In the middle of the concave side, there is a +groove twelve inches deep, in which the extremities of the axle are +lodged, and turned round as there is occasion. + +The stone cannot be removed from its place by any force, because the +hoop and its feet are one continued piece with that body of adamant +which constitutes the bottom of the island. + +By means of this loadstone, the island is made to rise and fall, and +move from one place to another. For, with respect to that part of the +earth over which the monarch presides, the stone is endued at one of +its sides with an attractive power, and at the other with a repulsive. +Upon placing the magnet erect, with its attracting end towards the +earth, the island descends; but when the repelling extremity points +downwards, the island mounts directly upwards. When the position of the +stone is oblique, the motion of the island is so too. For in this +magnet, the forces always act in lines parallel to its direction. + +By this oblique motion, the island is conveyed to different parts of +the monarch’s dominions. To explain the manner of its progress, let _A_ +_B_ represent a line drawn across the dominions of Balnibarbi, let the +line _c_ _d_ represent the loadstone, of which let _d_ be the repelling +end, and _c_ the attracting end, the island being over _C_; let the +stone be placed in the position _c_ _d_, with its repelling end +downwards; then the island will be driven upwards obliquely towards +_D_. When it is arrived at _D_, let the stone be turned upon its axle, +till its attracting end points towards _E_, and then the island will be +carried obliquely towards _E_; where, if the stone be again turned upon +its axle till it stands in the position _E_ _F_, with its repelling +point downwards, the island will rise obliquely towards _F_, where, by +directing the attracting end towards _G_, the island may be carried to +_G_, and from _G_ to _H_, by turning the stone, so as to make its +repelling extremity to point directly downward. And thus, by changing +the situation of the stone, as often as there is occasion, the island +is made to rise and fall by turns in an oblique direction, and by those +alternate risings and fallings (the obliquity being not considerable) +is conveyed from one part of the dominions to the other. + +But it must be observed, that this island cannot move beyond the extent +of the dominions below, nor can it rise above the height of four miles. +For which the astronomers (who have written large systems concerning +the stone) assign the following reason: that the magnetic virtue does +not extend beyond the distance of four miles, and that the mineral, +which acts upon the stone in the bowels of the earth, and in the sea +about six leagues distant from the shore, is not diffused through the +whole globe, but terminated with the limits of the king’s dominions; +and it was easy, from the great advantage of such a superior situation, +for a prince to bring under his obedience whatever country lay within +the attraction of that magnet. + +When the stone is put parallel to the plane of the horizon, the island +stands still; for in that case the extremities of it, being at equal +distance from the earth, act with equal force, the one in drawing +downwards, the other in pushing upwards, and consequently no motion can +ensue. + +This loadstone is under the care of certain astronomers, who, from time +to time, give it such positions as the monarch directs. They spend the +greatest part of their lives in observing the celestial bodies, which +they do by the assistance of glasses, far excelling ours in goodness. +For, although their largest telescopes do not exceed three feet, they +magnify much more than those of a hundred with us, and show the stars +with greater clearness. This advantage has enabled them to extend their +discoveries much further than our astronomers in Europe; for they have +made a catalogue of ten thousand fixed stars, whereas the largest of +ours do not contain above one third part of that number. They have +likewise discovered two lesser stars, or satellites, which revolve +about Mars; whereof the innermost is distant from the centre of the +primary planet exactly three of his diameters, and the outermost, five; +the former revolves in the space of ten hours, and the latter in +twenty-one and a half; so that the squares of their periodical times +are very near in the same proportion with the cubes of their distance +from the centre of Mars; which evidently shows them to be governed by +the same law of gravitation that influences the other heavenly bodies. + +They have observed ninety-three different comets, and settled their +periods with great exactness. If this be true (and they affirm it with +great confidence) it is much to be wished, that their observations were +made public, whereby the theory of comets, which at present is very +lame and defective, might be brought to the same perfection with other +arts of astronomy. + +The king would be the most absolute prince in the universe, if he could +but prevail on a ministry to join with him; but these having their +estates below on the continent, and considering that the office of a +favourite has a very uncertain tenure, would never consent to the +enslaving of their country. + +If any town should engage in rebellion or mutiny, fall into violent +factions, or refuse to pay the usual tribute, the king has two methods +of reducing them to obedience. The first and the mildest course is, by +keeping the island hovering over such a town, and the lands about it, +whereby he can deprive them of the benefit of the sun and the rain, and +consequently afflict the inhabitants with dearth and diseases. And if +the crime deserve it, they are at the same time pelted from above with +great stones, against which they have no defence but by creeping into +cellars or caves, while the roofs of their houses are beaten to pieces. +But if they still continue obstinate, or offer to raise insurrections, +he proceeds to the last remedy, by letting the island drop directly +upon their heads, which makes a universal destruction both of houses +and men. However, this is an extremity to which the prince is seldom +driven, neither indeed is he willing to put it in execution; nor dare +his ministers advise him to an action, which, as it would render them +odious to the people, so it would be a great damage to their own +estates, which all lie below; for the island is the king’s demesne. + +But there is still indeed a more weighty reason, why the kings of this +country have been always averse from executing so terrible an action, +unless upon the utmost necessity. For, if the town intended to be +destroyed should have in it any tall rocks, as it generally falls out +in the larger cities, a situation probably chosen at first with a view +to prevent such a catastrophe; or if it abound in high spires, or +pillars of stone, a sudden fall might endanger the bottom or under +surface of the island, which, although it consist, as I have said, of +one entire adamant, two hundred yards thick, might happen to crack by +too great a shock, or burst by approaching too near the fires from the +houses below, as the backs, both of iron and stone, will often do in +our chimneys. Of all this the people are well apprised, and understand +how far to carry their obstinacy, where their liberty or property is +concerned. And the king, when he is highest provoked, and most +determined to press a city to rubbish, orders the island to descend +with great gentleness, out of a pretence of tenderness to his people, +but, indeed, for fear of breaking the adamantine bottom; in which case, +it is the opinion of all their philosophers, that the loadstone could +no longer hold it up, and the whole mass would fall to the ground. + +About three years before my arrival among them, while the king was in +his progress over his dominions, there happened an extraordinary +accident which had like to have put a period to the fate of that +monarchy, at least as it is now instituted. Lindalino, the second city +in the kingdom, was the first his majesty visited in his progress. +Three days after his departure the inhabitants, who had often +complained of great oppressions, shut the town gates, seized on the +governor, and with incredible speed and labour erected four large +towers, one at every corner of the city (which is an exact square), +equal in height to a strong pointed rock that stands directly in the +centre of the city. Upon the top of each tower, as well as upon the +rock, they fixed a great loadstone, and in case their design should +fail, they had provided a vast quantity of the most combustible fuel, +hoping to burst therewith the adamantine bottom of the island, if the +loadstone project should miscarry. + +It was eight months before the king had perfect notice that the +Lindalinians were in rebellion. He then commanded that the island +should be wafted over the city. The people were unanimous, and had laid +in store of provisions, and a great river runs through the middle of +the town. The king hovered over them several days to deprive them of +the sun and the rain. He ordered many packthreads to be let down, yet +not a person offered to send up a petition, but instead thereof very +bold demands, the redress of all their grievances, great immunities, +the choice of their own governor, and other the like exorbitances. Upon +which his majesty commanded all the inhabitants of the island to cast +great stones from the lower gallery into the town; but the citizens had +provided against this mischief by conveying their persons and effects +into the four towers, and other strong buildings, and vaults +underground. + +The king being now determined to reduce this proud people, ordered that +the island should descend gently within forty yards of the top of the +towers and rock. This was accordingly done; but the officers employed +in that work found the descent much speedier than usual, and by turning +the loadstone could not without great difficulty keep it in a firm +position, but found the island inclining to fall. They sent the king +immediate intelligence of this astonishing event, and begged his +majesty’s permission to raise the island higher; the king consented, a +general council was called, and the officers of the loadstone ordered +to attend. One of the oldest and expertest among them obtained leave to +try an experiment, he took a strong line of an hundred yards, and the +island being raised over the town above the attracting power they had +felt, he fastened a piece of adamant to the end of his line, which had +in it a mixture of iron mineral, of the same nature with that whereof +the bottom or lower surface of the island is composed, and from the +lower gallery let it down slowly towards the top of the towers. The +adamant was not descended four yards, before the officer felt it drawn +so strongly downwards that he could hardly pull it back, he then threw +down several small pieces of adamant, and observed that they were all +violently attracted by the top of the tower. The same experiment was +made on the other three towers, and on the rock with the same effect. + +This incident broke entirely the king’s measures, and (to dwell no +longer on other circumstances) he was forced to give the town their own +conditions. + +I was assured by a great minister that if the island had descended so +near the town as not to be able to raise itself, the citizens were +determined to fix it for ever, to kill the king and all his servants, +and entirely change the government. + +By a fundamental law of this realm, neither the king, nor either of his +two eldest sons, are permitted to leave the island; nor the queen, till +she is past child-bearing. + + +CHAPTER IV. + +The author leaves Laputa; is conveyed to Balnibarbi; arrives at the +metropolis. A description of the metropolis, and the country adjoining. +The author hospitably received by a great lord. His conversation with +that lord. + + +Although I cannot say that I was ill treated in this island, yet I must +confess I thought myself too much neglected, not without some degree of +contempt; for neither prince nor people appeared to be curious in any +part of knowledge, except mathematics and music, wherein I was far +their inferior, and upon that account very little regarded. + +On the other side, after having seen all the curiosities of the island, +I was very desirous to leave it, being heartily weary of those people. +They were indeed excellent in two sciences for which I have great +esteem, and wherein I am not unversed; but, at the same time, so +abstracted and involved in speculation, that I never met with such +disagreeable companions. I conversed only with women, tradesmen, +flappers, and court-pages, during two months of my abode there; by +which, at last, I rendered myself extremely contemptible; yet these +were the only people from whom I could ever receive a reasonable +answer. + +I had obtained, by hard study, a good degree of knowledge in their +language; I was weary of being confined to an island where I received +so little countenance, and resolved to leave it with the first +opportunity. + +There was a great lord at court, nearly related to the king, and for +that reason alone used with respect. He was universally reckoned the +most ignorant and stupid person among them. He had performed many +eminent services for the crown, had great natural and acquired parts, +adorned with integrity and honour; but so ill an ear for music, that +his detractors reported, “he had been often known to beat time in the +wrong place;” neither could his tutors, without extreme difficulty, +teach him to demonstrate the most easy proposition in the mathematics. +He was pleased to show me many marks of favour, often did me the honour +of a visit, desired to be informed in the affairs of Europe, the laws +and customs, the manners and learning of the several countries where I +had travelled. He listened to me with great attention, and made very +wise observations on all I spoke. He had two flappers attending him for +state, but never made use of them, except at court and in visits of +ceremony, and would always command them to withdraw, when we were alone +together. + +I entreated this illustrious person, to intercede in my behalf with his +majesty, for leave to depart; which he accordingly did, as he was +pleased to tell me, with regret: for indeed he had made me several +offers very advantageous, which, however, I refused, with expressions +of the highest acknowledgment. + +On the 16th day of February I took leave of his majesty and the court. +The king made me a present to the value of about two hundred pounds +English, and my protector, his kinsman, as much more, together with a +letter of recommendation to a friend of his in Lagado, the metropolis. +The island being then hovering over a mountain about two miles from it, +I was let down from the lowest gallery, in the same manner as I had +been taken up. + +The continent, as far as it is subject to the monarch of the flying +island, passes under the general name of _Balnibarbi_; and the +metropolis, as I said before, is called _Lagado_. I felt some little +satisfaction in finding myself on firm ground. I walked to the city +without any concern, being clad like one of the natives, and +sufficiently instructed to converse with them. I soon found out the +person’s house to whom I was recommended, presented my letter from his +friend the grandee in the island, and was received with much kindness. +This great lord, whose name was Munodi, ordered me an apartment in his +own house, where I continued during my stay, and was entertained in a +most hospitable manner. + +The next morning after my arrival, he took me in his chariot to see the +town, which is about half the bigness of London; but the houses very +strangely built, and most of them out of repair. The people in the +streets walked fast, looked wild, their eyes fixed, and were generally +in rags. We passed through one of the town gates, and went about three +miles into the country, where I saw many labourers working with several +sorts of tools in the ground, but was not able to conjecture what they +were about; neither did I observe any expectation either of corn or +grass, although the soil appeared to be excellent. I could not forbear +admiring at these odd appearances, both in town and country; and I made +bold to desire my conductor, that he would be pleased to explain to me, +what could be meant by so many busy heads, hands, and faces, both in +the streets and the fields, because I did not discover any good effects +they produced; but, on the contrary, I never knew a soil so unhappily +cultivated, houses so ill contrived and so ruinous, or a people whose +countenances and habit expressed so much misery and want. + +This lord Munodi was a person of the first rank, and had been some +years governor of Lagado; but, by a cabal of ministers, was discharged +for insufficiency. However, the king treated him with tenderness, as a +well-meaning man, but of a low contemptible understanding. + +When I gave that free censure of the country and its inhabitants, he +made no further answer than by telling me, “that I had not been long +enough among them to form a judgment; and that the different nations of +the world had different customs;” with other common topics to the same +purpose. But, when we returned to his palace, he asked me “how I liked +the building, what absurdities I observed, and what quarrel I had with +the dress or looks of his domestics?” This he might safely do; because +every thing about him was magnificent, regular, and polite. I answered, +“that his excellency’s prudence, quality, and fortune, had exempted him +from those defects, which folly and beggary had produced in others.” He +said, “if I would go with him to his country-house, about twenty miles +distant, where his estate lay, there would be more leisure for this +kind of conversation.” I told his excellency “that I was entirely at +his disposal;” and accordingly we set out next morning. + +During our journey he made me observe the several methods used by +farmers in managing their lands, which to me were wholly unaccountable; +for, except in some very few places, I could not discover one ear of +corn or blade of grass. But, in three hours travelling, the scene was +wholly altered; we came into a most beautiful country; farmers’ houses, +at small distances, neatly built; the fields enclosed, containing +vineyards, corn-grounds, and meadows. Neither do I remember to have +seen a more delightful prospect. His excellency observed my countenance +to clear up; he told me, with a sigh, “that there his estate began, and +would continue the same, till we should come to his house: that his +countrymen ridiculed and despised him, for managing his affairs no +better, and for setting so ill an example to the kingdom; which, +however, was followed by very few, such as were old, and wilful, and +weak like himself.” + +We came at length to the house, which was indeed a noble structure, +built according to the best rules of ancient architecture. The +fountains, gardens, walks, avenues, and groves, were all disposed with +exact judgment and taste. I gave due praises to every thing I saw, +whereof his excellency took not the least notice till after supper; +when, there being no third companion, he told me with a very melancholy +air “that he doubted he must throw down his houses in town and country, +to rebuild them after the present mode; destroy all his plantations, +and cast others into such a form as modern usage required, and give the +same directions to all his tenants, unless he would submit to incur the +censure of pride, singularity, affectation, ignorance, caprice, and +perhaps increase his majesty’s displeasure; that the admiration I +appeared to be under would cease or diminish, when he had informed me +of some particulars which, probably, I never heard of at court, the +people there being too much taken up in their own speculations, to have +regard to what passed here below.” + +The sum of his discourse was to this effect: “That about forty years +ago, certain persons went up to Laputa, either upon business or +diversion, and, after five months continuance, came back with a very +little smattering in mathematics, but full of volatile spirits acquired +in that airy region: that these persons, upon their return, began to +dislike the management of every thing below, and fell into schemes of +putting all arts, sciences, languages, and mechanics, upon a new foot. +To this end, they procured a royal patent for erecting an academy of +projectors in Lagado; and the humour prevailed so strongly among the +people, that there is not a town of any consequence in the kingdom +without such an academy. In these colleges the professors contrive new +rules and methods of agriculture and building, and new instruments, and +tools for all trades and manufactures; whereby, as they undertake, one +man shall do the work of ten; a palace may be built in a week, of +materials so durable as to last for ever without repairing. All the +fruits of the earth shall come to maturity at whatever season we think +fit to choose, and increase a hundred fold more than they do at +present; with innumerable other happy proposals. The only inconvenience +is, that none of these projects are yet brought to perfection; and in +the mean time, the whole country lies miserably waste, the houses in +ruins, and the people without food or clothes. By all which, instead of +being discouraged, they are fifty times more violently bent upon +prosecuting their schemes, driven equally on by hope and despair: that +as for himself, being not of an enterprising spirit, he was content to +go on in the old forms, to live in the houses his ancestors had built, +and act as they did, in every part of life, without innovation: that +some few other persons of quality and gentry had done the same, but +were looked on with an eye of contempt and ill-will, as enemies to art, +ignorant, and ill common-wealth’s men, preferring their own ease and +sloth before the general improvement of their country.” + +His lordship added, “That he would not, by any further particulars, +prevent the pleasure I should certainly take in viewing the grand +academy, whither he was resolved I should go.” He only desired me to +observe a ruined building, upon the side of a mountain about three +miles distant, of which he gave me this account: “That he had a very +convenient mill within half a mile of his house, turned by a current +from a large river, and sufficient for his own family, as well as a +great number of his tenants; that about seven years ago, a club of +those projectors came to him with proposals to destroy this mill, and +build another on the side of that mountain, on the long ridge whereof a +long canal must be cut, for a repository of water, to be conveyed up by +pipes and engines to supply the mill, because the wind and air upon a +height agitated the water, and thereby made it fitter for motion, and +because the water, descending down a declivity, would turn the mill +with half the current of a river whose course is more upon a level.” He +said, “that being then not very well with the court, and pressed by +many of his friends, he complied with the proposal; and after employing +a hundred men for two years, the work miscarried, the projectors went +off, laying the blame entirely upon him, railing at him ever since, and +putting others upon the same experiment, with equal assurance of +success, as well as equal disappointment.” + +In a few days we came back to town; and his excellency, considering the +bad character he had in the academy, would not go with me himself, but +recommended me to a friend of his, to bear me company thither. My lord +was pleased to represent me as a great admirer of projects, and a +person of much curiosity and easy belief; which, indeed, was not +without truth; for I had myself been a sort of projector in my younger +days. + + +CHAPTER V. + +The author permitted to see the grand academy of Lagado. The academy +largely described. The arts wherein the professors employ themselves. + + +This academy is not an entire single building, but a continuation of +several houses on both sides of a street, which growing waste, was +purchased and applied to that use. + +I was received very kindly by the warden, and went for many days to the +academy. Every room has in it one or more projectors; and I believe I +could not be in fewer than five hundred rooms. + +The first man I saw was of a meagre aspect, with sooty hands and face, +his hair and beard long, ragged, and singed in several places. His +clothes, shirt, and skin, were all of the same colour. He had been +eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, +which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm +the air in raw inclement summers. He told me, he did not doubt, that, +in eight years more, he should be able to supply the governor’s gardens +with sunshine, at a reasonable rate; but he complained that his stock +was low, and entreated me “to give him something as an encouragement to +ingenuity, especially since this had been a very dear season for +cucumbers.” I made him a small present, for my lord had furnished me +with money on purpose, because he knew their practice of begging from +all who go to see them. + +I went into another chamber, but was ready to hasten back, being almost +overcome with a horrible stink. My conductor pressed me forward, +conjuring me in a whisper “to give no offence, which would be highly +resented;” and therefore I durst not so much as stop my nose. The +projector of this cell was the most ancient student of the academy; his +face and beard were of a pale yellow; his hands and clothes daubed over +with filth. When I was presented to him, he gave me a close embrace, a +compliment I could well have excused. His employment, from his first +coming into the academy, was an operation to reduce human excrement to +its original food, by separating the several parts, removing the +tincture which it receives from the gall, making the odour exhale, and +scumming off the saliva. He had a weekly allowance, from the society, +of a vessel filled with human ordure, about the bigness of a Bristol +barrel. + +I saw another at work to calcine ice into gunpowder; who likewise +showed me a treatise he had written concerning the malleability of +fire, which he intended to publish. + +There was a most ingenious architect, who had contrived a new method +for building houses, by beginning at the roof, and working downward to +the foundation; which he justified to me, by the like practice of those +two prudent insects, the bee and the spider. + +There was a man born blind, who had several apprentices in his own +condition: their employment was to mix colours for painters, which +their master taught them to distinguish by feeling and smelling. It was +indeed my misfortune to find them at that time not very perfect in +their lessons, and the professor himself happened to be generally +mistaken. This artist is much encouraged and esteemed by the whole +fraternity. + +In another apartment I was highly pleased with a projector who had +found a device of ploughing the ground with hogs, to save the charges +of ploughs, cattle, and labour. The method is this: in an acre of +ground you bury, at six inches distance and eight deep, a quantity of +acorns, dates, chestnuts, and other mast or vegetables, whereof these +animals are fondest; then you drive six hundred or more of them into +the field, where, in a few days, they will root up the whole ground in +search of their food, and make it fit for sowing, at the same time +manuring it with their dung: it is true, upon experiment, they found +the charge and trouble very great, and they had little or no crop. +However it is not doubted, that this invention may be capable of great +improvement. + +I went into another room, where the walls and ceiling were all hung +round with cobwebs, except a narrow passage for the artist to go in and +out. At my entrance, he called aloud to me, “not to disturb his webs.” +He lamented “the fatal mistake the world had been so long in, of using +silkworms, while we had such plenty of domestic insects who infinitely +excelled the former, because they understood how to weave, as well as +spin.” And he proposed further, “that by employing spiders, the charge +of dyeing silks should be wholly saved;” whereof I was fully convinced, +when he showed me a vast number of flies most beautifully coloured, +wherewith he fed his spiders, assuring us “that the webs would take a +tincture from them; and as he had them of all hues, he hoped to fit +everybody’s fancy, as soon as he could find proper food for the flies, +of certain gums, oils, and other glutinous matter, to give a strength +and consistence to the threads.” + +There was an astronomer, who had undertaken to place a sun-dial upon +the great weathercock on the town-house, by adjusting the annual and +diurnal motions of the earth and sun, so as to answer and coincide with +all accidental turnings of the wind. + +I was complaining of a small fit of the colic, upon which my conductor +led me into a room where a great physician resided, who was famous for +curing that disease, by contrary operations from the same instrument. +He had a large pair of bellows, with a long slender muzzle of ivory. +This he conveyed eight inches up the anus, and drawing in the wind, he +affirmed he could make the guts as lank as a dried bladder. But when +the disease was more stubborn and violent, he let in the muzzle while +the bellows were full of wind, which he discharged into the body of the +patient; then withdrew the instrument to replenish it, clapping his +thumb strongly against the orifice of the fundament; and this being +repeated three or four times, the adventitious wind would rush out, +bringing the noxious along with it, (like water put into a pump), and +the patient recovered. I saw him try both experiments upon a dog, but +could not discern any effect from the former. After the latter the +animal was ready to burst, and made so violent a discharge as was very +offensive to me and my companions. The dog died on the spot, and we +left the doctor endeavouring to recover him, by the same operation. + +I visited many other apartments, but shall not trouble my reader with +all the curiosities I observed, being studious of brevity. + +I had hitherto seen only one side of the academy, the other being +appropriated to the advancers of speculative learning, of whom I shall +say something, when I have mentioned one illustrious person more, who +is called among them “the universal artist.” He told us “he had been +thirty years employing his thoughts for the improvement of human life.” +He had two large rooms full of wonderful curiosities, and fifty men at +work. Some were condensing air into a dry tangible substance, by +extracting the nitre, and letting the aqueous or fluid particles +percolate; others softening marble, for pillows and pin-cushions; +others petrifying the hoofs of a living horse, to preserve them from +foundering. The artist himself was at that time busy upon two great +designs; the first, to sow land with chaff, wherein he affirmed the +true seminal virtue to be contained, as he demonstrated by several +experiments, which I was not skilful enough to comprehend. The other +was, by a certain composition of gums, minerals, and vegetables, +outwardly applied, to prevent the growth of wool upon two young lambs; +and he hoped, in a reasonable time to propagate the breed of naked +sheep, all over the kingdom. + +We crossed a walk to the other part of the academy, where, as I have +already said, the projectors in speculative learning resided. + +The first professor I saw, was in a very large room, with forty pupils +about him. After salutation, observing me to look earnestly upon a +frame, which took up the greatest part of both the length and breadth +of the room, he said, “Perhaps I might wonder to see him employed in a +project for improving speculative knowledge, by practical and +mechanical operations. But the world would soon be sensible of its +usefulness; and he flattered himself, that a more noble, exalted +thought never sprang in any other man’s head. Every one knew how +laborious the usual method is of attaining to arts and sciences; +whereas, by his contrivance, the most ignorant person, at a reasonable +charge, and with a little bodily labour, might write books in +philosophy, poetry, politics, laws, mathematics, and theology, without +the least assistance from genius or study.” He then led me to the +frame, about the sides, whereof all his pupils stood in ranks. It was +twenty feet square, placed in the middle of the room. The superficies +was composed of several bits of wood, about the bigness of a die, but +some larger than others. They were all linked together by slender +wires. These bits of wood were covered, on every square, with paper +pasted on them; and on these papers were written all the words of their +language, in their several moods, tenses, and declensions; but without +any order. The professor then desired me “to observe; for he was going +to set his engine at work.” The pupils, at his command, took each of +them hold of an iron handle, whereof there were forty fixed round the +edges of the frame; and giving them a sudden turn, the whole +disposition of the words was entirely changed. He then commanded +six-and-thirty of the lads, to read the several lines softly, as they +appeared upon the frame; and where they found three or four words +together that might make part of a sentence, they dictated to the four +remaining boys, who were scribes. This work was repeated three or four +times, and at every turn, the engine was so contrived, that the words +shifted into new places, as the square bits of wood moved upside down. + +The frame + + +Six hours a day the young students were employed in this labour; and +the professor showed me several volumes in large folio, already +collected, of broken sentences, which he intended to piece together, +and out of those rich materials, to give the world a complete body of +all arts and sciences; which, however, might be still improved, and +much expedited, if the public would raise a fund for making and +employing five hundred such frames in Lagado, and oblige the managers +to contribute in common their several collections. + +He assured me “that this invention had employed all his thoughts from +his youth; that he had emptied the whole vocabulary into his frame, and +made the strictest computation of the general proportion there is in +books between the numbers of particles, nouns, and verbs, and other +parts of speech.” + +I made my humblest acknowledgment to this illustrious person, for his +great communicativeness; and promised, “if ever I had the good fortune +to return to my native country, that I would do him justice, as the +sole inventor of this wonderful machine;” the form and contrivance of +which I desired leave to delineate on paper, as in the figure here +annexed. I told him, “although it were the custom of our learned in +Europe to steal inventions from each other, who had thereby at least +this advantage, that it became a controversy which was the right owner; +yet I would take such caution, that he should have the honour entire, +without a rival.” + +We next went to the school of languages, where three professors sat in +consultation upon improving that of their own country. + +The first project was to shorten discourse by cutting polysyllables +into one, and leaving out verbs and participles, because, in reality, +all things imaginable are but nouns. + +The other project was, a scheme for entirely abolishing all words +whatsoever; and this was urged as a great advantage in point of health, +as well as brevity. For it is plain, that every word we speak is, in +some degree, a diminution of our lungs by corrosion, and, consequently, +contributes to the shortening of our lives. An expedient was therefore +offered, “that since words are only names for _things_, it would be +more convenient for all men to carry about them such things as were +necessary to express a particular business they are to discourse on.” +And this invention would certainly have taken place, to the great ease +as well as health of the subject, if the women, in conjunction with the +vulgar and illiterate, had not threatened to raise a rebellion unless +they might be allowed the liberty to speak with their tongues, after +the manner of their forefathers; such constant irreconcilable enemies +to science are the common people. However, many of the most learned and +wise adhere to the new scheme of expressing themselves by things; which +has only this inconvenience attending it, that if a man’s business be +very great, and of various kinds, he must be obliged, in proportion, to +carry a greater bundle of things upon his back, unless he can afford +one or two strong servants to attend him. I have often beheld two of +those sages almost sinking under the weight of their packs, like +pedlars among us, who, when they met in the street, would lay down +their loads, open their sacks, and hold conversation for an hour +together; then put up their implements, help each other to resume their +burdens, and take their leave. + +But for short conversations, a man may carry implements in his pockets, +and under his arms, enough to supply him; and in his house, he cannot +be at a loss. Therefore the room where company meet who practise this +art, is full of all things, ready at hand, requisite to furnish matter +for this kind of artificial converse. + +Another great advantage proposed by this invention was, that it would +serve as a universal language, to be understood in all civilised +nations, whose goods and utensils are generally of the same kind, or +nearly resembling, so that their uses might easily be comprehended. And +thus ambassadors would be qualified to treat with foreign princes, or +ministers of state, to whose tongues they were utter strangers. + +I was at the mathematical school, where the master taught his pupils +after a method scarce imaginable to us in Europe. The proposition, and +demonstration, were fairly written on a thin wafer, with ink composed +of a cephalic tincture. This, the student was to swallow upon a fasting +stomach, and for three days following, eat nothing but bread and water. +As the wafer digested, the tincture mounted to his brain, bearing the +proposition along with it. But the success has not hitherto been +answerable, partly by some error in the _quantum_ or composition, and +partly by the perverseness of lads, to whom this bolus is so nauseous, +that they generally steal aside, and discharge it upwards, before it +can operate; neither have they been yet persuaded to use so long an +abstinence, as the prescription requires. + + +CHAPTER VI. + +A further account of the academy. The author proposes some +improvements, which are honourably received. + + +In the school of political projectors, I was but ill entertained; the +professors appearing, in my judgment, wholly out of their senses, which +is a scene that never fails to make me melancholy. These unhappy people +were proposing schemes for persuading monarchs to choose favourites +upon the score of their wisdom, capacity, and virtue; of teaching +ministers to consult the public good; of rewarding merit, great +abilities, eminent services; of instructing princes to know their true +interest, by placing it on the same foundation with that of their +people; of choosing for employments persons qualified to exercise them, +with many other wild, impossible chimeras, that never entered before +into the heart of man to conceive; and confirmed in me the old +observation, “that there is nothing so extravagant and irrational, +which some philosophers have not maintained for truth.” + +But, however, I shall so far do justice to this part of the Academy, as +to acknowledge that all of them were not so visionary. There was a most +ingenious doctor, who seemed to be perfectly versed in the whole nature +and system of government. This illustrious person had very usefully +employed his studies, in finding out effectual remedies for all +diseases and corruptions to which the several kinds of public +administration are subject, by the vices or infirmities of those who +govern, as well as by the licentiousness of those who are to obey. For +instance: whereas all writers and reasoners have agreed, that there is +a strict universal resemblance between the natural and the political +body; can there be any thing more evident, than that the health of both +must be preserved, and the diseases cured, by the same prescriptions? +It is allowed, that senates and great councils are often troubled with +redundant, ebullient, and other peccant humours; with many diseases of +the head, and more of the heart; with strong convulsions, with grievous +contractions of the nerves and sinews in both hands, but especially the +right; with spleen, flatus, vertigos, and deliriums; with scrofulous +tumours, full of fetid purulent matter; with sour frothy ructations: +with canine appetites, and crudeness of digestion, besides many others, +needless to mention. This doctor therefore proposed, “that upon the +meeting of the senate, certain physicians should attend it the three +first days of their sitting, and at the close of each day’s debate feel +the pulses of every senator; after which, having maturely considered +and consulted upon the nature of the several maladies, and the methods +of cure, they should on the fourth day return to the senate house, +attended by their apothecaries stored with proper medicines; and before +the members sat, administer to each of them lenitives, aperitives, +abstersives, corrosives, restringents, palliatives, laxatives, +cephalalgics, icterics, apophlegmatics, acoustics, as their several +cases required; and, according as these medicines should operate, +repeat, alter, or omit them, at the next meeting.” + +This project could not be of any great expense to the public; and might +in my poor opinion, be of much use for the despatch of business, in +those countries where senates have any share in the legislative power; +beget unanimity, shorten debates, open a few mouths which are now +closed, and close many more which are now open; curb the petulancy of +the young, and correct the positiveness of the old; rouse the stupid, +and damp the pert. + +Again, because it is a general complaint, that the favourites of +princes are troubled with short and weak memories; the same doctor +proposed, “that whoever attended a first minister, after having told +his business, with the utmost brevity and in the plainest words, +should, at his departure, give the said minister a tweak by the nose, +or a kick in the belly, or tread on his corns, or lug him thrice by +both ears, or run a pin into his breech; or pinch his arm black and +blue, to prevent forgetfulness; and at every levee day, repeat the same +operation, till the business were done, or absolutely refused.” + +He likewise directed, “that every senator in the great council of a +nation, after he had delivered his opinion, and argued in the defence +of it, should be obliged to give his vote directly contrary; because if +that were done, the result would infallibly terminate in the good of +the public.” + +When parties in a state are violent, he offered a wonderful contrivance +to reconcile them. The method is this: You take a hundred leaders of +each party; you dispose them into couples of such whose heads are +nearest of a size; then let two nice operators saw off the occiput of +each couple at the same time, in such a manner that the brain may be +equally divided. Let the occiputs, thus cut off, be interchanged, +applying each to the head of his opposite party-man. It seems indeed to +be a work that requires some exactness, but the professor assured us, +“that if it were dexterously performed, the cure would be infallible.” +For he argued thus: “that the two half brains being left to debate the +matter between themselves within the space of one skull, would soon +come to a good understanding, and produce that moderation, as well as +regularity of thinking, so much to be wished for in the heads of those, +who imagine they come into the world only to watch and govern its +motion: and as to the difference of brains, in quantity or quality, +among those who are directors in faction,” the doctor assured us, from +his own knowledge, that “it was a perfect trifle.” + +I heard a very warm debate between two professors, about the most +commodious and effectual ways and means of raising money, without +grieving the subject. The first affirmed, “the justest method would be, +to lay a certain tax upon vices and folly; and the sum fixed upon every +man to be rated, after the fairest manner, by a jury of his +neighbours.” The second was of an opinion directly contrary; “to tax +those qualities of body and mind, for which men chiefly value +themselves; the rate to be more or less, according to the degrees of +excelling; the decision whereof should be left entirely to their own +breast.” The highest tax was upon men who are the greatest favourites +of the other sex, and the assessments, according to the number and +nature of the favours they have received; for which, they are allowed +to be their own vouchers. Wit, valour, and politeness, were likewise +proposed to be largely taxed, and collected in the same manner, by +every person’s giving his own word for the quantum of what he +possessed. But as to honour, justice, wisdom, and learning, they should +not be taxed at all; because they are qualifications of so singular a +kind, that no man will either allow them in his neighbour or value them +in himself. + +The women were proposed to be taxed according to their beauty and skill +in dressing, wherein they had the same privilege with the men, to be +determined by their own judgment. But constancy, chastity, good sense, +and good nature, were not rated, because they would not bear the charge +of collecting. + +To keep senators in the interest of the crown, it was proposed that the +members should raffle for employments; every man first taking an oath, +and giving security, that he would vote for the court, whether he won +or not; after which, the losers had, in their turn, the liberty of +raffling upon the next vacancy. Thus, hope and expectation would be +kept alive; none would complain of broken promises, but impute their +disappointments wholly to fortune, whose shoulders are broader and +stronger than those of a ministry. + +Another professor showed me a large paper of instructions for +discovering plots and conspiracies against the government. He advised +great statesmen to examine into the diet of all suspected persons; +their times of eating; upon which side they lay in bed; with which hand +they wipe their posteriors; take a strict view of their excrements, +and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the +crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts +and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, +as when they are at stool, which he found by frequent experiment; for, +in such conjunctures, when he used, merely as a trial, to consider +which was the best way of murdering the king, his ordure would have a +tincture of green; but quite different, when he thought only of raising +an insurrection, or burning the metropolis. + +The whole discourse was written with great acuteness, containing many +observations, both curious and useful for politicians; but, as I +conceived, not altogether complete. This I ventured to tell the author, +and offered, if he pleased, to supply him with some additions. He +received my proposition with more compliance than is usual among +writers, especially those of the projecting species, professing “he +would be glad to receive further information.” + +I told him, “that in the kingdom of Tribnia, [454a] by the natives +called Langden, [454b] where I had sojourned some time in my travels, +the bulk of the people consist in a manner wholly of discoverers, +witnesses, informers, accusers, prosecutors, evidences, swearers, +together with their several subservient and subaltern instruments, all +under the colours, the conduct, and the pay of ministers of state, and +their deputies. The plots, in that kingdom, are usually the workmanship +of those persons who desire to raise their own characters of profound +politicians; to restore new vigour to a crazy administration; to stifle +or divert general discontents; to fill their coffers with forfeitures; +and raise, or sink the opinion of public credit, as either shall best +answer their private advantage. It is first agreed and settled among +them, what suspected persons shall be accused of a plot; then, +effectual care is taken to secure all their letters and papers, and put +the owners in chains. These papers are delivered to a set of artists, +very dexterous in finding out the mysterious meanings of words, +syllables, and letters: for instance, they can discover a close stool, +to signify a privy council; a flock of geese, a senate; a lame dog, an +invader; a codshead; a ——; the plague, a standing army; a buzzard, a +prime minister; the gout, a high priest; a gibbet, a secretary of +state; a chamber pot, a committee of grandees; a sieve, a court lady; a +broom, a revolution; a mouse-trap, an employment; a bottomless pit, a +treasury; a sink, a court; a cap and bells, a favourite; a broken reed, +a court of justice; an empty tun, a general; a running sore, the +administration. [455] + +“When this method fails, they have two others more effectual, which the +learned among them call acrostics and anagrams. First, they can +decipher all initial letters into political meanings. Thus _N_. shall +signify a plot; _B_. a regiment of horse; _L_. a fleet at sea; or, +secondly, by transposing the letters of the alphabet in any suspected +paper, they can lay open the deepest designs of a discontented party. +So, for example, if I should say, in a letter to a friend, ‘Our brother +Tom has just got the piles,’ a skilful decipherer would discover, that +the same letters which compose that sentence, may be analysed into the +following words, ‘Resist, a plot is brought home; The tour.’ And this +is the anagrammatic method.” + +The professor made me great acknowledgments for communicating these +observations, and promised to make honourable mention of me in his +treatise. + +I saw nothing in this country that could invite me to a longer +continuance, and began to think of returning home to England. + + +CHAPTER VII. + +The author leaves Lagado: arrives at Maldonada. No ship ready. He takes +a short voyage to Glubbdubdrib. His reception by the governor. + + +The continent, of which this kingdom is apart, extends itself, as I +have reason to believe, eastward, to that unknown tract of America +westward of California; and north, to the Pacific Ocean, which is not +above a hundred and fifty miles from Lagado; where there is a good +port, and much commerce with the great island of Luggnagg, situated to +the north-west about 29 degrees north latitude, and 140 longitude. This +island of Luggnagg stands south-eastward of Japan, about a hundred +leagues distant. There is a strict alliance between the Japanese +emperor and the king of Luggnagg; which affords frequent opportunities +of sailing from one island to the other. I determined therefore to +direct my course this way, in order to direct my return to Europe. I +hired two mules, with a guide, to show me the way, and carry my small +baggage. I took leave of my noble protector, who had shown me so much +favour, and made me a generous present at my departure. + +My journey was without any accident or adventure worth relating. When I +arrived at the port of Maldonada (for so it is called) there was no +ship in the harbour bound for Luggnagg, nor likely to be in some time. +The town is about as large as Portsmouth. I soon fell into some +acquaintance, and was very hospitably received. A gentleman of +distinction said to me, “that since the ships bound for Luggnagg could +not be ready in less than a month, it might be no disagreeable +amusement for me to take a trip to the little island of Glubbdubdrib, +about five leagues off to the south-west.” He offered himself and a +friend to accompany me, and that I should be provided with a small +convenient bark for the voyage. + +Glubbdubdrib, as nearly as I can interpret the word, signifies the +island of sorcerers or magicians. It is about one third as large as the +Isle of Wight, and extremely fruitful: it is governed by the head of a +certain tribe, who are all magicians. This tribe marries only among +each other, and the eldest in succession is prince or governor. He has +a noble palace, and a park of about three thousand acres, surrounded by +a wall of hewn stone twenty feet high. In this park are several small +enclosures for cattle, corn, and gardening. + +The governor and his family are served and attended by domestics of a +kind somewhat unusual. By his skill in necromancy he has a power of +calling whom he pleases from the dead, and commanding their service for +twenty-four hours, but no longer; nor can he call the same persons up +again in less than three months, except upon very extraordinary +occasions. + +When we arrived at the island, which was about eleven in the morning, +one of the gentlemen who accompanied me went to the governor, and +desired admittance for a stranger, who came on purpose to have the +honour of attending on his highness. This was immediately granted, and +we all three entered the gate of the palace between two rows of guards, +armed and dressed after a very antic manner, and with something in +their countenances that made my flesh creep with a horror I cannot +express. We passed through several apartments, between servants of the +same sort, ranked on each side as before, till we came to the chamber +of presence; where, after three profound obeisances, and a few general +questions, we were permitted to sit on three stools, near the lowest +step of his highness’s throne. He understood the language of +Balnibarbi, although it was different from that of this island. He +desired me to give him some account of my travels; and, to let me see +that I should be treated without ceremony, he dismissed all his +attendants with a turn of his finger; at which, to my great +astonishment, they vanished in an instant, like visions in a dream when +we awake on a sudden. I could not recover myself in some time, till the +governor assured me, “that I should receive no hurt;” and observing my +two companions to be under no concern, who had been often entertained +in the same manner, I began to take courage, and related to his +highness a short history of my several adventures; yet not without some +hesitation, and frequently looking behind me to the place where I had +seen those domestic spectres. I had the honour to dine with the +governor, where a new set of ghosts served up the meat, and waited at +table. I now observed myself to be less terrified than I had been in +the morning. I stayed till sunset, but humbly desired his highness to +excuse me for not accepting his invitation of lodging in the palace. My +two friends and I lay at a private house in the town adjoining, which +is the capital of this little island; and the next morning we returned +to pay our duty to the governor, as he was pleased to command us. + +After this manner we continued in the island for ten days, most part of +every day with the governor, and at night in our lodging. I soon grew +so familiarized to the sight of spirits, that after the third or fourth +time they gave me no emotion at all: or, if I had any apprehensions +left, my curiosity prevailed over them. For his highness the governor +ordered me “to call up whatever persons I would choose to name, and in +whatever numbers, among all the dead from the beginning of the world to +the present time, and command them to answer any questions I should +think fit to ask; with this condition, that my questions must be +confined within the compass of the times they lived in. And one thing I +might depend upon, that they would certainly tell me the truth, for +lying was a talent of no use in the lower world.” + +I made my humble acknowledgments to his highness for so great a favour. +We were in a chamber, from whence there was a fair prospect into the +park. And because my first inclination was to be entertained with +scenes of pomp and magnificence, I desired to see Alexander the Great +at the head of his army, just after the battle of Arbela: which, upon a +motion of the governor’s finger, immediately appeared in a large field, +under the window where we stood. Alexander was called up into the room: +it was with great difficulty that I understood his Greek, and had but +little of my own. He assured me upon his honour “that he was not +poisoned, but died of a bad fever by excessive drinking.” + +Next, I saw Hannibal passing the Alps, who told me “he had not a drop +of vinegar in his camp.” + +I saw Cæsar and Pompey at the head of their troops, just ready to +engage. I saw the former, in his last great triumph. I desired that the +senate of Rome might appear before me, in one large chamber, and an +assembly of somewhat a later age in counterview, in another. The first +seemed to be an assembly of heroes and demigods; the other, a knot of +pedlars, pick-pockets, highwaymen, and bullies. + +The governor, at my request, gave the sign for Cæsar and Brutus to +advance towards us. I was struck with a profound veneration at the +sight of Brutus, and could easily discover the most consummate virtue, +the greatest intrepidity and firmness of mind, the truest love of his +country, and general benevolence for mankind, in every lineament of his +countenance. I observed, with much pleasure, that these two persons +were in good intelligence with each other; and Cæsar freely confessed +to me, “that the greatest actions of his own life were not equal, by +many degrees, to the glory of taking it away.” I had the honour to have +much conversation with Brutus; and was told, “that his ancestor Junius, +Socrates, Epaminondas, Cato the younger, Sir Thomas More, and himself +were perpetually together:” a sextumvirate, to which all the ages of +the world cannot add a seventh. + +It would be tedious to trouble the reader with relating what vast +numbers of illustrious persons were called up to gratify that +insatiable desire I had to see the world in every period of antiquity +placed before me. I chiefly fed my eyes with beholding the destroyers +of tyrants and usurpers, and the restorers of liberty to oppressed and +injured nations. But it is impossible to express the satisfaction I +received in my own mind, after such a manner as to make it a suitable +entertainment to the reader. + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +A further account of Glubbdubdrib. Ancient and modern history +corrected. + + +Having a desire to see those ancients who were most renowned for wit +and learning, I set apart one day on purpose. I proposed that Homer and +Aristotle might appear at the head of all their commentators; but these +were so numerous, that some hundreds were forced to attend in the +court, and outward rooms of the palace. I knew, and could distinguish +those two heroes, at first sight, not only from the crowd, but from +each other. Homer was the taller and comelier person of the two, walked +very erect for one of his age, and his eyes were the most quick and +piercing I ever beheld. Aristotle stooped much, and made use of a +staff. His visage was meagre, his hair lank and thin, and his voice +hollow. I soon discovered that both of them were perfect strangers to +the rest of the company, and had never seen or heard of them before; +and I had a whisper from a ghost who shall be nameless, “that these +commentators always kept in the most distant quarters from their +principals, in the lower world, through a consciousness of shame and +guilt, because they had so horribly misrepresented the meaning of those +authors to posterity.” I introduced Didymus and Eustathius to Homer, +and prevailed on him to treat them better than perhaps they deserved, +for he soon found they wanted a genius to enter into the spirit of a +poet. But Aristotle was out of all patience with the account I gave him +of Scotus and Ramus, as I presented them to him; and he asked them, +“whether the rest of the tribe were as great dunces as themselves?” + +I then desired the governor to call up Descartes and Gassendi, with +whom I prevailed to explain their systems to Aristotle. This great +philosopher freely acknowledged his own mistakes in natural philosophy, +because he proceeded in many things upon conjecture, as all men must +do; and he found that Gassendi, who had made the doctrine of Epicurus +as palatable as he could, and the _vortices_ of Descartes, were equally +to be exploded. He predicted the same fate to _attraction_, whereof the +present learned are such zealous asserters. He said, “that new systems +of nature were but new fashions, which would vary in every age; and +even those, who pretend to demonstrate them from mathematical +principles, would flourish but a short period of time, and be out of +vogue when that was determined.” + +I spent five days in conversing with many others of the ancient +learned. I saw most of the first Roman emperors. I prevailed on the +governor to call up Heliogabalus’s cooks to dress us a dinner, but they +could not show us much of their skill, for want of materials. A helot +of Agesilaus made us a dish of Spartan broth, but I was not able to get +down a second spoonful. + +The two gentlemen, who conducted me to the island, were pressed by +their private affairs to return in three days, which I employed in +seeing some of the modern dead, who had made the greatest figure, for +two or three hundred years past, in our own and other countries of +Europe; and having been always a great admirer of old illustrious +families, I desired the governor would call up a dozen or two of kings, +with their ancestors in order for eight or nine generations. But my +disappointment was grievous and unexpected. For, instead of a long +train with royal diadems, I saw in one family two fiddlers, three +spruce courtiers, and an Italian prelate. In another, a barber, an +abbot, and two cardinals. I have too great a veneration for crowned +heads, to dwell any longer on so nice a subject. But as to counts, +marquises, dukes, earls, and the like, I was not so scrupulous. And I +confess, it was not without some pleasure, that I found myself able to +trace the particular features, by which certain families are +distinguished, up to their originals. I could plainly discover whence +one family derives a long chin; why a second has abounded with knaves +for two generations, and fools for two more; why a third happened to be +crack-brained, and a fourth to be sharpers; whence it came, what +Polydore Virgil says of a certain great house, _Nec vir fortis_, _nec +femina casta_; how cruelty, falsehood, and cowardice, grew to be +characteristics by which certain families are distinguished as much as +by their coats of arms; who first brought the pox into a noble house, +which has lineally descended scrofulous tumours to their posterity. +Neither could I wonder at all this, when I saw such an interruption of +lineages, by pages, lackeys, valets, coachmen, gamesters, fiddlers, +players, captains, and pickpockets. + +I was chiefly disgusted with modern history. For having strictly +examined all the persons of greatest name in the courts of princes, for +a hundred years past, I found how the world had been misled by +prostitute writers, to ascribe the greatest exploits in war, to +cowards; the wisest counsel, to fools; sincerity, to flatterers; Roman +virtue, to betrayers of their country; piety, to atheists; chastity, to +sodomites; truth, to informers: how many innocent and excellent persons +had been condemned to death or banishment by the practising of great +ministers upon the corruption of judges, and the malice of factions: +how many villains had been exalted to the highest places of trust, +power, dignity, and profit: how great a share in the motions and events +of courts, councils, and senates might be challenged by bawds, whores, +pimps, parasites, and buffoons. How low an opinion I had of human +wisdom and integrity, when I was truly informed of the springs and +motives of great enterprises and revolutions in the world, and of the +contemptible accidents to which they owed their success. + +Here I discovered the roguery and ignorance of those who pretend to +write anecdotes, or secret history; who send so many kings to their +graves with a cup of poison; will repeat the discourse between a prince +and chief minister, where no witness was by; unlock the thoughts and +cabinets of ambassadors and secretaries of state; and have the +perpetual misfortune to be mistaken. Here I discovered the true causes +of many great events that have surprised the world; how a whore can +govern the back-stairs, the back-stairs a council, and the council a +senate. A general confessed, in my presence, “that he got a victory +purely by the force of cowardice and ill conduct;” and an admiral, +“that, for want of proper intelligence, he beat the enemy, to whom he +intended to betray the fleet.” Three kings protested to me, “that in +their whole reigns they never did once prefer any person of merit, +unless by mistake, or treachery of some minister in whom they confided; +neither would they do it if they were to live again:” and they showed, +with great strength of reason, “that the royal throne could not be +supported without corruption, because that positive, confident, restiff +temper, which virtue infused into a man, was a perpetual clog to public +business.” + +I had the curiosity to inquire in a particular manner, by what methods +great numbers had procured to themselves high titles of honour, and +prodigious estates; and I confined my inquiry to a very modern period: +however, without grating upon present times, because I would be sure to +give no offence even to foreigners (for I hope the reader need not be +told, that I do not in the least intend my own country, in what I say +upon this occasion,) a great number of persons concerned were called +up; and, upon a very slight examination, discovered such a scene of +infamy, that I cannot reflect upon it without some seriousness. +Perjury, oppression, subornation, fraud, pandarism, and the like +infirmities, were among the most excusable arts they had to mention; +and for these I gave, as it was reasonable, great allowance. But when +some confessed they owed their greatness and wealth to sodomy, or +incest; others, to the prostituting of their own wives and daughters; +others, to the betraying of their country or their prince; some, to +poisoning; more to the perverting of justice, in order to destroy the +innocent, I hope I may be pardoned, if these discoveries inclined me a +little to abate of that profound veneration, which I am naturally apt +to pay to persons of high rank, who ought to be treated with the utmost +respect due to their sublime dignity, by us their inferiors. + +I had often read of some great services done to princes and states, and +desired to see the persons by whom those services were performed. Upon +inquiry I was told, “that their names were to be found on no record, +except a few of them, whom history has represented as the vilest of +rogues and traitors.” As to the rest, I had never once heard of them. +They all appeared with dejected looks, and in the meanest habit; most +of them telling me, “they died in poverty and disgrace, and the rest on +a scaffold or a gibbet.” + +Among others, there was one person, whose case appeared a little +singular. He had a youth about eighteen years old standing by his side. +He told me, “he had for many years been commander of a ship; and in the +sea fight at Actium had the good fortune to break through the enemy’s +great line of battle, sink three of their capital ships, and take a +fourth, which was the sole cause of Antony’s flight, and of the victory +that ensued; that the youth standing by him, his only son, was killed +in the action.” He added, “that upon the confidence of some merit, the +war being at an end, he went to Rome, and solicited at the court of +Augustus to be preferred to a greater ship, whose commander had been +killed; but, without any regard to his pretensions, it was given to a +boy who had never seen the sea, the son of Libertina, who waited on one +of the emperor’s mistresses. Returning back to his own vessel, he was +charged with neglect of duty, and the ship given to a favourite page of +Publicola, the vice-admiral; whereupon he retired to a poor farm at a +great distance from Rome, and there ended his life.” I was so curious +to know the truth of this story, that I desired Agrippa might be +called, who was admiral in that fight. He appeared, and confirmed the +whole account: but with much more advantage to the captain, whose +modesty had extenuated or concealed a great part of his merit. + +I was surprised to find corruption grown so high and so quick in that +empire, by the force of luxury so lately introduced; which made me less +wonder at many parallel cases in other countries, where vices of all +kinds have reigned so much longer, and where the whole praise, as well +as pillage, has been engrossed by the chief commander, who perhaps had +the least title to either. + +As every person called up made exactly the same appearance he had done +in the world, it gave me melancholy reflections to observe how much the +race of humankind was degenerated among us within these hundred years +past; how the pox, under all its consequences and denominations had +altered every lineament of an English countenance; shortened the size +of bodies, unbraced the nerves, relaxed the sinews and muscles, +introduced a sallow complexion, and rendered the flesh loose and +rancid. + +I descended so low, as to desire some English yeoman of the old stamp +might be summoned to appear; once so famous for the simplicity of their +manners, diet, and dress; for justice in their dealings; for their true +spirit of liberty; for their valour, and love of their country. Neither +could I be wholly unmoved, after comparing the living with the dead, +when I considered how all these pure native virtues were prostituted +for a piece of money by their grand-children; who, in selling their +votes and managing at elections, have acquired every vice and +corruption that can possibly be learned in a court. + + +CHAPTER IX. + +The author returns to Maldonada. Sails to the kingdom of Luggnagg. The +author confined. He is sent for to court. The manner of his admittance. +The king’s great lenity to his subjects. + + +The day of our departure being come, I took leave of his highness, the +Governor of Glubbdubdrib, and returned with my two companions to +Maldonada, where, after a fortnight’s waiting, a ship was ready to sail +for Luggnagg. The two gentlemen, and some others, were so generous and +kind as to furnish me with provisions, and see me on board. I was a +month in this voyage. We had one violent storm, and were under a +necessity of steering westward to get into the trade wind, which holds +for above sixty leagues. On the 21st of April, 1708, we sailed into the +river of Clumegnig, which is a seaport town, at the south-east point of +Luggnagg. We cast anchor within a league of the town, and made a signal +for a pilot. Two of them came on board in less than half an hour, by +whom we were guided between certain shoals and rocks, which are very +dangerous in the passage, to a large basin, where a fleet may ride in +safety within a cable’s length of the town-wall. + +Some of our sailors, whether out of treachery or inadvertence, had +informed the pilots “that I was a stranger, and great traveller;” +whereof these gave notice to a custom-house officer, by whom I was +examined very strictly upon my landing. This officer spoke to me in the +language of Balnibarbi, which, by the force of much commerce, is +generally understood in that town, especially by seamen and those +employed in the customs. I gave him a short account of some +particulars, and made my story as plausible and consistent as I could; +but I thought it necessary to disguise my country, and call myself a +Hollander; because my intentions were for Japan, and I knew the Dutch +were the only Europeans permitted to enter into that kingdom. I +therefore told the officer, “that having been shipwrecked on the coast +of Balnibarbi, and cast on a rock, I was received up into Laputa, or +the flying island (of which he had often heard), and was now +endeavouring to get to Japan, whence I might find a convenience of +returning to my own country.” The officer said, “I must be confined +till he could receive orders from court, for which he would write +immediately, and hoped to receive an answer in a fortnight.” I was +carried to a convenient lodging with a sentry placed at the door; +however, I had the liberty of a large garden, and was treated with +humanity enough, being maintained all the time at the king’s charge. I +was invited by several persons, chiefly out of curiosity, because it +was reported that I came from countries very remote, of which they had +never heard. + +I hired a young man, who came in the same ship, to be an interpreter; +he was a native of Luggnagg, but had lived some years at Maldonada, and +was a perfect master of both languages. By his assistance, I was able +to hold a conversation with those who came to visit me; but this +consisted only of their questions, and my answers. + +The despatch came from court about the time we expected. It contained a +warrant for conducting me and my retinue to _Traldragdubh_, or +_Trildrogdrib_ (for it is pronounced both ways as near as I can +remember), by a party of ten horse. All my retinue was that poor lad +for an interpreter, whom I persuaded into my service, and, at my humble +request, we had each of us a mule to ride on. A messenger was +despatched half a day’s journey before us, to give the king notice of +my approach, and to desire, “that his majesty would please to appoint a +day and hour, when it would by his gracious pleasure that I might have +the honour to lick the dust before his footstool.” This is the court +style, and I found it to be more than matter of form: for, upon my +admittance two days after my arrival, I was commanded to crawl upon my +belly, and lick the floor as I advanced; but, on account of my being a +stranger, care was taken to have it made so clean, that the dust was +not offensive. However, this was a peculiar grace, not allowed to any +but persons of the highest rank, when they desire an admittance. Nay, +sometimes the floor is strewed with dust on purpose, when the person to +be admitted happens to have powerful enemies at court; and I have seen +a great lord with his mouth so crammed, that when he had crept to the +proper distance from the throne; he was not able to speak a word. +Neither is there any remedy; because it is capital for those who +receive an audience to spit or wipe their mouths in his majesty’s +presence. There is indeed another custom, which I cannot altogether +approve of: when the king has a mind to put any of his nobles to death +in a gentle indulgent manner, he commands the floor to be strewed with +a certain brown powder of a deadly composition, which being licked up, +infallibly kills him in twenty-four hours. But in justice to this +prince’s great clemency, and the care he has of his subjects’ lives +(wherein it were much to be wished that the Monarchs of Europe would +imitate him), it must be mentioned for his honour, that strict orders +are given to have the infected parts of the floor well washed after +every such execution, which, if his domestics neglect, they are in +danger of incurring his royal displeasure. I myself heard him give +directions, that one of his pages should be whipped, whose turn it was +to give notice about washing the floor after an execution, but +maliciously had omitted it; by which neglect a young lord of great +hopes, coming to an audience, was unfortunately poisoned, although the +king at that time had no design against his life. But this good prince +was so gracious as to forgive the poor page his whipping, upon promise +that he would do so no more, without special orders. + +To return from this digression. When I had crept within four yards of +the throne, I raised myself gently upon my knees, and then striking my +forehead seven times against the ground, I pronounced the following +words, as they had been taught me the night before, _Ickpling +gloffthrobb squutserumm blhiop mlashnalt zwin tnodbalkguffh slhiophad +gurdlubh asht_. This is the compliment, established by the laws of the +land, for all persons admitted to the king’s presence. It may be +rendered into English thus: “May your celestial majesty outlive the +sun, eleven moons and a half!” To this the king returned some answer, +which, although I could not understand, yet I replied as I had been +directed: _Fluft drin yalerick dwuldom prastrad mirpush_, which +properly signifies, “My tongue is in the mouth of my friend;” and by +this expression was meant, that I desired leave to bring my +interpreter; whereupon the young man already mentioned was accordingly +introduced, by whose intervention I answered as many questions as his +majesty could put in above an hour. I spoke in the Balnibarbian tongue, +and my interpreter delivered my meaning in that of Luggnagg. + +The king was much delighted with my company, and ordered his +_bliffmarklub_, or high-chamberlain, to appoint a lodging in the court +for me and my interpreter; with a daily allowance for my table, and a +large purse of gold for my common expenses. + +I staid three months in this country, out of perfect obedience to his +majesty; who was pleased highly to favour me, and made me very +honourable offers. But I thought it more consistent with prudence and +justice to pass the remainder of my days with my wife and family. + + +CHAPTER X. + +The Luggnaggians commended. A particular description of the +Struldbrugs, with many conversations between the author and some +eminent persons upon that subject. + + +The Luggnaggians are a polite and generous people; and although they +are not without some share of that pride which is peculiar to all +Eastern countries, yet they show themselves courteous to strangers, +especially such who are countenanced by the court. I had many +acquaintance, and among persons of the best fashion; and being always +attended by my interpreter, the conversation we had was not +disagreeable. + +One day, in much good company, I was asked by a person of quality, +“whether I had seen any of their _struldbrugs_, or immortals?” I said, +“I had not;” and desired he would explain to me “what he meant by such +an appellation, applied to a mortal creature.” He told me “that +sometimes, though very rarely, a child happened to be born in a family, +with a red circular spot in the forehead, directly over the left +eyebrow, which was an infallible mark that it should never die.” The +spot, as he described it, “was about the compass of a silver +threepence, but in the course of time grew larger, and changed its +colour; for at twelve years old it became green, so continued till five +and twenty, then turned to a deep blue: at five and forty it grew coal +black, and as large as an English shilling; but never admitted any +further alteration.” He said, “these births were so rare, that he did +not believe there could be above eleven hundred struldbrugs, of both +sexes, in the whole kingdom; of which he computed about fifty in the +metropolis, and, among the rest, a young girl born; about three years +ago: that these productions were not peculiar to any family, but a mere +effect of chance; and the children of the _struldbrugs_ themselves were +equally mortal with the rest of the people.” + +I freely own myself to have been struck with inexpressible delight, +upon hearing this account: and the person who gave it me happening to +understand the Balnibarbian language, which I spoke very well, I could +not forbear breaking out into expressions, perhaps a little too +extravagant. I cried out, as in a rapture, “Happy nation, where every +child hath at least a chance for being immortal! Happy people, who +enjoy so many living examples of ancient virtue, and have masters ready +to instruct them in the wisdom of all former ages! but happiest, beyond +all comparison, are those excellent _struldbrugs_, who, being born +exempt from that universal calamity of human nature, have their minds +free and disengaged, without the weight and depression of spirits +caused by the continual apprehensions of death!” I discovered my +admiration, “that I had not observed any of these illustrious persons +at court; the black spot on the forehead being so remarkable a +distinction, that I could not have easily overlooked it: and it was +impossible that his majesty, a most judicious prince, should not +provide himself with a good number of such wise and able counsellors. +Yet perhaps the virtue of those reverend sages was too strict for the +corrupt and libertine manners of a court: and we often find by +experience, that young men are too opinionated and volatile to be +guided by the sober dictates of their seniors. However, since the king +was pleased to allow me access to his royal person, I was resolved, +upon the very first occasion, to deliver my opinion to him on this +matter freely and at large, by the help of my interpreter; and whether +he would please to take my advice or not, yet in one thing I was +determined, that his majesty having frequently offered me an +establishment in this country, I would, with great thankfulness, accept +the favour, and pass my life here in the conversation of those superior +beings the _struldbrugs_, if they would please to admit me.” + +The gentleman to whom I addressed my discourse, because (as I have +already observed) he spoke the language of Balnibarbi, said to me, with +a sort of a smile which usually arises from pity to the ignorant, “that +he was glad of any occasion to keep me among them, and desired my +permission to explain to the company what I had spoke.” He did so, and +they talked together for some time in their own language, whereof I +understood not a syllable, neither could I observe by their +countenances, what impression my discourse had made on them. After a +short silence, the same person told me, “that his friends and mine (so +he thought fit to express himself) were very much pleased with the +judicious remarks I had made on the great happiness and advantages of +immortal life, and they were desirous to know, in a particular manner, +what scheme of living I should have formed to myself, if it had fallen +to my lot to have been born a _struldbrug_.” + +I answered, “it was easy to be eloquent on so copious and delightful a +subject, especially to me, who had been often apt to amuse myself with +visions of what I should do, if I were a king, a general, or a great +lord: and upon this very case, I had frequently run over the whole +system how I should employ myself, and pass the time, if I were sure to +live for ever. + +“That, if it had been my good fortune to come into the world a +_struldbrug_, as soon as I could discover my own happiness, by +understanding the difference between life and death, I would first +resolve, by all arts and methods, whatsoever, to procure myself riches. +In the pursuit of which, by thrift and management, I might reasonably +expect, in about two hundred years, to be the wealthiest man in the +kingdom. In the second place, I would, from my earliest youth, apply +myself to the study of arts and sciences, by which I should arrive in +time to excel all others in learning. Lastly, I would carefully record +every action and event of consequence, that happened in the public, +impartially draw the characters of the several successions of princes +and great ministers of state, with my own observations on every point. +I would exactly set down the several changes in customs, language, +fashions of dress, diet, and diversions. By all which acquirements, I +should be a living treasure of knowledge and wisdom, and certainly +become the oracle of the nation. + +“I would never marry after threescore, but live in a hospitable manner, +yet still on the saving side. I would entertain myself in forming and +directing the minds of hopeful young men, by convincing them, from my +own remembrance, experience, and observation, fortified by numerous +examples, of the usefulness of virtue in public and private life. But +my choice and constant companions should be a set of my own immortal +brotherhood; among whom, I would elect a dozen from the most ancient, +down to my own contemporaries. Where any of these wanted fortunes, I +would provide them with convenient lodges round my own estate, and have +some of them always at my table; only mingling a few of the most +valuable among you mortals, whom length of time would harden me to lose +with little or no reluctance, and treat your posterity after the same +manner; just as a man diverts himself with the annual succession of +pinks and tulips in his garden, without regretting the loss of those +which withered the preceding year. + +“These _struldbrugs_ and I would mutually communicate our observations +and memorials, through the course of time; remark the several +gradations by which corruption steals into the world, and oppose it in +every step, by giving perpetual warning and instruction to mankind; +which, added to the strong influence of our own example, would probably +prevent that continual degeneracy of human nature so justly complained +of in all ages. + +“Add to this, the pleasure of seeing the various revolutions of states +and empires; the changes in the lower and upper world; ancient cities +in ruins, and obscure villages become the seats of kings; famous rivers +lessening into shallow brooks; the ocean leaving one coast dry, and +overwhelming another; the discovery of many countries yet unknown; +barbarity overrunning the politest nations, and the most barbarous +become civilized. I should then see the discovery of the longitude, the +perpetual motion, the universal medicine, and many other great +inventions, brought to the utmost perfection. + +“What wonderful discoveries should we make in astronomy, by outliving +and confirming our own predictions; by observing the progress and +return of comets, with the changes of motion in the sun, moon, and +stars!” + +I enlarged upon many other topics, which the natural desire of endless +life, and sublunary happiness, could easily furnish me with. When I had +ended, and the sum of my discourse had been interpreted, as before, to +the rest of the company, there was a good deal of talk among them in +the language of the country, not without some laughter at my expense. +At last, the same gentleman who had been my interpreter, said, “he was +desired by the rest to set me right in a few mistakes, which I had +fallen into through the common imbecility of human nature, and upon +that allowance was less answerable for them. That this breed of +_struldbrugs_ was peculiar to their country, for there were no such +people either in Balnibarbi or Japan, where he had the honour to be +ambassador from his majesty, and found the natives in both those +kingdoms very hard to believe that the fact was possible: and it +appeared from my astonishment when he first mentioned the matter to me, +that I received it as a thing wholly new, and scarcely to be credited. +That in the two kingdoms above mentioned, where, during his residence, +he had conversed very much, he observed long life to be the universal +desire and wish of mankind. That whoever had one foot in the grave was +sure to hold back the other as strongly as he could. That the oldest +had still hopes of living one day longer, and looked on death as the +greatest evil, from which nature always prompted him to retreat. Only +in this island of Luggnagg the appetite for living was not so eager, +from the continual example of the _struldbrugs_ before their eyes. + +“That the system of living contrived by me, was unreasonable and +unjust; because it supposed a perpetuity of youth, health, and vigour, +which no man could be so foolish to hope, however extravagant he may be +in his wishes. That the question therefore was not, whether a man would +choose to be always in the prime of youth, attended with prosperity and +health; but how he would pass a perpetual life under all the usual +disadvantages which old age brings along with it. For although few men +will avow their desires of being immortal, upon such hard conditions, +yet in the two kingdoms before mentioned, of Balnibarbi and Japan, he +observed that every man desired to put off death some time longer, let +it approach ever so late: and he rarely heard of any man who died +willingly, except he were incited by the extremity of grief or torture. +And he appealed to me, whether in those countries I had travelled, as +well as my own, I had not observed the same general disposition.” + +After this preface, he gave me a particular account of the +_struldbrugs_ among them. He said, “they commonly acted like mortals +till about thirty years old; after which, by degrees, they grew +melancholy and dejected, increasing in both till they came to +fourscore. This he learned from their own confession: for otherwise, +there not being above two or three of that species born in an age, they +were too few to form a general observation by. When they came to +fourscore years, which is reckoned the extremity of living in this +country, they had not only all the follies and infirmities of other old +men, but many more which arose from the dreadful prospect of never +dying. They were not only opinionative, peevish, covetous, morose, +vain, talkative, but incapable of friendship, and dead to all natural +affection, which never descended below their grandchildren. Envy and +impotent desires are their prevailing passions. But those objects +against which their envy seems principally directed, are the vices of +the younger sort and the deaths of the old. By reflecting on the +former, they find themselves cut off from all possibility of pleasure; +and whenever they see a funeral, they lament and repine that others +have gone to a harbour of rest to which they themselves never can hope +to arrive. They have no remembrance of anything but what they learned +and observed in their youth and middle-age, and even that is very +imperfect; and for the truth or particulars of any fact, it is safer to +depend on common tradition, than upon their best recollections. The +least miserable among them appear to be those who turn to dotage, and +entirely lose their memories; these meet with more pity and assistance, +because they want many bad qualities which abound in others. + +“If a _struldbrug_ happen to marry one of his own kind, the marriage is +dissolved of course, by the courtesy of the kingdom, as soon as the +younger of the two comes to be fourscore; for the law thinks it a +reasonable indulgence, that those who are condemned, without any fault +of their own, to a perpetual continuance in the world, should not have +their misery doubled by the load of a wife. + +“As soon as they have completed the term of eighty years, they are +looked on as dead in law; their heirs immediately succeed to their +estates; only a small pittance is reserved for their support; and the +poor ones are maintained at the public charge. After that period, they +are held incapable of any employment of trust or profit; they cannot +purchase lands, or take leases; neither are they allowed to be +witnesses in any cause, either civil or criminal, not even for the +decision of meers and bounds. + +“At ninety, they lose their teeth and hair; they have at that age no +distinction of taste, but eat and drink whatever they can get, without +relish or appetite. The diseases they were subject to still continue, +without increasing or diminishing. In talking, they forget the common +appellation of things, and the names of persons, even of those who are +their nearest friends and relations. For the same reason, they never +can amuse themselves with reading, because their memory will not serve +to carry them from the beginning of a sentence to the end; and by this +defect, they are deprived of the only entertainment whereof they might +otherwise be capable. + +“The language of this country being always upon the flux, the +_struldbrugs_ of one age do not understand those of another; neither +are they able, after two hundred years, to hold any conversation +(farther than by a few general words) with their neighbours the +mortals; and thus they lie under the disadvantage of living like +foreigners in their own country.” + +This was the account given me of the _struldbrugs_, as near as I can +remember. I afterwards saw five or six of different ages, the youngest +not above two hundred years old, who were brought to me at several +times by some of my friends; but although they were told, “that I was a +great traveller, and had seen all the world,” they had not the least +curiosity to ask me a question; only desired “I would give them +_slumskudask_,” or a token of remembrance; which is a modest way of +begging, to avoid the law, that strictly forbids it, because they are +provided for by the public, although indeed with a very scanty +allowance. + +They are despised and hated by all sorts of people. When one of them is +born, it is reckoned ominous, and their birth is recorded very +particularly so that you may know their age by consulting the register, +which, however, has not been kept above a thousand years past, or at +least has been destroyed by time or public disturbances. But the usual +way of computing how old they are, is by asking them what kings or +great persons they can remember, and then consulting history; for +infallibly the last prince in their mind did not begin his reign after +they were fourscore years old. + +They were the most mortifying sight I ever beheld; and the women more +horrible than the men. Besides the usual deformities in extreme old +age, they acquired an additional ghastliness, in proportion to their +number of years, which is not to be described; and among half a dozen, +I soon distinguished which was the eldest, although there was not above +a century or two between them. + +The reader will easily believe, that from what I had heard and seen, my +keen appetite for perpetuity of life was much abated. I grew heartily +ashamed of the pleasing visions I had formed; and thought no tyrant +could invent a death into which I would not run with pleasure, from +such a life. The king heard of all that had passed between me and my +friends upon this occasion, and rallied me very pleasantly; wishing I +could send a couple of _struldbrugs_ to my own country, to arm our +people against the fear of death; but this, it seems, is forbidden by +the fundamental laws of the kingdom, or else I should have been well +content with the trouble and expense of transporting them. + +I could not but agree, that the laws of this kingdom relative to the +_struldbrugs_ were founded upon the strongest reasons, and such as any +other country would be under the necessity of enacting, in the like +circumstances. Otherwise, as avarice is the necessary consequence of +old age, those immortals would in time become proprietors of the whole +nation, and engross the civil power, which, for want of abilities to +manage, must end in the ruin of the public. + + +CHAPTER XI. + +The author leaves Luggnagg, and sails to Japan. From thence he returns +in a Dutch ship to Amsterdam, and from Amsterdam to England. + + +I thought this account of the _struldbrugs_ might be some entertainment +to the reader, because it seems to be a little out of the common way; +at least I do not remember to have met the like in any book of travels +that has come to my hands; and if I am deceived, my excuse must be, +that it is necessary for travellers who describe the same country, very +often to agree in dwelling on the same particulars, without deserving +the censure of having borrowed or transcribed from those who wrote +before them. + +There is indeed a perpetual commerce between this kingdom and the great +empire of Japan; and it is very probable, that the Japanese authors may +have given some account of the _struldbrugs_; but my stay in Japan was +so short, and I was so entirely a stranger to the language, that I was +not qualified to make any inquiries. But I hope the Dutch, upon this +notice, will be curious and able enough to supply my defects. + +His majesty having often pressed me to accept some employment in his +court, and finding me absolutely determined to return to my native +country, was pleased to give me his license to depart; and honoured me +with a letter of recommendation, under his own hand, to the Emperor of +Japan. He likewise presented me with four hundred and forty-four large +pieces of gold (this nation delighting in even numbers), and a red +diamond, which I sold in England for eleven hundred pounds. + +On the 6th day of May, 1709, I took a solemn leave of his majesty, and +all my friends. This prince was so gracious as to order a guard to +conduct me to Glanguenstald, which is a royal port to the south-west +part of the island. In six days I found a vessel ready to carry me to +Japan, and spent fifteen days in the voyage. We landed at a small +port-town called Xamoschi, situated on the south-east part of Japan; +the town lies on the western point, where there is a narrow strait +leading northward into a long arm of the sea, upon the north-west part +of which, Yedo, the metropolis, stands. At landing, I showed the +custom-house officers my letter from the king of Luggnagg to his +imperial majesty. They knew the seal perfectly well; it was as broad as +the palm of my hand. The impression was, _A king lifting up a lame +beggar from the earth_. The magistrates of the town, hearing of my +letter, received me as a public minister. They provided me with +carriages and servants, and bore my charges to Yedo; where I was +admitted to an audience, and delivered my letter, which was opened with +great ceremony, and explained to the Emperor by an interpreter, who +then gave me notice, by his majesty’s order, “that I should signify my +request, and, whatever it were, it should be granted, for the sake of +his royal brother of Luggnagg.” This interpreter was a person employed +to transact affairs with the Hollanders. He soon conjectured, by my +countenance, that I was a European, and therefore repeated his +majesty’s commands in Low Dutch, which he spoke perfectly well. I +answered, as I had before determined, “that I was a Dutch merchant, +shipwrecked in a very remote country, whence I had travelled by sea and +land to Luggnagg, and then took shipping for Japan; where I knew my +countrymen often traded, and with some of these I hoped to get an +opportunity of returning into Europe: I therefore most humbly entreated +his royal favour, to give order that I should be conducted in safety to +Nangasac.” To this I added another petition, “that for the sake of my +patron the king of Luggnagg, his majesty would condescend to excuse my +performing the ceremony imposed on my countrymen, of trampling upon the +crucifix, because I had been thrown into his kingdom by my misfortunes, +without any intention of trading.” When this latter petition was +interpreted to the Emperor, he seemed a little surprised; and said, “he +believed I was the first of my countrymen who ever made any scruple in +this point; and that he began to doubt, whether I was a real Hollander, +or not; but rather suspected I must be a Christian. However, for the +reasons I had offered, but chiefly to gratify the king of Luggnagg by +an uncommon mark of his favour, he would comply with the singularity of +my humour; but the affair must be managed with dexterity, and his +officers should be commanded to let me pass, as it were by +forgetfulness. For he assured me, that if the secret should be +discovered by my countrymen the Dutch, they would cut my throat in the +voyage.” I returned my thanks, by the interpreter, for so unusual a +favour; and some troops being at that time on their march to Nangasac, +the commanding officer had orders to convey me safe thither, with +particular instructions about the business of the crucifix. + +On the 9th day of June, 1709, I arrived at Nangasac, after a very long +and troublesome journey. I soon fell into the company of some Dutch +sailors belonging to the Amboyna, of Amsterdam, a stout ship of 450 +tons. I had lived long in Holland, pursuing my studies at Leyden, and I +spoke Dutch well. The seamen soon knew from whence I came last: they +were curious to inquire into my voyages and course of life. I made up a +story as short and probable as I could, but concealed the greatest +part. I knew many persons in Holland. I was able to invent names for my +parents, whom I pretended to be obscure people in the province of +Gelderland. I would have given the captain (one Theodorus Vangrult) +what he pleased to ask for my voyage to Holland; but understanding I +was a surgeon, he was contented to take half the usual rate, on +condition that I would serve him in the way of my calling. Before we +took shipping, I was often asked by some of the crew, whether I had +performed the ceremony above mentioned. I evaded the question by +general answers; “that I had satisfied the Emperor and court in all +particulars.” However, a malicious rogue of a skipper went to an +officer, and pointing to me, told him, “I had not yet trampled on the +crucifix;” but the other, who had received instructions to let me pass, +gave the rascal twenty strokes on the shoulders with a bamboo; after +which I was no more troubled with such questions. + +Nothing happened worth mentioning in this voyage. We sailed with a fair +wind to the Cape of Good Hope, where we staid only to take in fresh +water. On the 10th of April, 1710, we arrived safe at Amsterdam, having +lost only three men by sickness in the voyage, and a fourth, who fell +from the foremast into the sea, not far from the coast of Guinea. From +Amsterdam I soon after set sail for England, in a small vessel +belonging to that city. + +On the 16th of April, 1710, we put in at the Downs. I landed next +morning, and saw once more my native country, after an absence of five +years and six months complete. I went straight to Redriff, where I +arrived the same day at two in the afternoon, and found my wife and +family in good health. + + +PART IV. A VOYAGE TO THE COUNTRY OF THE HOUYHNHNMS. + + +CHAPTER I. + +The author sets out as captain of a ship. His men conspire against him, +confine him a long time to his cabin, and set him on shore in an +unknown land. He travels up into the country. The Yahoos, a strange +sort of animal, described. The author meets two Houyhnhnms. + + +I continued at home with my wife and children about five months in a +very happy condition, if I could have learned the lesson of knowing +when I was well. I left my poor wife big with child, and accepted an +advantageous offer made me to be captain of the Adventurer, a stout +merchantman of 350 tons: for I understood navigation well, and being +grown weary of a surgeon’s employment at sea, which, however, I could +exercise upon occasion, I took a skilful young man of that calling, one +Robert Purefoy, into my ship. We set sail from Portsmouth upon the 7th +day of August, 1710; on the 14th we met with Captain Pocock, of +Bristol, at Teneriffe, who was going to the bay of Campechy to cut +logwood. On the 16th, he was parted from us by a storm; I heard since +my return, that his ship foundered, and none escaped but one cabin boy. +He was an honest man, and a good sailor, but a little too positive in +his own opinions, which was the cause of his destruction, as it has +been with several others; for if he had followed my advice, he might +have been safe at home with his family at this time, as well as myself. + +I had several men who died in my ship of calentures, so that I was +forced to get recruits out of Barbadoes and the Leeward Islands, where +I touched, by the direction of the merchants who employed me; which I +had soon too much cause to repent: for I found afterwards, that most of +them had been buccaneers. I had fifty hands on board; and my orders +were, that I should trade with the Indians in the South-Sea, and make +what discoveries I could. These rogues, whom I had picked up, debauched +my other men, and they all formed a conspiracy to seize the ship, and +secure me; which they did one morning, rushing into my cabin, and +binding me hand and foot, threatening to throw me overboard, if I +offered to stir. I told them, “I was their prisoner, and would submit.” +This they made me swear to do, and then they unbound me, only fastening +one of my legs with a chain, near my bed, and placed a sentry at my +door with his piece charged, who was commanded to shoot me dead if I +attempted my liberty. They sent me down victuals and drink, and took +the government of the ship to themselves. Their design was to turn +pirates, and plunder the Spaniards, which they could not do till they +got more men. But first they resolved to sell the goods in the ship, +and then go to Madagascar for recruits, several among them having died +since my confinement. They sailed many weeks, and traded with the +Indians; but I knew not what course they took, being kept a close +prisoner in my cabin, and expecting nothing less than to be murdered, +as they often threatened me. + +Upon the 9th day of May, 1711, one James Welch came down to my cabin, +and said, “he had orders from the captain to set me ashore.” I +expostulated with him, but in vain; neither would he so much as tell me +who their new captain was. They forced me into the long-boat, letting +me put on my best suit of clothes, which were as good as new, and take +a small bundle of linen, but no arms, except my hanger; and they were +so civil as not to search my pockets, into which I conveyed what money +I had, with some other little necessaries. They rowed about a league, +and then set me down on a strand. I desired them to tell me what +country it was. They all swore, “they knew no more than myself;” but +said, “that the captain” (as they called him) “was resolved, after they +had sold the lading, to get rid of me in the first place where they +could discover land.” They pushed off immediately, advising me to make +haste for fear of being overtaken by the tide, and so bade me farewell. + +In this desolate condition I advanced forward, and soon got upon firm +ground, where I sat down on a bank to rest myself, and consider what I +had best do. When I was a little refreshed, I went up into the country, +resolving to deliver myself to the first savages I should meet, and +purchase my life from them by some bracelets, glass rings, and other +toys, which sailors usually provide themselves with in those voyages, +and whereof I had some about me. The land was divided by long rows of +trees, not regularly planted, but naturally growing; there was great +plenty of grass, and several fields of oats. I walked very +circumspectly, for fear of being surprised, or suddenly shot with an +arrow from behind, or on either side. I fell into a beaten road, where +I saw many tracts of human feet, and some of cows, but most of horses. +At last I beheld several animals in a field, and one or two of the same +kind sitting in trees. Their shape was very singular and deformed, +which a little discomposed me, so that I lay down behind a thicket to +observe them better. Some of them coming forward near the place where I +lay, gave me an opportunity of distinctly marking their form. Their +heads and breasts were covered with a thick hair, some frizzled, and +others lank; they had beards like goats, and a long ridge of hair down +their backs, and the fore parts of their legs and feet; but the rest of +their bodies was bare, so that I might see their skins, which were of a +brown buff colour. They had no tails, nor any hair at all on their +buttocks, except about the anus, which, I presume, nature had placed +there to defend them as they sat on the ground, for this posture they +used, as well as lying down, and often stood on their hind feet. They +climbed high trees as nimbly as a squirrel, for they had strong +extended claws before and behind, terminating in sharp points, and +hooked. They would often spring, and bound, and leap, with prodigious +agility. The females were not so large as the males; they had long lank +hair on their heads, but none on their faces, nor any thing more than a +sort of down on the rest of their bodies, except about the anus and +pudenda. The dugs hung between their forefeet, and often reached almost +to the ground as they walked. The hair of both sexes was of several +colours, brown, red, black, and yellow. Upon the whole, I never beheld, +in all my travels, so disagreeable an animal, or one against which I +naturally conceived so strong an antipathy. So that, thinking I had +seen enough, full of contempt and aversion, I got up, and pursued the +beaten road, hoping it might direct me to the cabin of some Indian. I +had not got far, when I met one of these creatures full in my way, and +coming up directly to me. The ugly monster, when he saw me, distorted +several ways, every feature of his visage, and stared, as at an object +he had never seen before; then approaching nearer, lifted up his +fore-paw, whether out of curiosity or mischief I could not tell; but I +drew my hanger, and gave him a good blow with the flat side of it, for +I durst not strike with the edge, fearing the inhabitants might be +provoked against me, if they should come to know that I had killed or +maimed any of their cattle. When the beast felt the smart, he drew +back, and roared so loud, that a herd of at least forty came flocking +about me from the next field, howling and making odious faces; but I +ran to the body of a tree, and leaning my back against it, kept them +off by waving my hanger. Several of this cursed brood, getting hold of +the branches behind, leaped up into the tree, whence they began to +discharge their excrements on my head; however, I escaped pretty well +by sticking close to the stem of the tree, but was almost stifled with +the filth, which fell about me on every side. + +In the midst of this distress, I observed them all to run away on a +sudden as fast as they could; at which I ventured to leave the tree and +pursue the road, wondering what it was that could put them into this +fright. But looking on my left hand, I saw a horse walking softly in +the field; which my persecutors having sooner discovered, was the cause +of their flight. The horse started a little, when he came near me, but +soon recovering himself, looked full in my face with manifest tokens of +wonder; he viewed my hands and feet, walking round me several times. I +would have pursued my journey, but he placed himself directly in the +way, yet looking with a very mild aspect, never offering the least +violence. We stood gazing at each other for some time; at last I took +the boldness to reach my hand towards his neck with a design to stroke +it, using the common style and whistle of jockeys, when they are going +to handle a strange horse. But this animal seemed to receive my +civilities with disdain, shook his head, and bent his brows, softly +raising up his right fore-foot to remove my hand. Then he neighed three +or four times, but in so different a cadence, that I almost began to +think he was speaking to himself, in some language of his own. + +While he and I were thus employed, another horse came up; who applying +himself to the first in a very formal manner, they gently struck each +other’s right hoof before, neighing several times by turns, and varying +the sound, which seemed to be almost articulate. They went some paces +off, as if it were to confer together, walking side by side, backward +and forward, like persons deliberating upon some affair of weight, but +often turning their eyes towards me, as it were to watch that I might +not escape. I was amazed to see such actions and behaviour in brute +beasts; and concluded with myself, that if the inhabitants of this +country were endued with a proportionable degree of reason, they must +needs be the wisest people upon earth. This thought gave me so much +comfort, that I resolved to go forward, until I could discover some +house or village, or meet with any of the natives, leaving the two +horses to discourse together as they pleased. But the first, who was a +dapple gray, observing me to steal off, neighed after me in so +expressive a tone, that I fancied myself to understand what he meant; +whereupon I turned back, and came near to him to expect his farther +commands: but concealing my fear as much as I could, for I began to be +in some pain how this adventure might terminate; and the reader will +easily believe I did not much like my present situation. + +The two horses came up close to me, looking with great earnestness upon +my face and hands. The gray steed rubbed my hat all round with his +right fore-hoof, and discomposed it so much that I was forced to adjust +it better by taking it off and settling it again; whereat, both he and +his companion (who was a brown bay) appeared to be much surprised: the +latter felt the lappet of my coat, and finding it to hang loose about +me, they both looked with new signs of wonder. He stroked my right +hand, seeming to admire the softness and colour; but he squeezed it so +hard between his hoof and his pastern, that I was forced to roar; after +which they both touched me with all possible tenderness. They were +under great perplexity about my shoes and stockings, which they felt +very often, neighing to each other, and using various gestures, not +unlike those of a philosopher, when he would attempt to solve some new +and difficult phenomenon. + +Upon the whole, the behaviour of these animals was so orderly and +rational, so acute and judicious, that I at last concluded they must +needs be magicians, who had thus metamorphosed themselves upon some +design, and seeing a stranger in the way, resolved to divert themselves +with him; or, perhaps, were really amazed at the sight of a man so very +different in habit, feature, and complexion, from those who might +probably live in so remote a climate. Upon the strength of this +reasoning, I ventured to address them in the following manner: +“Gentlemen, if you be conjurers, as I have good cause to believe, you +can understand my language; therefore I make bold to let your worships +know that I am a poor distressed Englishman, driven by his misfortunes +upon your coast; and I entreat one of you to let me ride upon his back, +as if he were a real horse, to some house or village where I can be +relieved. In return of which favour, I will make you a present of this +knife and bracelet,” taking them out of my pocket. The two creatures +stood silent while I spoke, seeming to listen with great attention, and +when I had ended, they neighed frequently towards each other, as if +they were engaged in serious conversation. I plainly observed that +their language expressed the passions very well, and the words might, +with little pains, be resolved into an alphabet more easily than the +Chinese. + +I could frequently distinguish the word _Yahoo_, which was repeated by +each of them several times: and although it was impossible for me to +conjecture what it meant, yet while the two horses were busy in +conversation, I endeavoured to practise this word upon my tongue; and +as soon as they were silent, I boldly pronounced _Yahoo_ in a loud +voice, imitating at the same time, as near as I could, the neighing of +a horse; at which they were both visibly surprised; and the gray +repeated the same word twice, as if he meant to teach me the right +accent; wherein I spoke after him as well as I could, and found myself +perceivably to improve every time, though very far from any degree of +perfection. Then the bay tried me with a second word, much harder to be +pronounced; but reducing it to the English orthography, may be spelt +thus, _Houyhnhnm_. I did not succeed in this so well as in the former; +but after two or three farther trials, I had better fortune; and they +both appeared amazed at my capacity. + +After some further discourse, which I then conjectured might relate to +me, the two friends took their leaves, with the same compliment of +striking each other’s hoof; and the gray made me signs that I should +walk before him; wherein I thought it prudent to comply, till I could +find a better director. When I offered to slacken my pace, he would cry +_hhuun hhuun_: I guessed his meaning, and gave him to understand, as +well as I could, “that I was weary, and not able to walk faster;” upon +which he would stand a while to let me rest. + + +CHAPTER II. + +The author conducted by a Houyhnhnm to his house. The house described. +The author’s reception. The food of the Houyhnhnms. The author in +distress for want of meat, is at last relieved. His manner of feeding +in this country. + + +Having travelled about three miles, we came to a long kind of building, +made of timber stuck in the ground, and wattled across; the roof was +low and covered with straw. I now began to be a little comforted; and +took out some toys, which travellers usually carry for presents to the +savage Indians of America, and other parts, in hopes the people of the +house would be thereby encouraged to receive me kindly. The horse made +me a sign to go in first; it was a large room with a smooth clay floor, +and a rack and manger, extending the whole length on one side. There +were three nags and two mares, not eating, but some of them sitting +down upon their hams, which I very much wondered at; but wondered more +to see the rest employed in domestic business; these seemed but +ordinary cattle. However, this confirmed my first opinion, that a +people who could so far civilize brute animals, must needs excel in +wisdom all the nations of the world. The gray came in just after, and +thereby prevented any ill treatment which the others might have given +me. He neighed to them several times in a style of authority, and +received answers. + +Beyond this room there were three others, reaching the length of the +house, to which you passed through three doors, opposite to each other, +in the manner of a vista. We went through the second room towards the +third. Here the gray walked in first, beckoning me to attend: I waited +in the second room, and got ready my presents for the master and +mistress of the house; they were two knives, three bracelets of false +pearls, a small looking-glass, and a bead necklace. The horse neighed +three or four times, and I waited to hear some answers in a human +voice, but I heard no other returns than in the same dialect, only one +or two a little shriller than his. I began to think that this house +must belong to some person of great note among them, because there +appeared so much ceremony before I could gain admittance. But, that a +man of quality should be served all by horses, was beyond my +comprehension. I feared my brain was disturbed by my sufferings and +misfortunes. I roused myself, and looked about me in the room where I +was left alone: this was furnished like the first, only after a more +elegant manner. I rubbed my eyes often, but the same objects still +occurred. I pinched my arms and sides to awake myself, hoping I might +be in a dream. I then absolutely concluded, that all these appearances +could be nothing else but necromancy and magic. But I had no time to +pursue these reflections; for the gray horse came to the door, and made +me a sign to follow him into the third room where I saw a very comely +mare, together with a colt and foal, sitting on their haunches upon +mats of straw, not unartfully made, and perfectly neat and clean. + +The mare soon after my entrance rose from her mat, and coming up close, +after having nicely observed my hands and face, gave me a most +contemptuous look; and turning to the horse, I heard the word _Yahoo_ +often repeated betwixt them; the meaning of which word I could not then +comprehend, although it was the first I had learned to pronounce. But I +was soon better informed, to my everlasting mortification; for the +horse, beckoning to me with his head, and repeating the _hhuun_, +_hhuun_, as he did upon the road, which I understood was to attend him, +led me out into a kind of court, where was another building, at some +distance from the house. Here we entered, and I saw three of those +detestable creatures, which I first met after my landing, feeding upon +roots, and the flesh of some animals, which I afterwards found to be +that of asses and dogs, and now and then a cow, dead by accident or +disease. They were all tied by the neck with strong withes, fastened to +a beam; they held their food between the claws of their forefeet, and +tore it with their teeth. + +The master horse ordered a sorrel nag, one of his servants, to untie +the largest of these animals, and take him into the yard. The beast and +I were brought close together, and by our countenances diligently +compared both by master and servant, who thereupon repeated several +times the word _Yahoo_. My horror and astonishment are not to be +described, when I observed in this abominable animal, a perfect human +figure: the face of it indeed was flat and broad, the nose depressed, +the lips large, and the mouth wide; but these differences are common to +all savage nations, where the lineaments of the countenance are +distorted, by the natives suffering their infants to lie grovelling on +the earth, or by carrying them on their backs, nuzzling with their face +against the mothers’ shoulders. The forefeet of the _Yahoo_ differed +from my hands in nothing else but the length of the nails, the +coarseness and brownness of the palms, and the hairiness on the backs. +There was the same resemblance between our feet, with the same +differences; which I knew very well, though the horses did not, because +of my shoes and stockings; the same in every part of our bodies except +as to hairiness and colour, which I have already described. + +The great difficulty that seemed to stick with the two horses, was to +see the rest of my body so very different from that of a _Yahoo_, for +which I was obliged to my clothes, whereof they had no conception. The +sorrel nag offered me a root, which he held (after their manner, as we +shall describe in its proper place) between his hoof and pastern; I +took it in my hand, and, having smelt it, returned it to him again as +civilly as I could. He brought out of the _Yahoos_’ kennel a piece of +ass’s flesh; but it smelt so offensively that I turned from it with +loathing: he then threw it to the _Yahoo_, by whom it was greedily +devoured. He afterwards showed me a wisp of hay, and a fetlock full of +oats; but I shook my head, to signify that neither of these were food +for me. And indeed I now apprehended that I must absolutely starve, if +I did not get to some of my own species; for as to those filthy +_Yahoos_, although there were few greater lovers of mankind at that +time than myself, yet I confess I never saw any sensitive being so +detestable on all accounts; and the more I came near them the more +hateful they grew, while I stayed in that country. This the master +horse observed by my behaviour, and therefore sent the _Yahoo_ back to +his kennel. He then put his fore-hoof to his mouth, at which I was much +surprised, although he did it with ease, and with a motion that +appeared perfectly natural, and made other signs, to know what I would +eat; but I could not return him such an answer as he was able to +apprehend; and if he had understood me, I did not see how it was +possible to contrive any way for finding myself nourishment. While we +were thus engaged, I observed a cow passing by, whereupon I pointed to +her, and expressed a desire to go and milk her. This had its effect; +for he led me back into the house, and ordered a mare-servant to open a +room, where a good store of milk lay in earthen and wooden vessels, +after a very orderly and cleanly manner. She gave me a large bowlful, +of which I drank very heartily, and found myself well refreshed. + +About noon, I saw coming towards the house a kind of vehicle drawn like +a sledge by four _Yahoos_. There was in it an old steed, who seemed to +be of quality; he alighted with his hind-feet forward, having by +accident got a hurt in his left fore-foot. He came to dine with our +horse, who received him with great civility. They dined in the best +room, and had oats boiled in milk for the second course, which the old +horse ate warm, but the rest cold. Their mangers were placed circular +in the middle of the room, and divided into several partitions, round +which they sat on their haunches, upon bosses of straw. In the middle +was a large rack, with angles answering to every partition of the +manger; so that each horse and mare ate their own hay, and their own +mash of oats and milk, with much decency and regularity. The behaviour +of the young colt and foal appeared very modest, and that of the master +and mistress extremely cheerful and complaisant to their guest. The +gray ordered me to stand by him; and much discourse passed between him +and his friend concerning me, as I found by the stranger’s often +looking on me, and the frequent repetition of the word _Yahoo_. + +I happened to wear my gloves, which the master gray observing, seemed +perplexed, discovering signs of wonder what I had done to my forefeet. +He put his hoof three or four times to them, as if he would signify, +that I should reduce them to their former shape, which I presently did, +pulling off both my gloves, and putting them into my pocket. This +occasioned farther talk; and I saw the company was pleased with my +behaviour, whereof I soon found the good effects. I was ordered to +speak the few words I understood; and while they were at dinner, the +master taught me the names for oats, milk, fire, water, and some +others, which I could readily pronounce after him, having from my youth +a great facility in learning languages. + +When dinner was done, the master horse took me aside, and by signs and +words made me understand the concern he was in that I had nothing to +eat. Oats in their tongue are called _hlunnh_. This word I pronounced +two or three times; for although I had refused them at first, yet, upon +second thoughts, I considered that I could contrive to make of them a +kind of bread, which might be sufficient, with milk, to keep me alive, +till I could make my escape to some other country, and to creatures of +my own species. The horse immediately ordered a white mare servant of +his family to bring me a good quantity of oats in a sort of wooden +tray. These I heated before the fire, as well as I could, and rubbed +them till the husks came off, which I made a shift to winnow from the +grain. I ground and beat them between two stones; then took water, and +made them into a paste or cake, which I toasted at the fire and eat +warm with milk. It was at first a very insipid diet, though common +enough in many parts of Europe, but grew tolerable by time; and having +been often reduced to hard fare in my life, this was not the first +experiment I had made how easily nature is satisfied. And I cannot but +observe, that I never had one hour’s sickness while I stayed in this +island. It is true, I sometimes made a shift to catch a rabbit, or +bird, by springs made of _Yahoo’s_ hairs; and I often gathered +wholesome herbs, which I boiled, and ate as salads with my bread; and +now and then, for a rarity, I made a little butter, and drank the whey. +I was at first at a great loss for salt, but custom soon reconciled me +to the want of it; and I am confident that the frequent use of salt +among us is an effect of luxury, and was first introduced only as a +provocative to drink, except where it is necessary for preserving flesh +in long voyages, or in places remote from great markets; for we observe +no animal to be fond of it but man, and as to myself, when I left this +country, it was a great while before I could endure the taste of it in +anything that I ate. + +This is enough to say upon the subject of my diet, wherewith other +travellers fill their books, as if the readers were personally +concerned whether we fare well or ill. However, it was necessary to +mention this matter, lest the world should think it impossible that I +could find sustenance for three years in such a country, and among such +inhabitants. + +When it grew towards evening, the master horse ordered a place for me +to lodge in; it was but six yards from the house and separated from the +stable of the _Yahoos_. Here I got some straw, and covering myself with +my own clothes, slept very sound. But I was in a short time better +accommodated, as the reader shall know hereafter, when I come to treat +more particularly about my way of living. + + +CHAPTER III. + +The author studies to learn the language. The Houyhnhnm, his master, +assists in teaching him. The language described. Several Houyhnhnms of +quality come out of curiosity to see the author. He gives his master a +short account of his voyage. + + +My principal endeavour was to learn the language, which my master (for +so I shall henceforth call him), and his children, and every servant of +his house, were desirous to teach me; for they looked upon it as a +prodigy, that a brute animal should discover such marks of a rational +creature. I pointed to every thing, and inquired the name of it, which +I wrote down in my journal-book when I was alone, and corrected my bad +accent by desiring those of the family to pronounce it often. In this +employment, a sorrel nag, one of the under-servants, was very ready to +assist me. + +In speaking, they pronounced through the nose and throat, and their +language approaches nearest to the High-Dutch, or German, of any I know +in Europe; but is much more graceful and significant. The emperor +Charles V. made almost the same observation, when he said “that if he +were to speak to his horse, it should be in High-Dutch.” + +The curiosity and impatience of my master were so great, that he spent +many hours of his leisure to instruct me. He was convinced (as he +afterwards told me) that I must be a _Yahoo_; but my teachableness, +civility, and cleanliness, astonished him; which were qualities +altogether opposite to those animals. He was most perplexed about my +clothes, reasoning sometimes with himself, whether they were a part of +my body: for I never pulled them off till the family were asleep, and +got them on before they waked in the morning. My master was eager to +learn “whence I came; how I acquired those appearances of reason, which +I discovered in all my actions; and to know my story from my own mouth, +which he hoped he should soon do by the great proficiency I made in +learning and pronouncing their words and sentences.” To help my memory, +I formed all I learned into the English alphabet, and writ the words +down, with the translations. This last, after some time, I ventured to +do in my master’s presence. It cost me much trouble to explain to him +what I was doing; for the inhabitants have not the least idea of books +or literature. + +In about ten weeks time, I was able to understand most of his +questions; and in three months, could give him some tolerable answers. +He was extremely curious to know “from what part of the country I came, +and how I was taught to imitate a rational creature; because the +_Yahoos_ (whom he saw I exactly resembled in my head, hands, and face, +that were only visible), with some appearance of cunning, and the +strongest disposition to mischief, were observed to be the most +unteachable of all brutes.” I answered, “that I came over the sea, from +a far place, with many others of my own kind, in a great hollow vessel +made of the bodies of trees: that my companions forced me to land on +this coast, and then left me to shift for myself.” It was with some +difficulty, and by the help of many signs, that I brought him to +understand me. He replied, “that I must needs be mistaken, or that I +said the thing which was not;” for they have no word in their language +to express lying or falsehood. “He knew it was impossible that there +could be a country beyond the sea, or that a parcel of brutes could +move a wooden vessel whither they pleased upon water. He was sure no +_Houyhnhnm_ alive could make such a vessel, nor would trust _Yahoos_ to +manage it.” + +The word _Houyhnhnm_, in their tongue, signifies a _horse_, and, in its +etymology, the _perfection of nature_. I told my master, “that I was at +a loss for expression, but would improve as fast as I could; and hoped, +in a short time, I should be able to tell him wonders.” He was pleased +to direct his own mare, his colt, and foal, and the servants of the +family, to take all opportunities of instructing me; and every day, for +two or three hours, he was at the same pains himself. Several horses +and mares of quality in the neighbourhood came often to our house, upon +the report spread of “a wonderful _Yahoo_, that could speak like a +_Houyhnhnm_, and seemed, in his words and actions, to discover some +glimmerings of reason.” These delighted to converse with me: they put +many questions, and received such answers as I was able to return. By +all these advantages I made so great a progress, that, in five months +from my arrival I understood whatever was spoken, and could express +myself tolerably well. + +The _Houyhnhnms_, who came to visit my master out of a design of seeing +and talking with me, could hardly believe me to be a right _Yahoo_, +because my body had a different covering from others of my kind. They +were astonished to observe me without the usual hair or skin, except on +my head, face, and hands; but I discovered that secret to my master +upon an accident which happened about a fortnight before. + +I have already told the reader, that every night, when the family were +gone to bed, it was my custom to strip, and cover myself with my +clothes. It happened, one morning early, that my master sent for me by +the sorrel nag, who was his valet. When he came I was fast asleep, my +clothes fallen off on one side, and my shirt above my waist. I awaked +at the noise he made, and observed him to deliver his message in some +disorder; after which he went to my master, and in a great fright gave +him a very confused account of what he had seen. This I presently +discovered, for, going as soon as I was dressed to pay my attendance +upon his honour, he asked me “the meaning of what his servant had +reported, that I was not the same thing when I slept, as I appeared to +be at other times; that his valet assured him, some part of me was +white, some yellow, at least not so white, and some brown.” + +I had hitherto concealed the secret of my dress, in order to +distinguish myself, as much as possible, from that cursed race of +_Yahoos_; but now I found it in vain to do so any longer. Besides, I +considered that my clothes and shoes would soon wear out, which already +were in a declining condition, and must be supplied by some contrivance +from the hides of _Yahoos_, or other brutes; whereby the whole secret +would be known. I therefore told my master, “that in the country whence +I came, those of my kind always covered their bodies with the hairs of +certain animals prepared by art, as well for decency as to avoid the +inclemencies of air, both hot and cold; of which, as to my own person, +I would give him immediate conviction, if he pleased to command me: +only desiring his excuse, if I did not expose those parts that nature +taught us to conceal.” He said, “my discourse was all very strange, but +especially the last part; for he could not understand, why nature +should teach us to conceal what nature had given; that neither himself +nor family were ashamed of any parts of their bodies; but, however, I +might do as I pleased.” Whereupon I first unbuttoned my coat, and +pulled it off. I did the same with my waistcoat. I drew off my shoes, +stockings, and breeches. I let my shirt down to my waist, and drew up +the bottom; fastening it like a girdle about my middle, to hide my +nakedness. + +My master observed the whole performance with great signs of curiosity +and admiration. He took up all my clothes in his pastern, one piece +after another, and examined them diligently; he then stroked my body +very gently, and looked round me several times; after which, he said, +it was plain I must be a perfect _Yahoo_; but that I differed very much +from the rest of my species in the softness, whiteness, and smoothness +of my skin; my want of hair in several parts of my body; the shape and +shortness of my claws behind and before; and my affectation of walking +continually on my two hinder feet. He desired to see no more; and gave +me leave to put on my clothes again, for I was shuddering with cold. + +I expressed my uneasiness at his giving me so often the appellation of +_Yahoo_, an odious animal, for which I had so utter a hatred and +contempt: I begged he would forbear applying that word to me, and make +the same order in his family and among his friends whom he suffered to +see me. I requested likewise, “that the secret of my having a false +covering to my body, might be known to none but himself, at least as +long as my present clothing should last; for as to what the sorrel nag, +his valet, had observed, his honour might command him to conceal it.” + +All this my master very graciously consented to; and thus the secret +was kept till my clothes began to wear out, which I was forced to +supply by several contrivances that shall hereafter be mentioned. In +the meantime, he desired “I would go on with my utmost diligence to +learn their language, because he was more astonished at my capacity for +speech and reason, than at the figure of my body, whether it were +covered or not;” adding, “that he waited with some impatience to hear +the wonders which I promised to tell him.” + +From thenceforward he doubled the pains he had been at to instruct me: +he brought me into all company, and made them treat me with civility; +“because,” as he told them, privately, “this would put me into good +humour, and make me more diverting.” + +Every day, when I waited on him, beside the trouble he was at in +teaching, he would ask me several questions concerning myself, which I +answered as well as I could, and by these means he had already received +some general ideas, though very imperfect. It would be tedious to +relate the several steps by which I advanced to a more regular +conversation; but the first account I gave of myself in any order and +length was to this purpose: + +“That I came from a very far country, as I already had attempted to +tell him, with about fifty more of my own species; that we travelled +upon the seas in a great hollow vessel made of wood, and larger than +his honour’s house. I described the ship to him in the best terms I +could, and explained, by the help of my handkerchief displayed, how it +was driven forward by the wind. That upon a quarrel among us, I was set +on shore on this coast, where I walked forward, without knowing +whither, till he delivered me from the persecution of those execrable +_Yahoos_.” He asked me, “who made the ship, and how it was possible +that the _Houyhnhnms_ of my country would leave it to the management of +brutes?” My answer was, “that I durst proceed no further in my +relation, unless he would give me his word and honour that he would not +be offended, and then I would tell him the wonders I had so often +promised.” He agreed; and I went on by assuring him, that the ship was +made by creatures like myself; who, in all the countries I had +travelled, as well as in my own, were the only governing rational +animals; and that upon my arrival hither, I was as much astonished to +see the _Houyhnhnms_ act like rational beings, as he, or his friends, +could be, in finding some marks of reason in a creature he was pleased +to call a _Yahoo_; to which I owned my resemblance in every part, but +could not account for their degenerate and brutal nature. I said +farther, “that if good fortune ever restored me to my native country, +to relate my travels hither, as I resolved to do, everybody would +believe, that I said the thing that was not, that I invented the story +out of my own head; and (with all possible respect to himself, his +family, and friends, and under his promise of not being offended) our +countrymen would hardly think it probable that a _Houyhnhnm_ should be +the presiding creature of a nation, and a _Yahoo_ the brute.” + + +CHAPTER IV. + +The Houyhnhnms’ notion of truth and falsehood. The author’s discourse +disapproved by his master. The author gives a more particular account +of himself, and the accidents of his voyage. + + +My master heard me with great appearances of uneasiness in his +countenance; because _doubting_, or not believing, are so little known +in this country, that the inhabitants cannot tell how to behave +themselves under such circumstances. And I remember, in frequent +discourses with my master concerning the nature of manhood in other +parts of the world, having occasion to talk of _lying_ and _false +representation_, it was with much difficulty that he comprehended what +I meant, although he had otherwise a most acute judgment. For he argued +thus: “that the use of speech was to make us understand one another, +and to receive information of facts; now, if any one _said the thing +which was not_, these ends were defeated, because I cannot properly be +said to understand him; and I am so far from receiving information, +that he leaves me worse than in ignorance; for I am led to believe a +thing black, when it is white, and short, when it is long.” And these +were all the notions he had concerning that faculty of _lying_, so +perfectly well understood, and so universally practised, among human +creatures. + +To return from this digression. When I asserted that the _Yahoos_ were +the only governing animals in my country, which my master said was +altogether past his conception, he desired to know, “whether we had +_Houyhnhnms_ among us, and what was their employment?” I told him, “we +had great numbers; that in summer they grazed in the fields, and in +winter were kept in houses with hay and oats, where _Yahoo_ servants +were employed to rub their skins smooth, comb their manes, pick their +feet, serve them with food, and make their beds.” “I understand you +well,” said my master: “it is now very plain, from all you have spoken, +that whatever share of reason the _Yahoos_ pretend to, the _Houyhnhnms_ +are your masters; I heartily wish our _Yahoos_ would be so tractable.” +I begged “his honour would please to excuse me from proceeding any +further, because I was very certain that the account he expected from +me would be highly displeasing.” But he insisted in commanding me to +let him know the best and the worst. I told him “he should be obeyed.” +I owned “that the _Houyhnhnms_ among us, whom we called horses, were +the most generous and comely animals we had; that they excelled in +strength and swiftness; and when they belonged to persons of quality, +were employed in travelling, racing, or drawing chariots; they were +treated with much kindness and care, till they fell into diseases, or +became foundered in the feet; but then they were sold, and used to all +kind of drudgery till they died; after which their skins were stripped, +and sold for what they were worth, and their bodies left to be devoured +by dogs and birds of prey. But the common race of horses had not so +good fortune, being kept by farmers and carriers, and other mean +people, who put them to greater labour, and fed them worse.” I +described, as well as I could, our way of riding; the shape and use of +a bridle, a saddle, a spur, and a whip; of harness and wheels. I added, +“that we fastened plates of a certain hard substance, called iron, at +the bottom of their feet, to preserve their hoofs from being broken by +the stony ways, on which we often travelled.” + +My master, after some expressions of great indignation, wondered “how +we dared to venture upon a _Houyhnhnm’s_ back; for he was sure, that +the weakest servant in his house would be able to shake off the +strongest _Yahoo_; or by lying down and rolling on his back, squeeze +the brute to death.” I answered “that our horses were trained up, from +three or four years old, to the several uses we intended them for; that +if any of them proved intolerably vicious, they were employed for +carriages; that they were severely beaten, while they were young, for +any mischievous tricks; that the males, designed for the common use of +riding or draught, were generally castrated about two years after their +birth, to take down their spirits, and make them more tame and gentle; +that they were indeed sensible of rewards and punishments; but his +honour would please to consider, that they had not the least tincture +of reason, any more than the _Yahoos_ in this country.” + +It put me to the pains of many circumlocutions, to give my master a +right idea of what I spoke; for their language does not abound in +variety of words, because their wants and passions are fewer than among +us. But it is impossible to express his noble resentment at our savage +treatment of the _Houyhnhnm_ race; particularly after I had explained +the manner and use of castrating horses among us, to hinder them from +propagating their kind, and to render them more servile. He said, “if +it were possible there could be any country where _Yahoos_ alone were +endued with reason, they certainly must be the governing animal; +because reason in time will always prevail against brutal strength. +But, considering the frame of our bodies, and especially of mine, he +thought no creature of equal bulk was so ill-contrived for employing +that reason in the common offices of life;” whereupon he desired to +know “whether those among whom I lived resembled me, or the _Yahoos_ of +his country?” I assured him, “that I was as well shaped as most of my +age; but the younger, and the females, were much more soft and tender, +and the skins of the latter generally as white as milk.” He said, “I +differed indeed from other _Yahoos_, being much more cleanly, and not +altogether so deformed; but, in point of real advantage, he thought I +differed for the worse: that my nails were of no use either to my fore +or hinder feet; as to my forefeet, he could not properly call them by +that name, for he never observed me to walk upon them; that they were +too soft to bear the ground; that I generally went with them uncovered; +neither was the covering I sometimes wore on them of the same shape, or +so strong as that on my feet behind: that I could not walk with any +security, for if either of my hinder feet slipped, I must inevitably +fall.” He then began to find fault with other parts of my body: “the +flatness of my face, the prominence of my nose, my eyes placed directly +in front, so that I could not look on either side without turning my +head: that I was not able to feed myself, without lifting one of my +forefeet to my mouth: and therefore nature had placed those joints to +answer that necessity. He knew not what could be the use of those +several clefts and divisions in my feet behind; that these were too +soft to bear the hardness and sharpness of stones, without a covering +made from the skin of some other brute; that my whole body wanted a +fence against heat and cold, which I was forced to put on and off every +day, with tediousness and trouble: and lastly, that he observed every +animal in this country naturally to abhor the _Yahoos_, whom the weaker +avoided, and the stronger drove from them. So that, supposing us to +have the gift of reason, he could not see how it were possible to cure +that natural antipathy, which every creature discovered against us; nor +consequently how we could tame and render them serviceable. However, he +would,” as he said, “debate the matter no farther, because he was more +desirous to know my own story, the country where I was born, and the +several actions and events of my life, before I came hither.” + +I assured him, “how extremely desirous I was that he should be +satisfied on every point; but I doubted much, whether it would be +possible for me to explain myself on several subjects, whereof his +honour could have no conception; because I saw nothing in his country +to which I could resemble them; that, however, I would do my best, and +strive to express myself by similitudes, humbly desiring his assistance +when I wanted proper words;” which he was pleased to promise me. + +I said, “my birth was of honest parents, in an island called England; +which was remote from his country, as many days’ journey as the +strongest of his honour’s servants could travel in the annual course of +the sun; that I was bred a surgeon, whose trade it is to cure wounds +and hurts in the body, gotten by accident or violence; that my country +was governed by a female man, whom we called queen; that I left it to +get riches, whereby I might maintain myself and family, when I should +return; that, in my last voyage, I was commander of the ship, and had +about fifty _Yahoos_ under me, many of which died at sea, and I was +forced to supply them by others picked out from several nations; that +our ship was twice in danger of being sunk, the first time by a great +storm, and the second by striking against a rock.” Here my master +interposed, by asking me, “how I could persuade strangers, out of +different countries, to venture with me, after the losses I had +sustained, and the hazards I had run?” I said, “they were fellows of +desperate fortunes, forced to fly from the places of their birth on +account of their poverty or their crimes. Some were undone by lawsuits; +others spent all they had in drinking, whoring, and gaming; others fled +for treason; many for murder, theft, poisoning, robbery, perjury, +forgery, coining false money, for committing rapes, or sodomy; for +flying from their colours, or deserting to the enemy; and most of them +had broken prison; none of these durst return to their native +countries, for fear of being hanged, or of starving in a jail; and +therefore they were under the necessity of seeking a livelihood in +other places.” + +During this discourse, my master was pleased to interrupt me several +times. I had made use of many circumlocutions in describing to him the +nature of the several crimes for which most of our crew had been forced +to fly their country. This labour took up several days’ conversation, +before he was able to comprehend me. He was wholly at a loss to know +what could be the use or necessity of practising those vices. To clear +up which, I endeavoured to give some ideas of the desire of power and +riches; of the terrible effects of lust, intemperance, malice, and +envy. All this I was forced to define and describe by putting cases and +making suppositions. After which, like one whose imagination was struck +with something never seen or heard of before, he would lift up his eyes +with amazement and indignation. Power, government, war, law, +punishment, and a thousand other things, had no terms wherein that +language could express them, which made the difficulty almost +insuperable, to give my master any conception of what I meant. But +being of an excellent understanding, much improved by contemplation and +converse, he at last arrived at a competent knowledge of what human +nature, in our parts of the world, is capable to perform, and desired I +would give him some particular account of that land which we call +Europe, but especially of my own country. + + +CHAPTER V. + +The author at his master’s command, informs him of the state of +England. The causes of war among the princes of Europe. The author +begins to explain the English constitution. + + +The reader may please to observe, that the following extract of many +conversations I had with my master, contains a summary of the most +material points which were discoursed at several times for above two +years; his honour often desiring fuller satisfaction, as I farther +improved in the _Houyhnhnm_ tongue. I laid before him, as well as I +could, the whole state of Europe; I discoursed of trade and +manufactures, of arts and sciences; and the answers I gave to all the +questions he made, as they arose upon several subjects, were a fund of +conversation not to be exhausted. But I shall here only set down the +substance of what passed between us concerning my own country, reducing +it in order as well as I can, without any regard to time or other +circumstances, while I strictly adhere to truth. My only concern is, +that I shall hardly be able to do justice to my master’s arguments and +expressions, which must needs suffer by my want of capacity, as well as +by a translation into our barbarous English. + +In obedience, therefore, to his honour’s commands, I related to him the +Revolution under the Prince of Orange; the long war with France, +entered into by the said prince, and renewed by his successor, the +present queen, wherein the greatest powers of Christendom were engaged, +and which still continued: I computed, at his request, “that about a +million of _Yahoos_ might have been killed in the whole progress of it; +and perhaps a hundred or more cities taken, and five times as many +ships burnt or sunk.” + +He asked me, “what were the usual causes or motives that made one +country go to war with another?” I answered “they were innumerable; but +I should only mention a few of the chief. Sometimes the ambition of +princes, who never think they have land or people enough to govern; +sometimes the corruption of ministers, who engage their master in a +war, in order to stifle or divert the clamour of the subjects against +their evil administration. Difference in opinions has cost many +millions of lives: for instance, whether flesh be bread, or bread be +flesh; whether the juice of a certain berry be blood or wine; whether +whistling be a vice or a virtue; whether it be better to kiss a post, +or throw it into the fire; what is the best colour for a coat, whether +black, white, red, or gray; and whether it should be long or short, +narrow or wide, dirty or clean; with many more. Neither are any wars so +furious and bloody, or of so long a continuance, as those occasioned by +difference in opinion, especially if it be in things indifferent. + +“Sometimes the quarrel between two princes is to decide which of them +shall dispossess a third of his dominions, where neither of them +pretend to any right. Sometimes one prince quarrels with another for +fear the other should quarrel with him. Sometimes a war is entered +upon, because the enemy is too strong; and sometimes, because he is too +weak. Sometimes our neighbours want the things which we have, or have +the things which we want, and we both fight, till they take ours, or +give us theirs. It is a very justifiable cause of a war, to invade a +country after the people have been wasted by famine, destroyed by +pestilence, or embroiled by factions among themselves. It is +justifiable to enter into war against our nearest ally, when one of his +towns lies convenient for us, or a territory of land, that would render +our dominions round and complete. If a prince sends forces into a +nation, where the people are poor and ignorant, he may lawfully put +half of them to death, and make slaves of the rest, in order to +civilize and reduce them from their barbarous way of living. It is a +very kingly, honourable, and frequent practice, when one prince desires +the assistance of another, to secure him against an invasion, that the +assistant, when he has driven out the invader, should seize on the +dominions himself, and kill, imprison, or banish, the prince he came to +relieve. Alliance by blood, or marriage, is a frequent cause of war +between princes; and the nearer the kindred is, the greater their +disposition to quarrel; poor nations are hungry, and rich nations are +proud; and pride and hunger will ever be at variance. For these +reasons, the trade of a soldier is held the most honourable of all +others; because a soldier is a _Yahoo_ hired to kill, in cold blood, as +many of his own species, who have never offended him, as possibly he +can. + +“There is likewise a kind of beggarly princes in Europe, not able to +make war by themselves, who hire out their troops to richer nations, +for so much a day to each man; of which they keep three-fourths to +themselves, and it is the best part of their maintenance: such are +those in many northern parts of Europe.” + +“What you have told me,” said my master, “upon the subject of war, does +indeed discover most admirably the effects of that reason you pretend +to: however, it is happy that the shame is greater than the danger; and +that nature has left you utterly incapable of doing much mischief. For, +your mouths lying flat with your faces, you can hardly bite each other +to any purpose, unless by consent. Then as to the claws upon your feet +before and behind, they are so short and tender, that one of our +_Yahoos_ would drive a dozen of yours before him. And therefore, in +recounting the numbers of those who have been killed in battle, I +cannot but think you have said the thing which is not.” + +I could not forbear shaking my head, and smiling a little at his +ignorance. And being no stranger to the art of war, I gave him a +description of cannons, culverins, muskets, carabines, pistols, +bullets, powder, swords, bayonets, battles, sieges, retreats, attacks, +undermines, countermines, bombardments, sea fights, ships sunk with a +thousand men, twenty thousand killed on each side, dying groans, limbs +flying in the air, smoke, noise, confusion, trampling to death under +horses’ feet, flight, pursuit, victory; fields strewed with carcases, +left for food to dogs and wolves and birds of prey; plundering, +stripping, ravishing, burning, and destroying. And to set forth the +valour of my own dear countrymen, I assured him, “that I had seen them +blow up a hundred enemies at once in a siege, and as many in a ship, +and beheld the dead bodies drop down in pieces from the clouds, to the +great diversion of the spectators.” + +I was going on to more particulars, when my master commanded me +silence. He said, “whoever understood the nature of _Yahoos_, might +easily believe it possible for so vile an animal to be capable of every +action I had named, if their strength and cunning equalled their +malice. But as my discourse had increased his abhorrence of the whole +species, so he found it gave him a disturbance in his mind to which he +was wholly a stranger before. He thought his ears, being used to such +abominable words, might, by degrees, admit them with less detestation: +that although he hated the _Yahoos_ of this country, yet he no more +blamed them for their odious qualities, than he did a _gnnayh_ (a bird +of prey) for its cruelty, or a sharp stone for cutting his hoof. But +when a creature pretending to reason could be capable of such +enormities, he dreaded lest the corruption of that faculty might be +worse than brutality itself. He seemed therefore confident, that, +instead of reason we were only possessed of some quality fitted to +increase our natural vices; as the reflection from a troubled stream +returns the image of an ill-shapen body, not only larger but more +distorted.” + +He added, “that he had heard too much upon the subject of war, both in +this and some former discourses. There was another point, which a +little perplexed him at present. I had informed him, that some of our +crew left their country on account of being ruined by law; that I had +already explained the meaning of the word; but he was at a loss how it +should come to pass, that the law, which was intended for every man’s +preservation, should be any man’s ruin. Therefore he desired to be +further satisfied what I meant by law, and the dispensers thereof, +according to the present practice in my own country; because he thought +nature and reason were sufficient guides for a reasonable animal, as we +pretended to be, in showing us what we ought to do, and what to avoid.” + +I assured his honour, “that law was a science in which I had not much +conversed, further than by employing advocates, in vain, upon some +injustices that had been done me: however, I would give him all the +satisfaction I was able.” + +I said, “there was a society of men among us, bred up from their youth +in the art of proving, by words multiplied for the purpose, that white +is black, and black is white, according as they are paid. To this +society all the rest of the people are slaves. For example, if my +neighbour has a mind to my cow, he has a lawyer to prove that he ought +to have my cow from me. I must then hire another to defend my right, it +being against all rules of law that any man should be allowed to speak +for himself. Now, in this case, I, who am the right owner, lie under +two great disadvantages: first, my lawyer, being practised almost from +his cradle in defending falsehood, is quite out of his element when he +would be an advocate for justice, which is an unnatural office he +always attempts with great awkwardness, if not with ill-will. The +second disadvantage is, that my lawyer must proceed with great caution, +or else he will be reprimanded by the judges, and abhorred by his +brethren, as one that would lessen the practice of the law. And +therefore I have but two methods to preserve my cow. The first is, to +gain over my adversary’s lawyer with a double fee, who will then betray +his client by insinuating that he hath justice on his side. The second +way is for my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust as he can, by +allowing the cow to belong to my adversary: and this, if it be +skilfully done, will certainly bespeak the favour of the bench. Now +your honour is to know, that these judges are persons appointed to +decide all controversies of property, as well as for the trial of +criminals, and picked out from the most dexterous lawyers, who are +grown old or lazy; and having been biassed all their lives against +truth and equity, lie under such a fatal necessity of favouring fraud, +perjury, and oppression, that I have known some of them refuse a large +bribe from the side where justice lay, rather than injure the faculty, +by doing any thing unbecoming their nature or their office. + +“It is a maxim among these lawyers that whatever has been done before, +may legally be done again: and therefore they take special care to +record all the decisions formerly made against common justice, and the +general reason of mankind. These, under the name of precedents, they +produce as authorities to justify the most iniquitous opinions; and the +judges never fail of directing accordingly. + +“In pleading, they studiously avoid entering into the merits of the +cause; but are loud, violent, and tedious, in dwelling upon all +circumstances which are not to the purpose. For instance, in the case +already mentioned; they never desire to know what claim or title my +adversary has to my cow; but whether the said cow were red or black; +her horns long or short; whether the field I graze her in be round or +square; whether she was milked at home or abroad; what diseases she is +subject to, and the like; after which they consult precedents, adjourn +the cause from time to time, and in ten, twenty, or thirty years, come +to an issue. + +“It is likewise to be observed, that this society has a peculiar cant +and jargon of their own, that no other mortal can understand, and +wherein all their laws are written, which they take special care to +multiply; whereby they have wholly confounded the very essence of truth +and falsehood, of right and wrong; so that it will take thirty years to +decide, whether the field left me by my ancestors for six generations +belongs to me, or to a stranger three hundred miles off. + +“In the trial of persons accused for crimes against the state, the +method is much more short and commendable: the judge first sends to +sound the disposition of those in power, after which he can easily hang +or save a criminal, strictly preserving all due forms of law.” + +Here my master interposing, said, “it was a pity, that creatures +endowed with such prodigious abilities of mind, as these lawyers, by +the description I gave of them, must certainly be, were not rather +encouraged to be instructors of others in wisdom and knowledge.” In +answer to which I assured his honour, “that in all points out of their +own trade, they were usually the most ignorant and stupid generation +among us, the most despicable in common conversation, avowed enemies to +all knowledge and learning, and equally disposed to pervert the general +reason of mankind in every other subject of discourse as in that of +their own profession.” + + +CHAPTER VI. + +A continuation of the state of England under Queen Anne. The character +of a first minister of state in European courts. + + +My master was yet wholly at a loss to understand what motives could +incite this race of lawyers to perplex, disquiet, and weary themselves, +and engage in a confederacy of injustice, merely for the sake of +injuring their fellow-animals; neither could he comprehend what I meant +in saying, they did it for hire. Whereupon I was at much pains to +describe to him the use of money, the materials it was made of, and the +value of the metals; “that when a _Yahoo_ had got a great store of this +precious substance, he was able to purchase whatever he had a mind to; +the finest clothing, the noblest houses, great tracts of land, the most +costly meats and drinks, and have his choice of the most beautiful +females. Therefore since money alone was able to perform all these +feats, our _Yahoos_ thought they could never have enough of it to +spend, or to save, as they found themselves inclined, from their +natural bent either to profusion or avarice; that the rich man enjoyed +the fruit of the poor man’s labour, and the latter were a thousand to +one in proportion to the former; that the bulk of our people were +forced to live miserably, by labouring every day for small wages, to +make a few live plentifully.” + +I enlarged myself much on these, and many other particulars to the same +purpose; but his honour was still to seek; for he went upon a +supposition, that all animals had a title to their share in the +productions of the earth, and especially those who presided over the +rest. Therefore he desired I would let him know, “what these costly +meats were, and how any of us happened to want them?” Whereupon I +enumerated as many sorts as came into my head, with the various methods +of dressing them, which could not be done without sending vessels by +sea to every part of the world, as well for liquors to drink as for +sauces and innumerable other conveniences. I assured him “that this +whole globe of earth must be at least three times gone round before one +of our better female _Yahoos_ could get her breakfast, or a cup to put +it in.” He said “that must needs be a miserable country which cannot +furnish food for its own inhabitants. But what he chiefly wondered at +was, how such vast tracts of ground as I described should be wholly +without fresh water, and the people put to the necessity of sending +over the sea for drink.” I replied “that England (the dear place of my +nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food more +than its inhabitants are able to consume, as well as liquors extracted +from grain, or pressed out of the fruit of certain trees, which made +excellent drink, and the same proportion in every other convenience of +life. But, in order to feed the luxury and intemperance of the males, +and the vanity of the females, we sent away the greatest part of our +necessary things to other countries, whence, in return, we brought the +materials of diseases, folly, and vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence +it follows of necessity, that vast numbers of our people are compelled +to seek their livelihood by begging, robbing, stealing, cheating, +pimping, flattering, suborning, forswearing, forging, gaming, lying, +fawning, hectoring, voting, scribbling, star-gazing, poisoning, +whoring, canting, libelling, freethinking, and the like occupations:” +every one of which terms I was at much pains to make him understand. + +“That wine was not imported among us from foreign countries to supply +the want of water or other drinks, but because it was a sort of liquid +which made us merry by putting us out of our senses, diverted all +melancholy thoughts, begat wild extravagant imaginations in the brain, +raised our hopes and banished our fears, suspended every office of +reason for a time, and deprived us of the use of our limbs, till we +fell into a profound sleep; although it must be confessed, that we +always awaked sick and dispirited; and that the use of this liquor +filled us with diseases which made our lives uncomfortable and short. + +“But beside all this, the bulk of our people supported themselves by +furnishing the necessities or conveniences of life to the rich and to +each other. For instance, when I am at home, and dressed as I ought to +be, I carry on my body the workmanship of a hundred tradesmen; the +building and furniture of my house employ as many more, and five times +the number to adorn my wife.” + +I was going on to tell him of another sort of people, who get their +livelihood by attending the sick, having, upon some occasions, informed +his honour that many of my crew had died of diseases. But here it was +with the utmost difficulty that I brought him to apprehend what I +meant. “He could easily conceive, that a _Houyhnhnm_, grew weak and +heavy a few days before his death, or by some accident might hurt a +limb; but that nature, who works all things to perfection, should +suffer any pains to breed in our bodies, he thought impossible, and +desired to know the reason of so unaccountable an evil.” + +I told him “we fed on a thousand things which operated contrary to each +other; that we ate when we were not hungry, and drank without the +provocation of thirst; that we sat whole nights drinking strong +liquors, without eating a bit, which disposed us to sloth, inflamed our +bodies, and precipitated or prevented digestion; that prostitute female +_Yahoos_ acquired a certain malady, which bred rottenness in the bones +of those who fell into their embraces; that this, and many other +diseases, were propagated from father to son; so that great numbers +came into the world with complicated maladies upon them; that it would +be endless to give him a catalogue of all diseases incident to human +bodies, for they would not be fewer than five or six hundred, spread +over every limb and joint—in short, every part, external and intestine, +having diseases appropriated to itself. To remedy which, there was a +sort of people bred up among us in the profession, or pretence, of +curing the sick. And because I had some skill in the faculty, I would, +in gratitude to his honour, let him know the whole mystery and method +by which they proceed. + +“Their fundamental is, that all diseases arise from repletion; whence +they conclude, that a great evacuation of the body is necessary, either +through the natural passage or upwards at the mouth. Their next +business is from herbs, minerals, gums, oils, shells, salts, juices, +sea-weed, excrements, barks of trees, serpents, toads, frogs, spiders, +dead men’s flesh and bones, birds, beasts, and fishes, to form a +composition, for smell and taste, the most abominable, nauseous, and +detestable, they can possibly contrive, which the stomach immediately +rejects with loathing, and this they call a vomit; or else, from the +same store-house, with some other poisonous additions, they command us +to take in at the orifice above or below (just as the physician then +happens to be disposed) a medicine equally annoying and disgustful to +the bowels; which, relaxing the belly, drives down all before it; and +this they call a purge, or a clyster. For nature (as the physicians +allege) having intended the superior anterior orifice only for the +intromission of solids and liquids, and the inferior posterior for +ejection, these artists ingeniously considering that in all diseases +nature is forced out of her seat, therefore, to replace her in it, the +body must be treated in a manner directly contrary, by interchanging +the use of each orifice; forcing solids and liquids in at the anus, and +making evacuations at the mouth. + +“But, besides real diseases, we are subject to many that are only +imaginary, for which the physicians have invented imaginary cures; +these have their several names, and so have the drugs that are proper +for them; and with these our female _Yahoos_ are always infested. + +“One great excellency in this tribe, is their skill at prognostics, +wherein they seldom fail; their predictions in real diseases, when they +rise to any degree of malignity, generally portending death, which is +always in their power, when recovery is not: and therefore, upon any +unexpected signs of amendment, after they have pronounced their +sentence, rather than be accused as false prophets, they know how to +approve their sagacity to the world, by a seasonable dose. + +“They are likewise of special use to husbands and wives who are grown +weary of their mates; to eldest sons, to great ministers of state, and +often to princes.” + +I had formerly, upon occasion, discoursed with my master upon the +nature of government in general, and particularly of our own excellent +constitution, deservedly the wonder and envy of the whole world. But +having here accidentally mentioned a minister of state, he commanded +me, some time after, to inform him, “what species of _Yahoo_ I +particularly meant by that appellation.” + +I told him, “that a first or chief minister of state, who was the +person I intended to describe, was the creature wholly exempt from joy +and grief, love and hatred, pity and anger; at least, makes use of no +other passions, but a violent desire of wealth, power, and titles; that +he applies his words to all uses, except to the indication of his mind; +that he never tells a truth but with an intent that you should take it +for a lie; nor a lie, but with a design that you should take it for a +truth; that those he speaks worst of behind their backs are in the +surest way of preferment; and whenever he begins to praise you to +others, or to yourself, you are from that day forlorn. The worst mark +you can receive is a promise, especially when it is confirmed with an +oath; after which, every wise man retires, and gives over all hopes. + +“There are three methods, by which a man may rise to be chief minister. +The first is, by knowing how, with prudence, to dispose of a wife, a +daughter, or a sister; the second, by betraying or undermining his +predecessor; and the third is, by a furious zeal, in public assemblies, +against the corruptions of the court. But a wise prince would rather +choose to employ those who practise the last of these methods; because +such zealots prove always the most obsequious and subservient to the +will and passions of their master. That these ministers, having all +employments at their disposal, preserve themselves in power, by bribing +the majority of a senate or great council; and at last, by an +expedient, called an act of indemnity” (whereof I described the nature +to him), “they secure themselves from after-reckonings, and retire from +the public laden with the spoils of the nation. + +“The palace of a chief minister is a seminary to breed up others in his +own trade: the pages, lackeys, and porters, by imitating their master, +become ministers of state in their several districts, and learn to +excel in the three principal ingredients, of insolence, lying, and +bribery. Accordingly, they have a subaltern court paid to them by +persons of the best rank; and sometimes by the force of dexterity and +impudence, arrive, through several gradations, to be successors to +their lord. + +“He is usually governed by a decayed wench, or favourite footman, who +are the tunnels through which all graces are conveyed, and may properly +be called, in the last resort, the governors of the kingdom.” + +One day, in discourse, my master, having heard me mention the nobility +of my country, was pleased to make me a compliment which I could not +pretend to deserve: “that he was sure I must have been born of some +noble family, because I far exceeded in shape, colour, and cleanliness, +all the _Yahoos_ of his nation, although I seemed to fail in strength +and agility, which must be imputed to my different way of living from +those other brutes; and besides I was not only endowed with the faculty +of speech, but likewise with some rudiments of reason, to a degree +that, with all his acquaintance, I passed for a prodigy.” + +He made me observe, “that among the _Houyhnhnms_, the white, the +sorrel, and the iron-gray, were not so exactly shaped as the bay, the +dapple-gray, and the black; nor born with equal talents of mind, or a +capacity to improve them; and therefore continued always in the +condition of servants, without ever aspiring to match out of their own +race, which in that country would be reckoned monstrous and unnatural.” + +I made his honour my most humble acknowledgments for the good opinion +he was pleased to conceive of me, but assured him at the same time, +“that my birth was of the lower sort, having been born of plain honest +parents, who were just able to give me a tolerable education; that +nobility, among us, was altogether a different thing from the idea he +had of it; that our young noblemen are bred from their childhood in +idleness and luxury; that, as soon as years will permit, they consume +their vigour, and contract odious diseases among lewd females; and when +their fortunes are almost ruined, they marry some woman of mean birth, +disagreeable person, and unsound constitution (merely for the sake of +money), whom they hate and despise. That the productions of such +marriages are generally scrofulous, rickety, or deformed children; by +which means the family seldom continues above three generations, unless +the wife takes care to provide a healthy father, among her neighbours +or domestics, in order to improve and continue the breed. That a weak +diseased body, a meagre countenance, and sallow complexion, are the +true marks of noble blood; and a healthy robust appearance is so +disgraceful in a man of quality, that the world concludes his real +father to have been a groom or a coachman. The imperfections of his +mind run parallel with those of his body, being a composition of +spleen, dullness, ignorance, caprice, sensuality, and pride. + +“Without the consent of this illustrious body, no law can be enacted, +repealed, or altered: and these nobles have likewise the decision of +all our possessions, without appeal.” [514] + + +CHAPTER VII. + +The author’s great love of his native country. His master’s +observations upon the constitution and administration of England, as +described by the author, with parallel cases and comparisons. His +master’s observations upon human nature. + + +The reader may be disposed to wonder how I could prevail on myself to +give so free a representation of my own species, among a race of +mortals who are already too apt to conceive the vilest opinion of +humankind, from that entire congruity between me and their _Yahoos_. +But I must freely confess, that the many virtues of those excellent +quadrupeds, placed in opposite view to human corruptions, had so far +opened my eyes and enlarged my understanding, that I began to view the +actions and passions of man in a very different light, and to think the +honour of my own kind not worth managing; which, besides, it was +impossible for me to do, before a person of so acute a judgment as my +master, who daily convinced me of a thousand faults in myself, whereof +I had not the least perception before, and which, with us, would never +be numbered even among human infirmities. I had likewise learned, from +his example, an utter detestation of all falsehood or disguise; and +truth appeared so amiable to me, that I determined upon sacrificing +every thing to it. + +Let me deal so candidly with the reader as to confess that there was +yet a much stronger motive for the freedom I took in my representation +of things. I had not yet been a year in this country before I +contracted such a love and veneration for the inhabitants, that I +entered on a firm resolution never to return to humankind, but to pass +the rest of my life among these admirable _Houyhnhnms_, in the +contemplation and practice of every virtue, where I could have no +example or incitement to vice. But it was decreed by fortune, my +perpetual enemy, that so great a felicity should not fall to my share. +However, it is now some comfort to reflect, that in what I said of my +countrymen, I extenuated their faults as much as I durst before so +strict an examiner; and upon every article gave as favourable a turn as +the matter would bear. For, indeed, who is there alive that will not be +swayed by his bias and partiality to the place of his birth? + +I have related the substance of several conversations I had with my +master during the greatest part of the time I had the honour to be in +his service; but have, indeed, for brevity sake, omitted much more than +is here set down. + +When I had answered all his questions, and his curiosity seemed to be +fully satisfied, he sent for me one morning early, and commanded me to +sit down at some distance (an honour which he had never before +conferred upon me). He said, “he had been very seriously considering my +whole story, as far as it related both to myself and my country; that +he looked upon us as a sort of animals, to whose share, by what +accident he could not conjecture, some small pittance of reason had +fallen, whereof we made no other use, than by its assistance, to +aggravate our natural corruptions, and to acquire new ones, which +nature had not given us; that we disarmed ourselves of the few +abilities she had bestowed; had been very successful in multiplying our +original wants, and seemed to spend our whole lives in vain endeavours +to supply them by our own inventions; that, as to myself, it was +manifest I had neither the strength nor agility of a common _Yahoo_; +that I walked infirmly on my hinder feet; had found out a contrivance +to make my claws of no use or defence, and to remove the hair from my +chin, which was intended as a shelter from the sun and the weather: +lastly, that I could neither run with speed, nor climb trees like my +brethren,” as he called them, “the _Yahoos_ in his country. + +“That our institutions of government and law were plainly owing to our +gross defects in reason, and by consequence in virtue; because reason +alone is sufficient to govern a rational creature; which was, +therefore, a character we had no pretence to challenge, even from the +account I had given of my own people; although he manifestly perceived, +that, in order to favour them, I had concealed many particulars, and +often said the thing which was not. + +“He was the more confirmed in this opinion, because, he observed, that +as I agreed in every feature of my body with other _Yahoos_, except +where it was to my real disadvantage in point of strength, speed, and +activity, the shortness of my claws, and some other particulars where +nature had no part; so from the representation I had given him of our +lives, our manners, and our actions, he found as near a resemblance in +the disposition of our minds.” He said, “the _Yahoos_ were known to +hate one another, more than they did any different species of animals; +and the reason usually assigned was, the odiousness of their own +shapes, which all could see in the rest, but not in themselves. He had +therefore begun to think it not unwise in us to cover our bodies, and +by that invention conceal many of our deformities from each other, +which would else be hardly supportable. But he now found he had been +mistaken, and that the dissensions of those brutes in his country were +owing to the same cause with ours, as I had described them. For if,” +said he, “you throw among five _Yahoos_ as much food as would be +sufficient for fifty, they will, instead of eating peaceably, fall +together by the ears, each single one impatient to have all to itself; +and therefore a servant was usually employed to stand by while they +were feeding abroad, and those kept at home were tied at a distance +from each other: that if a cow died of age or accident, before a +_Houyhnhnm_ could secure it for his own _Yahoos_, those in the +neighbourhood would come in herds to seize it, and then would ensue +such a battle as I had described, with terrible wounds made by their +claws on both sides, although they seldom were able to kill one +another, for want of such convenient instruments of death as we had +invented. At other times, the like battles have been fought between the +_Yahoos_ of several neighbourhoods, without any visible cause; those of +one district watching all opportunities to surprise the next, before +they are prepared. But if they find their project has miscarried, they +return home, and, for want of enemies, engage in what I call a civil +war among themselves. + +“That in some fields of his country there are certain shining stones of +several colours, whereof the _Yahoos_ are violently fond: and when part +of these stones is fixed in the earth, as it sometimes happens, they +will dig with their claws for whole days to get them out; then carry +them away, and hide them by heaps in their kennels; but still looking +round with great caution, for fear their comrades should find out their +treasure.” My master said, “he could never discover the reason of this +unnatural appetite, or how these stones could be of any use to a +_Yahoo_; but now he believed it might proceed from the same principle +of avarice which I had ascribed to mankind. That he had once, by way of +experiment, privately removed a heap of these stones from the place +where one of his _Yahoos_ had buried it; whereupon the sordid animal, +missing his treasure, by his loud lamenting brought the whole herd to +the place, there miserably howled, then fell to biting and tearing the +rest, began to pine away, would neither eat, nor sleep, nor work, till +he ordered a servant privately to convey the stones into the same hole, +and hide them as before; which, when his _Yahoo_ had found, he +presently recovered his spirits and good humour, but took good care to +remove them to a better hiding place, and has ever since been a very +serviceable brute.” + +My master further assured me, which I also observed myself, “that in +the fields where the shining stones abound, the fiercest and most +frequent battles are fought, occasioned by perpetual inroads of the +neighbouring _Yahoos_.” + +He said, “it was common, when two _Yahoos_ discovered such a stone in a +field, and were contending which of them should be the proprietor, a +third would take the advantage, and carry it away from them both;” +which my master would needs contend to have some kind of resemblance +with our suits at law; wherein I thought it for our credit not to +undeceive him; since the decision he mentioned was much more equitable +than many decrees among us; because the plaintiff and defendant there +lost nothing beside the stone they contended for: whereas our courts of +equity would never have dismissed the cause, while either of them had +any thing left. + +My master, continuing his discourse, said, “there was nothing that +rendered the _Yahoos_ more odious, than their undistinguishing appetite +to devour every thing that came in their way, whether herbs, roots, +berries, the corrupted flesh of animals, or all mingled together: and +it was peculiar in their temper, that they were fonder of what they +could get by rapine or stealth, at a greater distance, than much better +food provided for them at home. If their prey held out, they would eat +till they were ready to burst; after which, nature had pointed out to +them a certain root that gave them a general evacuation. + +“There was also another kind of root, very juicy, but somewhat rare and +difficult to be found, which the _Yahoos_ sought for with much +eagerness, and would suck it with great delight; it produced in them +the same effects that wine has upon us. It would make them sometimes +hug, and sometimes tear one another; they would howl, and grin, and +chatter, and reel, and tumble, and then fall asleep in the mud.” + +I did indeed observe that the _Yahoos_ were the only animals in this +country subject to any diseases; which, however, were much fewer than +horses have among us, and contracted, not by any ill-treatment they +meet with, but by the nastiness and greediness of that sordid brute. +Neither has their language any more than a general appellation for +those maladies, which is borrowed from the name of the beast, and +called _hnea-yahoo_, or _Yahoo’s evil_; and the cure prescribed is a +mixture of their own dung and urine, forcibly put down the _Yahoo’s_ +throat. This I have since often known to have been taken with success, +and do here freely recommend it to my countrymen for the public good, +as an admirable specific against all diseases produced by repletion. + +“As to learning, government, arts, manufactures, and the like,” my +master confessed, “he could find little or no resemblance between the +_Yahoos_ of that country and those in ours; for he only meant to +observe what parity there was in our natures. He had heard, indeed, +some curious _Houyhnhnms_ observe, that in most herds there was a sort +of ruling _Yahoo_ (as among us there is generally some leading or +principal stag in a park), who was always more deformed in body, and +mischievous in disposition, than any of the rest; that this leader had +usually a favourite as like himself as he could get, whose employment +was to lick his master’s feet and posteriors, and drive the female +_Yahoos_ to his kennel; for which he was now and then rewarded with a +piece of ass’s flesh. This favourite is hated by the whole herd, and +therefore, to protect himself, keeps always near the person of his +leader. He usually continues in office till a worse can be found; but +the very moment he is discarded, his successor, at the head of all the +_Yahoos_ in that district, young and old, male and female, come in a +body, and discharge their excrements upon him from head to foot. But +how far this might be applicable to our courts, and favourites, and +ministers of state, my master said I could best determine.” + +I durst make no return to this malicious insinuation, which debased +human understanding below the sagacity of a common hound, who has +judgment enough to distinguish and follow the cry of the ablest dog in +the pack, without being ever mistaken. + +My master told me, “there were some qualities remarkable in the +_Yahoos_, which he had not observed me to mention, or at least very +slightly, in the accounts I had given of humankind.” He said, “those +animals, like other brutes, had their females in common; but in this +they differed, that the she _Yahoo_ would admit the males while she was +pregnant; and that the hes would quarrel and fight with the females, as +fiercely as with each other; both which practices were such degrees of +infamous brutality, as no other sensitive creature ever arrived at. + +“Another thing he wondered at in the _Yahoos_, was their strange +disposition to nastiness and dirt; whereas there appears to be a +natural love of cleanliness in all other animals.” As to the two former +accusations, I was glad to let them pass without any reply, because I +had not a word to offer upon them in defence of my species, which +otherwise I certainly had done from my own inclinations. But I could +have easily vindicated humankind from the imputation of singularity +upon the last article, if there had been any swine in that country (as +unluckily for me there were not), which, although it may be a sweeter +quadruped than a _Yahoo_, cannot, I humbly conceive, in justice, +pretend to more cleanliness; and so his honour himself must have owned, +if he had seen their filthy way of feeding, and their custom of +wallowing and sleeping in the mud. + +My master likewise mentioned another quality which his servants had +discovered in several Yahoos, and to him was wholly unaccountable. He +said, “a fancy would sometimes take a _Yahoo_ to retire into a corner, +to lie down, and howl, and groan, and spurn away all that came near +him, although he were young and fat, wanted neither food nor water, nor +did the servant imagine what could possibly ail him. And the only +remedy they found was, to set him to hard work, after which he would +infallibly come to himself.” To this I was silent out of partiality to +my own kind; yet here I could plainly discover the true seeds of +spleen, which only seizes on the lazy, the luxurious, and the rich; +who, if they were forced to undergo the same regimen, I would undertake +for the cure. + +His honour had further observed, “that a female _Yahoo_ would often +stand behind a bank or a bush, to gaze on the young males passing by, +and then appear, and hide, using many antic gestures and grimaces, at +which time it was observed that she had a most offensive smell; and +when any of the males advanced, would slowly retire, looking often +back, and with a counterfeit show of fear, run off into some convenient +place, where she knew the male would follow her. + +“At other times, if a female stranger came among them, three or four of +her own sex would get about her, and stare, and chatter, and grin, and +smell her all over; and then turn off with gestures, that seemed to +express contempt and disdain.” + +Perhaps my master might refine a little in these speculations, which he +had drawn from what he observed himself, or had been told him by +others; however, I could not reflect without some amazement, and much +sorrow, that the rudiments of lewdness, coquetry, censure, and scandal, +should have place by instinct in womankind. + +I expected every moment that my master would accuse the _Yahoos_ of +those unnatural appetites in both sexes, so common among us. But +nature, it seems, has not been so expert a school-mistress; and these +politer pleasures are entirely the productions of art and reason on our +side of the globe. + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +The author relates several particulars of the _Yahoos_. The great +virtues of the _Houyhnhnms_. The education and exercise of their youth. +Their general assembly. + + +As I ought to have understood human nature much better than I supposed +it possible for my master to do, so it was easy to apply the character +he gave of the _Yahoos_ to myself and my countrymen; and I believed I +could yet make further discoveries, from my own observation. I +therefore often begged his honour to let me go among the herds of +_Yahoos_ in the neighbourhood; to which he always very graciously +consented, being perfectly convinced that the hatred I bore these +brutes would never suffer me to be corrupted by them; and his honour +ordered one of his servants, a strong sorrel nag, very honest and +good-natured, to be my guard; without whose protection I durst not +undertake such adventures. For I have already told the reader how much +I was pestered by these odious animals, upon my first arrival; and I +afterwards failed very narrowly, three or four times, of falling into +their clutches, when I happened to stray at any distance without my +hanger. And I have reason to believe they had some imagination that I +was of their own species, which I often assisted myself by stripping up +my sleeves, and showing my naked arms and breast in their sight, when +my protector was with me. At which times they would approach as near as +they durst, and imitate my actions after the manner of monkeys, but +ever with great signs of hatred; as a tame jackdaw with cap and +stockings is always persecuted by the wild ones, when he happens to be +got among them. + +They are prodigiously nimble from their infancy. However, I once caught +a young male of three years old, and endeavoured, by all marks of +tenderness, to make it quiet; but the little imp fell a squalling and +scratching and biting with such violence, that I was forced to let it +go; and it was high time, for a whole troop of old ones came about us +at the noise, but finding the cub was safe (for away it ran), and my +sorrel nag being by, they durst not venture near us. I observed the +young animal’s flesh to smell very rank, and the stink was somewhat +between a weasel and a fox, but much more disagreeable. I forgot +another circumstance (and perhaps I might have the reader’s pardon if +it were wholly omitted), that while I held the odious vermin in my +hands, it voided its filthy excrements of a yellow liquid substance all +over my clothes; but by good fortune there was a small brook hard by, +where I washed myself as clean as I could; although I durst not come +into my master’s presence until I were sufficiently aired. + +By what I could discover, the _Yahoos_ appear to be the most +unteachable of all animals, their capacity never reaching higher than +to draw or carry burdens. Yet I am of opinion this defect arises +chiefly from a perverse, restive disposition; for they are cunning, +malicious, treacherous, and revengeful. They are strong and hardy, but +of a cowardly spirit, and, by consequence, insolent, abject, and cruel. +It is observed, that the red haired of both sexes are more libidinous +and mischievous than the rest, whom yet they much exceed in strength +and activity. + +The _Houyhnhnms_ keep the _Yahoos_ for present use in huts not far from +the house; but the rest are sent abroad to certain fields, where they +dig up roots, eat several kinds of herbs, and search about for carrion, +or sometimes catch weasels and _luhimuhs_ (a sort of wild rat), which +they greedily devour. Nature has taught them to dig deep holes with +their nails on the side of a rising ground, wherein they lie by +themselves; only the kennels of the females are larger, sufficient to +hold two or three cubs. + +They swim from their infancy like frogs, and are able to continue long +under water, where they often take fish, which the females carry home +to their young. And, upon this occasion, I hope the reader will pardon +my relating an odd adventure. + +Being one day abroad with my protector the sorrel nag, and the weather +exceeding hot, I entreated him to let me bathe in a river that was +near. He consented, and I immediately stripped myself stark naked, and +went down softly into the stream. It happened that a young female +_Yahoo_, standing behind a bank, saw the whole proceeding, and inflamed +by desire, as the nag and I conjectured, came running with all speed, +and leaped into the water, within five yards of the place where I +bathed. I was never in my life so terribly frightened. The nag was +grazing at some distance, not suspecting any harm. She embraced me +after a most fulsome manner. I roared as loud as I could, and the nag +came galloping towards me, whereupon she quitted her grasp, with the +utmost reluctancy, and leaped upon the opposite bank, where she stood +gazing and howling all the time I was putting on my clothes. + +This was a matter of diversion to my master and his family, as well as +of mortification to myself. For now I could no longer deny that I was a +real _Yahoo_ in every limb and feature, since the females had a natural +propensity to me, as one of their own species. Neither was the hair of +this brute of a red colour (which might have been some excuse for an +appetite a little irregular), but black as a sloe, and her countenance +did not make an appearance altogether so hideous as the rest of her +kind; for I think she could not be above eleven years old. + +Having lived three years in this country, the reader, I suppose, will +expect that I should, like other travellers, give him some account of +the manners and customs of its inhabitants, which it was indeed my +principal study to learn. + +As these noble _Houyhnhnms_ are endowed by nature with a general +disposition to all virtues, and have no conceptions or ideas of what is +evil in a rational creature, so their grand maxim is, to cultivate +reason, and to be wholly governed by it. Neither is reason among them a +point problematical, as with us, where men can argue with plausibility +on both sides of the question, but strikes you with immediate +conviction; as it must needs do, where it is not mingled, obscured, or +discoloured, by passion and interest. I remember it was with extreme +difficulty that I could bring my master to understand the meaning of +the word opinion, or how a point could be disputable; because reason +taught us to affirm or deny only where we are certain; and beyond our +knowledge we cannot do either. So that controversies, wranglings, +disputes, and positiveness, in false or dubious propositions, are evils +unknown among the _Houyhnhnms_. In the like manner, when I used to +explain to him our several systems of natural philosophy, he would +laugh, “that a creature pretending to reason, should value itself upon +the knowledge of other people’s conjectures, and in things where that +knowledge, if it were certain, could be of no use.” Wherein he agreed +entirely with the sentiments of Socrates, as Plato delivers them; which +I mention as the highest honour I can do that prince of philosophers. I +have often since reflected, what destruction such doctrine would make +in the libraries of Europe; and how many paths of fame would be then +shut up in the learned world. + +Friendship and benevolence are the two principal virtues among the +_Houyhnhnms_; and these not confined to particular objects, but +universal to the whole race; for a stranger from the remotest part is +equally treated with the nearest neighbour, and wherever he goes, looks +upon himself as at home. They preserve decency and civility in the +highest degrees, but are altogether ignorant of ceremony. They have no +fondness for their colts or foals, but the care they take in educating +them proceeds entirely from the dictates of reason. And I observed my +master to show the same affection to his neighbour’s issue, that he had +for his own. They will have it that nature teaches them to love the +whole species, and it is reason only that makes a distinction of +persons, where there is a superior degree of virtue. + +When the matron _Houyhnhnms_ have produced one of each sex, they no +longer accompany with their consorts, except they lose one of their +issue by some casualty, which very seldom happens; but in such a case +they meet again; or when the like accident befalls a person whose wife +is past bearing, some other couple bestow on him one of their own +colts, and then go together again until the mother is pregnant. This +caution is necessary, to prevent the country from being overburdened +with numbers. But the race of inferior _Houyhnhnms_, bred up to be +servants, is not so strictly limited upon this article: these are +allowed to produce three of each sex, to be domestics in the noble +families. + +In their marriages, they are exactly careful to choose such colours as +will not make any disagreeable mixture in the breed. Strength is +chiefly valued in the male, and comeliness in the female; not upon the +account of love, but to preserve the race from degenerating; for where +a female happens to excel in strength, a consort is chosen, with regard +to comeliness. + +Courtship, love, presents, jointures, settlements have no place in +their thoughts, or terms whereby to express them in their language. The +young couple meet, and are joined, merely because it is the +determination of their parents and friends; it is what they see done +every day, and they look upon it as one of the necessary actions of a +reasonable being. But the violation of marriage, or any other +unchastity, was never heard of; and the married pair pass their lives +with the same friendship and mutual benevolence, that they bear to all +others of the same species who come in their way, without jealousy, +fondness, quarrelling, or discontent. + +In educating the youth of both sexes, their method is admirable, and +highly deserves our imitation. These are not suffered to taste a grain +of oats, except upon certain days, till eighteen years old; nor milk, +but very rarely; and in summer they graze two hours in the morning, and +as many in the evening, which their parents likewise observe; but the +servants are not allowed above half that time, and a great part of +their grass is brought home, which they eat at the most convenient +hours, when they can be best spared from work. + +Temperance, industry, exercise, and cleanliness, are the lessons +equally enjoined to the young ones of both sexes: and my master thought +it monstrous in us, to give the females a different kind of education +from the males, except in some articles of domestic management; +whereby, as he truly observed, one half of our natives were good for +nothing but bringing children into the world; and to trust the care of +our children to such useless animals, he said, was yet a greater +instance of brutality. + +But the _Houyhnhnms_ train up their youth to strength, speed, and +hardiness, by exercising them in running races up and down steep hills, +and over hard stony grounds; and when they are all in a sweat, they are +ordered to leap over head and ears into a pond or river. Four times a +year the youth of a certain district meet to show their proficiency in +running and leaping, and other feats of strength and agility; where the +victor is rewarded with a song in his or her praise. On this festival, +the servants drive a herd of _Yahoos_ into the field, laden with hay, +and oats, and milk, for a repast to the _Houyhnhnms_; after which, +these brutes are immediately driven back again, for fear of being +noisome to the assembly. + +Every fourth year, at the vernal equinox, there is a representative +council of the whole nation, which meets in a plain about twenty miles +from our house, and continues about five or six days. Here they inquire +into the state and condition of the several districts; whether they +abound or be deficient in hay or oats, or cows, or _Yahoos_; and +wherever there is any want (which is but seldom) it is immediately +supplied by unanimous consent and contribution. Here likewise the +regulation of children is settled: as for instance, if a _Houyhnhnm_ +has two males, he changes one of them with another that has two +females; and when a child has been lost by any casualty, where the +mother is past breeding, it is determined what family in the district +shall breed another to supply the loss. + + +CHAPTER IX. + +A grand debate at the general assembly of the _Houyhnhnms_, and how it +was determined. The learning of the _Houyhnhnms_. Their buildings. +Their manner of burials. The defectiveness of their language. + + +One of these grand assemblies was held in my time, about three months +before my departure, whither my master went as the representative of +our district. In this council was resumed their old debate, and indeed +the only debate that ever happened in their country; whereof my master, +after his return, gave me a very particular account. + +The question to be debated was, “whether the _Yahoos_ should be +exterminated from the face of the earth?” One of the members for the +affirmative offered several arguments of great strength and weight, +alleging, “that as the _Yahoos_ were the most filthy, noisome, and +deformed animals which nature ever produced, so they were the most +restive and indocible, mischievous and malicious; they would privately +suck the teats of the _Houyhnhnms’_ cows, kill and devour their cats, +trample down their oats and grass, if they were not continually +watched, and commit a thousand other extravagancies.” He took notice of +a general tradition, “that _Yahoos_ had not been always in their +country; but that many ages ago, two of these brutes appeared together +upon a mountain; whether produced by the heat of the sun upon corrupted +mud and slime, or from the ooze and froth of the sea, was never known; +that these _Yahoos_ engendered, and their brood, in a short time, grew +so numerous as to overrun and infest the whole nation; that the +_Houyhnhnms_, to get rid of this evil, made a general hunting, and at +last enclosed the whole herd; and destroying the elder, every +_Houyhnhnm_ kept two young ones in a kennel, and brought them to such a +degree of tameness, as an animal, so savage by nature, can be capable +of acquiring, using them for draught and carriage; that there seemed to +be much truth in this tradition, and that those creatures could not be +_yinhniamshy_ (or _aborigines_ of the land), because of the violent +hatred the _Houyhnhnms_, as well as all other animals, bore them, +which, although their evil disposition sufficiently deserved, could +never have arrived at so high a degree if they had been _aborigines_, +or else they would have long since been rooted out; that the +inhabitants, taking a fancy to use the service of the _Yahoos_, had, +very imprudently, neglected to cultivate the breed of asses, which are +a comely animal, easily kept, more tame and orderly, without any +offensive smell, strong enough for labour, although they yield to the +other in agility of body, and if their braying be no agreeable sound, +it is far preferable to the horrible howlings of the _Yahoos_.” + +Several others declared their sentiments to the same purpose, when my +master proposed an expedient to the assembly, whereof he had indeed +borrowed the hint from me. “He approved of the tradition mentioned by +the honourable member who spoke before, and affirmed, that the two +_Yahoos_ said to be seen first among them, had been driven thither over +the sea; that coming to land, and being forsaken by their companions, +they retired to the mountains, and degenerating by degrees, became in +process of time much more savage than those of their own species in the +country whence these two originals came. The reason of this assertion +was, that he had now in his possession a certain wonderful _Yahoo_ +(meaning myself) which most of them had heard of, and many of them had +seen. He then related to them how he first found me; that my body was +all covered with an artificial composure of the skins and hairs of +other animals; that I spoke in a language of my own, and had thoroughly +learned theirs; that I had related to him the accidents which brought +me thither; that when he saw me without my covering, I was an exact +_Yahoo_ in every part, only of a whiter colour, less hairy, and with +shorter claws. He added, how I had endeavoured to persuade him, that in +my own and other countries, the _Yahoos_ acted as the governing, +rational animal, and held the _Houyhnhnms_ in servitude; that he +observed in me all the qualities of a _Yahoo_, only a little more +civilized by some tincture of reason, which, however, was in a degree +as far inferior to the _Houyhnhnm_ race, as the _Yahoos_ of their +country were to me; that, among other things, I mentioned a custom we +had of castrating _Houyhnhnms_ when they were young, in order to render +them tame; that the operation was easy and safe; that it was no shame +to learn wisdom from brutes, as industry is taught by the ant, and +building by the swallow (for so I translate the word _lyhannh_, +although it be a much larger fowl); that this invention might be +practised upon the younger _Yahoos_ here, which besides rendering them +tractable and fitter for use, would in an age put an end to the whole +species, without destroying life; that in the mean time the +_Houyhnhnms_ should be exhorted to cultivate the breed of asses, which, +as they are in all respects more valuable brutes, so they have this +advantage, to be fit for service at five years old, which the others +are not till twelve.” + +This was all my master thought fit to tell me, at that time, of what +passed in the grand council. But he was pleased to conceal one +particular, which related personally to myself, whereof I soon felt the +unhappy effect, as the reader will know in its proper place, and whence +I date all the succeeding misfortunes of my life. + +The _Houyhnhnms_ have no letters, and consequently their knowledge is +all traditional. But there happening few events of any moment among a +people so well united, naturally disposed to every virtue, wholly +governed by reason, and cut off from all commerce with other nations, +the historical part is easily preserved without burdening their +memories. I have already observed that they are subject to no diseases, +and therefore can have no need of physicians. However, they have +excellent medicines, composed of herbs, to cure accidental bruises and +cuts in the pastern or frog of the foot, by sharp stones, as well as +other maims and hurts in the several parts of the body. + +They calculate the year by the revolution of the sun and moon, but use +no subdivisions into weeks. They are well enough acquainted with the +motions of those two luminaries, and understand the nature of eclipses; +and this is the utmost progress of their astronomy. + +In poetry, they must be allowed to excel all other mortals; wherein the +justness of their similes, and the minuteness as well as exactness of +their descriptions, are indeed inimitable. Their verses abound very +much in both of these, and usually contain either some exalted notions +of friendship and benevolence or the praises of those who were victors +in races and other bodily exercises. Their buildings, although very +rude and simple, are not inconvenient, but well contrived to defend +them from all injuries of cold and heat. They have a kind of tree, +which at forty years old loosens in the root, and falls with the first +storm: it grows very straight, and being pointed like stakes with a +sharp stone (for the _Houyhnhnms_ know not the use of iron), they stick +them erect in the ground, about ten inches asunder, and then weave in +oat straw, or sometimes wattles, between them. The roof is made after +the same manner, and so are the doors. + +The _Houyhnhnms_ use the hollow part, between the pastern and the hoof +of their fore-foot, as we do our hands, and this with greater dexterity +than I could at first imagine. I have seen a white mare of our family +thread a needle (which I lent her on purpose) with that joint. They +milk their cows, reap their oats, and do all the work which requires +hands, in the same manner. They have a kind of hard flints, which, by +grinding against other stones, they form into instruments, that serve +instead of wedges, axes, and hammers. With tools made of these flints, +they likewise cut their hay, and reap their oats, which there grow +naturally in several fields; the _Yahoos_ draw home the sheaves in +carriages, and the servants tread them in certain covered huts to get +out the grain, which is kept in stores. They make a rude kind of +earthen and wooden vessels, and bake the former in the sun. + +If they can avoid casualties, they die only of old age, and are buried +in the obscurest places that can be found, their friends and relations +expressing neither joy nor grief at their departure; nor does the dying +person discover the least regret that he is leaving the world, any more +than if he were upon returning home from a visit to one of his +neighbours. I remember my master having once made an appointment with a +friend and his family to come to his house, upon some affair of +importance: on the day fixed, the mistress and her two children came +very late; she made two excuses, first for her husband, who, as she +said, happened that very morning to _shnuwnh_. The word is strongly +expressive in their language, but not easily rendered into English; it +signifies, “to retire to his first mother.” Her excuse for not coming +sooner, was, that her husband dying late in the morning, she was a good +while consulting her servants about a convenient place where his body +should be laid; and I observed, she behaved herself at our house as +cheerfully as the rest. She died about three months after. + +They live generally to seventy, or seventy-five years, very seldom to +fourscore. Some weeks before their death, they feel a gradual decay; +but without pain. During this time they are much visited by their +friends, because they cannot go abroad with their usual ease and +satisfaction. However, about ten days before their death, which they +seldom fail in computing, they return the visits that have been made +them by those who are nearest in the neighbourhood, being carried in a +convenient sledge drawn by _Yahoos_; which vehicle they use, not only +upon this occasion, but when they grow old, upon long journeys, or when +they are lamed by any accident: and therefore when the dying +_Houyhnhnms_ return those visits, they take a solemn leave of their +friends, as if they were going to some remote part of the country, +where they designed to pass the rest of their lives. + +I know not whether it may be worth observing, that the _Houyhnhnms_ +have no word in their language to express any thing that is evil, +except what they borrow from the deformities or ill qualities of the +_Yahoos_. Thus they denote the folly of a servant, an omission of a +child, a stone that cuts their feet, a continuance of foul or +unseasonable weather, and the like, by adding to each the epithet of +_Yahoo_. For instance, _hhnm Yahoo_; _whnaholm Yahoo_, _ynlhmndwihlma +Yahoo_, and an ill-contrived house _ynholmhnmrohlnw Yahoo_. + +I could, with great pleasure, enlarge further upon the manners and +virtues of this excellent people; but intending in a short time to +publish a volume by itself, expressly upon that subject, I refer the +reader thither; and, in the mean time, proceed to relate my own sad +catastrophe. + + +CHAPTER X. + +The author’s economy, and happy life among the Houyhnhnms. His great +improvement in virtue by conversing with them. Their conversations. The +author has notice given him by his master, that he must depart from the +country. He falls into a swoon for grief; but submits. He contrives and +finishes a canoe by the help of a fellow-servant, and puts to sea at a +venture. + + +I had settled my little economy to my own heart’s content. My master +had ordered a room to be made for me, after their manner, about six +yards from the house: the sides and floors of which I plastered with +clay, and covered with rush-mats of my own contriving. I had beaten +hemp, which there grows wild, and made of it a sort of ticking; this I +filled with the feathers of several birds I had taken with springes +made of _Yahoos’_ hairs, and were excellent food. I had worked two +chairs with my knife, the sorrel nag helping me in the grosser and more +laborious part. When my clothes were worn to rags, I made myself others +with the skins of rabbits, and of a certain beautiful animal, about the +same size, called _nnuhnoh_, the skin of which is covered with a fine +down. Of these I also made very tolerable stockings. I soled my shoes +with wood, which I cut from a tree, and fitted to the upper-leather; +and when this was worn out, I supplied it with the skins of _Yahoos_ +dried in the sun. I often got honey out of hollow trees, which I +mingled with water, or ate with my bread. No man could more verify the +truth of these two maxims, “That nature is very easily satisfied;” and, +“That necessity is the mother of invention.” I enjoyed perfect health +of body, and tranquillity of mind; I did not feel the treachery or +inconstancy of a friend, nor the injuries of a secret or open enemy. I +had no occasion of bribing, flattering, or pimping, to procure the +favour of any great man, or of his minion; I wanted no fence against +fraud or oppression: here was neither physician to destroy my body, nor +lawyer to ruin my fortune; no informer to watch my words and actions, +or forge accusations against me for hire: here were no gibers, +censurers, backbiters, pickpockets, highwaymen, housebreakers, +attorneys, bawds, buffoons, gamesters, politicians, wits, splenetics, +tedious talkers, controvertists, ravishers, murderers, robbers, +virtuosos; no leaders, or followers, of party and faction; no +encouragers to vice, by seducement or examples; no dungeon, axes, +gibbets, whipping-posts, or pillories; no cheating shopkeepers or +mechanics; no pride, vanity, or affectation; no fops, bullies, +drunkards, strolling whores, or poxes; no ranting, lewd, expensive +wives; no stupid, proud pedants; no importunate, overbearing, +quarrelsome, noisy, roaring, empty, conceited, swearing companions; no +scoundrels raised from the dust upon the merit of their vices, or +nobility thrown into it on account of their virtues; no lords, +fiddlers, judges, or dancing-masters. + +I had the favour of being admitted to several _Houyhnhnms_, who came to +visit or dine with my master; where his honour graciously suffered me +to wait in the room, and listen to their discourse. Both he and his +company would often descend to ask me questions, and receive my +answers. I had also sometimes the honour of attending my master in his +visits to others. I never presumed to speak, except in answer to a +question; and then I did it with inward regret, because it was a loss +of so much time for improving myself; but I was infinitely delighted +with the station of an humble auditor in such conversations, where +nothing passed but what was useful, expressed in the fewest and most +significant words; where, as I have already said, the greatest decency +was observed, without the least degree of ceremony; where no person +spoke without being pleased himself, and pleasing his companions; where +there was no interruption, tediousness, heat, or difference of +sentiments. They have a notion, that when people are met together, a +short silence does much improve conversation: this I found to be true; +for during those little intermissions of talk, new ideas would arise in +their minds, which very much enlivened the discourse. Their subjects +are, generally on friendship and benevolence, on order and economy; +sometimes upon the visible operations of nature, or ancient traditions; +upon the bounds and limits of virtue; upon the unerring rules of +reason, or upon some determinations to be taken at the next great +assembly: and often upon the various excellences of poetry. I may add, +without vanity, that my presence often gave them sufficient matter for +discourse, because it afforded my master an occasion of letting his +friends into the history of me and my country, upon which they were all +pleased to descant, in a manner not very advantageous to humankind: and +for that reason I shall not repeat what they said; only I may be +allowed to observe, that his honour, to my great admiration, appeared +to understand the nature of _Yahoos_ much better than myself. He went +through all our vices and follies, and discovered many, which I had +never mentioned to him, by only supposing what qualities a _Yahoo_ of +their country, with a small proportion of reason, might be capable of +exerting; and concluded, with too much probability, “how vile, as well +as miserable, such a creature must be.” + +I freely confess, that all the little knowledge I have of any value, +was acquired by the lectures I received from my master, and from +hearing the discourses of him and his friends; to which I should be +prouder to listen, than to dictate to the greatest and wisest assembly +in Europe. I admired the strength, comeliness, and speed of the +inhabitants; and such a constellation of virtues, in such amiable +persons, produced in me the highest veneration. At first, indeed, I did +not feel that natural awe, which the _Yahoos_ and all other animals +bear toward them; but it grew upon me by degrees, much sooner than I +imagined, and was mingled with a respectful love and gratitude, that +they would condescend to distinguish me from the rest of my species. + +When I thought of my family, my friends, my countrymen, or the human +race in general, I considered them, as they really were, _Yahoos_ in +shape and disposition, perhaps a little more civilized, and qualified +with the gift of speech; but making no other use of reason, than to +improve and multiply those vices whereof their brethren in this country +had only the share that nature allotted them. When I happened to behold +the reflection of my own form in a lake or fountain, I turned away my +face in horror and detestation of myself, and could better endure the +sight of a common _Yahoo_ than of my own person. By conversing with the +_Houyhnhnms_, and looking upon them with delight, I fell to imitate +their gait and gesture, which is now grown into a habit; and my friends +often tell me, in a blunt way, “that I trot like a horse;” which, +however, I take for a great compliment. Neither shall I disown, that in +speaking I am apt to fall into the voice and manner of the +_Houyhnhnms_, and hear myself ridiculed on that account, without the +least mortification. + +In the midst of all this happiness, and when I looked upon myself to be +fully settled for life, my master sent for me one morning a little +earlier than his usual hour. I observed by his countenance that he was +in some perplexity, and at a loss how to begin what he had to speak. +After a short silence, he told me, “he did not know how I would take +what he was going to say: that in the last general assembly, when the +affair of the _Yahoos_ was entered upon, the representatives had taken +offence at his keeping a _Yahoo_ (meaning myself) in his family, more +like a _Houyhnhnm_ than a brute animal; that he was known frequently to +converse with me, as if he could receive some advantage or pleasure in +my company; that such a practice was not agreeable to reason or nature, +or a thing ever heard of before among them; the assembly did therefore +exhort him either to employ me like the rest of my species, or command +me to swim back to the place whence I came: that the first of these +expedients was utterly rejected by all the _Houyhnhnms_ who had ever +seen me at his house or their own; for they alleged, that because I had +some rudiments of reason, added to the natural pravity of those +animals, it was to be feared I might be able to seduce them into the +woody and mountainous parts of the country, and bring them in troops by +night to destroy the _Houyhnhnms’_ cattle, as being naturally of the +ravenous kind, and averse from labour.” + +My master added, “that he was daily pressed by the _Houyhnhnms_ of the +neighbourhood to have the assembly’s exhortation executed, which he +could not put off much longer. He doubted it would be impossible for me +to swim to another country; and therefore wished I would contrive some +sort of vehicle, resembling those I had described to him, that might +carry me on the sea; in which work I should have the assistance of his +own servants, as well as those of his neighbours.” He concluded, “that +for his own part, he could have been content to keep me in his service +as long as I lived; because he found I had cured myself of some bad +habits and dispositions, by endeavouring, as far as my inferior nature +was capable, to imitate the _Houyhnhnms_.” + +I should here observe to the reader, that a decree of the general +assembly in this country is expressed by the word _hnhloayn_, which +signifies an exhortation, as near as I can render it; for they have no +conception how a rational creature can be compelled, but only advised, +or exhorted; because no person can disobey reason, without giving up +his claim to be a rational creature. + +I was struck with the utmost grief and despair at my master’s +discourse; and being unable to support the agonies I was under, I fell +into a swoon at his feet. When I came to myself, he told me “that he +concluded I had been dead;” for these people are subject to no such +imbecilities of nature. I answered in a faint voice, “that death would +have been too great a happiness; that although I could not blame the +assembly’s exhortation, or the urgency of his friends; yet, in my weak +and corrupt judgment, I thought it might consist with reason to have +been less rigorous; that I could not swim a league, and probably the +nearest land to theirs might be distant above a hundred: that many +materials, necessary for making a small vessel to carry me off, were +wholly wanting in this country; which, however, I would attempt, in +obedience and gratitude to his honour, although I concluded the thing +to be impossible, and therefore looked on myself as already devoted to +destruction; that the certain prospect of an unnatural death was the +least of my evils; for, supposing I should escape with life by some +strange adventure, how could I think with temper of passing my days +among _Yahoos_, and relapsing into my old corruptions, for want of +examples to lead and keep me within the paths of virtue? That I knew +too well upon what solid reasons all the determinations of the wise +_Houyhnhnms_ were founded, not to be shaken by arguments of mine, a +miserable _Yahoo_; and therefore, after presenting him with my humble +thanks for the offer of his servants’ assistance in making a vessel, +and desiring a reasonable time for so difficult a work, I told him I +would endeavour to preserve a wretched being; and if ever I returned to +England, was not without hopes of being useful to my own species, by +celebrating the praises of the renowned _Houyhnhnms_, and proposing +their virtues to the imitation of mankind.” + +My master, in a few words, made me a very gracious reply; allowed me +the space of two months to finish my boat; and ordered the sorrel nag, +my fellow-servant (for so, at this distance, I may presume to call +him), to follow my instruction; because I told my master, “that his +help would be sufficient, and I knew he had a tenderness for me.” + +In his company, my first business was to go to that part of the coast +where my rebellious crew had ordered me to be set on shore. I got upon +a height, and looking on every side into the sea; fancied I saw a small +island toward the north-east. I took out my pocket glass, and could +then clearly distinguish it above five leagues off, as I computed; but +it appeared to the sorrel nag to be only a blue cloud: for as he had no +conception of any country beside his own, so he could not be as expert +in distinguishing remote objects at sea, as we who so much converse in +that element. + +After I had discovered this island, I considered no further; but +resolved it should, if possible, be the first place of my banishment, +leaving the consequence to fortune. + +I returned home, and consulting with the sorrel nag, we went into a +copse at some distance, where I with my knife, and he with a sharp +flint, fastened very artificially after their manner, to a wooden +handle, cut down several oak wattles, about the thickness of a +walking-staff, and some larger pieces. But I shall not trouble the +reader with a particular description of my own mechanics; let it +suffice to say, that in six weeks time with the help of the sorrel nag, +who performed the parts that required most labour, I finished a sort of +Indian canoe, but much larger, covering it with the skins of _Yahoos_, +well stitched together with hempen threads of my own making. My sail +was likewise composed of the skins of the same animal; but I made use +of the youngest I could get, the older being too tough and thick; and I +likewise provided myself with four paddles. I laid in a stock of boiled +flesh, of rabbits and fowls, and took with me two vessels, one filled +with milk and the other with water. + +I tried my canoe in a large pond, near my master’s house, and then +corrected in it what was amiss; stopping all the chinks with _Yahoos’_ +tallow, till I found it staunch, and able to bear me and my freight; +and, when it was as complete as I could possibly make it, I had it +drawn on a carriage very gently by _Yahoos_ to the sea-side, under the +conduct of the sorrel nag and another servant. + +When all was ready, and the day came for my departure, I took leave of +my master and lady and the whole family, my eyes flowing with tears, +and my heart quite sunk with grief. But his honour, out of curiosity, +and, perhaps, (if I may speak without vanity,) partly out of kindness, +was determined to see me in my canoe, and got several of his +neighbouring friends to accompany him. I was forced to wait above an +hour for the tide; and then observing the wind very fortunately bearing +toward the island to which I intended to steer my course, I took a +second leave of my master; but as I was going to prostrate myself to +kiss his hoof, he did me the honour to raise it gently to my mouth. I +am not ignorant how much I have been censured for mentioning this last +particular. Detractors are pleased to think it improbable, that so +illustrious a person should descend to give so great a mark of +distinction to a creature so inferior as I. Neither have I forgotten +how apt some travellers are to boast of extraordinary favours they have +received. But, if these censurers were better acquainted with the noble +and courteous disposition of the _Houyhnhnms_, they would soon change +their opinion. + +I paid my respects to the rest of the _Houyhnhnms_ in his honour’s +company; then getting into my canoe, I pushed off from shore. + + +CHAPTER XI. + +The author’s dangerous voyage. He arrives at New Holland, hoping to +settle there. Is wounded with an arrow by one of the natives. Is seized +and carried by force into a Portuguese ship. The great civilities of +the captain. The author arrives at England. + + +I began this desperate voyage on February 15, 1714–15, at nine o’clock +in the morning. The wind was very favourable; however, I made use at +first only of my paddles; but considering I should soon be weary, and +that the wind might chop about, I ventured to set up my little sail; +and thus, with the help of the tide, I went at the rate of a league and +a half an hour, as near as I could guess. My master and his friends +continued on the shore till I was almost out of sight; and I often +heard the sorrel nag (who always loved me) crying out, “_Hnuy illa +nyha_, _majah Yahoo_;” “Take care of thyself, gentle _Yahoo_.” + +My design was, if possible, to discover some small island uninhabited, +yet sufficient, by my labour, to furnish me with the necessaries of +life, which I would have thought a greater happiness, than to be first +minister in the politest court of Europe; so horrible was the idea I +conceived of returning to live in the society, and under the government +of _Yahoos_. For in such a solitude as I desired, I could at least +enjoy my own thoughts, and reflect with delight on the virtues of those +inimitable _Houyhnhnms_, without an opportunity of degenerating into +the vices and corruptions of my own species. + +The reader may remember what I related, when my crew conspired against +me, and confined me to my cabin; how I continued there several weeks +without knowing what course we took; and when I was put ashore in the +long-boat, how the sailors told me, with oaths, whether true or false, +“that they knew not in what part of the world we were.” However, I did +then believe us to be about 10 degrees southward of the Cape of Good +Hope, or about 45 degrees southern latitude, as I gathered from some +general words I overheard among them, being I supposed to the +south-east in their intended voyage to Madagascar. And although this +were little better than conjecture, yet I resolved to steer my course +eastward, hoping to reach the south-west coast of New Holland, and +perhaps some such island as I desired lying westward of it. The wind +was full west, and by six in the evening I computed I had gone eastward +at least eighteen leagues; when I spied a very small island about half +a league off, which I soon reached. It was nothing but a rock, with one +creek naturally arched by the force of tempests. Here I put in my +canoe, and climbing a part of the rock, I could plainly discover land +to the east, extending from south to north. I lay all night in my +canoe; and repeating my voyage early in the morning, I arrived in seven +hours to the south-east point of New Holland. This confirmed me in the +opinion I have long entertained, that the maps and charts place this +country at least three degrees more to the east than it really is; +which thought I communicated many years ago to my worthy friend, Mr. +Herman Moll, and gave him my reasons for it, although he has rather +chosen to follow other authors. + +I saw no inhabitants in the place where I landed, and being unarmed, I +was afraid of venturing far into the country. I found some shellfish on +the shore, and ate them raw, not daring to kindle a fire, for fear of +being discovered by the natives. I continued three days feeding on +oysters and limpets, to save my own provisions; and I fortunately found +a brook of excellent water, which gave me great relief. + +On the fourth day, venturing out early a little too far, I saw twenty +or thirty natives upon a height not above five hundred yards from me. +They were stark naked, men, women, and children, round a fire, as I +could discover by the smoke. One of them spied me, and gave notice to +the rest; five of them advanced toward me, leaving the women and +children at the fire. I made what haste I could to the shore, and, +getting into my canoe, shoved off: the savages, observing me retreat, +ran after me; and before I could get far enough into the sea, +discharged an arrow which wounded me deeply on the inside of my left +knee: I shall carry the mark to my grave. I apprehended the arrow might +be poisoned, and paddling out of the reach of their darts (being a calm +day), I made a shift to suck the wound, and dress it as well as I +could. + +I was at a loss what to do, for I durst not return to the same +landing-place, but stood to the north, and was forced to paddle, for +the wind, though very gentle, was against me, blowing north-west. As I +was looking about for a secure landing-place, I saw a sail to the +north-north-east, which appearing every minute more visible, I was in +some doubt whether I should wait for them or not; but at last my +detestation of the _Yahoo_ race prevailed: and turning my canoe, I +sailed and paddled together to the south, and got into the same creek +whence I set out in the morning, choosing rather to trust myself among +these barbarians, than live with European _Yahoos_. I drew up my canoe +as close as I could to the shore, and hid myself behind a stone by the +little brook, which, as I have already said, was excellent water. + +The ship came within half a league of this creek, and sent her +long-boat with vessels to take in fresh water (for the place, it seems, +was very well known); but I did not observe it, till the boat was +almost on shore; and it was too late to seek another hiding-place. The +seamen at their landing observed my canoe, and rummaging it all over, +easily conjectured that the owner could not be far off. Four of them, +well armed, searched every cranny and lurking-hole, till at last they +found me flat on my face behind the stone. They gazed awhile in +admiration at my strange uncouth dress; my coat made of skins, my +wooden-soled shoes, and my furred stockings; whence, however, they +concluded, I was not a native of the place, who all go naked. One of +the seamen, in Portuguese, bid me rise, and asked who I was. I +understood that language very well, and getting upon my feet, said, “I +was a poor _Yahoo_ banished from the _Houyhnhnms_, and desired they +would please to let me depart.” They admired to hear me answer them in +their own tongue, and saw by my complexion I must be a European; but +were at a loss to know what I meant by _Yahoos_ and _Houyhnhnms_; and +at the same time fell a-laughing at my strange tone in speaking, which +resembled the neighing of a horse. I trembled all the while betwixt +fear and hatred. I again desired leave to depart, and was gently moving +to my canoe; but they laid hold of me, desiring to know, “what country +I was of? whence I came?” with many other questions. I told them “I was +born in England, whence I came about five years ago, and then their +country and ours were at peace. I therefore hoped they would not treat +me as an enemy, since I meant them no harm, but was a poor _Yahoo_ +seeking some desolate place where to pass the remainder of his +unfortunate life.” + +When they began to talk, I thought I never heard or saw any thing more +unnatural; for it appeared to me as monstrous as if a dog or a cow +should speak in England, or a _Yahoo_ in _Houyhnhnmland_. The honest +Portuguese were equally amazed at my strange dress, and the odd manner +of delivering my words, which, however, they understood very well. They +spoke to me with great humanity, and said, “they were sure the captain +would carry me _gratis_ to Lisbon, whence I might return to my own +country; that two of the seamen would go back to the ship, inform the +captain of what they had seen, and receive his orders; in the mean +time, unless I would give my solemn oath not to fly, they would secure +me by force. I thought it best to comply with their proposal. They were +very curious to know my story, but I gave them very little +satisfaction, and they all conjectured that my misfortunes had impaired +my reason. In two hours the boat, which went laden with vessels of +water, returned, with the captain’s command to fetch me on board. I +fell on my knees to preserve my liberty; but all was in vain; and the +men, having tied me with cords, heaved me into the boat, whence I was +taken into the ship, and thence into the captain’s cabin. + +His name was Pedro de Mendez; he was a very courteous and generous +person. He entreated me to give some account of myself, and desired to +know what I would eat or drink; said, “I should be used as well as +himself;” and spoke so many obliging things, that I wondered to find +such civilities from a _Yahoo_. However, I remained silent and sullen; +I was ready to faint at the very smell of him and his men. At last I +desired something to eat out of my own canoe; but he ordered me a +chicken, and some excellent wine, and then directed that I should be +put to bed in a very clean cabin. I would not undress myself, but lay +on the bed-clothes, and in half an hour stole out, when I thought the +crew was at dinner, and getting to the side of the ship, was going to +leap into the sea, and swim for my life, rather than continue among +_Yahoos_. But one of the seamen prevented me, and having informed the +captain, I was chained to my cabin. + +After dinner, Don Pedro came to me, and desired to know my reason for +so desperate an attempt; assured me, “he only meant to do me all the +service he was able;” and spoke so very movingly, that at last I +descended to treat him like an animal which had some little portion of +reason. I gave him a very short relation of my voyage; of the +conspiracy against me by my own men; of the country where they set me +on shore, and of my five years residence there. All which he looked +upon as if it were a dream or a vision; whereat I took great offence; +for I had quite forgot the faculty of lying, so peculiar to _Yahoos_, +in all countries where they preside, and, consequently, their +disposition of suspecting truth in others of their own species. I asked +him, “whether it were the custom in his country to say the thing which +was not?” I assured him, “I had almost forgot what he meant by +falsehood, and if I had lived a thousand years in _Houyhnhnmland_, I +should never have heard a lie from the meanest servant; that I was +altogether indifferent whether he believed me or not; but, however, in +return for his favours, I would give so much allowance to the +corruption of his nature, as to answer any objection he would please to +make, and then he might easily discover the truth.” + +The captain, a wise man, after many endeavours to catch me tripping in +some part of my story, at last began to have a better opinion of my +veracity. But he added, “that since I professed so inviolable an +attachment to truth, I must give him my word and honour to bear him +company in this voyage, without attempting any thing against my life; +or else he would continue me a prisoner till we arrived at Lisbon.” I +gave him the promise he required; but at the same time protested, “that +I would suffer the greatest hardships, rather than return to live among +_Yahoos_.” + +Our voyage passed without any considerable accident. In gratitude to +the captain, I sometimes sat with him, at his earnest request, and +strove to conceal my antipathy against humankind, although it often +broke out; which he suffered to pass without observation. But the +greatest part of the day I confined myself to my cabin, to avoid seeing +any of the crew. The captain had often entreated me to strip myself of +my savage dress, and offered to lend me the best suit of clothes he +had. This I would not be prevailed on to accept, abhorring to cover +myself with any thing that had been on the back of a _Yahoo_. I only +desired he would lend me two clean shirts, which, having been washed +since he wore them, I believed would not so much defile me. These I +changed every second day, and washed them myself. + +We arrived at Lisbon, Nov. 5, 1715. At our landing, the captain forced +me to cover myself with his cloak, to prevent the rabble from crowding +about me. I was conveyed to his own house; and at my earnest request he +led me up to the highest room backwards. I conjured him “to conceal +from all persons what I had told him of the _Houyhnhnms_; because the +least hint of such a story would not only draw numbers of people to see +me, but probably put me in danger of being imprisoned, or burnt by the +Inquisition.” The captain persuaded me to accept a suit of clothes +newly made; but I would not suffer the tailor to take my measure; +however, Don Pedro being almost of my size, they fitted me well enough. +He accoutred me with other necessaries, all new, which I aired for +twenty-four hours before I would use them. + +The captain had no wife, nor above three servants, none of which were +suffered to attend at meals; and his whole deportment was so obliging, +added to very good human understanding, that I really began to tolerate +his company. He gained so far upon me, that I ventured to look out of +the back window. By degrees I was brought into another room, whence I +peeped into the street, but drew my head back in a fright. In a week’s +time he seduced me down to the door. I found my terror gradually +lessened, but my hatred and contempt seemed to increase. I was at last +bold enough to walk the street in his company, but kept my nose well +stopped with rue, or sometimes with tobacco. + +In ten days, Don Pedro, to whom I had given some account of my domestic +affairs, put it upon me, as a matter of honour and conscience, “that I +ought to return to my native country, and live at home with my wife and +children.” He told me, “there was an English ship in the port just +ready to sail, and he would furnish me with all things necessary.” It +would be tedious to repeat his arguments, and my contradictions. He +said, “it was altogether impossible to find such a solitary island as I +desired to live in; but I might command in my own house, and pass my +time in a manner as recluse as I pleased.” + +I complied at last, finding I could not do better. I left Lisbon the +24th day of November, in an English merchantman, but who was the master +I never inquired. Don Pedro accompanied me to the ship, and lent me +twenty pounds. He took kind leave of me, and embraced me at parting, +which I bore as well as I could. During this last voyage I had no +commerce with the master or any of his men; but, pretending I was sick, +kept close in my cabin. On the fifth of December, 1715, we cast anchor +in the Downs, about nine in the morning, and at three in the afternoon +I got safe to my house at Rotherhith. [546] + +My wife and family received me with great surprise and joy, because +they concluded me certainly dead; but I must freely confess the sight +of them filled me only with hatred, disgust, and contempt; and the +more, by reflecting on the near alliance I had to them. For although, +since my unfortunate exile from the _Houyhnhnm_ country, I had +compelled myself to tolerate the sight of _Yahoos_, and to converse +with Don Pedro de Mendez, yet my memory and imagination were +perpetually filled with the virtues and ideas of those exalted +_Houyhnhnms_. And when I began to consider that, by copulating with one +of the _Yahoo_ species I had become a parent of more, it struck me with +the utmost shame, confusion, and horror. + +As soon as I entered the house, my wife took me in her arms, and kissed +me; at which, having not been used to the touch of that odious animal +for so many years, I fell into a swoon for almost an hour. At the time +I am writing, it is five years since my last return to England. During +the first year, I could not endure my wife or children in my presence; +the very smell of them was intolerable; much less could I suffer them +to eat in the same room. To this hour they dare not presume to touch my +bread, or drink out of the same cup, neither was I ever able to let one +of them take me by the hand. The first money I laid out was to buy two +young stone-horses, which I keep in a good stable; and next to them, +the groom is my greatest favourite, for I feel my spirits revived by +the smell he contracts in the stable. My horses understand me tolerably +well; I converse with them at least four hours every day. They are +strangers to bridle or saddle; they live in great amity with me and +friendship to each other. + + +CHAPTER XII. + +The author’s veracity. His design in publishing this work. His censure +of those travellers who swerve from the truth. The author clears +himself from any sinister ends in writing. An objection answered. The +method of planting colonies. His native country commended. The right of +the crown to those countries described by the author is justified. The +difficulty of conquering them. The author takes his last leave of the +reader; proposes his manner of living for the future; gives good +advice, and concludes. + + +Thus, gentle reader, I have given thee a faithful history of my travels +for sixteen years and above seven months: wherein I have not been so +studious of ornament as of truth. I could, perhaps, like others, have +astonished thee with strange improbable tales; but I rather chose to +relate plain matter of fact, in the simplest manner and style; because +my principal design was to inform, and not to amuse thee. + +It is easy for us who travel into remote countries, which are seldom +visited by Englishmen or other Europeans, to form descriptions of +wonderful animals both at sea and land. Whereas a traveller’s chief aim +should be to make men wiser and better, and to improve their minds by +the bad, as well as good, example of what they deliver concerning +foreign places. + +I could heartily wish a law was enacted, that every traveller, before +he were permitted to publish his voyages, should be obliged to make +oath before the Lord High Chancellor, that all he intended to print was +absolutely true to the best of his knowledge; for then the world would +no longer be deceived, as it usually is, while some writers, to make +their works pass the better upon the public, impose the grossest +falsities on the unwary reader. I have perused several books of travels +with great delight in my younger days; but having since gone over most +parts of the globe, and been able to contradict many fabulous accounts +from my own observation, it has given me a great disgust against this +part of reading, and some indignation to see the credulity of mankind +so impudently abused. Therefore, since my acquaintance were pleased to +think my poor endeavours might not be unacceptable to my country, I +imposed on myself, as a maxim never to be swerved from, that I would +strictly adhere to truth; neither indeed can I be ever under the least +temptation to vary from it, while I retain in my mind the lectures and +example of my noble master and the other illustrious _Houyhnhnms_ of +whom I had so long the honour to be an humble hearer. + + +_—Nec si miserum Fortuna Sinonem_ + +_Finxit_, _vanum etiam_, _mendacemque improba finget_. + +I know very well, how little reputation is to be got by writings which +require neither genius nor learning, nor indeed any other talent, +except a good memory, or an exact journal. I know likewise, that +writers of travels, like dictionary-makers, are sunk into oblivion by +the weight and bulk of those who come last, and therefore lie +uppermost. And it is highly probable, that such travellers, who shall +hereafter visit the countries described in this work of mine, may, by +detecting my errors (if there be any), and adding many new discoveries +of their own, jostle me out of vogue, and stand in my place, making the +world forget that ever I was an author. This indeed would be too great +a mortification, if I wrote for fame: but as my sole intention was the +public good, I cannot be altogether disappointed. For who can read of +the virtues I have mentioned in the glorious _Houyhnhnms_, without +being ashamed of his own vices, when he considers himself as the +reasoning, governing animal of his country? I shall say nothing of +those remote nations where _Yahoos_ preside; among which the least +corrupted are the _Brobdingnagians_; whose wise maxims in morality and +government it would be our happiness to observe. But I forbear +descanting further, and rather leave the judicious reader to his own +remarks and application. + +I am not a little pleased that this work of mine can possibly meet with +no censurers: for what objections can be made against a writer, who +relates only plain facts, that happened in such distant countries, +where we have not the least interest, with respect either to trade or +negotiations? I have carefully avoided every fault with which common +writers of travels are often too justly charged. Besides, I meddle not +the least with any party, but write without passion, prejudice, or +ill-will against any man, or number of men, whatsoever. I write for the +noblest end, to inform and instruct mankind; over whom I may, without +breach of modesty, pretend to some superiority, from the advantages I +received by conversing so long among the most accomplished +_Houyhnhnms_. I write without any view to profit or praise. I never +suffer a word to pass that may look like reflection, or possibly give +the least offence, even to those who are most ready to take it. So that +I hope I may with justice pronounce myself an author perfectly +blameless; against whom the tribes of Answerers, Considerers, +Observers, Reflectors, Detectors, Remarkers, will never be able to find +matter for exercising their talents. + +I confess, it was whispered to me, “that I was bound in duty, as a +subject of England, to have given in a memorial to a secretary of state +at my first coming over; because, whatever lands are discovered by a +subject belong to the crown.” But I doubt whether our conquests in the +countries I treat of would be as easy as those of Ferdinando Cortez +over the naked Americans. The _Lilliputians_, I think, are hardly worth +the charge of a fleet and army to reduce them; and I question whether +it might be prudent or safe to attempt the _Brobdingnagians_; or +whether an English army would be much at their ease with the Flying +Island over their heads. The _Houyhnhnms_ indeed appear not to be so +well prepared for war, a science to which they are perfect strangers, +and especially against missive weapons. However, supposing myself to be +a minister of state, I could never give my advice for invading them. +Their prudence, unanimity, unacquaintedness with fear, and their love +of their country, would amply supply all defects in the military art. +Imagine twenty thousand of them breaking into the midst of an European +army, confounding the ranks, overturning the carriages, battering the +warriors’ faces into mummy by terrible yerks from their hinder hoofs. +For they would well deserve the character given to Augustus, +_Recalcitrat undique tutus_. But, instead of proposals for conquering +that magnanimous nation, I rather wish they were in a capacity, or +disposition, to send a sufficient number of their inhabitants for +civilizing Europe, by teaching us the first principles of honour, +justice, truth, temperance, public spirit, fortitude, chastity, +friendship, benevolence, and fidelity. The names of all which virtues +are still retained among us in most languages, and are to be met with +in modern, as well as ancient authors; which I am able to assert from +my own small reading. + +But I had another reason, which made me less forward to enlarge his +majesty’s dominions by my discoveries. To say the truth, I had +conceived a few scruples with relation to the distributive justice of +princes upon those occasions. For instance, a crew of pirates are +driven by a storm they know not whither; at length a boy discovers land +from the topmast; they go on shore to rob and plunder, they see a +harmless people, are entertained with kindness; they give the country a +new name; they take formal possession of it for their king; they set up +a rotten plank, or a stone, for a memorial; they murder two or three +dozen of the natives, bring away a couple more, by force, for a sample; +return home, and get their pardon. Here commences a new dominion +acquired with a title by divine right. Ships are sent with the first +opportunity; the natives driven out or destroyed; their princes +tortured to discover their gold; a free license given to all acts of +inhumanity and lust, the earth reeking with the blood of its +inhabitants: and this execrable crew of butchers, employed in so pious +an expedition, is a modern colony, sent to convert and civilize an +idolatrous and barbarous people! + +But this description, I confess, does by no means affect the British +nation, who may be an example to the whole world for their wisdom, +care, and justice in planting colonies; their liberal endowments for +the advancement of religion and learning; their choice of devout and +able pastors to propagate Christianity; their caution in stocking their +provinces with people of sober lives and conversations from this the +mother kingdom; their strict regard to the distribution of justice, in +supplying the civil administration through all their colonies with +officers of the greatest abilities, utter strangers to corruption; and, +to crown all, by sending the most vigilant and virtuous governors, who +have no other views than the happiness of the people over whom they +preside, and the honour of the king their master. + +But as those countries which I have described do not appear to have any +desire of being conquered and enslaved, murdered or driven out by +colonies, nor abound either in gold, silver, sugar, or tobacco, I did +humbly conceive, they were by no means proper objects of our zeal, our +valour, or our interest. However, if those whom it more concerns think +fit to be of another opinion, I am ready to depose, when I shall be +lawfully called, that no European did ever visit those countries before +me. I mean, if the inhabitants ought to be believed, unless a dispute +may arise concerning the two _Yahoos_, said to have been seen many +years ago upon a mountain in _Houyhnhnmland_, from whence the opinion +is, that the race of those brutes hath descended; and these, for +anything I know, may have been English, which indeed I was apt to +suspect from the lineaments of their posterity’s countenances, although +very much defaced. But, how far that will go to make out a title, I +leave to the learned in colony-law. + +But, as to the formality of taking possession in my sovereign’s name, +it never came once into my thoughts; and if it had, yet, as my affairs +then stood, I should perhaps, in point of prudence and +self-preservation, have put it off to a better opportunity. + +Having thus answered the only objection that can ever be raised against +me as a traveller, I here take a final leave of all my courteous +readers, and return to enjoy my own speculations in my little garden at +Redriff; to apply those excellent lessons of virtue which I learned +among the _Houyhnhnms_; to instruct the _Yahoos_ of my own family, as +far as I shall find them docible animals; to behold my figure often in +a glass, and thus, if possible, habituate myself by time to tolerate +the sight of a human creature; to lament the brutality to _Houyhnhnms_ +in my own country, but always treat their persons with respect, for the +sake of my noble master, his family, his friends, and the whole +_Houyhnhnm_ race, whom these of ours have the honour to resemble in all +their lineaments, however their intellectuals came to degenerate. + +I began last week to permit my wife to sit at dinner with me, at the +farthest end of a long table; and to answer (but with the utmost +brevity) the few questions I asked her. Yet, the smell of a _Yahoo_ +continuing very offensive, I always keep my nose well stopped with rue, +lavender, or tobacco leaves. And, although it be hard for a man late in +life to remove old habits, I am not altogether out of hopes, in some +time, to suffer a neighbour _Yahoo_ in my company, without the +apprehensions I am yet under of his teeth or his claws. + +My reconcilement to the _Yahoo_-kind in general might not be so +difficult, if they would be content with those vices and follies only +which nature has entitled them to. I am not in the least provoked at +the sight of a lawyer, a pickpocket, a colonel, a fool, a lord, a +gamester, a politician, a whoremonger, a physician, an evidence, a +suborner, an attorney, a traitor, or the like; this is all according to +the due course of things: but when I behold a lump of deformity and +diseases, both in body and mind, smitten with pride, it immediately +breaks all the measures of my patience; neither shall I be ever able to +comprehend how such an animal, and such a vice, could tally together. +The wise and virtuous _Houyhnhnms_, who abound in all excellences that +can adorn a rational creature, have no name for this vice in their +language, which has no terms to express any thing that is evil, except +those whereby they describe the detestable qualities of their _Yahoos_, +among which they were not able to distinguish this of pride, for want +of thoroughly understanding human nature, as it shows itself in other +countries where that animal presides. But I, who had more experience, +could plainly observe some rudiments of it among the wild _Yahoos_. + + +But the _Houyhnhnms_, who live under the government of reason, are no +more proud of the good qualities they possess, than I should be for not +wanting a leg or an arm; which no man in his wits would boast of, +although he must be miserable without them. I dwell the longer upon +this subject from the desire I have to make the society of an English +_Yahoo_ by any means not insupportable; and therefore I here entreat +those who have any tincture of this absurd vice, that they will not +presume to come in my sight. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[301] A stang is a pole or perch; sixteen feet and a half. + +[330] An act of parliament has been since passed by which some breaches +of trust have been made capital. + +[454a] Britannia.—_Sir W. Scott_. + +[454b] London.—_Sir W. Scott_. + +[455] This is the revised text adopted by Dr. Hawksworth (1766). The +above paragraph in the original editions (1726) takes another form, +commencing:—“I told him that should I happen to live in a kingdom where +lots were in vogue,” &c. The names Tribnia and Langden are not +mentioned, and the “close stool” and its signification do not occur. + +[514] This paragraph is not in the original editions. + +[546] The original editions and Hawksworth’s have Rotherhith here, +though earlier in the work, Redriff is said to have been Gulliver’s +home in England. |